Oct 05 Cycle Buddies

[little R]

Oh My Octobuddies....

Sad day for us....

Steph - My dear friend. I really understand what you are going through. I also feel strong one moment and then overwhelmed the next. My emotions run wild and I can't really get a grip on them lately.... crying has become a daily activity...the rate I am going, I can soon add it to my CV
I can truly relate to your situation....I hear you so well when you so "why is it so complicated to love and raise a child"?
I don't know what to advise, my friend...I can only speak from my own experience.

Take it one step at a time.... I think that your first step is the FET.
In some ways, I understand about your wanting for the FET to be behind you so you can move on, but it's a great chance.
I think that you should not discard it already as failing, but treat it as a really good opportunity. If were you I would wait to before having the FET done.... until you are physically and mentally stronger to cope with it. You need all your strength and energy to be positive for it to be successful.
I know for sure I couldn't do another IVF at this point in my life. I am certainly not ready for another major disappointment. I think it is important to allow yourself the time to grieve, to become stronger. Please know that I am not saying that you are not strong....your track record has definitely proved the contrary. I just mean that you need time to process and get through what you have experienced recently. Give yourself some time before doing the FET.

If I understand correctly, adoption would be your next step.....but you're not there yet until you have tried the FET.
I have also looked into adoption. I even went to an adoption support group meeting with a friend. I know now that I am not ready for that option yet, because there are hoops to jump through of a different kind, but the ups and downs seem similar to our infertility treatment.

We will be here whatever decision you make....you will make the right one because you know yourself and your limits.....

I understand the urgency to have a baby...honestly I do....but give yourself time to prepare for the FET.


Camilla - what have you been getting up to? Xmas tree up yet?


Jen - So what dvds have you been watching? I agree with Camilla....mindless tasks are the best.... if you can switch your brain off for a little while it helps to calm the nerves Thinking about you lots. Focus on the positive and not on the negative, my dear!

Okay...have to go and do some baking... the DH is home again...the sunset is in about an hour... so will get to enjoy the lovely Xmas lights....I will be thinking about you all.....with special thoughts for our friend Lola.

LOVE to you, my friends

Little R

[Jen1d]

Oh Lola, what can i say, i am soooo devastated for you. You know we are thinking of you and take time to rest and be with you DH.

Life is sooooo unfair to us all. I know it doesn't feel like it now but you will get your baby one day soon.

Take care of yourself and will chat soon when you are feeling stronger.

Love and a huge hug from

Jen xxx

[Inhale, Exhale]

Lola-love,

I am so very sad and mad and dissappointed for you. It is terrible and it completely guts you. A miracle that was very real with all your hopes and dreams. The grief is overwhelming. My mom gave me the best comfort- she said, "it was your baby and you need to mourn it as that." She saw that even though it was very early, it was my baby. I didn't see "only 6 and a half weeks", it was my miracle baby and I lost it.
I completely understand your feelings of- who cares about the next one- I wanted this pregnancy.

One day at a time is the only way to get through. We are here, for the bad days and the good days that will eventually come.

Please allow yourself whatever you need. A good cry, a good scream or even a good laugh.
If you remember I had a lovely evening of many mango margaritas and singing along to the Wizard of Oz after my miscarriage. You are probably not ready for that now....... but, you may want to try it later.

Whatever you need you should do. You are fabulous and YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS! Will be thinking of you, my lovely, Lola.

Steph

[Inhale, Exhale]

To the rest of my suds-buds,

Man, I am so MAD that this would happen to another one of us? What the h*ll ?!?! How much do we need to got through? What is the test? and will it ever end?

OK, vent over.

My sweets, thank you so much for the reminders yesterday of one step at a time. I need to focus on the FET first! then if I need to move on from there I will. BECAUSE, we are the strongest chics who prove everyday that we will do what it takes to get our miracle babies, because we want it that badly. And we will be fan-ta-bu-lous mommies!!

You girls rock my world when I need it most- thanks!

Little R- I absolutely HATE adding another member to out pitiful little group, but we shall give Lola lots of hugs and reminders that we are here!

Jen- stay postive sunshine! Ignore the rest of us.

Camilla- you hard-*ss! Thanks for telling me off. I needed the kick in the pants.

Steph

[lolajones]

Hi All

Thank you so much for your messages - honestly you girls mean the world to me. No-one but you and my lovely dh understands. My friends are being a bit rubbish or maybe I just hate everyone today.
Had to get my bloods done this morning to make sure my hcg levels are falling and they sent me to the ante natal clinic to get it done. Me and dh were very brave whilst confronted with 5 billion bumps. He made me laugh so hard I thought my stitches were going to burst.
You have all been so fantastic and yes steph of course i still love you! I like a bit of tough love You've all made me feel so much better. Y'know - this will happen. I will have a child and it will be wonderful. We all will!! I'll have a few months off the cycling, go on holiday, start yoga. Am having post cake surge of positivity.
Hope you guys are all ok, will write personals when feeling better. Take care Octobbies!!!

Lots of love
Lola xxx

[slcannon]

Lola,

Sweetie, I am so terribly sorry to hear your news. I know you and DH are absolutely devastated. Please allow yourselves time to grieve, as long as you need and really do whatever you need to let your emotions out. We are always here for you and will do whatever we can to help. You know, I think this group is absolutely wonderful and over the past couple of months we have shared more than most people share, the disadvantage is we are online and cannot give big hugs and a shoulder to cry on in person. So please know that you have my "cyber"shoulder and a big cyber hug


Now I must say this because I truly believe it. Everything happens for a reason. We may not agree with it, like it or, ever understand why, but in the end these experiences make us stronger. I have had to remind myself of this many times in life and it has helped me to cope better. I know this does not take away your pain, but maybe it will help you to see it differently down the road and make it easier for you to move forward.

Trust me, you will get your time, I know it. Once you have recovered physically, emotionally, and mentally, you can try again. AND we will all be there for you cheering you on. But please take the time you need for you. Also, a good thing that you learned here is that you can get pregnant. That in itself is huge.

You are in my prayer and I know you will pull through this.

Lots of love and big hugs,
Stephanie

[slcannon]

To the rest of my Octobuddies,

Hope you are all coping.

Camilla - How are things going? Are you feeling ok?

Jen - How are you doing with the 2ww? You are almost half way there!!!!!! Praying hard for your BFP.

Steph - I understand what you are talking about. This is not easy and very expensive. And yes, there are so many unwanted children in this world and for people like us, we jump through hoops to get our miracle. It's doesn't seem fair. But please take this slow, really think about what you want to do next and when.

Little R - Hopefully your day is looking up. DH is home!!!!!!!!!!!! Spend time together since it seems you don't get too much of that.

We must stick together and in the end we will all be fine.

Lots of love to you all,
Stephanie

[little R]

Just a quickie....wanted to check in on Lola mainly....

Lola - glad to see that you are feeling better and you have got your "bounce" back. You're fabulous....you really are! I know that Steph and I have not experienced an ectopic pregnancy, but we have loved and lost.... we understand what you're going through..
You will have your good days and your bad days and we will be here for you whenever you need us. Just allow yourself the time to recover from it all. You have some great plans for the following months
Well done! You are coping superbly already, sweetie....it took me a while to change my signature at the bottom of my posts.
We have all shared so much and become so close. We Octochicks rule Happy to hear that you haven't lost your sense of humour ....that's paramount to surviving anything.
It sounds like you have a lovely DH who you can rely on to comfort you and make you laugh.....hugs to him too!

Steph - glad to hear your spirits are up again....yes, really sad, frustrated and angry that Lola has joined our twosome....yes definitely, we will cherish her! I'm having a bad week it seems, nearly lost it the other day in the grocery store, pregnant women everywhere, babies everywhere, a real epidemic.... but then the good part of that...it's an emotional rollercoaster right.... which means that the high is coming soon !

Jen - hope you're clocking up those hours of "feet up!"? have you been on some nice relaxing strolls? We are hoping that amidst all these posts you are remaining positive. Sending you lots of PMA!

Stephanie & Camilla - so what is going on with you? when are your scans? which dates?

MUCH LOVE to all you friends out there..... THANK you for being you..... because don't know what I would do if you weren't here.

Going out to see the sun set in the desert...the only place where I feel really at peace with myself.

Little R

[Jen1d]

Hi girls,

Just wanted to send a big hug to Lola, i have been thinking about you all night. We are all here for your whenever you need an ear.

Have been resting so much that i feel like a beached whale. I know it is good for me and my little embies but when you are so use to working, swimming, aerobics etc you begin to feel very lazy and fat----------must say if all goes well i won't mind about the fat bit.

Only a week tomorrow until the big day. I feel twinges some days then nothing the next but am not getting too fussed about this as it seems anything goes on the dreaded 2ww. I just take one day at a time and am grateful when it's over without an AF appearing. I worry every time i go to the toilet incase it's there and considering i am drinking loads of water and have to go about ten times a day i think i will be a nervous wreck by the time the 11th comes.

Lola, Steph, Stephanie and Little R - Is it just us left here? A huge hug to you all and thanks for you constant support, you are the best.

Love Jen xxx

[slcannon]

Hi ladies. Just wanted to check in on Lola. From your last post you seemed to be more positive, that's great. Whenever you need us we are here. You will get your miracle soon.

Jen - How are you holding us? Only 1 week to go. I know you can do it!!!!!! Keep up the PMA!!!!!!!!!

Steph, Little R, Camilla - Hope you are all having a great weekend and getting ready for Christmas. Only 3 weeks left.

DH and I are going to buy a new pre-lit tree tomorrow and put up some lights in the yard. Time to make this house feel like Christmas and celebrate a special time of year.

Don't remember if I posted this, but I went for my 1st scan Weds and saw they yolk sac, so that's a good sign. Go back on 12/9 and hoping to see a heartbeat.

Camilla - When is your 1st scan?

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Sending lots of love and hugs. And an extra special hug to Lola.

Stephanie

[Inhale, Exhale]

Hello Little Miss Girle-Twirlies!

Lola- looy,
I was glad to see that you were able to have a laugh. I was sent for my Rh factor shot before D&E, instead of sending me to my regular doc they sent me to a hospital. It just happened to be the day of the free clinic for preggos with no money... Oh, the irony of that. Me in a waiting room with 30 other "women" ( I use the term loosely as they all looked very young) with big bellies (who can't afford to raise their children)! I either laughed or cried, so, much like you, I chose laugh.... My sister asked me if I handed out my business card? He, he.
Continue to plow through. One crazy-*ss situation at a time. ....

Jen- counting down the days.... I totally understand the whole feel lazy part. I was used to exercising 5-6 days/week. Then during the most stresssful of times they say- nope, can't do that! I have a new found hobby now because of that- crocheting! I am making a lovely blanket right now for DH.... But, I have to say it is nice to be back to yoga. Although, here's hoping for a BFP for you and maybe you won't be back to it.

Camilla- how is it going sweet-ums?

Stephanie- lovely news on the scan. Isn't that the most beautiful sight? Enjoy every moment!

Little R- I love your way of thinking girlie! If we are in a low, the high is sure to follow...... That is my new motto.
I am pretty good today. It is because of you gallies. Reminding me that I will do what it takes, one step at a time.

Oh, Christmas is coming.... Anyone else absolutely HATE Christmas shopping? Especially buying presents for in-laws. You never know what to get and they don't appreciate it anyhow? I am going to start buying liquor for everyone- it will make for a more interesting Christmas dinner! ......

Steph

[leigh]

Hi Girls

I have missed alot haven't I.

Lola - I have been so fearful when you didn't post on waiting for first scan thread and now I see my fears confirmed. I am absolutely gutted for you. I cannot imagine the devastation you must feel. I know you find comfort from the girls and your lovely DH and I think you are so brave to have the strength to think to the future. We are all here for you whenever you need us. I am so sorry.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[leigh]

To everyone else

Camilla - hope you are ok, when is your scan?

LittleR - you have been so lovely and supportive of everyone, I really hope good things are coming your way, if you believe in kama it's defintiely your turn for something good.

Steph - Likewise! LittleR's advice to you was spot on I thought, better than I could give but what do I know anyway! Glad you are sounding positive.

Jen - I know how you feel on 2ww but it sounds like you have right attitude, keep drinking water and stay busy.

Stephanie - Glad to hear positive things from your first scan, you had it quite early so it's not surprising to not see a heart beat, good luck for the 9th to see a lovely heart beat then.

I don't want to rub anyone's nose in it but I'm guessing you would want to hear that everything is going well for me so far, although I will never take anything for granted in this game. Got appointment to see my own GP on Friday, discharged from fertility clinic now, I am just like every other 'normal' pregnant woman now! Feeling sick most of time but not actually being sick, tired by afternoon but other than that feel absolutely fine and all is going well. I know that terrible feeling of being surrounded by pregnant women and babies and longing to be that way yourself but it may be of comfort for you to know that me and DH went to supermarket on Friday we saw a very pregnant woman and instead of that horrible longing feeling inside we just smiled at each other that god willing that will be me some day soon!

I feel that my words to you sound a bit patronising, I hope you don't take them that way, even though I don't message much I am thinking about you and I hope you lovely ladies get to experience what I'm feeling so far. Now I've made myself cry, what a silly moo I am!! Better go and get some school work done to take my mind off things.

Take care of yourselves

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[little R]

Hey you pretty Octobuddies!

Lola - you're first on my list.....big, huge, enormous virtual hug for you and sending express sunshine your way. Thinking about you lots and hoping you're having a good day.Hang in there...and remember we are here when it gets rough. Always for you!

Steph - my dear friend. How's the Xmas shopping going?
My DH and I are going back to Switzerland to celebrate the end of the year with our families which means lots of Xmas shopping for us too ! It was easier last year when I boycotted the whole thing!
Anyway, I hear your pain... I have decided not to buy any presents for the in-laws because I have no brilliant ideas and I think my showing up at the their family dinner is a gift in itself Honestly, the dreaded baby issue will crop up as usual .....my father-in-law is an insensitive old stick and always manages to make me feel inadequate. It makes me cringe just thinking about it as they don't know their place and make everything their business. They have no idea what we have endured (we have roughly explained it to them, but it is in one ear out the other!) and their comments are always so hurtful. Anyway, enough venting...so sorry about that . I am already nervous about visiting them because I know I end up getting hurt. Enough digressing..... how are you feeling today? I am feeling more hopeful today about 2006.

Jen - under a week now! Hourrah! Way to go! So what have you been up to? I can completely relate about your trips to the bathroom.... I am wishing that everything will be positive and you will get your Xmas present early this year. Beached whale....love the imagery I couldn't stand the sight of my bed a week into the 2ww Sending you heaps of PMA.... I have received a fresh batch just for you Jen!

Stephanie - super news.... your little one is doing well. Am so happy for you... a heartbeat.... I am sure that you'll miss one when you hear it on 9th! Hope that your pre-lit tree is up and running? Take care and rest up.

Camilla - no news, good news I hope...a little worried though.

Leigh - You are not rubbing our noses in it.....glad to have you back....our Octobuddies figures are dwindling! Loved your comment about the woman in the supermarket.... good for you! Your words are not patronising....thank you for sharing.... what a lovely feeling to be discharged from the fertility clinic and be considered "normal". I am envious Take care of yourself and your little one. Hugs to you!

MUCH love to you all the Octochicks!

Little R

[lolajones]

Hiya fellas.
Thank you for your continued support, means so much to me.

Jemla - how're you doing? I know I'm not exactly poster girl for successful outcomes at the moment but STAY POSITIVE!! The horrible wait will soon be over and we'll see your BFP!!! By the way, will you be trying Emla when it comes to delivery?? I predict you'll be needing something a mite stronger my sweet

Little R you are so excellent at keeping going and caring for everyone. My advice for Operation: In Laws is get yourself an iPod and resolutely refuse to take out the ear plugs until you've left their house. You can just stay in your own musical world, smiling like Buddha, whilst their inappropriate remarks bounce off the Apple shield.

Steph steph steph, is it the yoga that makes you a bit bonkers? Y'know, I used to do yoga until I went to a class where I was told to "breathe through your anus". I was very confused. I mean, how do you even begin...? Anyway, he was probably some renagade splinter yoga faction with back passage issues but it did put me off.
I'm spending Christmas with my family in Wales and plan to eat until my new skinny jeans can't even get above my ankles - I will wear them as leg warmers and clothe myself in a festive toga. I also plan to drink around 16 gallons of alcohol. Because now I can, ho ho! Steph, can I ask a nosey question? How old are you and have you tried ivf before? 2 questions really but I figured if I was going to be intrusive best get it all out of the way. And little R? In for a penny.....

Leigh - thank you for your message. I'm happy things have worked out for you. It's funny how things turn out - I really thought we'd both be fine. Not my turn I guess. Hope you have a lovely yet alcohol free (no! not even one!) christmas.

Stephanie - your cyber hug worked wonders. Thank you for caring. I'm glad your scan went well, keep us posted with your next scan too How's the tree of lights?

Camilla - where are you? Hope everything is ok and you are just absent due to Christmas Shopping Commitments. Hope you're not lugging stuff about and taking it easy with the peanut.

I feel a bit more human, a bit less Crossing Over with Jonathan Edwards audience member today. Which can only be bueno!
Have decided to not go back to work for at least another week and concentrate on getting a bit of perspective. Still sore and I have worries about my violated tummy button - it looking a bit gory. I still have my pregnancy big boobs - will miss them. Should tell my dh to get 'em while stocks last! My hospital are playing a bit hard to get. I still don't know my hcg levels and whether they are falling and I dont have a follow up appointment - feel a bit lost. Will ring them later, feel like I need some sort of plan for the future.
Anyhoo, I'm off to watch yet more repeats of Law and Order on cable - man, my life an empty void without TV.

See you laters Octobabes

Love, Lola
xxxxx