" NOT FOR US THIS TIME"

beejay1 · Post by **beejay1** » Sun Jun 29, 2003 9:08 pm

HI ALL, AF ARRIVED LAST NIGHT, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO OR SAY, ITS BROKEN MY HEART, DH AND I HAVE FALLEN OUT BECAUSE IM SO EMOTIONAL, HOW DO YOU ALL KEEP GOING AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN, I HAVE ONE FROZEN EMBRYO WHICH I WOULD HAVE PUT IN THIS CYCLE IF THEY ALLOW IT BUT I DONT FEEL I CAN GO THROUGH IVF AGAIN I WAS A STRANGER TO MYSELF WHILST ON THOSE DRUGS.. WELL ANYWAY GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL HAVING YOUR 2WW IN THE NEAR FUTURE HOPE YOU ALL GET BFP.. HOPE ALL GOES WELL FOR YOU.. TAKE CARE BEL X

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Sun Jun 29, 2003 9:45 pm

Dear Bel and DH. I am truly sorry for your terrible news. It IS heart breaking for you both. You must give yourself the chance to mourn, you will feel better, more calm and indeed more positive in time - especially once the terrible effects of those hormones wear off. It is so easy to say but try not to lash out at one another - after all - only you two really know how this has affected you and your lives. What is it about us girls who get cross with our loved ones right at the exact moment when all we really want is a cuddle! As for trying again - it is too early to consider - you must first deal with this terrible dissapointment before you can begin to explore what this cycle has taught you and your Doctors and how best you can procede. As for being a stranger to yourself during the IVF - that must be so common...... I honestly believed I had gone insane during my first cycle I behaved so totally out of character. I, and sadly many girls on this board, know the pain you feel, I have been in a terrible state after my IVF attempts failed but somehow the desire to try again for that much longed for baby creeps back in and begins to take over any other feelings. You don't forget that disappointment - indeed you carry it with you and maybe you are more fearful next time........but still you want to try. Try not to worry about all that for now instead spend time together looking after one another, and give yourselves time to overcome this sadness. Take care - I will be thinking of you Lots of Love from Lorraine xxxx

Traci · Post by **Traci** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 7:11 am

Im so sorry for your news , I have to say that Lorraine has said it all for me , I will be thinking of you , Try and stay atrong But Grieveing is very important LET IT ALL OUT ! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Tracex

caz · Post by **caz** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 9:59 am

Bel - so so sorry. I am on first time so not an expert - but can try to imagine how you must be feeling - especially after you have put yourself thru so much. Alot of the girls who have been trhu this before seem to say that things do get better and clearer. But I guess in the near term you cant fight it - just try to relax, treat yourself and stay a littel bit positive about what WILL BE in the future. It WILL happen to you! Cazx

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 10:09 am

Hi Bel, I've been where you are now and its horrible but remember - you always hurt the one you love so give your DH a big cuddle and admit that this is very difficult and stressful for BOTH of you. When you first stop taking the drugs the comedown is awful. Cyclogest can make you feel happier than you really are and then the combination of the IVF failure and no cyclogest really hits you hard. The day after our first failure I just felt sad to my very core and didnt see how I was ever going to feel any different - had some scary thoughts I can tell you - frightened myself cos usually I'm so cheerful its annoying!!! So, come on, don't be so hard on yourselves. it IS horrible but you'll get through it. Lots of Love - Jo. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Michelle · Post by **Michelle** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 7:24 pm

Dear Bel I am so, so sorry for your negative. I know only to well how you are feeling. I tested negative last Friday and though I was half expecting it as I had already started spotting it hit me really hard. As I'm still rather raw right now all I can say is that we have to keep believing that our day will come and never give up. The tears have only just stopped for me, so I'm slowly trying to move on and start planning the next attempt....please, you must do the same. I've also had my moments with DH, I guess it is to be expected....but give him a huge hug and kiss and tell him how sorry you are, I'm sure he'll know that anyway...and we mustn't forget that it is a terrible blow to them as well. Sending you loads of love. Michelle xxx