Its over - DEVASTATED

[luby]

Hi everyone

I went for a scan this morning, 8 weeks 3days. I knew something was wrong straight away because the ladie doing the ultra sound didn't say anything for what felt like forever. She then said she had some bad news, she couldn't see the heartbeat, I couldn't believe it becuase only the week before the heartbeat looked realy strong.

We were sent to a quiet room where DP and I cried lots. I really can't believe this is happening to us, I didn't think life would be so cruel, I could understand it doing this to me once but to put us through this again is just so cruel..

I went for another scan in the afternoon today just for a second opinion, I thought maybe they had got it wrong, but it was confirmed by another clinic that there was no heartbeat.

I have been offered a D&C for tomorrow but I just can't bear to go and have that done, I keep thinking to myself, just what if maybe they have both got it wrong, if its going to happen then let nature take it's course, but then again I know it will be cruel to me to have to miscarry again, I didn't handle it very well last time, I don't think I could go through that again. This is a very hard decision to make.!

DP and I were so excited, I really wasn't prepared for that news this morning.

I asked the clinic if it was 100% over, she couldn't give me a deffinate answer she just said, she didn't think things would be much different if I went for scan next week.

I'm not sure what else to say as I feel so numb and empty, I have cried lots and lots today, but I am still praying for a miracle, I know they can't be one now though, I know deep down the heartbeat can't just start beating again, but stranger things have happened! Oh I'm so sorry I just can't believe this is happening.

I'll come back soon.

Lucy

[LittleP]

Lucy

My heart goes out to you - I do understand what you are going through, but take some time for yourself and DP. As you said life is so cruel!

Big hugs and many wishes to you both.

Little P

[ogr1]

i a my heart goes out to you and dh.
it is all so very hard and i cant understand why this happens.
we had the same thing with our twins.
first at 8 wks dec 18 2002 that one of our twins didnt have a heart beat but our other one was strong. went back on the 24 of december for what
i thought was going to be are last visit with our ivf doctor and get switched back to my gp doc but instead our little one didnt have a heart beat eather..
we talked with our doc and we all cried and he said that we could go home and mc or he could do a d&c and send our babies off to see if there was a reason why. and he said that a d&c would be better to do if we wanted to try and get pregnant again after i had a period.

so we had a d&c dec 26.. it was very hard knowing that both my children where inside me wernt breathing anymore.
felt very betrayed by God and my body.
i think the best desision was to get a d&c. but i we couldnt get our twins back to barry them.. i have hard time with that. ..

if you go backand look at the loved and lost forum and look up woppa you would see that she had alot of mc and she know holds her daughter.


dreams can and do come true...

[rachel1]

oh lucy

i'm so, so, sorry. life most definitely is cruel and sometimes there doesn't seem to be an end to it.

take care of yourself and DP. you have each other to get through this and we're also here for you.

i wish there was something i could say but it all seems so trite. i'm gutted for you.

thinking of you.
rachel

[lara]

I had the same damn thing happen to me, twice. Great heartbeat, then dead next scan. Had a D&C. Sat on the sofa for 2 weeks and wept my heart out. Could feel my heart cracking inside me.

A D&C can help clean out the old stuff in there and set things up better for next time. It's also a little safer.

Sending you lots of hugs,

Lara

[eskavon]

Lucy
I'm so sad to see your note - I can't imagine the heartbreak you must be going through.
I hope you and DH takes lots of care of each other over the next few days, weeks, months
My thoughts are with you both xx

[princess]

Oh sweetie,
I am so sorry for your loss.
I know this is very hard for you. Lean on your DP and treat yourself good.
Love
Joy

[lolajones]

Lucy I'm so so sorry to hear your news.
I understand just how cruel and unfair and painful this is.
I just want to send you all my love and hugs.
Please take care of yourself

Love, Lola
xx

[susanp]

Dear Lucy,
I am so very sorry!
Please take care of yourself.

-Susan

[tonyacheek24]

I'm so sorry to hear your news. I know it seems really ruff right now and we don't always understand why things happen. It's ok to be hurt and angry. When I got my BFN I cried and I was almost angry and hurt with God, but I prayed for peace and he gave me the strength to keep praying and try again. I'm sure you'll need to take some time for you and your hubby but never give up on your dreams. Keep praying, and believing.

[Terri2]

I'm so sorry Lucy, I could have cried when I read your message. I don't know why these things happen. Life can be so hard sometimes.
we are all here for you.
love Terri

[souris]

oh, i am so sorry, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

lots of love
souris
xxx

[DeniseM]

Sweetie, I'm so sorry. I've been there too.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs.

[sophie]

Lucy,

I am so sorry to hear the devastating news about the loss of your dear, much-wanted and much-loved baby.

My thoughts are with you at this dreadful time.

Sophie xxx

[luby]

Hi everyone

Thank you for you kind words. I don't really feel anything, just empty. I still don't think I have accepted it, yes I am devastated and have cried buckets but I still can't accept its over.

I know I have to stay strong as I know I have to carry on down the IVF road, I can't give up. I know its not the best time to be thinking about this but I can't help it.

Maybe I have contradicted myself by saing I haven't accepted it but then in the next breath I'm talking about when my next cycle will be. Maybe its that I just don't want to accept it's all over..

I don't think I'm making any sense, my mind just feels fuzzy. I think I'll go and come back when I feel a bit more human, hope thats soon, I feel very strange at the moment, I feel kind of lonely too, I feel like a big part of me has gone, my DP has been brilliant, he is hurting so much too, he has been very ill this year and this was the one thing that made him very happy and to look forward to, now its just been ripped from us.

Once again thank you so much for your support and kind words, I know some of you have gone through this and are now strong enough to support people like me, I hope I can do that too.

Lucy