DI advice

caz · Post by **caz** » Mon Nov 18, 2002 9:23 pm

It seems AWFUL to even be thinking like this so early on - but cant help it - and dont know where else to ask! DH has severe lack of sperms - we will have to use TESA. I am a natural pessimist and even tho they found some in a biopsy they did a couple of months ago - am convinved it wont work. Once I start the process (early 03)- I promise to stay as positive as possible tho! My BIG question is this - has anyone in a similar situation - considered Donor insemination. If so - help! Do you think you would tell people? is it unfair on any child thats born of it?. My dh says he thinks he could cope - but could he? Could I? Could my family? How common is DI ? I have to say if all else fails then.....is DI better than no kids? ANY words of wisdom - very gratefully received. Hope you dont mind my asking

Wicked Lady · Post by **Wicked Lady** » Sat Nov 23, 2002 1:31 pm

Hi caz. Yes we are considering DI after three years of trying for a baby. My dh has a low sperm count with low motility and a high abnormal rate. I have a left tube in spasm and so the hospital are refusing to do DI as they say we have to have IVF, they have been saying this before my laparoscopy and in my opinion just want the £3,500 's, so now we are looking at London Clinics. We have had two years to get used to the DI idea and to me a baby is better than no baby. My friends were shocked when I told them and said that they would never have DI but they are all mums after less than 3 months of trying so what the hell do they know. My mother in law was furious as the baby would biologically be mine thus making my parents the natural grandparents where as her and her husband would not be natural grandparents. Nevermind what her poor son thinks. She would rather we adopted but what right does she have to tell me that I cannot give birth to my own child when she has two grown up children concieved with no problems.As my DH told his mum that most women in my posistion would have left by now for a man with no problems and the fact that I am here and trying to have a family with him anyway possible proves how much I love him, and that most men are bringing up another mans child these days with the ex hanging around. He says we won't know the man and that he will be given us a precious gift that we need help with would people frown on a woman using another womans eggs? I think not so what is the difference. You must do what is right for you, I think you should tell the child from the start about their natural parentage incase it comes out if ever they need a transplant or something, I don't want to make a joke of it but how may times has there been a Holby City or Casualty episode where an adult has found out he is adopted or that his father is not his natural father after blood matches have been taking? We would tell our parents and close friends then when the child was older they could tell whoever they wanted but it is far better that they find out from you than in the playground. My partner said he could cope but I do still wonder, when it cries or plays up would he say ' your son wants you?' but then my friends hubbies say this to them now when there sons nappies need changing and they are the natural fathers !I check regulary so if you want to talk more please do. Never say Never none of us know just exactly what avenue we would go down in our dream for a child.

nicolamark · Post by **nicolamark** » Sun Jul 04, 2004 5:28 pm

Hiya CAZ!
I am sure, ive met you on these pages before, not been on here in a few months........... You sound the same as me actually!

My DH is on waiting list for biopsy they found no sperm in his samples. (Did ur DH have any sperm in the samples he provided?)
The waiting list is months, now he says he's not sure he even wants to go through with it. I dont blame him though (MALE PRIDE HUH!) He tells me that he's keen to do donor sperm.

Thats good they found some sperm in your DH's biopsy! Why are you considering Donor if they found sperms there?
We would tell our family, but then I guess it depends how close you all are etc.... Our family's knows what it means to us to have babies.... I would have to tell the baby or child when it grew up where he/she came from. Honesty is the best!!

I would like to know also how common is it? Sorry, I cant answer that for you!

I think that DI is better than no kids, I think that if I have no kids that also means no grand kids, I know I am, looking in to the future. But its true!! I cant go on feeling like this for the rest of my life.

I would like to keep in touch with you, you seems like you are in my boat!!
Pm me if you want to!!
Bye CAZ!

lOVE NIC X X

nicolamark · Post by **nicolamark** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 5:03 pm

Just reading back over these pages, DH can't go through with the biopsy, so now the only option is DI.

Spoken to my Mum and she's cool about it, but Mark's scared to speak to his folks. I think that they'll understand.

Anyway, I hope it works out, I am scared.....Its not fair......I hate my friends, they dont understand.......Only people who understand are people here on these pages!!

Oh well, Thats life I guess!!

diane30 · Post by **diane30** » Fri Nov 12, 2004 3:21 pm

hiya nic

i went throgh what your going through i now have a little boy
belive me it makes no diffrence to how much you will love your baby but my hubby left me when i was 6 weeks pregnant and does not have contact with his son and does not want to but i have to say im sure not all men are like this so heartless
i dont regret it for a minute i love him to bits he is my life but it makes me mad i went through this for him and then he left

hope your trt goes well and you dont have to tell anybody what your doing if you dont want to l
love
di

desperately_hopeful · Post by **desperately_hopeful** » Sun Nov 13, 2005 6:33 pm

Just read this thread. Am about to go through Donor insemination as my DH has a failed reversal and FSH tests show no sperm being produced. Noticed the dates on these and wondered if any of you had success, or anyone else out there has been successful along this route. How many attempts did it take. Any comments would help as this route was not one we had thought much about until the last six weeks.

Jeni Babes · Post by **Jeni Babes** » Sun Nov 13, 2005 7:48 pm

Sorry i can't help.Just wanted to wish you Good luck.

I had spotted you had replied to a post that was written in 2004. But on re-reading your msg you ment to do that . hope you get some answers.

Love
jen
xxx

NickiMark · Post by **NickiMark** » Sun Nov 13, 2005 9:23 pm

I am nicolamark...changed user name, due to a fault....Ive had 3 donor inseminations now...No joy yet......Waiting for BFP right now x x

heather · Post by **heather** » Sun Nov 13, 2005 9:26 pm

Hi,

We have always used DI, the first treatment we had worked, as did the second, but sadly they both ended in miscarraige. Our third go was abandoned, and our fourth was negative. Our last go ended in a triplet pregnancy!! Sadly we lost one of our precious babies at 9 weeks, then i had my twin boys prematurely at 28 weeks. Unfortuneatly Ciaran died, as he was very ill, but Brennan battled through, and he's now 14 months. We are looking to try treatment again early next year, again using donor sperm.
I hope everything works out for you.

Heather xxx

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