Back after a break , bit of a bad day though

Grace · Post by **Grace** » Mon Jun 23, 2003 6:34 pm

Hello everyone I have been away for a few weeks. Took a holiday and had another week or two trying not to think of treatmeant etc. As you can see could n't keep away though. There seem to lots of new names here and still a few of us who have been around for a while. Traci, sorry to hear about the high FSH. It seems so cruel when all these things get in the way of getting on with treatmeant. As the other girls say don't give up hope! you are a fighter!! Are you taking your Agnus Castus etc. When will they test you again? Helen, we have chatted before a few times. I think I will be going again in August so it might be the same time as you. Glad you are feeling more positive. It was my birthday a few weeks ago too and I am even older than you!! 36 now, found it really hard. I truly never thought I would have to go through this much treatmeant. I have had fairly large gaps between treatmeant too mainly because the negatives really knock the stuffing out of me and for me it get's worse each time. Hope every one else is doing okay? To be honest I have had a bit of an emotional evening last night and the same today. My Sister her husband and two little boys 3 and 20 months came to stay for the weekend. I had such a lovely time with the boys, I really, really enjoyed it. However, when they left last night I felt so empty and alone. The house seemed so quiet and still, it had somehow come alive with all their laughter and tears etc. Anyway, had a good old sob and felt generally sorry for myself. Feel a bit better now as had a good chat with dh and told him how I was feeling. Sometimes feel as if I am in "limbo" and cannot really move on...any one else recongnise these feelings? I feel quite scared about trying again yet on the other hand I don't feel ready to give up. Very difficult. Anyway, after our chat I have decided to try and keep as positive as I can. I am going to start going back to the gym as have been really lazy and that does n't help either. Hope I don't sound too negative just fancied a bit of a rant really. I know you guys will understand. Take care one and all. Love Gracex

fi · Post by fi » Mon Jun 23, 2003 8:28 pm

hi grace, good to have you back. sorry you have had a bad day, but sounds like you have a lovely family around you. i know how you feel about the limbo bit, our favorite discussion is 'if it happens we'll do this' and so forth...... think i am a bit of an oldie on this site, been here for a couple of years now. i am about to start icsi#3, ec/et should be around early aug i think if my clinic can fit me in!!! anyhow just wanted to say here for a chat if you need to rant or just chat with someone who understands. love fi P.S hope you don't mind saying but your name is the name i would choose if we ever (!!??) have a girl!!!!!!!!!!

Alison · Post by **Alison** » Mon Jun 23, 2003 8:29 pm

Hiya Grace, welcome back! My niece and nephew are 3 and coming up to a year. They've just moved back from Kenya (with their parents, obviously!) and while it is wonderful to be able to see them and be involved with them I find it so hard. Last time I spent a day with them I managed to drive round the bend in the road before having to stop to have a good cry, and I'm not a tearful person. Somehow its worse when DH is there too - seeing him with small children breaks my heart, and I know he feels likewise with me. I will be throwing the dice again in July with an FET (all being well), a bit before you I think. Do keep in touch and keep going for go number 6 - you're an inspiration! Love Alison x

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Tue Jun 24, 2003 10:14 am

Hi Grace ..... your "limbo" thing really struck a chord. I feel exactly the same. In my mind I have two plans for our future - one is easy - if we have a baby things will happen naturally, we'll be poorer financially but complete in every other way. The second one involves lots of "things" as distractions in a weak attempt to make up for us having no family - perhaps move house, a holiday abroad, that sort of thing. Just horrible to contemplate. The one thing that helps me when I feel like this is to look around me and thank God for what I do have. It sounds cliche, but there are so many thousands of people worse off than myself - it's the thing that always pulls me up by my bootstraps and makes me carry on. I have heard in the last two weeks that 2 of my husbands cousins are expecting babies, and also the girl at work who sits not 10ft from me has just announced her pregnancy after trying for one month!! Life is weird and I don't understand it. Hope that visit to the gym helped you Grace - bit of physical aggression does make you feel better !! ( I could be physically aggressive to the pregnant girl sitting next to me sometimes! ) Lots of love - Jo.XXX

jo mortimer · Post by **jo mortimer** » Tue Jun 24, 2003 11:09 am

Hi Grace Know exactly what you mean by feeling a bit in limbo. I try and do things and plan for the future without babies as well, never know what to do for the best. Jo, as for pregnant people at work, one of the girls where I am just found out she's pregnant, has only been with her bloke for a couple of months and says she was on the pill! All she's done since finding out the news is cry and say her hormones are all over the place! Life is so hard isn't it? I feel like giving her a shake sometimes. I haven't mentioned anything to anyone at work about having fertility treatment as I've only been here four months. It may prove difficult not to tell my boss seeing as I've just started IVF but don't really want everyone discussing my personal business if you know what I mean. Any how keep smiling Grace, your day will come! Luv Jo xx