Oct 05 Cycle Buddies

[Jen1d]

Hi girls,
Thanks for your kind words and support, as always.

I feel so sad, empty and unhappy. Everyone keeps telling me "it wasn't meant to be" and "at least you can try again". I know they are being kind but i wanted it to work this time not in the next few attempts. It true what they say that others don't know what we are going through unless they have been there themselves. That is why i am so thankful i can talk to you guys and you all understand.
I am trying to be positive and looking forward to the next cycle but i just feel like crying soooooo much. We will probably have to wait for another 3 months and it seems too far away, i want to start now. Does anyone know if you can try again sooner?
I keep worrying that i will have to do this loads of times and what if it never works, i couldn't bear it. I just feel so unhappy and guilty towards my DH. He never complains and keeps reassuimg me he married me to be with me and not for a baby but i can't help feeling that i am stopping him having what he wants.
I will do the test tomorrow but know the result already . Then i have to call the hospital on Monday with the result so will find out more then about the next cycle. I think it will be worse the next time as we know what is coming and i am concerned i don't get enough eggs. When i had ET i was concerned about this and the embyologist said my medication would be put up as i was on the lowest dose so hopefully i will get more eggs but at this moment its so stressful and a constant worry.

Girls i'm so sorry to be so negative today but i think i need a few days to get back into a more positive frame of mind.

Thanks for thinking of me girls and listening to my worries. A huge hug for all of you

Love Jen x

[camilla]

Dearest Jen

My darling, I'm so sorry that you think it's a negative. I know it just seems so unfair after everything you've been through. I think it's just one day at a time at this stage. Your DH and you have each other and that's really important. We're here to help you through this too of course, as you know. I'm sending you a huge hug and thinking of you.

I'm sorry this is so short but wanted to check in on Jen but it's a busy weekend. Will try to come back tomorrow. But I'm thinking of you all, particularly Jen. I feel so sad.

Lots of love and hugs.

Camilla xxx

[Walshy]

Dear Jen,

I am hoping that your blood test reveals another outcome than you think you already have. I have everything crossed that your dreams come true..Just take one moment at a time.

I can relate to you saying you feel as though you've let down DH but you have done verything you can your body just doesn't want to co-operate.

Remember that we are all here for you if you need to vent or cry or be sad. Also if it happens to be the BFP we wil be here to congratulate you.

A huge hug coming your way and a nice large cup of hot chocolate to make you fell warm on the inside.

Thinking of you at this time, cheers Angela

[leigh]

Morning Girls

Jen - so sorry you are feeling so down and worried, it is only natural and I hope you and DH are ok, can't add any more than girls have already said, just remember we're her when you need us.

Walshy - good luck, is it tomorrow for ET? Will be thinking about you

Lola - love your terminology, we should start a thread just for 'Lola phrases'

Stephanie - Many congrats on scan, I see you've posted on First trimester thread

LittleR - Is the present wrapping complete? I bought most of my presents yesterday, meadowhall was no where near as bad a s I thought.

Camilla - How's it going with you? Tired, sicky, sore boobs, visitiing loo alot??

Steph - How you doing?

I think I will wrap my presents today, put tree up last night so feeling more festive now. Hope sunday brings what we want, especially for you Jen

Take care buddies

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[little R]

Oh Jen....thinking about you so much this morning... wish I could give you a huge hug and share the sunshine here with you.

I can understand what you are going through. There is NOTHING that anyone can say at this point to comfort you or make you feel any better.
Snuggle up to your DH and just be with him....share the pain and disappointment with him.
Use your DH's nice big shoulder to cry on.... let him craddle you....I understand your feelings of guilt, but you must remind yourself that he married YOU because he loves YOU...yes, it's heart-breaking that for the moment you cannot give him the thing that he wants the most.
It's not your fault and, unfortunately, as much as we all try our very best, this is nothing WE/YOU can control.

I promise...your feelings of sadness and emptiness will subside with time...it will get better. The heartache will be less overwhelming and you will feel strong again.

Cry...it doesn't matter if you are not positive now, it's only natural and you are coping as you can....it will come later. We will be here to encourage you and send you heaps of PMA!

I would leave some time before you do the next cycle....you've gone through a lot and your body and your mind need to recuperate.
The doctor said I could begin IVF again after 3 natural cycles.... but I still don't think my body would be ready then.
Over the past 4 years I have done 5 rounds of ovulation induction for IUI treatments which means self-injecting very similar (but less obviously) to what I did for the IVF. The last 2 cycles I did were back to back and believe me my body's response to the drugs was less effective than in the first cycles.
I think my body was getting used to the hormones... I know it may sound crazy... I really believe that the longer you leave it before your next IVF the better your response will be.
After my last IUI, I decided to leave my body to recuperate for a year...additionally I needed emotional rest too. Anyway, I responded very well to the drugs for IVF at the lowest doses...
Basically, I would give yourself some time before cycling again.....for your body, your mind and your emotions!

Enough boring you.....I am thinking about you lots...

Lots of love, hugs and kisses

Little R

[Walshy]

Hi Ladies,
Just a quick update................
The clinic rang today both eggs survived the defrost and are looking good...
The are only 2 cell but hopefully by tomorrow they are either 4 or 6 cell as they callled me in the morning.
As I am on the otherside of the world to all of you the eggs will be coming home when your all asleep so if you dream of little eggs you'll know why.
I am a bit nervous but mostly excited. I think I am more apprehensive that it won't work but I am putting those thoughts out of my head at the moment. I think because we have had the dreaded 2ww 6 times while doing ovulation induction i am coming use to the BFN.
This month has to be a good month for us to start the ball rolling for all you lovely ladies to get your frosties put back in....
Ok will update you tomorrow when they are in.
Cheers, Angela

[Jen1d]

Did hospital test, BFN

So upset and disappointed but will dust myself down and try again.

Thank you all for your support, love and kindness.

Love to you all, your the best.

Love Jen x

[slcannon]

Jen,

I am so sorry to hear your news. Just know that we are all here for to support you. Take some time to grieve your lose with DH and as Little R said it will get better so please be patient.

Big cyber hug to you,
Stephanie

[little R]

Hey Jen dearest..... big hugs to you and your DH.
Plenty of sunshine and smiles being sent your way! We are here for you.

Angela.....hope everything goes smoothly today. You must be so excited. Little frosties are coming home. Happy thoughts to you all

As for my other Octofriends.... will check in later

Love to you all,

Little R

[Walshy]

Hi,
Well the two little eggs are back where they belong and now comes the hard part of waiting. It is good to be waiting this time of year though becuase with the amount of christmas parties etc there is not alot of time to sit around thinking...

Well the 2 eggs went in without any fuss....My DH and I got to see them up on the screen before they were put in. They have started to split and one is 4 and one is 5 which the Dr said it good they are going in the right direction. I thought though they split in even numbers so it's got me baffled.

I'll keep you posted now I only have to try and stop myself from peeing on a stick before the 27th....harder than I first thought....because I am already tempted....

Cheers, Angela

P.S Jen I am sorry that you did not get the results that you were after....please take care of yourself

[camilla]

My dear friends

Having woken up the other night for a pee and not been able to go back to sleep straight away I lay there rehearsing the message I would next type! Don't know if I can remember all my cleverly crafted words though!

Jen - I hate this and I don't know what to say to you. Every day since I had my + I've tried to remember what it was like all those months we were trying unsuccessfully, to remind myself how lucky I am. I understand how you're feeling and I can't stand it that I can't do anything. But if you're going to do another cycle you have to believe it can work. I'm sorry but I can't remember if you've got any frosties. You can also count on us being here.

Lola - I like your shining star. Have the clinic said how long you have to wait until next time? Three months? I know you said you'd start straight away if you could but Little R said if you leave enough time for your body to balance itself you'll cope better with the next one, and she's probably right. If you use that time to do everything possible to be in tip top getting pregnant mode you'll know you've created a fantastic place for your embies to grow, and they'll love you for it. Maybe have some acupuncture?

Little R - You seem to be working through this really well and you sound like you'll know when you want to go again. Have you got the Zita West bible? If not maybe we could get you a copy. Also have you tried acupuncture?

Steph - Have you heard of Zita West? She's what fertility is to us as you are to yoga. Plenty of helpful pre-pregnancy advice. Do you want a copy? Listen when you're ready your frosties are ready and I know you can make them a comfy home. Please be positive about FET. You can do it.

Stephanie and Leigh - We can't complain about any of our preg symptoms. I hope you're enjoying yours!

Angela - Well done. Now take it easy, especially for the first few days. I think you said you were going back work soon? Well plenty of early nights for you. I know it's nearly Christmas but if you don't want to go out or stay out late, then don't. Your DH will understand. I was really tired during the first week and made sure I lay down if I felt the need. If you need to take a sicky from work do! And remember no HPTs!

Well I hope that wasn't too much of a sermon!

We went to friends for lunch yesterday and it was a lovely treat not to have to do the entertaining. This evening we're going to one of DH's Christmas dos - an ABBA tribute evening (no I'm not dressing up!). My DH has already had one Christmas party and has another later in the week! This is the only one where partners are invited. But that's OK coz I'm usually in bed early these days. Luckily the one tonight is only ten minutes down the road and kicks off early, how sad do I sound!

Although we live all over the globe you seem such close friends to me and I love you all.

Love and hugs.

Camilla xxx

[lolajones]

Hola Chicas

How are my favourite ladies today?
Jen, how're you doing? "it wasn't meant to be" really p*sses me off. I feel like you, want to try again right away. I don't think its the right thing to do though. We should get fit again, healthy Zita food and give our hormones and emotions a bit of time to settle. Follow Little R and Mad Steph's "Way of the Womb" slowly slowly catchy monkey approach. I know what you mean about worrying about how many times you'll have to try to make this work. Its like looking into a void. There is no point in going down that thought avenue though, turn right at the traffic lights and stroll down Positivity Gardens
Camilla you're right. But. I am a bit nobbed off about having to wait even longer though due to the ectopic. Am also a bit cheesed because I'm not recovering as fast as I thought I would. After my tubal surgery in May I was spry and perky after a week, this is dragging, I'm still in pain and bleeding. Mind you, at least this means I don't feel guilty about not being back at work glad that everything is going well for you though have to admit I do feel a bit jealous.... sorry.
Steph? Heellllooooo??? Donde estas amiga?
Stephanie? You are from New Jersey, right?? Is your surname Plum?? Are you a bounty hunter??????
Little R when're you off to Switzerland? When do you think you'll cycle again? have i asked you that already?? You've also finished the christmas shopping challenge then? Gawd, I have not done a single thing - think I have been given special dispensation by friends and family to forego Xmas this year, woo hoo!
La Walsh feet up!!! Take it very easy my friend. So where do you live in Sydney? I, like pretty much 80% of all uk 30 somethings, spent a year living in Sydney, in Newtown. I loved it! can't remember why we came back to be honest, something about family I guess, yadda yadda yadda. It must be soooo sunny over there now, you lucky lady.
Leigh, are you ready for Christmas? Are you still voting for Journey South??? I cant believe Brenda is out!!! Take care.

Well. I have an appointment with my consultant tomorrow to discuss The Outcome and The Way Forward. Am expecting woeful tales that will include the phrases "more investigations" "a good few months" and the ultimate in bad news "exploratory procedure". If he says all three I will shout "TING TING TING! You have won Lolas special buzz word prize!!!" then I'll fling off my clothes to reveal a skimpy besequinned swimsuit n heels combo and present him with a cheque for £100 and a used syringe. I will keep you updated....

OK my darling girls, I'm off to watch yet more Buffy repeats (series 2 this time - Angel is good then angel is bad then he is good then he is dead, in a nutshell)

Mucho amor!!!

Lola
xxxx

[Jen1d]

Hi girls,
Well my DH and i have been feeling very sorry for ourselves over the last few days but we have decided to try again.
I called the hospital with the result today as planned and they have informed me we will get an appointment sent out for us to see the Doctor, keep taking the folic acid and have a nice christmas. I wanted to smash her head in, and i'm not a violent person------honest.
I feel quite upset that we can not see a Doctor for about a month to discuss what we have just been through or what we plan to do from here. We are going to self-fund again as we are only 6 months into a 2 year waiting list so have no option really given our age.
Looks like we might be able to do the next cycle in Feb or beginning of March. Anyone else aroung this time too? It seems so long away but have taken on the advice of my lovely buddies and will try to get back to being healthy and active again. I want to lose about a stone before the next cycle---well if i do, sorry WHEN i do get pregnant i don't want to be a big, fat bloater do i?

All i can say is roll on new year and bring on the Emla cream. I'm sure they will give me shares in the company this time.

A huge hug to you all and thanks for your support. Will try and get my smilie face back on track in the next few days.

Camilla - What is the title of Zita West's book. What is the best one to buy?

Love Jen x

[AMck]

Hi October ladies, hope you don't mind me popping back in. I joined the Novembies from the Octobies a few weeks back but have been reading all your news.

Lola, you never cease to make me smile! Good luck with your appointment.

Angela, 2ww PMA to you

Jen, my thoughts are with you. Hope you are feeling better soon. I am meeting my consultant tomorrow to decide the best way forward so if you fancy a bit of company as you cycle next year I'm here!

Baby dust and a happy xmas to all
Bye for now
Anna x

[Jen1d]

Hi Anna,
Welcome back

Would love to have you join us for the next cycle. It's great to have all the support we can get.

I should be doing my next cycle in Feb/March, but it feels like a lifetime away.

What is your history, have you been ttc for long?

Love Jen x