JOKES and POSITIVE THOUGHTS

NickiMark · Post by **NickiMark** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 6:35 pm

Bad Parrot

Mary received a parrot as a gift. The parrot was fully grown with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a curse: those that weren't curses were to say the least, rude.

Mary tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite things. Words and playing soft music...anything she could think of. Nothing worked.

She yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. She shook the bird and the bird got madder and more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation, Mary put the parrot in the freezer to get a minute of peace.

For a few moments she heard the bird swearing, squawking kicking and screaming and then, suddenly there was absolute quiet. Mary was frightened that she might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Mary's extended arm and said:

"I'm very sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior and I am sure it will never happen again."

Mary was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

NickiMark · Post by **NickiMark** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 6:37 pm

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most." He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running off together behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left." The male statue asks the woman statue, "Would you like to do it again?" "Oh, yes let's," she replies! "But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and you shit on its head.

tony · Post by **tony** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 3:46 am

a girl was driving and she was stopped by a lady police officer...
"police"- good day maddam,do you know why i stopped you??
"lady"- hmmm no really
police"- well you just whent trough a red traffic light ,
lady"- i did??
"police" -may i see your driving license please
"lady"- officer i'm sorry do you know what the driving license look like??
"police"- hoo boy, it look like a credid card and has you picture on it.....
-at this point the lady driver find a small make up mirror and she's see's
her own reflection on it and hand it to the women police officer and she sayed:-
ho here officer this is it??
police:-hoo man - "and she smiled"- i did not relized that you were a police officer.....ok drive carefull now

NickiMark · Post by **NickiMark** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 6:28 am

pauline69 · Post by **pauline69** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 3:08 pm

Q: What do you call the boss of hankies?

A: The hankie chief.

LittleP · Post by **LittleP** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 3:19 pm

There's some great jokes here - thanks for sharing

NickiMark · Post by **NickiMark** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 3:29 pm

Its nice to laugh on this hell journey

Smita · Post by **Smita** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:50 am

great jokes Nicki!

smita

NickiMark · Post by **NickiMark** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 6:53 pm

That's ok, like to make you all smile xx I'll have to come with some more wont i?? cant think of any right now!!!!

Smita · Post by **Smita** » Wed Jul 12, 2006 8:28 am

bump!
for all those looking for a smile..

cheers,
smita

JOKES and POSITIVE THOUGHTS

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