The Over 40 Crowd

[Sand]

Hi Sharon - I know just how anxious we were on our last FET cycle. I hardly slept a wink the night before, then when I rang on the morning, and they said we were still to go I was crying down phone ...

I wish you every success for tomorrow .. and in the meantime, hope you manage to get some rest tonight.

Sandra x

[cmg]

Just a quickie to say, Sharon, all the best for tomorrow. I hope both your little embies "wake up" raring to go. Keep us posted.

And Jane I hope you're feeling a bit more positive now - actually I hope you're fast asleep now! Only 2 more nights to go.

Night night

Caroline

[Katie12563]

Hello Everyone.

Sharon how is it going today????
I hope the thaw was perfect and the transfer goes smoothly.
Let us know when you can
Katie

[DebraP]

Morning Sharon....it's only 0730 your time so maybe still snoozing....saving your strength? Best of luck today, let us know what and when you can.

Jane, you've just 24hours to go, how do you feel?

Katie, you've not long either....lucky girl!


Debra.

[JaneR]

Hello Everyone,

Yhankyou so much for helping me yesterday I think I was just having an off day very tired and emotional, but feel much better today only 24 hours to go and what will be will be. Last night I had a dream that I got a positive very strange I don't normally do thing like that, hope it's a good omen.

Sharon I will be thinking of you today, I have everything corssed fro your little embies.

Debbie glad to hear everything is going so well, I'd been looking for you on the board.

Kat not long until your transfer now.

Caroline, don't worry I'll be there to help you along in November not long to go now.

Debra how are you doing are you keeping the PMA up.

CarolineP thanks for the kind words.

Hope everyone else is doing fine.

Love,

Jane

[cmg]

Jane, so glad you're feeling better today. It's amazing what a good night's sleep can do, isn't it? Especially with such inspiring dreams. Let's hope it's an omen.

Sharon - any news yet. Got everything crossed for you.

Hi to everyone else. Really must get on with some work!

Caroline

[Alette]

hi goldies!!

just a breakin to say goodbye to you all.
(i am of for maternitybreak)

thank you very very very much for all your support during my final (and positive) ivf, this item has helped so much.

I hope for all of you lots of eggs, lots of succesfull ivf.

take good care of yourself,
thank you all again!!!

love
Alette

[meandmine]

Hi ladies,

No good news from me, I'm afraid. I rang this morning and I was told that both our embies had failed to defrost. By that I guess they meant that they had not returned to the way they were prior to defrost. I know it sounds awful but I couldn't be bothered at that point to ask exactly what they meant. It sounds almost as though they are still frozen but maybe that's the term they use for 'not good enough to transfer'. Perhaps someone can shed some light on this.

So, end of the road for us. We are both accepting of the situation - I have a niece of 19, Katie and sometimes I look at her and have this overwhelming feeling that that's where I would truthfully like to be with regard to children, having a mother/daughter relationship with her. I don't know if that makes sense but we have such a natural bond between us that I would love to have had a daughter like her in my twenties. I think that's why it has been easier to accept a failure. This last round of IVF which commenced in April this year was in some way to put closure to everything, if it were to fail. At least we can say we gave it one last attempt.

I remember saying this to you ladies last time, but thank you all so much for your love and support - what a fabulous messageboard this is and I found it purely by chance. It has been such a big part of my life these last 6 months - I've become addicted. Apart from our common cause, of course, it has been wonderful making friends with so many of you. Debra, I am amazed at your strength and caring for everyone here. I see you posting on so many threads - you are an incredible lady. I have been so grateful for your knowledge, commonsense and sense of humour. I will be watching like a hawk over the next week and praying so hard for you. Mega hugs friend. Take care x

Randa - good luck with those frosties in December (if nature doesn't beat them to it!!

Katie/Jane - hope 2ww will be over quickly for you and I am praying hard for you both. Jane, pleased you have had a better day today. Hugs x

Kat - hope meds are going ok and that Barcelona will be a success.

Caroline (cmg) - Come on now, you have to have a success story soon with those FE's. All the very best to you. Praying hard your embies will come through. x

Nuala and TJ - all the very best with your forthcoming treatments.

I am so sorry if I have missed anyone else by name but thank you all and lots of love and hugs. I will still post, if I may over the coming weeks, on and off. Praying hard for all you wonderful ladies.

Hugs
Sharon x

[DebraP]

Oh hon....I've been hoping all day for some (better) news. Your strength and generosity to others right now speaks volumes for how kind you are.

We had a similar thing happen last year and it was conmensurate with a BFN, if not worse. The sense of shock was like opening a door and being punched before I'd seen someone there. A really physical shock. I didn't ask either exactly what it meant, I assumed they'd defrosted but disintegrated or failed to give a sign of life over the alloted time.

Thank you so much for letting us know.

You've posted previously about recognising there's a wonderful life to be had without kids and yes there is, it's just different.

I wish you the strength to get through what will be a very difficult stage now. I hope DH and your family are sensitive enough to realise there'll be setbacks from time to time.

We'll still be here for you, at least for a while. If I get a BFN, I'll slide off the board within a couple of weeks (DF has specifically asked me to), so PM me and we'll stay in touch.

Double hugs tonight Sharon,
love
Debra.

[meandmine]

Jane,

Thinking of you this evening - get to bed early and have a good night's sleep if you can, although I know that's easier said than done. Praying hard for you for tomorrow. Hope it's a BFP result. I have everything crossed.

Hugs
Sharon x

[DebraP]

Jane, I echo Sharon's wishes for your final night before testing. I hope we can all share your lovely news tomorrow.

hugs
Debra

[randa2006]

Sharon,

I'm sick about your news. You sound very calm and unbelievably "sane" for someone who went through what you went through today. I'm proud of you.

At least now you know. As painful as this new reality is, now you can live the rest of your life concentrating on more fruitful endeavors. You gave this your all, so there's no reason to have regrets. And as has been said, the world holds many, many couples who live complete, full, happy lives without children of their own. I know several personally.

Please be extra good to yourself and dh in the coming months. I pray your healing is 100%, and there's no reason it can't be.
God Bless.

[Smita]

Being 'pokey-nose' here..

Sharon,
I just want to send you lots of hugs and positive thoughts and the strength to cope with the downs you may face..
Wishing you the best ahead.

smita

[cmg]

Oh Sharon, I'm so so sorry to hear this. I kept looking all morning to see if there was any news but then I had to go out and didn't get to the pc again. I was thinking of you and really hoping it was all going well. It was quite a shock to read your post.

As others have said, you sound very philosophical about it and well-balanced. You are very well equipped to put this behind you, get on with your life and find other things to fulfill you. The ironic thing is that, for the most part, that's the life you've already got. Not having a child is the status quo. But on a really fundamental level there is a change in the way you expected your life to turn out. I think it's a pretty big thing to let go of the idea that "one day I'll have a child" but it sounds like that's a process you've been going through for a while. I don't think it happens overnight - even while we're going through this and hoping it will work, there can be a growing realisation that maybe it will never happen. Doing one last IVF to draw a line under it shows that you were realistic about it and prepared (as much as you can ever be) for it not work.

So I'm sure you'll cope really well. But be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to grieve and to have your feelings, whether it's now or in the future. And I hope you - and, indeed, DH who will have his own feelings - have the support you need from those around you.

BTW I can completely relate to your comment about wishing you were in a different place in relation to motherhood. As much as I fervently hope that this last FET works next month, I don't really want to be a new mother at 44. Not sure about having a 19 year old, but I always imagine I should have a child of about 10, probably because my friends started having kids about 10 years ago (aside from the old school friend who has a 27 year old, but she started way too early!). I hadn't even met DH 10 years ago but that's beside the point. Part of coming to terms with this for me is about regrets about living my life as though I had all the time in the world. I'm sure you'll have your own variations on a theme to deal with - we can't live on regrets but it's easier to let them go if you look 'em squarely in the eye.

You're a wise and compassionate woman and I'm touched that you think about the rest of us in the midst of your own disappointment. I really appreciate your support but also understand that you might need to just put it away for a while and get on with your life. So don't feel you have to post.

Anyway, I've gone on far too long, but I just to say that I really wish you well for the future and I hope that you get through this horrible phase as smoothly as is possible.

love Caroline

[cmg]

Jane, just a quickie to say everything's crossed for you. I really hope for some good news for you today. Keep us posted.

love Caroline