Dec 05 Cycle Buddies

[Molly B]

Hi Everyone,
I have not read this thread for a while so have just caught up. Pam, so sorry to read your news especially after waiting so long for AF to arrive.Hopefully things can start as soon as possible next cycle. Naba- I can totally relate to how you are feeling and am so pleased that you cut loose and splurged on pizza, wine, chocolate and icecream. Blow the acupunturist- that sounds like just the thing you needed! Jag and Kagome- best of luck for the next few days. My fingers are crossed for you. Dizzie- I hope that you are coping with the 2ww without too much anxiety.
I am currently nearing the end of the two week wait and have a strong feeling that it hasn't worked. This feeling is supported by cramps and bleeding which straryted last night so I am not holding out too much hope. I know that this is my first IVF try and so many of you have been through so much in terms of heartache and ordeals but I just feel that this whole situation makes me feel so vulnerable and out of control. My DH and I are having treatment privately, which is not cheap as they charge for absolutely eveything and to top it off, depsite having 19 fertilised embryos we decided not to have any frozen (ethical reasons more than anything). So at this stage it looks as though I will be starting the whole process again next month- we will not give up! Despite feeling determined to keep going, I am now sort of grappling with the fact that it might never work. We seem to have been trying to have a baby for so long and there just does not seem to be an end in sight. This time last year I was going through the exact same thing (but with IUI) and before that months of clomide. I am so sorry for moaning and I hope that this doesn't dampen anyone's spirits but I suddenly just needed to get this off my chest and I know that someone out there will probably relate to how I am feeling. I am desperate for a long, hot soak in a deep bubble bath which is my best method of stress release but I obviously can't do that at the moment.
Anyway, apologies again and best wishes to everyone- I guess I should get back to work,
Molly B

[naba]

Thanks Caroline, Pam, Bec, Dizzie, Daly, Mollie B and Smita (my apoligies if I missed anyone) for your messages. I didn't realise how lucky I was to have found this site until just now!

We lost our power last night due to storms so I was unable to reply. I thought I'd write quickly before I run out the door for work. I am usually there by 7.... anyway they'll have to survive without me for a couple of hours.

The wine and pizza was great. By the time we finished that I couldn't eat the chocolate... I was too full. Those of you who have experienced OHSS know that you are so bloated you really can't fit much in. I am looking forward to more wine this weekend.

Whoever described this process as rollercoaster is spot on. Yesterday I had another angry day filled will sad spells. I think I burst out crying about 5 times , but I think this is a really positive thing. It means that I am not penting it up. It's coming out and nothing is going to stop it.

We went and saw our Dr yesterday. It was really interesting. He told me that he I am responding more to the drugs each time, which we already knew, and he has only seen about two other ladies with this problem. He said it is extremely rare and they don't know why it happens, other than it is associated with PCOS. On the positive side we are really glad that he has seen this before and it gives us hope. We are going to start on 75 next time and see how we go. We haven't given up... we are never going to let this beat us. He said he was sorry etc. but I was glad that she saw us.

We then saw our favourite nurse (although she doesn't know it). She basically agreed with me when I said it sucked. She thought she'd have wine and chocie in sympathy!

Daly, I know exactly what you mean about swapping some ovary action. I really feel for poor responders. I can't even imagine what it is like. We somehow need to transfer by telepathy! Stupid ovaries. Who needs them anyway?

I am feeling really positive and good in myself today. We are allowed to start again in two months which gives us something to look forward to. We are going to fill the next months with heaps of fun stuff to keep ourselves preoccupied and to make the most of the time 'off'. My hubbie's birthday is in the meantime so I am thinking of doing something special. I have heaps of ideas but can't write just in case he wants to read this!

Thanks again for your messages. They were really special. It is nice to know people care. I never thought I would join a chat forum, but it has been invaluable. I laugh , I cry , I get mad with you all on your part of the rollercoaster and it is nice to know that you have done the same for us.

Good luck on your journey in December and I hope to read some BFP in the coming weeks. A really nice Christmas present to all. PMA to all. I will have my fingers crossed for everyone.

Have a great weekend everyone. Thanks again!

Naba

P.S Molly - I know exactly what you mean about the bubble bath! Prior to starting a cycle I try and sneak one in so I don't crave it during the 2ww. It doesn't always work. I almost crave the bubble bath as much as the chocolate, wine and coffee! Not the sex though.... that always comes out on top.

P.S.S Did I mention that I am going to have some wine??? I am going to be bad this Christmas/New Years Real bad

[smokeroni]

Naba _ I am so glad to hear you are feeling better. Sounds like you are underway for the next cycle. The 2 months will fly by. I think the wine sounds good as I am waiting for my next AF until I cycle (mid Jan). I will have some wine too.

Enjoy yourself
Pam

[rachel1]

naba and molly, i'm so sorry to hear what you've both been going through. naba, you sound so strong and positive now, keep on like that girl because you're going to make it. in the meantime, enjoy the wine and DH's birthday!
by the way, can you transfer some ovary action in my direction as well please? and i'll send some inhibiting vibes in yours!

molly, so sorry that it didn't work out this time and you're so right to let it all out. we're here for you. i know exactly what you mean when you say you're determined to keep going while struggling with the idea it might not work. i had the same flash on the road to damascus last saturday. we were having dinner with a couple who are good friends but we haven't seen them in ages because they live in another city and therefore have never told them about doing ivf. she announced she was pregnant and of course i was really happy for them but i had to do everything not to burst out crying. and believe me, they weren't tears of happiness. it was at this moment that i realised i could have a lifetime of this ahead of me. it wasnt a good feeling.

of course, i'm not going to give up and i do feel positive about the whole thing. i just hope that next time the drugs do what they're supposed to. so far the only thing they've done is delay AF for over a week!

smita, i don't know if my clinic will be open over christmas. i had been hoping that i'd be on the 2ww (due to doing short cycle) during that period so never asked. how are you my dear?

daly, hang in there. i think 10/11 follies is great! (i only had one last time). keep sending them positive vibes so that they'll produce the best eggs possible. good luck with EC.

dizzie, well done on getting to the 2ww. time to relax!

jennie, sounds like you've got it sorted. don't go crazy just yet, wait until you get that BFP!!
i'm in the north, bergamo to be exact. what about you? hope you're further south enjoying a milder climate.

kagome, how did EC go? when are you doing ET?

jag, hope you survived your long drive and your scan shows lots of follies.

pam, enjoy the wine! you deserve it.

hello to everyone else. hope you're all fine and enjoying a bit of christmas shopping!!

take care
rachel

[gailp]

Hi December Buddies, I don’t seem to have been on here for age, just trying to catch up now

Naba Im so sorry that your Cycle has been cancelled, I can imagine how frustrated and upset you must feel. I would have definitely done as you did and got the wine and Pizza, hope it helped at the time. I hope you enjoy being really bad this Christmas. I hope not to be joining you if you know what I mean.

Pam how frustrating AF has arrived after all this time and you cant start your cycle because of Christmas, don’t you just want to scream.

Jennie you test 2 days after me? Have you had any symptoms yet, I have had cramping pains on and off for the last few days, which im a bit concerned about. Its knocked my PMA a bit, trying to remain positive though.

Smita your not kidding when you say the second week of the 2WW is the hardest, I breezed through the 1st week but boy is this week going slowly, its so nerve wracking

Molly you test two days before me, this waiting is just so hard. I understand how you feel totally, its just a never ending roller coaster of emotions.

Hi to everyone else

[Smita]

Gail,
Will repeat what i said in the 30-40 thread.. snuggle up to Alan if he's around and just rest wheever you can.
Not long now!!

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

smita

[jennie71]

Hello Dec Buddies,

Thanks, Daly and Smita for all your support. The last week is the worst. Go figure!!! DH and I are just hoping that this time it works!! At least I am getting out a little and taking walks. So that helps. Good luck to all!!
jennie[/i]

[kagome]

Hi all. Just back from london. So long with out internet I'm going cold turkey. Well a little update on my side.

wednesday 7th - EC day got 17 eggs!!! I was like wow. I only had 9 the first time around. I was so chuffed

Thursday 8th - They phoned in the morning saying that 16 eggs got fertilized. I was over the moon. They also decided there and then that we should not have EC on Friday now. They are going to take them all to the blastocyst stage. I was pretty much prancing all over London with joy. Seeing we booking the hotel already we decided to stay that night.

Today 9th - Phone the hospital this morning and they are all looking good. Very vague with the info though I wanted to know exactly how each one looked but they couldn't tell me I would have loved to see them. They have planned for me to have ET now on Monday at 10.30. We had to come home today as DH has to go to work in the evening. I can't help worrying leaving all my babies in Londan all on their own.

Well thats all on my side. Sorry for no personals. I've got lots of reading to catch up with.

Best of luck you all you gals

Well thats

[gailp]

Kagome wow 16 fertilised thats really good news. You will be back with your little babies on Monday When my two embies were put back in they gave me a copy of the scan picture, so sweet (cant really see anything but i knew they were there) Good luck on Monday

[Jeni Babes]

kangome...Honey i am so pleased for you 16 embies ...and ET on Monday
good luck...we will be thinking of you...does that mean you test on Christmas day?

love jen
xxxx

[jag]

Hello my lovely December buddies. You all have been so busy.

For me it has been a busy week. On Thursday we started the day at 7.30 on the road driving 3.5 hours south for a site meeting. Walked around fields for about 5 hours. Got full of hayfever and I was shattered. I was so stupid to do it. We then drove a further 3.5 hours in the opposite direction to go to where the hospital is. We arrived at our friends house at 9.30pm what a long day. On friday I had my scan 20 follies at 10mm and above and more smaller ones. They first said that I should come back Tuesday for my scan. Then once they had received my bloods they told me I should come back for a scan on Monday am and not take my gonal on monday morning as it was likely I would take the kick off injection on Monday night. I didn't get to find out what my levels were. So all being well EC may be wednesday. We shall see. I am feeling really tired. I slept for 5 hours solidly yesterday afternoon and managed to fall asleep at 10pm not waking until 8am this morning!!

I'm borrowing our friends computer so I cant be on long. I had a chance to read the thread and I will say I am thinking of you all heaps and heaps. I will see if I can borrow the computer again tomorrow and email more.

Take care my lovelies.

JAG XXXX

Oh and I hear my sil reads this in the UK to keep abreast of what is going on so hi Caz. She feels for all of you and goes through your emotions with you. x

[daly]

Kagome - Huge congrats! Could you send an egg or two to Los Angeles? I promise to take could care of them and keep them warm in the California sun Seriously though, I so understand what you said about vagary (is that a word?) Anyway, I can never get enough info. Jut saying things are "OK" is not enough. I want specefics!! That way I can obsess over the little details I'll be sending you warm implantation thoughts for Monday!

Jennie - I hope you're still surviving well. I feel like I'm already on an extended 3 ww. What must life be like without all this waiting? DH is pampering me to pieces, so I shouldn't complain to much. What would we do without them?

Smita - Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. It's amazing what little messages can do to warm the heart. I'm glad to see someone doing so well. I'm sending you're growing little one warmest wishes.

Jen - how are doing? I hope you are living it up this holiday season!

Mollie - I'm so sorry to hear how down you're feeling. I'm up and down from a day to day basis. This is such a draining process. I feel guiltly when I'm feeling sad because I'm afraid it may do harm to the process and then I feel bad for possibily harming an egg or whatever. Good grief. I sincerely hope you get a BFP. I've read so many times that you can get cramping and bleed and still be pregant. I had a friend bleed large clots when her period was due after IVF and she was actually pregnant. Sometimes mult embies implant and losing one can look/feel like AF. Try and keep hopes up until blood test says otherwise.

Naba - Keep working on that chocolate. I'm eating small bites about once a day. I read that small amounts, if it boosts your mood, is better then none and a foul mood. I'll eat my next bite in your honor. Would you mind having a big stiff drink for me? Now if we could just get our eggs to talk to eachother and strategize these ovaries of ours....

Gail - Best of luck with your upcoming testing!!

Jag - Very well done! You must be so happy with such a great follicle count. Get yourself alot of rest.

Rachel - It's so good hearing from a fellow low responder. Are they going to try anything different for your next cycle? I'm already trying to read up on new methods for my next cycle. I haven't even gotten to ET yet! I think I just cope better knowing there is more that can be done if this fails.

As for me. My number is down to 8 follicles now I really hope they keep growing. I'm a habitual miscarrier (yucky term), so I need extra eggs. I've been feeling a bit down about this cycle after I got the poor turnout. Only need one good egg and I need to get more positive. Maybe a good movie tomorrow will help. I can't say enough about how much everone's encouragement means to me. I've got another scan tomorrow. Maybe a couple follicles will sprout up over night to surprise me and my cynical RE!

Big hello to everyone!

[Dizzie]

Hi girls,

Still waiting and boy, is it taking forever. I keep imagining every single step of my embies development. Does everyone do that?

Daly, I was poor responder even though they thought I would over stimulate (that really makes sense I know) but I did get there eventually after they doubled up my drugs. I stimmed for 17 days in total and in the end we got 4 eggs. They had predicted more, but I honestly think something happened at ER. They kept telling me when I went back for ET how hard it had been but I didn't think anything of it really. Bottom line is we are so grateful for the eggs we got. Two are hopefully attaching themselves nicely into my uterus and one is waiting patiently for us to come back for it soon. (That's my soft way of thinking anyway). I'm thinking of you and sending out loving thoughts and lots of egg/embie dust.

Take care.

[rachel1]

hi girls

hope all is well.

AF finally arrived on sunday and i have a scan on wednesday to see if i can start cycling, fingers crossed.

daly, keep up the pma, you're doing good girl. i know you're down about being reduced to 8 follies but i still think that's great. you'd hear me shouting with joy from italy if i managed that amount ! did your scan show any change?
actually i am changing cycle this time round. i'm doing a short/flare cycle which means i don't downreg, just go straight to the hard stuff. hopefully it'll produce better results.

jag, well done on those follies. good luck on wednesday.

jeni, how are you doing?

kagome, hope ET went well.

best of luck to all.

rachel

[daly]

Hello Ladies of December!

Thank you so much for your encouragement Dizzie and Rachel. It's so nice to hear from fellow poor reponders. This site is truly invaluable in this process. I had a scan today that shows 6-7 follicles and will probably have around 4-5 by ER. I really hope they have eggs in them! ER is scheduled for Thur and ET possibly Sunday.

Dizzie - I'm sending enormous clouds of sticky babydust to Scotland. (you may notice extra rain or snow!) I can't imagine what they were going on about during your ER. As you said things turned out well. I'm sure the twins are happily implanted now and the other embie can join the family in a year or so! I hope you're completely spoiled by dh during 2ww. I've already got some movies lined up for the 3 days bed rest.
(imagine the chanpagne is babydust )


Rachel - huge congratulations on AF making her holiday appearance! I also skipped downregging this cycle and went straight to the hard stuff. I'm on the max follistim dose! My RE didn't use Lupron with me (not that I'm a star stimming example, obviously) but he said Lupron can have a more antagonistic effect than my eggs could tolerate and Antagon is easier on a poor responder. I'm not familiar with the short Lupron flair protocol. I really hope you get good news on Wed and have my fingers crossed that your clinic is open for this cycle.