angry

[yorkie]

having had a very miserable week last week have progressed from downright depression to fury. Can't take it out on my mates so I thought I'd have a good rant here with people who get it and know its not self pity

Feel free to join in

These are the people I'm really annoyed with

1) mY gp for telling us we could not have NHS treatment and not telling us we could appeal and my PCT for (having discovered we could appeal and threatening legal action) deciding to give us NHS treatment but thenforcing us to change from the lovely, friendly Hull IVF unit to Leeds which is 65 miles away.
2) The evil boss who is against me having time off for this quote 'how long will this go on for anyway?' - as long as it takes you miserable bat!
3) The dr i saw at Leeds who told me I'd be unlikely to concieve due to my 'high' FSH levels (which I've since found out are ok)
4) That dr again for not answering our questions
5) That dr again for really upsetting me
6) and again for refusing to listen to us when we tried to tell her we had 8 embies and she said they can't have been any good and accused hull of freezing anything
7) My evil boss again for being v difficult about time off
My (fertile ) mates who mean well but say things like - 'God will decide when its right' 'you've a lot of other things going for you - you're a brill teacher' 'When you relax and stop trying you'll get pregnant' 'It will work I'm sure of it' 'I know you don't believe but i'll pray for you' 'why don't you travel the world instead' 'are you sure you want kids'

I'm sure you've heard them before.

9) my sister who thinks I was upset after the miscarriage because of the hormones and does not seem to understand that my baby died.
10) Myself for getting to the point where I don't tell anybody anything (only three people know I was ever pregnant) because I can't stand the well meaning comments from people who really don't understand and i don't want to fall out with them cos none of this is their fault.

Thats got some of it out of my system!

Yorkie

[julie n]

Yorkie,

You get it out of your system.

Life can seem very hard at times.

I must admit that having treatment through the NHS was also a nightmare for me so I know how you feel.

When I asked about my treatment - I was told that I was old (was 35 at the time!) had high FSH - I now know that this is rubbish! I don't know what is wrong with the NHS - they only have to specialise in one field and cannot even do that. I knew more than them by going on the internet.

I'm surprised that you are having problems with time off given that you are a teacher - I'm an accountant and initially had real problems but my husband has been able to have any time he wanted off. They have been really understanding.

Take care - you know that you can always vent your frustrations here, because we understand.

Julie

[Smita]

Yorkie,
i'm not surprised you're feeling angry-i would be furious..
I dont know why your doctor is so mean and insensitive.
I do hope you get a solution for the doctor soon..

smita

[Vickyp]

Dear Yorkie

Excellent vent - I can feel the heat from here! I have usually found dealing with the NHS in this area totally frustrating - I couldn't get NHS funded treatment but was having initial investigations funded on NHS - no one seemed to answer my questions and when they did, did not explain what they meant. I decided to go with a different hospital quite early on but having been paying for it ever since. I wouldn't change that though as I have excellent treatment now even though it's a 2hr drive each way to the hospital. Oh well.
I know exactly what you mean about your boss thing too. It's incredible how insensitive and stupid people can be - how can you possibly predict how long it's going to take!? My boss started off okay but then forced me to go self-employed at the beginning of this year saying that he wasn't sure how much work they had....strangely I work as much as I did before..but have no job security...odd that! IVF is one of those ridiculously vicious circles which most people who aren't doing it don't understand.
Anyway I'm not making you feel better here am I!
I suppose I always try and think that I will feel better when I wake up tomorrow and try and get through the day as quickly as possible. I usually do. Anyway Good Luck with your next cycle and take carre. Vicky

[seepi]

You poor thing. I so know where you are coming from. My doctor made me wait a year and 'try to lose weight and eat more fruit' before she would refer me to an expert.
And the experts I see are really not very nice, but I just focus on the fact that they have a good result rate, and they know what they are doing. Mine aren't awaful, but they are very busy, and everything is like a production line. Their literature says things like 'ring any time' etc, but in reality questions are discouraged, and all lthey say is 'come back in 2 daysf for a blood test' or 'we never like to predict the future'.
But ultimately I have decided I can deal with thier manner if only they are good at their jobs.
Yours sound even more negative. Maybe they are just trying to test you out to see if you are really serious about taking this challenge on? I made initial adoption enquiries once, and I really got that feeling- all they said was negative stuff.
Anyway - I totally understand how you are feeling. but hang in there. You can be strong and deal with this if it wil get you what you want.

[yorkie]

am much calmer now.

Thanks to everyone who's replied to this and given me info on the high FSH stream.

glad i'm not the only one who seems to know more then the doctors seem to.

My husband calls doctors 'mechanics' - they know how to fix it but they don't get why it broke!

Keep hoping everyone

Yorkie

[Babysoft]

Yorkie,

I understand exactly how you are feeling!

I was going to a quack doctor for 3 years and my DH's parents won't stop asking me if I have a surprise for them and when we are gonna have children. To make matters worse, I can't tell anyone about my infertility, because they wouldn't understand..he comes from a huge fertile gurtile family and my mother doesn't believe I need to have children What makes things even worse is the fact that when people ask me what is going on, my husband never jumps in and says we are planning, it will come or anything supportive...he says things like "well I'm trying"...as if it is MY fault we are not having a baby. Sometimes I feel like smacking his head and then telling everyone that he has low morph rates and that is why we aren't preggie yet, but LOL they probably would all say "LOW WHAT".

Just wanted to vent a little...thanks for listening and to everyone who is baring this burden alone..hang in there and when the baby comes, keep all the kisses for yourself and let everyone else dump the diaper genie!!!

[NickiMark]

Yorkie, well done u for getting that all out!!! it's good to shout!!!!

Hope u r feeling better now!!!

[ogr1]

anger and heart ache..
and no one can i dont think understand unless they have been there.

i am glad that you have been able to come here and vent..

[Terri2]

Yorkie, I'm not surprised you are angry, you have every right to be. You definately need a better doctor and..............can you possibly find a new job! Your boss sounds awful! There are some terrible people out there but mostly people are good!

You said feel free to join in so here goes..................
I am mega pee'd off that my so called friend who has gone through the last few years with me, having problems herself for longer than me, has now forgotten I exist as she is pregnant. She is feeling sorry for herself because she has morning sickness! Who's shoes would she rather be in, mine or hers? After being upset all weekend about her, I am now feeling very angry.

[yorkie]

have spoken to my old clinic (Hull) and they are going to write to Leeds. Hopefully will help. Also Hull have written to my PCT and MP about getting my funding transferred so I can go back to them. Why they make you go all the way to leeds when hull is 15mins away I don't know. Maybe a plan to irritate people into paying to go elsewhere?

As for new job .. I turned one down three years ago because we'd just started trying for the baby and did not want to mess up my maternity rights. (we're dependant on my income as my hubby can't work) If I knew then what I know now.... Thing is, aside from the wicked witch, I love my job and the kids I work with. When you're teaching you forget everything else.

I know a bit about how you feel Terri2 - my mate was preg last year and did not know how to handle the fact that she was and I can't. Everyone here is reproducing (I think to get a few months away from the boss)

Yesterday was asked why I was not pushing a pram yet! (By someone who actually knows my situation). She could not understand that I no longer want to talk to anyone about this.

Keep hoping everyone

Yorkie