Hi from a "newbie"

Gele · Post by **Gele** » Wed Jun 18, 2003 7:01 pm

Hi to all I have an 11 yr old child, and my hubby also has a child, so ours is secondary infertility. (Am I allowed to be in this forum as I already have a child?.......I would hate to upset anyone on here who is not secondary) Before I ask for advice, could someone pleae let me know if it is ok for me to post messages about my secondary infertility? Many thanks Gele

lou · Post by **lou** » Wed Jun 18, 2003 7:42 pm

Hi Gele welcome to the site all the girls on here are a tower of strength, and will make u feel very welcome. U can post on here what ever your circumstances we are all on here for lots of different reasons, so go ahead and ask away. take care love Lou xxx [Edited by lou on 18-Jun-03 20:43]

LORRAINE G · Post by **LORRAINE G** » Thu Jun 19, 2003 9:46 am

Hi Gele You will find loads of support here no matter what your circumstances. If it makes you feel easier you are not alone. I too have children from my first marriage and DH no2 and I have been trying to concieve for about 19 months now. Had all the tests, can't find anything wrong with me (apart from being an old girl at 38!) and DH has slightly abnormal sperm test results. Therefore we are booked in for our first attempt at ICSI in August. I have now ordered my drugs and am waiting for the big start day to arrive. We are at Kings by the way. I will look out for you on the site, good luck with your treatment! LOL Lorraine

Gele · Post by **Gele** » Thu Jun 19, 2003 10:20 am

Hi and thank you for a lovely welcome. I have an 11 yr old son, and DH has a 14 yr old daughter, both from previous relationship/marriage. We have been trying for about 4 yrs now, and we have both had series of tests. I am 34 DH is 40. We only sought help end 2001, as we both thought the stress of his (waiting for 5 yrs for a divorce...and ex-wife) were the main causes of us being unable to conceive. Saw a gynae Cons in Jan 2002. I have had normal prog levels apart from the odd one showing low levels in the 21 day blood test. Have had scans of my womb, all ok. HSG last Sept, all ok, tubes viable etc. Have been doing my BBT for some time now, and cycle is between 28-34. (28 day temp peaked at 13-14 days, 34 day temp peaked at 19-20 day) I have been told that I need to lose about 2 stone in weight, which is easier said than done..lol....but am the same weight I was when I had my son. Anyway, have now lost half stone, so am getting there. Am a bit confused by all of the "lingo" and procedures really, and am a bit disillusioned with my fertility clinic, and my Gynae Cons. Last appt' he advised me that I "ought to ask myself how SERIOUS I was about wanting a baby".....as he feels I am not ovulating every month because I am overweight, so, that obviously put me in "am not serious" bracket did it? :0/ I explained I had cut down on smoking, (and am trying to quit)..as he advised, AND trying to lose weight....so it was hard. Up to now they can find nothing wrong with either of us...and it is frustrating for DH and I..to say the least. My GP told me Clomid might work, as he seems to think, having read my BBT charts, that my luteal phase is "out of sync"...and Clomid might help. My Cons STRONGLY disagreed, and said my "excess" weight would absorb the Clomid, so it would be a waste of time and the drug. (I am, for the record, 5ft 1" and a size 14/16....and just under 13 st)....am I OBESE?.....I felt such a failure...worthless! I asked him if it could be a problem with a mucus/sperm anti-body...and he flatly refused a test, post coital or slide test. Saying it would be a waste of time, I had to go home, lose weight, then my cycle "would more than likely" return to normal. Appt's are at least 4-6 months apart anyway...and neither of us are getting any younger. I am now depressed to such an extent I am on the verge of giving up totally. We have been offered no support/counseling nothing...just go home...lose weight...etc etc. I am also FED up to the back teeth with (well meaning but insensitive) people saying I should give up...be thankful for my son..I am too old now anyway...forget it...blah blah! Sorry....RANT over........ Does anyone else have the same feelings? Is anyone else like me?.....where tests have not shown any real reason as to their inability to conceive? It is the not knowing...the lack of info from the clinic, (thank goodness we have a wonderfully supportive GP).that is so hard to live with. I followed my GP's advice, and had 2 cycles on Clomid. BBT showed I ovulated on day 13-14 for the 1st cycle, and the second suggested I hadn't ovulated and I bled on day 25. I am now off the Clomid, and am working on losing my weight. I feel SO stressed out...I feel SO under pressure from the Cons to lget down to my ideal weight before I next see him...and stress is no good to anyone, let alone those trying to conceive. ANY advice, ANY help would be most welcome. Apologies for the RANT.... Regards to all Gele

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Thu Jun 19, 2003 10:52 am

Gele I am 36 - 37 in july and had 4 attempts at IVF - DH as two young children but I had buggered and knackered tubes - he loves the kids but it makes him want them even more with me - ex wife is a complete waste of space! Don't listen to anyone who says "you should be grateful and all that b*****S -" of course you are but just would like some more happiness with current DH. My first ivf was ectopic so a bit of a mare to say the least - I am currently pg - 8 and a half weeks and keeping everything crossed - how slowly the time goes! I don't have the weight problems you have - it seems to me you are deadly serious and I would think about going elsewhere for a 2nd opinion and a bit more support. Good luck with all you do Love Tracey

july ann · Post by **july ann** » Thu Jun 19, 2003 2:31 pm

hi gele welcome to the site, i agree with tracey you should get a second opinion as the clinic's are all so different. i was 2 stone over weight and i joined weight watchers and i'm now down to a size 10/12.the clinic did not ask me to lose the weight but having failed goes at icsi i thought it might help. (hb has low sperm count. I have another go at icsi being slim and it still did not work. i also gave up smoking and drinking and it still did not work. so with the weight issue i think you should loss the weight if YOU want to but do not put your self under to much pressure as stress is the worst thing if you are doing ivf. this site is so good for letting of steam and we often have good news when people get pg. it makes you feel that you are not alone. Only someone who really wants a baby can really understand.. from july ann

Gele · Post by **Gele** » Sat Jun 21, 2003 9:50 am

hi again, and many thanks for the advice and support. I am trying to lose a little weight for "me"..and agree it could help. I was 2 stone lighter when I first met DH....and was that for 2 1/2 yrs...and we still didn't get pg...so just how "significant" the weight issue is I dunno. The frustrating thing for us is that nothing has been identified...so I feel under a HUGE amount of pressure to lose weight....feel as if it MUST be my "fault".....and that makes me feel really guilty. We'll keep trying....and smiling :0) Comments from ppl about "being grateful...etc etc" for my son are getting easier to deal with...I ignore them..lol My GP said as nothing has been identified, after a lot of tests...we need to be prepared for them turning round and saying that there is nothing wrong...just not happening...how do you deal with that? I am still amazed that my Cons doesn't feel it is necessary to check my mucus with DH sperms for antibodies. How common are antibodies related infertility? I'm thinking about a 2nd opinion...with full support from my GP...and will let you know how it goes. Many thanks again to all who have replied regards & <hugs> to all Gele

fi · Post by fi » Sun Jun 22, 2003 8:50 am

hi gele, just wanted to say hi and hang in there. our history is male sub fert, i am 30 we have been ttc for 6yrs, 2failed icsis awaiting 3rd to start. just wanted to say that I hope you keep going, think the antibodies are a big thing for some reason we have never been tested either, anyhow have a good sunday, love fi

Gele · Post by **Gele** » Sun Jun 22, 2003 4:05 pm

Hi to all I think the antibody thing is an issue too......but my Cons doesn't agree. There must be "something" underlying that hasn't been tested or detected, but I don't know what else they'll have lined up for me. His understudy pointed out that I was "a lot younger" when I had my son!...(I was 22 for goodness sake...and am only 34 now...so please....lol) It is SO nice to have found this forum, I really appreciate the support, advice, and friendly suggestions...it does help when you are in touch with ppl who REALLY know and share what you are going through. atb to everyone Gele x

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