how do you cope with a negative?
how do you cope with a negative?
im 22 my partner is 26 we have just done our first cycle of ivf and got a negative im absoulutly gutted my heart is breaking and there is not a damn thing i can do about it the thought of never having children is crippling me were doing fet in january but if it doesent work thats it for us im dreading going through 2 weeks wait all over again right now i carnt stop crying i carnt sleep i feel like a failure i carnt beleive i got a negative i should be pregnant now what have i done to deserve this
hello
I know its awful and i know you feel terrible now but this pain will get easier and you will probably start to feel positive again in the next week.
I think all of us here totally understand those feelings you describe, feeling crippled by the thought of not having children (I feel that on and off constantly), heart breaking, feeling like a failure etc. But when we talk to each other and get to know each other we know that we are not failures. We are far from it. Many people will never know about the strength we have to have to go through this and don't even realise how hard it is. We are strong women coping with nature (even if it is very cruel at times). We didn't do anything to deserve it but I admit I have asked myself that question in the past. My husband tells me off when I do! Then I look at my lovely DH and think well i know he didnt' do anything to deserve it so it must just be life.
I haven't got to IVF, that may be next year but I feel the pain every month. I just have to believe this will work one day. Don't think that its all over, theres every chance it will work next time.
And stick around here as you will find people are such a support.
Love Terri
I know its awful and i know you feel terrible now but this pain will get easier and you will probably start to feel positive again in the next week.
I think all of us here totally understand those feelings you describe, feeling crippled by the thought of not having children (I feel that on and off constantly), heart breaking, feeling like a failure etc. But when we talk to each other and get to know each other we know that we are not failures. We are far from it. Many people will never know about the strength we have to have to go through this and don't even realise how hard it is. We are strong women coping with nature (even if it is very cruel at times). We didn't do anything to deserve it but I admit I have asked myself that question in the past. My husband tells me off when I do! Then I look at my lovely DH and think well i know he didnt' do anything to deserve it so it must just be life.
I haven't got to IVF, that may be next year but I feel the pain every month. I just have to believe this will work one day. Don't think that its all over, theres every chance it will work next time.
And stick around here as you will find people are such a support.
Love Terri
TTC 2 years
Me 33 DH 44
Clomid 6 months - no success
HyCoSy in October - diagnosed PCOS
April 2006 Menopur - worked 3rd month with acupuncture
Me 33 DH 44
Clomid 6 months - no success
HyCoSy in October - diagnosed PCOS
April 2006 Menopur - worked 3rd month with acupuncture
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divinagracia
- Member
- Posts: 86
- Joined: Mon May 09, 2005 8:09 pm
- Location: United Kingdom
Dont Worry
Firstly I would like to say, IM SORRY. I had 5 cycles non stop desperately having baby. I know how does it feels to get negative coz I got that 4 times. I get so depressed that sumtimes I just wana leave my DH coz seems I cant even provide him a child. But DH is always there for you.He married you for who u are. Girl, dun worry bout it. In every failure, there's always a reason. God always give u a gift with surprise. Dont lose hope. Always think positive and there's always tomorrow. Some people went 0n 10 attempts. Oh girl, I can really feel what ur on through right now. Dont worry OK. It will happend. And also its xmas, Next week u'll be fine.Trust me! HAVE A LOVELY XMAS WITH DH!
6th attempt (IVF/BT)-11.05 +
Aleisha and Makayla arrived 8/8/06
Aleisha and Makayla arrived 8/8/06
IVF21,
I feel your pain and I know how much you're hurting right now. Nothing we can say can change that, but you're not alone. Just about all us girls have lost babies at some point and you do learn to cope and move on. I am nearing the end of 2ww and I honestly don't know what to expect. You and DH are so young. You have loads of time to come to terms with this and move on when you're ready.
At least next time you'll be better prepared and maybe your clinic has learned something about you that might help next time too.
Take care and make sure you get loads of cuddles. Don't forget, DH will be hurting too.
I feel your pain and I know how much you're hurting right now. Nothing we can say can change that, but you're not alone. Just about all us girls have lost babies at some point and you do learn to cope and move on. I am nearing the end of 2ww and I honestly don't know what to expect. You and DH are so young. You have loads of time to come to terms with this and move on when you're ready.
At least next time you'll be better prepared and maybe your clinic has learned something about you that might help next time too.
Take care and make sure you get loads of cuddles. Don't forget, DH will be hurting too.
Dizzie x
ME 35, DP 30
1ST FRESH IVF NOV/DEC 05 +ive
(m/c at 9 weeks)
FET JUL 06 -ive
2ND FRESH IVF SEP 06 +ive
ME 35, DP 30
1ST FRESH IVF NOV/DEC 05 +ive
(m/c at 9 weeks)
FET JUL 06 -ive
2ND FRESH IVF SEP 06 +ive
Sorry about your negative. I completely understand what you're going through, just got my second negative myself, I'm 28 and really thought my first cycle was going to be a positive for sure but i guess i was wrong. I think thats what really hard, thinking (knowing) it's was going to work on first try and then it didnt. but the truth is you're young and have years to keep trying. I understand that you might be thinking it'll never happen for you. and why God choose to bring you down this harsh path of life. but He only choose the strongest to test. and that's you. so keep your faith in Him and I'm sure He will deliver your baby soon.
i talk to my doctor and she said it takes an average of 3-4 times before positive, some people are lucky and get it on their first try. so try not to panic until after 5th or so try. Even then, i'm sure if you keep trying you'll get a positive soon. Be bless. i will keep you in my prayers.
i talk to my doctor and she said it takes an average of 3-4 times before positive, some people are lucky and get it on their first try. so try not to panic until after 5th or so try. Even then, i'm sure if you keep trying you'll get a positive soon. Be bless. i will keep you in my prayers.
thanx ladies youve giving me hope when i desperatly needed it
i have appointment on the 30th dec so i will be planning fet hopefully late january or febuary
im feeling alot better now my partner has been briliant and very supportive i tell u what the past 2 years has realy put us to the test and were as strong as ever and in the mean time weve got our dogs and luckily my mam is helping out with cost of treatment this time
thankyou for all your support
i have appointment on the 30th dec so i will be planning fet hopefully late january or febuary
im feeling alot better now my partner has been briliant and very supportive i tell u what the past 2 years has realy put us to the test and were as strong as ever and in the mean time weve got our dogs and luckily my mam is helping out with cost of treatment this time
thankyou for all your support
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Nicholas'sMom
- Member
- Posts: 38
- Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2005 7:25 pm
- Location: New Jersey
Sorry about your result. I know it's really hard. I did my first IVF in Dec 2004, I had my ET on Christmas Eve and it was positive, but I delivered my son at 22 Weeks Gestation on May 15, 2005 and he passed away an hour later, he was only 1lb 3oz, he was a beautiful perfect baby boy.
I just did my 2nd IVF/ICSI and got a negative result on Nov 29th, so I have been having a real hard time with all of it myself, so I know what you are going through. Be thankfull you have a great husband, like I do and they are there for us while we go through this tough time. I'm still very sad over losing my son, and trying to have another baby and hoping it will work out this time, it all makes my mind go crazy all the time. Try to relax during the holidays and then look forward to the future of trying again and hoping for the best. Good Luck !!
I just did my 2nd IVF/ICSI and got a negative result on Nov 29th, so I have been having a real hard time with all of it myself, so I know what you are going through. Be thankfull you have a great husband, like I do and they are there for us while we go through this tough time. I'm still very sad over losing my son, and trying to have another baby and hoping it will work out this time, it all makes my mind go crazy all the time. Try to relax during the holidays and then look forward to the future of trying again and hoping for the best. Good Luck !!
Heather
1st-IVF-Dec 2004 +ve, Nicholas Born and became an Angel on May 15, 2005 at 22 Weeks Gestation.
2nd-IVF/ICSI-Nov 2005 -ve
3rd-IVF/ICSI-March 2006/ Canceled, low quality embroys.
Lap-April 26, 2006-Endo Stage 2
4th-IVF/ICSI-June or July 2006
1st-IVF-Dec 2004 +ve, Nicholas Born and became an Angel on May 15, 2005 at 22 Weeks Gestation.
2nd-IVF/ICSI-Nov 2005 -ve
3rd-IVF/ICSI-March 2006/ Canceled, low quality embroys.
Lap-April 26, 2006-Endo Stage 2
4th-IVF/ICSI-June or July 2006
Really sorry about your result. I am new to the board . I have just had my 3rd negative test for ivf and am devastated. Words cannot describe the pain, hurt of going through it all.
I have come to realise that he only people who know what it is like are the couples having treatment.
I did everything I coulod this time. I prepared months in advance. I eat mostly organic food, had accupuncture, read Zita West book and followed her advice. Really believed it would work- thought this was our time. Feel numb and cant stop crying. Wondering whether it is all worth it... cant bear to keep on going through this pain, but what choice is there, if we want a baby ?
Boxer x
Me 32, DH 34
3 X IUI March, June, Setember 04 - negative
ivf December 04 -negative
ivf March 05 - negative
ivf December 05 - negative
I have come to realise that he only people who know what it is like are the couples having treatment.
I did everything I coulod this time. I prepared months in advance. I eat mostly organic food, had accupuncture, read Zita West book and followed her advice. Really believed it would work- thought this was our time. Feel numb and cant stop crying. Wondering whether it is all worth it... cant bear to keep on going through this pain, but what choice is there, if we want a baby ?
Boxer x
Me 32, DH 34
3 X IUI March, June, Setember 04 - negative
ivf December 04 -negative
ivf March 05 - negative
ivf December 05 - negative
hi ladies hope evryone had good xmas
ive cancelld my appointment to arrange fet and decided im giving up for now the last 2 years have all been about infertility ,operations and ivf
and i have had enough some were among those 2 years i feel ive lost my self and dont no who i am any more and with all the dissapointment weve both been through i want some happy days were going to take at least a year out maybe more i hope 2006 is a better year for us
any ways good luck to all of you evry single one of you deserves+++++++++++
ive cancelld my appointment to arrange fet and decided im giving up for now the last 2 years have all been about infertility ,operations and ivf
and i have had enough some were among those 2 years i feel ive lost my self and dont no who i am any more and with all the dissapointment weve both been through i want some happy days were going to take at least a year out maybe more i hope 2006 is a better year for us
any ways good luck to all of you evry single one of you deserves+++++++++++
how do you cope with a negative
Dear ivf 21,
I have just read your posting and it really struck me how brave you are. I think most girls would agree that deciding when enough is enough must be one of the hardest things to do. You obviously love your dh very much because your relationship and your quality of life are more important.
I hope you have a wonderful time away from all of this and find yourself again. It does change people. I also, dont know who I am anymore. I seem to have distanced myself from all my friends who have children or who are pregnant. I know I have become a very bitter person and am jealous of anyone who is pregnant or who has children. Life is very hard.
Take care
Boxer x
I have just read your posting and it really struck me how brave you are. I think most girls would agree that deciding when enough is enough must be one of the hardest things to do. You obviously love your dh very much because your relationship and your quality of life are more important.
I hope you have a wonderful time away from all of this and find yourself again. It does change people. I also, dont know who I am anymore. I seem to have distanced myself from all my friends who have children or who are pregnant. I know I have become a very bitter person and am jealous of anyone who is pregnant or who has children. Life is very hard.
Take care
Boxer x