unsociable

[Terri2]

Hello

Its only natural to feel jealous! I tell everyone I am as I know they know i am anyway! Its tough friends being pregnant. I'm finding it tougher than I thought as my friend does'nt contact me anymore. It really hurts. I try to block it out of my thoughts but that is easier said than done.

If i had the choice I would stay in Caesars Palace (think I spelt that wrong!). I love that place, the shops are fab. MGM, that looked nice from the outside. I didn't go inside. I refused to. I once worked briefly at MGM Grand Darwin which is part of the same chain. They treated me so badly that I wrote to the main one in Vegas and they weren't interested. I won't go into it, but it was pretty awful.

Maybe your husband will keep it up because of the reason you are doing this. I find I have more willpower with this as its for fertility, rather than weight loss. Once you get into it you feel like you are doing something positive towards getting pregnant and I think that helps.

Can't wait for DH to get home!

Glad you are having a better day. Noone knows how bad these low days can be unless they have lived through it. I couldn't even describe it.

hows everyone else today?

[caitlin]

Hi, I hope things have worked out for you as i see your message was posted a while ago, i have just joined the forum and totally understood where you were coming from.

Have just been for first i.v.f cycle scan only to be told it has to be abandoned. My hubby found out that the purogen gun has not been working properly!!!! so have not produced enough follicles.

[Terri2]

Hi Caitlin and welcome.

So sorry about your disappointment. That must be so frustrating for you. I am not sure what that is but do you mean there was a fault with it?
Have they given you a plan of action so you can think about when you can try again? If not, try and talk to someone at the clinic so you at least know when you can try again.

I hope you keep coming here. I'm sure you will find it a huge support.

[Chel]

hi terri and everyone,
I read some of the posts here, Is it ok if I join in to share my feelings?

I am currently with the November buddies thread as I am starting my 2nd ICSI in Nov. Though I am happy about the new cycle I feel very down at times. I know its normal for IF people to feel down especial if our close friends or relatives are pregnant. Me and my 2 cousins were all married during the same month in 1999 both my cousins have 2 children each now,me none I was devastated when we found out that we can't have a child without ICSI 2 years after marriage. I thought that is the end of my life. By the time both my cousins had one child each. I was desperate to share my problem with everyone but I did not. We did our 1st ICSI in 2002 and it was a BFN. I was heart broken and became "unsociable". No one knewwhat happened to me as I did not tell abt the ICSI to anyone until today. I cut me off from all kinds of social gatherings and stayed indoors most of the time. I was almost near depression for 3 months. Finally I gathered strength to think about my future. I decided to use all my free time to further my studies. I joined the University and finished my degree. Now I don't feel low or down when I compare myself with my cousins but I badly want a baby.

I would say my cousins were definitely indifferent towards me when I couldn't get pregnant afte two years. They would talk to each other more and I would be left out most of the times. My other relatives constantly compared me with my cousins and made my life a living hell. I decided to shut everyone out of my life when my MIL started to do that. Now I have new friends and am happy that I stayed away from my relatives.

My MIL is more understanding towards us ever since I told her about the IF but I have not shared this with anybody else, not even with my mum and brothers. Now I am looking forward to our 2nd cycle but I don't know what will it be if it is a BFN again. I am trying to be maintain PMA but at times I feel down and sad jus don't know why??? I have prepared myself to start my Masters degree in Feb if this cycle fails.

This message board is really a god send to me. I treasure all the buddies here.

Wish you all good luck and LAL of PMA

[Mrs M]

Hi Chel

Welcome to the thread,
Sorry to hear you are feeling very fed up etc. It will get better just time I believe. Im still trying to get over my BFN since last week, like all the other ladies you have good and bad days.

You let your feelings out as much as you want, everyone is so supportive.


Terri,
Im feeling ok today, I should I say having a kinda good day.
sorry to hear you were treated badly at MGM in Darwin. I take it your from Oz or is your DH from Oz, or both of you....LOL...
I think DH will stick to his new regime...Im waiting for him to come home tonight, he has been working away in Leeds since Monday... I have started to see a few friends now, im just like you are, I have always put my friends 1st, DH used to get so annoyed with me about it, especially when some dont put your 1st. Suppose im a worried...LOL....

Hope everyone is ok and stay postive all the time..

Mrs M xxx

[Terri2]

HI Chel

We have all been there with those feelings. Its the most stressful thing I have ever been through. I look back at things I got stressed at in the past and think I didn't really know what stress was then!

Its tough what you have been through with your cousins. They are being quite insensitive by the sound of it too. Mind you, these people just do not know what it is like to go through this. Doesn't matter how much someone trys to understand, you can't unless you have been there. My 2 best friends got pregnant at around the same time and i felt like my world had collapsed around me, even though I was happy for them too.......all very weird. My friend has been really insensitve, just didn't contact me at all but I have been honest with her about how I felt and we sorted things out tonight. Sometimes it helps to tell people they are hurting you. This is what I did and now we are okay.

Good luck with your next cycle. come and talk to us through it and we will try and help you keep sane. I know the people here have stopped me going completely crazy! I'd be lost without them.

Mrs M glad you are feeling okay today. As you will read above, I sorted things with my friend today. I just had a moment on my lunch break and thought we have been friends since the age of 4, we have to sort this now. So I text her and she came round tonight. Just had her scan done so showed me the picture. And you know what..........I felt genuine happiness and excitement when I looked at it. Not jealousy! I feel like i have turned a corner. Anyway, we had a long talk and all is good again, its such a relief.

I'm not from Oz. I'm from Coventry. I met DH on a working holiday, stayed there for 6 years then brought him back here. He's from Brisbane.
where are you from if you don't mind me asking?

[Mrs M]

Hi All

Chell - Hope your ok, like Terry says keep popping onto this site everyone is here to support you, I wished i had used the sight far earlier than I did. It also helps that people have felt what we have felt too.. when I start my next cycle I will not leave this site at all.

Terry - so so pleased you have sorted everything out with your friend, bet you had a lovely time tonight. sounds like you do seem genuine happy for her while looking at the scan.. How lovely... my best friend has less than 2 weeks to go now, she is so fed up just waiting for the birth, she is trying everything to bring it on, think she has given up a little now.
Im from Bromsgrove. Been looking at the local clinic in Droitwich today for my next cycle, think we are def going to leave till after xmas now.
As I felt I had a good day today, I went to the pub with a few of my mates, really done me the world of good, I was amazed how much better it made me feel. I think shutting off the world is not a good thing to do, but I always do it.
I do agree when you say you thought you knew what stress was, i have been stressed before (in my old job) its nothing like this especially having a -ve.

Hope your all well keep chatting.

Love Mrs M

[Chel]

Thanks Mrs M and Terri for the support.

Terri, Sorry that you have to go through such a bad time with your friend. I 'm happy that you are ok with her now.

Mrs M, I know how it hurts to have a BFN, I have gone through it once. It is the most unbearable thing in my life. I will be thinking of you............
Take good care of yourself, I m sure there is always a next time and you will be BFP soon.

Good luck to both of you!

[KTF]

Hi girls,

Sorry I've not posted for a while, work has been really busy and I don't have internet access at home. Unless I sneak on DH's laptop, which is alway a work one and he tells me off!

Terri - so please to hear that you have made up with your friend. My friend keeps forgetting to bring her scan photo so I am still waiting to see it. I'm from Coventry too, but don't live there now.

Hope you all continue to have good days, and Hi to Chel and Mrs M.

KTx

[Luga]

I see that the other girls feel little depressed, and I’m not alone.
I have started to feel like I'm depressed after the procedure.
I have been crying for days with no hope.
When I back at home I didn’t find my mother there. I felt so empty without her. I needed her support, she was in the holiday.
I wanted to stay alone, speak with nobody, even my sisters wanted to know more about me. I hadn’t force to talk with them.
One day was windy out, some of our neighborhood listened music. I felt like somebody is hitting me in the head.
When I’m walking, my look will go in the stomach of pregnant woman. I’ll see them with covetously. I compare my marriage also with marriage of my cousins. I have a lot of cousins of my age and youngest of me. All of them, they have children. One of them is married last year, and have baby now. I’ll see them also with jealousy and covetously.
Those days, I’m concerning with no reasons. If I hear something bad for somebody, or if somebody with I’m staying feel anxiety, it is going to reflect to me. So, I’ll be anxious for no reason and I think my heart is beating more.
Do you thing that the changes of hormone levels cause these feelings?

CHEL: My Company when I’m working is interesting for me to go further, continuing master degree, like you. I told them that my priority is baby for me at the moment. I can’t do too things in the same time. I must focus to have a baby.

Terry: Sorry for treating bad. Don’t think about it.

Now I’m trying to be more positive. I’m staying with people with positive energy. I’m going away to hear bad things, because I ‘m preparing for ET in December.

Love all of you, Luga

[Mrs M]

Hi Luga,

So Sorry to hear you feeling depressed, its the lowest of the low feeling like that. If you feel like be antisocial you do so, you have to what is right for yourself, especially when feeling so low. I do beleive homone levels cause these feeling, but everyone has different opinions. I understand how you feel about most of your cousins having babies, my best friend has less than 2 weeks togo, I am very happy for her, Im trying to be so brave about seeing the baby straight from birth. I received an email this morning saying my other good friend who had a miscarriage in march at 10 weeks is now 12 weeks pregnant, they are coming to visit next weekend. I agree when you say when walking your look goes direct at a pregnant woman, I said that to my mom while out shopping the weekend. I sometimes feel like im being tormented by it all. Just hang in there it will all get better, well lets hope so, they say time is good to feel better..

take care Mrs M.

[Terri2]

Hi KTF, glad to see you back! Where are you at with your treatment now? You don't have to answer that by the way!

Luga, you are not alone. We all have those feelings. Its such a difficult time. Most of all its a rollercoaster!!!!!!!! At the moment I'm okay but a few weeks ago I felt depressed and desperate. Thought I would never lift myself out. Where do you live, can you get hold of the Zita West book? That helped me a lot.
I do understand how you feel. Since I first started trying to get pregnant, every single person I know who has also tried is either pregnant, had a baby or on their second one. Its gutting. You just keep thinking when is it my turn? I stay positive when I can but I still have a voice in the back of my head saying maybe it won't happen for me. Its horrible. Stick around here as its so supportive.

Hi Mrs M and everyone else. Hope your day has been good.
Mine hasn't been great apart from feeling good about sorting out things with my friend. I had a joke around twice with someone from work and both times she got upset and took it personally. Never happened before so I had no idea this would happen. I got pee'd off by the end of the day and said "I keep upsetting you today don't I" Then she came and hugged me so I think she's okay now! Can't be doing with stuff like this when I'm trying to be cheerful and positive!

[Mrs M]

Terri and everyone hope all is well. I must say Terri, your not alone when you say you have upset someone at work, I had an argument with my college while on the drugs, was over silly petty thing (she is a drama queen anyway) I didn't press the re-set button on the photocopier, who cares, when you feel so low. Least you got a hug and everything is ok, my college would not accept my apology mind you she is the same with everyone, think she was kinda shocked I actually spoke up for myself, that was definatley the drugs doing.

May everyone have a good day and good weekend!!

Im up and down a bit today, had few works with DH, but he is ok with me bless him ehh..

Mrs M xx

[Terri2]

Wow, thats some woman you work with. I shouldn't whinge! I think people must have dull boring lives when they get so upset about these little things. They can't realise what big problems really are.
I remember after the London bombings, it was the day when we were about to go out for a minutes silence. Everyone in my office was arguing about where the office diary should be kept, it got really heated. In the end I just lost and said "I can't believe we are about to have a minutes silence for all those people and you are arguing over an office diary" that shut them up for a minute anyway.

One thing about all this, it has put other things into perspective.

P.S good for you for standing up to that woman! We should wear a sign "beware hormonal woman"
he he he

[Mrs M]

Terri - Some people whinge about the pettiest silly things don't they, I agree maybe they do have sad boring lives, with nothing more to worry about (i.e resetting photocopiers and diaries....funny lot eh....LOL)
I felt really good standing up to her, not really fussed that she don't talk to me anymore, was getting really fed up with all her dilema's on a Monday morning, didn't beleive half were true.

Yeah!!! I agree we should have a sign saying beware hormonal woman, could either be a sticker, badge or even one of those car stickers....LOL>...or maybe right across our foreheads,,, so tempting isnt it especially when you just want to be left alone..

take care

Mrs M xx