JOKES and POSITIVE THOUGHTS

[lynne]

Hope you don't mind me joining you here!
I am SO proud of myself. I heard a joke and remembered it! First time for everything.
I only hope it's not here already. I haven't read all the pages of this thread.
Anyway- imagine a Scouse accent for this one. It works better.

A woman goes to the Doctor's with blood all over her. Doctor a little perturbed says 'Madam, where are you bleeding from?'
Womand relies 'Im from bleedin' Anfield, where're you bleedin' from?'
Well I thought it was funny!!!!

[NickiMark]

Smita, and jen!! It's not in her ear!!!!!

[Cla]

Hey Lynne - well done - v.funny!!!
so, Nicki. where is this bar of soap then?! ONLY JOKING - don't answer that one!
Anyway, this joke was sent to me. It is SO poor that I couldn't stop laughing (if that makes sense!!)

Last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from the pub. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the
streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by
the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then
suddenly he heard a strange noise.......

BUMP........

BUMP........

BUMP........


Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving
rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.

BUMP........

BUMP........

BUMP........


He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box
approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more
clearly....It was a coffin.

Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started
walking briskly home

BUMP.......

BUMP........

BUMP........

He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking
faster.........



BUMP........BUMP......

BUMP........BUMP.....

BUMP........BUMP......


The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he
heard the coffin speed up after him......


BUMP........BUMP......BUMP......

BUMP........BUMP......BUMP.....

BUMP........BUMP......BUMP......

He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .

BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.

BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP....

BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.

Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only
seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys,
His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside
slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and
lumped into his comfy chair.

Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through
the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin
allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its
chase.....

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP..SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could
take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........


BUMP...SCREECH...HOP..BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...

BUMP...SCREECH...HOP..BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...

BUMP...SCREECH...HOP...BUMP..SCREECH...HOP...

The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and
launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the
bathroom door flew off its hinges....

The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young
terrified lad.

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP..SCREECH...

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom
cabinet......

He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the
coffin.......still it came .

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it .....


Still it came......

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it .still it came......

BUMP...SCREECH...BUMP...SCREECH...

He grabbed some Benelyn cough mixture and threw it........








The coffin stopped.

I'm sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cla
xx

[NickiMark]

Ive heard that one before... xx

[Jeni Babes]

Cla So have i but it's still a good one.

Lynne- welcome. i liked yours too, I lived in liverpool for 6 years. the people and humour were fantastic.........
Where did you get your star wars smilies from...they are sooooooooo COOL.

bar of soap ah!!!! WEARS the soap...it's easier to work out if you tell it to someone.


lOVE
JEN
XXX

[AMck]

Hi all,here is my effort,

A bloke walked into a Zoo. There was only one dog there. It was a Shit zoo!!!

Say it out loud.....sorry, it made me smile.


Bye for now

Anna

[Jeni Babes]

ANNA- ha ha ha !!!
That's a GOOD one- I am laughing out loud

Love
jen
xxx

[lynne]

Ha, ha, ha. Loved the shit zoo!!!!!!
JeniBabes I got the Star Wars from the site Cla pointed me in the direction of http://www.cheesebuerger.de/ It's a great site. I've been dying to use this one as DH and I are off to visit his youngest and their new baby. They live on a British Army base in Germany. So we'll be surrounded by for the weekend.

Smita, first time I heard the soap joke was years ago and I must have been far too innocent as I didn't get it for ages. I think everyone had a better time laughing at me rather than the joke.
And as for that coffin

[Jeni Babes]

Lynne i've been using that site for weeks and never spotted that one. What page is the star wars stuff on?

watch out for the when your visiting.

At the moment because i can't stop singing madonna's HUNG UP. i like this one can you hear it....... every little thing .....

love
jenxxx

[lynne]

Jen you'll have to sing LOUDER! I'm going to and I'll have bubbles in my ears. I switched on the shower this morning and it blew up. Lucky I didn't electrocute myself.
is on Bose midis page about half way down on the right. It's just taken me ages to find it again. There's always something new to chuckle at.

[Jeni Babes]

I found it.....thanks. I could watch them lightsaber-ing all night
It's Cool as........


maybe i am being drawn to the DARK side....

jen
xxx


P.S. by electrocute yourself in the shower you mean ...honestly! that's scary, xx

[Smita]

Ladies,
may I interrupt the star wars fans here, and tell you that now Nicki has confused me further.. The soaps not in her ear?? OK then where is it??
I'm one of those, to whom if you tell a joke, the explanation takes all the fun out of telling it

Cla,
the coffin one was funny!! not heard it before- and yes I understood it!!I hadnt heard that one before- still chuckling..

Lynne,
Hopeyou had a lovely and are refreshed for today!! Nice one!

Anna
The Shitzoo was funny .. keep em coming girls!

Jeni, maybe this shd become a joke thread!

Smita

[Jeni Babes]

Bar of soap ....I was confused about that too. But if you read it out loud Smita...it's not WHERE's the soap.........its.........WEARS the soap...
it's easier to work out if you tell it to someone.

as you guys probably noticed i changed the thread name to include jokes. i suppose it was a bit misleading but jokes to me are positive thoughts

let's all keep smiling and laughing

Love jen
xxx

.

[Smita]

Hey Jen,
How'd you manage to edit the thread title??Its true- anything that makes you smile or puts you in good spirits is a positive thought!


smita

[Jeni Babes]

Smita
you can go into any of your posts and edit them at any time. On the thread list of all the posts go to your one and press the edit button. then you can re-write. I do it due to my dyslexic spelling, sometimes words need re-written.

jen
xxx