The Over 40 Crowd

[Kat]

Hi all, just been catching up, Jane and Sharon I was sorry to hear your news - I know nothing I can say will make it better but hope you're doing OK and looking after yourselves and DH.

Debra & Katie - hope you're doing fine too, hoping for some positive news.

Hi to Amfy & Jackie my old buddy - I promise not to mention percy pigs!
And hi to everyone else too, nice to hear from you Julie.

AF arrived Friday (albeit very light - I suppose the effect of the bcp?) so I am currently sporting a rather attractive plastic hormone patch on my right buttock and waiting to find out when we will be going back to Barcelona - they are still saying last week Oct/first week Nov and won't be more specific than that at the moment.
I suppose I can see why because I could get everything ready for a certain day and then it could get put back (thinking back to all my cycles which never went according to timetable) but I really would like to be more organised - trying not to get frustrated! I am so lucky that my boss has always been very supportive re tmt so she is fine if I book last minute time off. DH works for himself & is trying not to book jobs in for those weeks yet & will just have to shuffle jobs about when the dates come through.
Enough of my rambling
Take care everyone & speak soon
Lots of love
Kat xx

[randa2006]

Debra and Katie,
This is your week, girls!!!!
How are you feeling? Maybe you are more comfortable not discussing. That's okay too.
We will all be rooting for you every day til the 20th and 22nd!

Dh and I are working on a Halloween party we will throw on the 29th. We leave the next day for Arizona for a week. I'm so excited to see my dds! Dh will be playing baseball in the "world series" for his national league (non-pro). I'll go to a few of his games, but not all 6.

I've told my dds that we WILL have a mandatory family night of watching one of our favorite fall movies (Lady in White - scary) and eating my enchiladas (messy to make, but they love them) and salsa. Seems they are past the years when they resisted such things and were very happy about the idea. (I think they miss me)

It's weird moving on to the next stage of our relationship. They are adults now. Being a parent to adults is very different. I have already slipped a couple of times and spoken to them as if they are still children I can boss around (as exhibited in my first line above ). You'll be proud of me for apologizing to them. Have to let them make their own mistakes. Lord knows no one could tell me anything at their ages either - I knew it all!!

Hope everyone is having a nice Sunday.
God Bless!

[JaneR]

Hi Everyone,

Thank you so much for your posts. I am starting to feel a little better can get through the day without crying too much.

Went to the hospital yesterday for a chat with the nurse and we talked through my cycle and some of what next. They said this cycle went very well and although i wasn't happy everything was much better this time, much better quality eggs and embryo quality was good, she didn't know why it didn't work. Last time by all acoounts and this is the first I had heard of it of the 4 eggs only were semi decent hence only the single embryo and why I was given the no hope from the Consultant in the summer.

So what next, we have a counselling session booked for November we have been waiting for for two months and then see a Consultant again in the new year. Until then we are spending time getting our lives back together and living for us for a bit. I have booked us a trip to Dublin at the beginning of November which should do us good. ANd I've taken to partaking in a good glass of red wine again. Debra, Caroline, Katie, Julie and Kat I'll drink for you as you won't be drinking for months now will you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

Jane

[randa2006]

Jane,
Good to hear from you. You sound like you are healing and getting through this sad setback pretty well. Your trip is a wonderful idea. I've not been to Dublin, but know of others who say it's heaven on earth. Enjoy!

You will all be proud of me. I went to my first naturopath visit last week. Got my annual check up and my first acupuncture tmt. Didn't hurt a bit. The doc said after all the needles I've been through that acupuncture would seem like a cakewalk, and she was right.

I am getting my blood drawn today for cholesterol and all the other annual stuff they look at. Also going to my new gyno today for THAT annual check (pap/mammo). I decided that I didn't want all my eggs in one basket (pardon the pun ) My IVF clinic can do my annual pap, but I want an outsider to check on me regularly in that way. Sooooo, now I've got an IVF doc, a gyno, a naturopath/acupuncturist AND a chiropractor. As with most women, I try to have my annual checks near my birthday month, which was Sept.

I told the naturopath that youth and lucky genes had gotten me this far in life and now I want to know what will get me through the next 44 years as healthy as possible. Here's what she prescribed (considering she doesn't have my blood tests back to tell her if I have any "issues" like high-cholesterol, thyroid trouble, etc. and considering I'm trying to get preggars in my 40s..):

1) Verry Berry (their own concoction of berries high in antioxidants - concentrated liquid) 1tsp 2x day
2) Folic Acid 1200mcg - 2000mcg per day, liquid form (because of trying to get preg)
3) Fish Oil w/ NO Vit A, 1-2 TBS /day (Too much Vit A can be bad for the fetus)
4) Multivitamin (instead of prenatal, because too much iron effects me adversely and prenatals have iron)
5) Extra Calcium/Magnezium - 600 mg 2x day

I thought this was interesting and wanted to share it. I'm wondering if any of your docs are saying anything about supplements for good health as we age (not necessarily for getting/being pregnant)?

Now that I work at a natural pharmacy I am exposed to sooooo many different preventative care supplements and it seemed that you needed to take one of EVERYTHING. So, I was confused. This has cleared it up for me very well. Of course, the bloodwork could reveal "issues" that can change the above list. I'm anxious to see if my 275 combined cholesterol from a year ago has come down with diet and exercise????

Sorry to ramble. I'm off work today, so I felt like enjoying a chat with you all.

God Bless!

[DebraP]

Hi there (in a small voice)

....feeling as flat as can be imagine. Blackadder would say something witty like 'as flat as a hedgehog that's just been run over by tank, twice' but I'm short on wit right now.

I can't see past a BFN coming my way. I hpt'd today = negative. It's only one day early but then I bled this afternoon. Just quickly and one-off but I've been plunged into an abyss of despair. I cried through dinner (with DD, poor little thing) and sobbed whilst she bathed. I know how lucky I am to have a child already but instead of satisfying the need for another, it only intensifies it. Something I couldn't understand before I had her.

Life will go on, of course. I'll find more work to keep me busy in the spring, I'll have to find a consuming, cheap, indoor, weater-not-dependant hobby. I also need more friends and social contacts so there's plenty I can work on. I just have to snap out of this pity-party.

So...there it is. The joy-aura has slipped a bit.

I'll write again tomorrow when I'll be 18hrs from the blood test result. Let's hope I can write something more balanced.

Thanks (if anyone got this far)
Debra.

[randa2006]

Oh Debra. My heart aches for you right now. Even though there is still hope (and you know there is), you are bracing for the end. You are such a dear, dear person. I really don't understand when bad things happen to good people.

If it helps at all, please know I am sad with you. I hope you are wrong. For once, I hope you are wrong.

[DebraP]

Thanks Randa (and for the supplement info too). Yes I'm bracing for impact. I wish it was Thursday lunchtime and I knew one way or another. Tomorrow's hpt will be a major pointer but I'll still cling to hope for the blood test.

take care
Debra

[cmg]

Debra, just read your post (I can't sleep, so I've logged on). As Randa said, there is still hope, but you're a smart woman and I'm not going to bombard you with stuff about PMA and all that. It ain't over til it's over, but it's just agony isn't it? I really feel for you, going through the uncertainty and the anxiety and the waiting to grieve and hoping, really hoping, that you won't have to. And I really hope you won't need to.

And also I wanted to say that, of course, of course people will read to the end of your posts. Even if you were wallowing in a pit of self-indulgence (which you absolutely weren't), you give SO much to people here that you deserve oodles and oodles of support. You deserve to be heard (read?), to be supported, to be indulged if you go off the deep end and metaphorically run all over the board screaming (or even run naked and screaming). No matter how flat you feel or how small your voice, someone is going to hear it.

Take good care of yourself and I hope the next few days bring better news.

love Caroline


[/i]

[Katie12563]

I so want (You still have another 2 days until the blood test) this (new baby) to happen for you Debra. I don't personally know you but you are a "friend in my head."
You've given me encouragement and cheered everyone else along.

I am praying that this may still turn around within 2 days. Please know we are your biggest supporters and care very much about you.
Love,
Katie

[taylorjools]

D

I have sent you a message, and am thinking of you all the time sweetie

Love and hugs

JUles

[LittleP]

Debra

Take care and fingers crossed we can turn that HPT into a positive for you.

Big hugs and loads of Baby Dust.

Little P

[cmg]

Debra, I'm guessing that there's been no faint blue line on the HPT this morning or I'm sure you'd have been here. No need for you to come and report progress, but just know that we're thinking of you.

Katie, it's not long for you now either. How are you doing? I hope you have good friends around you (as well as us of course!) as it must be hard to do this on your own. You're very brave.

Jane, I'm glad to hear that you're starting to feel better. It's a great idea to take some time out and Dublin will be great. Have several big glasses of wine for me - I'm really missing it!

Sharon, how are you doing? I guess you're taking a bit of a break from the boards as you haven't been around. It's good to get a sense of yourself that's not to do with being a woman with fertility problems, cos that's not all of who you are, and sometimes being on here can make the IVF issue too dominant in our lives. I hope you're finding other things fulfilling.

Randa, you must be the healthiest woman on the planet by now with all those supplements and complementary therapies (says she who's just off to see the acupunturist again!).

Hi to everyone else, haven't got time to name check as there are so many of us now!

I'm starting to feel really down as November approaches. It's probably just over 4 weeks til FET and I'm becoming more and more convinced that I'm just doing it to draw a line under things, that it won't actually work. And then that will be the end of the line for me. I know there's always hope and miracles do happen. But the reality is that I'm probably facing the prospect of never being a mother and I think I'm psychologically preparing myself for it. And the reality of it is just awful. Every time I think about it, I cry. here I go again. I don't even have children in the extended family that I could be a special auntie to. DH's neice and nephew are grown up and I have 2 nephews who I love but who live on the other side of the world. I think I'm going to grow old with no children in my life, never having a special relationship with a child and watching them grow up and develop. God, I feel so miserable.

Anyway, I know there will be people here who will understand.

Have to go out now.

Caroline

[hlloyd]

Debra, I am keeping everything firmly crossed for your test tomorrow. I have decided that HPTs are crap and should not be trusted. Let's hope your beta brings happy news.

Best wishes
Heather

[Nuala]

HI Over's,

Debra - I hope you have better news tomorrow - this is such a difficult road to tread

Randa - glad to hear your staying healthy and can look forward to all those frosties in waiting.

Caroline, Smita and everyone else (soory not a lot of personal today) thinking of you.

Well, I haven't posted in a while since starting my stimms 2 weeks ago. This cycle has never felt quite right - I do not know why just have felt a bit off and have been really busy with work so no time to relax into it.

Having had 3 scans during stimming it quickly showed I was not responding very well (last time had a perfect response!!) and the outcome yesterday was that I have only 2 good follies . My estradiol levels are great 2900, my lining is fab but not enough follies for me to go to through egg collection and then hope to get enough eggs to fertilise and get to transfer. The clinic were great but with 2 follies the percentages are only as good as IUI (or AI or basting as some people call it!). We decided to opt for the IUI and so I triggered last night and go back tomorrow for IUI. We hope that as my eggs are good (all 4 fertilised last time) and my DH swimmers are strong we might be able to do it without the petri dish this time....

Fingers and toes crossed.

Nuala

[LittleP]

Nuala

Keeping everything crossed that this works out positively for you and DH.

What an ordeal you've been through - I'm so sorry that you had to go through this.

Take care of yourself and good luck with the IUI.

Little P