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Nicholas'sMom · Post by **Nicholas'sMom** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 7:30 pm

Hello,

My name is Heather my DH is 30, we did our first IVF cycle in Dec 2004 with a positive result, but on May 15, 2005 our son, Nicholas was born too early at 22 weeks gestation and passed away soon after birth. They think the cause is Incompotent Cervix but not 100% sure. We did our second round of IVF/ICSI but it was negative. We were very surprised it didn't work because it did the first time. We are still grieving over our son, and trying to have another baby, with the holidays coming up, it is Nicholas's first christmas, and our's without him. We are having a hard time. If anyone can give us some advise, that would be great.

DeniseM · Post by **DeniseM** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 7:47 pm

So sorry about the loss of your son. It's my first Christmas too. I have an ornament with my baby's name on it to go on the tree.

I don't think there are any magical fixes - it hurts anyways.

Welcome to the boards - I think you'll find them a great source of support - I know I do.

Nicholas'sMom · Post by **Nicholas'sMom** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 8:49 pm

Thanks Denise

We also have an ornament with his name on it, and we had a family ornament made with the three of us on it. He will always be apart of whatever we do, I guess that is all we can do.

ogr1 · Post by **ogr1** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 11:19 pm

time does help us learn how to cope.

what has helped me is not trying to forget about the loss. i just try and take control of it.
when my children should have been born or when they died or when i got pregnant our first scan date and any other dates that had to do with gettinng pregnant , i set a quite time for me to do my grieving.
it is all so very hard. i light a candle and wonder all the what ifs and why.
for me it is very very important not to get swolled up in the what ifs and the whys.
i to had my mc for the same reason you did.
i am very sorry that you have to go threw this.
my heart goes out to you and dh.
i end my time with thinking of the good things that i was lucky enopugh to have.
like being able to see my children threw the scans feeling them kick and watching our son wave to us. seeing our twins heartbeats.
know that we where lucky enough to get pregnant and knowing one day we will all be together again..

Nicholas'sMom · Post by **Nicholas'sMom** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 1:36 pm

Yes, I'm very glad that we had the time to be with our son, we got to hold him, take pictures, we have his outfit that the wonderful nurse's put him in and we also have his footprints. I try also to stop thinking about the what ifs, but it's hard. We are keeping our fingers crossed, we pray all the time, and when we visit our son's grave, we talk to him to give us strength and hope to go on.

ogr1 · Post by **ogr1** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 5:19 pm

i hope this doesnt sound wrong.
but you sound like a strong women and you are going to get threw this.
i think we are all servivers.soory spelt wrong.

i can now look at my sons grave and have a little smile,

Nicholas'sMom · Post by **Nicholas'sMom** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 3:14 pm

I'm really not that strong, I still cry alot, and I have been alot latley because of the holiday's coming up. I just wish for a family like everyone else does here. It's hard to grieve and try to move on to have another baby.

ogr1 · Post by **ogr1** » Sat Dec 10, 2005 3:25 pm

it is so very hard. i found out that my twins had no heart beat the day before christmas and then on the 26 had the d&c.

22 years ago i mc my son on christmas day.

it does get better.
i try i see what i can be happy for and know that i have no control over anything
but life is short

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