Hello

Cookie · Post by **Cookie** » Mon May 05, 2003 11:59 am

Hello any of you who remember me! I've not been around for a while - well, after being a poor responder, stim dosages raised every day, getting four eggs and three embryos (2-cell . . .), then being put on strict bed rest by the ARGC after ET - plus no baths, daily heparin jabs and aspirin - I tested negative on Friday. I thought the doctor said "It's good news" but he said "It's not good news." Having been convinced I wasn't pg for nearly the whole 2ww, by the last couple of days I was sure I was - no bleeding yet, etc. When we first got the news I cried, felt sad etc and then I felt OK - today I just feel really flat. We haven't really got enough cash to do this again any time soon, and I feel, given my poor response the first time, that it's not looking too hopeful. Given our ages as well (me 38 in Sept, dh 45 in Aug). Am wondering about Foresight/Marilyn Glenville - feel like doing something a bit kinder than all those drugs - but for now am just coping with the disappointment, along with the week before hearing another friend announcing she's pg. (Only got one more friend to go now till we are the only couple we know without kids.) Going to book a holiday tomorrow - Greece hopefully - need a new cossy, perhaps with nice long skirt to disguise the bruised thighs from Hell. (That Heparin is a killer!!) Now then, I saw your news Nikola and am sending you a big big hug. So sorry sweetie. You know I know how it feels! Glad you are up and at it again, though, and only 3 months to go - am SURE it will work for you. You sound like you're doing great - good on you. Tracey, you nut, I've emailed you but you know I am wishing you with all my heart a ++++++++++ this time round. (God, you'll do anything to get out of working . . .) Will be thinking of you big time on Thursday (it is Thursday, isn't it? - please let me know if not so I can send the +++ vibes on the right day!! - No chatting to handsome embryologists about apples up the arsehole this time, either!) Adey - my fellow poor responder - so glad you didn't abandon - brilliant news. I'm so happy for you! Helen S - how are you, sweetie?? I've thought of you lots and your positive, lovely messages. Everyone else - loads of love and luck to all of you amazing women. I couldn't have managed during my tmt without you!! For now, though, looking at the site and all the excited questions and plans and hopes and dreams is making me a bit sad - it reminds me of the hope I had, so I'm going to say good bye for now. I will be checking in to see how all my old mates are doing - go girls, let's make this the summer of +++++++++++++++++++s all round!! Hugs, Sam C xxxxxx [Edited by Cookie on 05-May-03 13:01]

Grace · Post by **Grace** » Mon May 05, 2003 12:17 pm

Hi Sam I don't think we have spoken before but I was following your story. So very sorry it did n't work out for you. I know exactly what you mean about getting your hopes up as the days go by and there is no sign of the dreaded AF you can't help but really, really hope that it has worked. The weeks following are really tough too especially when you have to deal with pregnacy anoucements etc. It seems so very unfair. I think your idea of a holiday is a good one. It will give you a chance to spend quality time together and enjoy each other without every day preassures. There is something about the sea and sun that is very healing. You go for it!! I love Greece we have had some wonderful holidays there. I can understand how you might not want to keep posting after your negative that's the way I felt too. At the same time it is quite theraputic, and there are lots of us on here who are n't actually going through treatmeant at the moment or are thinking about other options. Will be interested to know if you go down the more natural route. Wishing you the very best with whatever you decide. Enjoy the holiday!! Love Gracex

Adey · Post by **Adey** » Mon May 05, 2003 5:11 pm

HI Sam, I am so sorry that you have had a negative result and such a nightmare. With the site being down i didn't realise it had all got so stressful and i was thinking about you and Nikola the whole time. There is nothing i can say that is going to make you feel better so i won't try. I went to a nutritonist ages ago who recommended Marylin Glenville and it is a really positive book and very inspiring. I can completly understand you feeling weary of all this at the moment and a holiday sounds like a great idea. I hope you can smile again soon and you never know what might happen in the future. Thinking of you Adey xxx

Rachel · Post by **Rachel** » Mon May 05, 2003 5:33 pm

Sam sweetie Thank God we've heard from you - so so so sorry it wasn't good news. We were running a similar timetable, I think you started a couple of days before me. Well, after having my dosage upped twice, I finally had ec on Friday, a week late. ET was today. Have a fantastic holiday - im sure when you've had a chance to get some normality back youll feel your stronger to cope with a second attempt. LOL Rachel x

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Mon May 05, 2003 6:09 pm

Sam Have sent you an e mail and re posted your original thread I set up so up at the top again - it was on page 3 - I ask you. Not it is WEDNESDAY and would appreciate the +++++++++ vibes as have mixed emotions at the moment and probably the result of the pessaries already - I am on the 400's - not quite the same as uni days when those were marlborough lites big ones. Mind you didn't stick them up an orifice either - sorry DR MARCUS!. Nope staying away from apples up the arse - mind you they are all battling to do my transfer as they reckon this time is my go and they want to be the one - also always have a laugh in my transfers. Great to have you back if not the best circumstances. Go for Greece big style - you could try a demis rousson kaftan! Missed you Love Tracey xxxxx

samk · Post by **samk** » Mon May 05, 2003 8:00 pm

Hi Sam Really sorry to hear your news - take your time to get over it and allow yourself plenty of boos and a few beers. Greece is a great idea, take time out of this emotional roller coaster and start to look forward again xxx

Deb T · Post by **Deb T** » Tue May 06, 2003 10:30 am

Hi Sam So sorry it's not worked for you, i've been looking out for your posts to see how you'd got on. It's so not fair that the amount of money we have depends on how many turns we can have it should be given free. Greece is great, very hot, you'll be bronzed, beautiful and hopefully a bit better in spirits when you come back. Have a fab holiday. Love Deb T xx

ogr · Post by **ogr** » Tue May 06, 2003 2:59 pm

i best wishes are with you, i am 38 and my dh is 40.. we didnt think that we would ever beable to be pregnant but we are over 10 wks now. the shots hurt like the dickens... we didnt make it the first couple of times.. try and hang in there.. love becky

Helen G · Post by **Helen G** » Tue May 06, 2003 4:24 pm

Hi Cookie I remember you from when you first logged on! I'm so sorry things didn't work out for you this time.

Don't give up hope - you never know what's round the corner. I wish you lots of luck and happiness in whatever path the future takes you! LOL Helen xx

Nikola · Post by **Nikola** » Tue May 06, 2003 5:09 pm

Oh Sam sweetie, I'm so so sorry for you! I've only just logged on (and even then it was only to see if you had come out of hiding!!) - pleased to see you did. I know EXACTLY how you feel, especially about this site. The whole time you are on your tmt its wonderful and everyone is filled with such excitement and positive feelings and then you have a negative result and NOTHING anyone can say or do will take away the wretched grey cloud that looms about your head everywhere you go. I couldn't bring myself to even log on to the site (never mind post!) after we had our sad news. It was my dh who told me I had to because everyone had been such a huge support that the least I could do is let people know what had happened and say thanks. I'm glad I did, and I have to say, nearly two weeks later I feel much better and can cope with things a hell of a lot easier than I could before. We were told we couldn't try again until August which seems like an eterntiy away, so I can't begin to imagine how you must feeling knowing you might not have the opportunity to try again. I think you should take some time, see how you feel, relax on holiday (keep trying naturally.......nature does some bloody wierd things at times!!) and if you feel you want to have another go, then go for it. (maybe there is a cheaper option that the ARCG!) I know you won't feel like talking to anyone at the moment, but if you feel you fancy a chat - send me an email (my address is on my profile!!). Thinking of you and know exactly how shitty you feel - I promise it does get a bit easier each day. Take care of you (and your dh!). love nikola.xxx

jackiey · Post by **jackiey** » Tue May 06, 2003 5:42 pm

Hi Sam I'm really sorry to hear your news, it sounds like you've had a really shit time. I know someone who did the Foresight clinic thing it was expensive but it is supposed to be very good, my friend did get pregnant whilst with the clinic but unfortunatly she miscarried but i think that was part of her problem, she could get pregnant but just couldn't stay pregnant. It might be worth looking into though, if and when you feel like trying again. I hope you have a good holiday, greece is lovely. Thanks for your post on my thread, take care of yourself and hopefully we'll see you on the site some time in the future Lots of love Jackie

Helen S · Post by **Helen S** » Tue May 06, 2003 5:42 pm

Hi Sam I have been thinking about you loads - when I didn't hear anything after the site came back uo I feared the worst. Oh honey, it's co crap is all this malarkey. You know the pain will ease a bit soon, you will have your up days and down days, but you have my permission to scowl at every pg woman you see if it makes you feel better. (Not the ones on this site though cos they are special!) Have a fab holiday and come back ready to face the world as best you can. Whatever you decide I really hope your dream will come true soon sweetie. Much love as always Helen. xxxx P.S Majority of our friends have kids too, it's hell, but stick with it

Heather B · Post by **Heather B** » Tue May 06, 2003 9:15 pm

Hi Sam, Just reading your story and feeling so much admiration for you. You so deserve a holiday now. I know all this is hard but at least you tried, who knows what lies ahead for us all. Hang on in there, have a really great break with hubby. Sending lots of love down the line, Bye for now Heather b.

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