No Go

Michelle · Post by **Michelle** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 7:13 am

Did my hpt this morning and as I suspected it was negative. I really thought it would be bad news as I have been spotting since Tuesday on and off. I am so so disappointed - I had such a good PMA this time that I really started to dream that this would be our go. DH is incredibly upset - even when I kept telling him I am spotting and it probably hadn't worked he still didn't really believe me. I have spent the last 2 days crying and being a complete emotional mess - I just want to feel happy and positive again....I guess it will take a little while till I bounce back. I also feel sad my our families - this would have been their first longed for grandchild and they also have to face the questions 'well are you grandparents yet' - isn't it amazing that it isn't only us who are asked regularly 'when are you having a baby'? Fortunately we've got a busy w/e. If the weather hold we're having a bbq for my brother-in-law tomorrow night with 12 friends - that should keep me occupied. Girls, thank you so much for your support - you really are a lovely bunch and we've got to keep believing that we'll one day be mummies. Loads of love. Michelle x

Traci · Post by **Traci** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 7:25 am

Gutted for you , I only know too well how you are feeling , I find that you can keep yourself busy but you still feel sad inside , I usually go Knumb on the first day of bad news and then 2-3 days later BLACK DAY ARRIVES and know one can help me but after that day I pick myself up dust myself off and Plan the next go!,would you be going again? if so try and focus on another date and whilst you are waiting for that to come really enjoy DH and have lots of fun cause you need to be strong for one another. I hope you have a nice weekend and drink loads and let your hair down!!! Perhaps you could be my buddy next time Thats if I am allowd!!! Trace x

Natalie100 · Post by **Natalie100** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 7:57 am

Michelle I havent spoken to you before but I just wanted to say how sad I was to read your news...Its the worst feeling I have ever been through when I got a -hpt. Im sure you will feel happy and positive again, after the inital sadness. I want to wish you all the luck for your next attempt. Natx

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 8:48 am

Michelle know pretty much how you are feeling as where there so often myself. So sorry - it will subside and you will pick yourself and actually in a peverse way look forward to it all again!. As for the parents bit and grandparents - know that one too. DH has two young children of nearly 9 and 5 so that always reminded me and thought too that his parents would not understand so well as they already had them! AS for mine well my brother has them and he is younger than me and people always asking about me. In the end we decided not to tell them when we were having tmt after the 2nd and just suprise them which we managed to do! Take care and enjoy the weekend together Love Tracey xxx

Anonymous · Post by **Anonymous** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 8:53 am

Dear Michelle.... I am so so sorry.. I also know too well how you are feeling..the first 2/3 days are bad and it's ok to feel sad and cry I don't believe it's right to bottle things up inside..... You will be positive again I promise you!!.. the only thing that keeps me going is that I know that I will try again..... it will happen one day.. and if it takes a little while, well I'll wait...I already waited 13 years what is another year or so.... PMA all the way. If I allow myself to think any other way I become a total mess.. so my motto is "PMA all the way"... I know how you feel about your parents.. I am an only child and my mother has been on about a grandchild for years...DH's parents have grandchildren - all boys - so now not only do they want another one but also want a girl!!! as if we have not got enough on our plate already!!! I felt very close to you since I knew that we were cycling together.. before I discovered this site I thought I was the only one going through it(how silly of me). I am sending you all my love and best wishes to you and your DH.... if and when you decide to try again let me know.. I possibly will be starting again in September... maybe we could be cycling buddies again.. I would love that!!!! Thinking of you Ursula xxxx

beejay1 · Post by **beejay1** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 9:08 am

SORRY MICHELLE TO HEAR OF YOUR BAD NEWS.. TRY TO STAY POSITIVE EASIER SAID THAN DONE I KNOW... CAN AND ARE YOU GOING TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS AGAIN... THINKING OF YOU AT THIS SAD TIME TAKE CARE BEL X

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 6:39 pm

Dear Michelle, I am so very sorry to hear your news. It is such a kick in the teeth.....no matter how much you tell yourself you don't think it's worked....when you do that test....you realise just how much you have been kidding yourself....and just how very much you were holding out for good news.......so when you know for sure it takes your breath away. I am truly sorry for you, your DH, and ALL of your family. The desire for a child is not just ours - it belongs to all those we love - and sadly so does the pain when it doesn't work. Give yourself time, let the tears flow and soon the desire and the PMA will return - but for now you need distraction and rest in equal measures and time to heal. You are in my thoughts. With love from Lorraine xxxxx

Tina · Post by **Tina** » Sat Jun 28, 2003 7:19 am

Hi Michelle I thought I would drop you a line, to say how sorry I am for you. The same thing happened to me, I know hoe you feel. I know we had our miscarriages at the same time, and when I started again in May, I really thought it would work for us this time again. But it didn't. I got a negative a day before my 33rd birthday, and it was dreadful. But I have bounced back and DH and I have made a pact that no matter how tempting, we will not try again until January, giving us the chance to spend some time together and go ski-ing and stuff. We are going to try the ARGC, as this will definitely be our last attempt. After that we are considering doner insemination, but I have a whole load of fears about that (after all, I want a baby with my DH, not anyone's baby!). Anyway I really hope you feel better soon, and that you are positive enough to get back on the cycle. Take much care of yourself Tina

Alison · Post by **Alison** » Sat Jun 28, 2003 8:42 am

Hi Michelle, I'm so sorry to read your news. I know that you weren't feeling optimistic, but had really been hoping that your gut instincts were wrong. It is such a hard time, and must be even more so having had a m/c before. Try not to expect too much of yourselves - you've been through a really terrible few months, and in the circumstances its not surprising you feel an emotional wreck! You're a strong woman and you'll be able to gradually come to terms with the disappointment, and be able to adjust your dates and dreams (my dream of a Christmas baby has become the dream of being heavily pregnant at Christmas!), but it does take time. Thinking of you and wishing you all the very best. Love Alison x

fiona_lk · Post by **fiona_lk** » Sat Jun 28, 2003 8:59 pm

Hi Michelle, I'm so sorry to read your news, and apologise that I'm a little late - I've not been on here for ages. We never did get that chat, but I hope when you feel strong enough again we can. Like Alison says - don't expect too much of yourself - just take the time out for yourselves - you will get there eventually, I know you will. Lots of love Fiona xxxx

caz · Post by **caz** » Sun Jun 29, 2003 6:37 am

HI Michelle - you dont know me really - but read your msg and just wanted to say how sorry I am. Cant offer any advice as on first tmt. But its weird knowing that I'm either facing the best news of my life or the worst. How do you prepare for that? It is A REAL Rollercoster. Take care of yourselves - try not o worry about yr family, they are grown ups. YOu and dh just look after yourselves. Once you feel better - and it sounds like from the other msgs that after a littel while you will - then your family will feel better too. Tina - just wanted to say - we are going to have to consider DI if this tmt doesnt work - I too have a load of issues with it as well. Would love to chat anytime. Cazxx

Dawn Blake · Post by **Dawn Blake** » Sun Jun 29, 2003 6:57 am

Michelle Really really sorry to hear your news, after an agonising 2ww, IVF really is an evil thing. Good luck in everything you and DH decide to do for the future, once you have come to terms with one only the two of you will know if and when you are ready to go through it all again and if you do and go to the ARGC my fingers and toes will be permanently crossed for you and everyone else unfortunate enought to have to be on this site in the first place. Your family will, I am sure, only be interested on your happiness, and hate to see you sad, it is you who wants to give them the gift of a Grandchild, and you will, but until then you are their pride and joy! Take care and much love to you both, Dawn x

GB · Post by GB » Sun Jun 29, 2003 10:49 am

Dear Michelle Just wanted to say hi and how gutted I am for you on your negative result. I got a negative result last week aswell after my 3rd attempt, so I really know how you are feeling. You can read my thread if you wish. Anyway, I hope that you are slowly feeling better and picking yourself up from the blues.... I know that it's a long and hard process, but hopefully we'll all get there in the end. Take your time to recover as you need time to heal...I've stopped the crying bit (almost a week later!) but am still very sore, raw and sensative inside.... Hope that the BBQ was a success and that it takes your mind off things for a while. Lots of love and luck and take good care of yourself! Thinking of you and wishing you only the best for future endeavours! Take care. Love Gila x-x-x

Michelle · Post by **Michelle** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 7:15 pm

Thank you so much to all you lovely girls who have written me such kind replies - you are the only ones who really understand the heartache and disappointment. I had a really, really lousy w/e....reality sank in and I couldn't stop crying....but although I still feel sad inside, I think the tears have stopped. I'm so luck that DH has been completely marvellous and he is still really positive that it will happen for us. We've got an appointment with the hospital on the 22nd July and we'll discuss next steps then...but we are definitely going to give it another go, we'll do whatever it takes to get there. A question....in the booklet I've got from the hospital is says that you need to wait 2 months after a negative to recover mentally and physically before going again...I also read somewhere else that you need to have 2 afs. Do you know whether the bleed after the failed IVF (I'm still bleeding now) is actually counted as a period - I hope so as I want to get going asap. Ursula, it would be brilliant if we could cycle together next time - I also felt really close with you! Fiona, I hope that your stabbing is going well - when is e/c? Sending all of you all my love and thanks. Michelle xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Anonymous · Post by **Anonymous** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 9:46 am

Hello Michelle.. it's good to know that although the situation is so terribly sad, somehow one gets the strength to say.. I will have another go.. I will get there.. no matter what.. I feel the same way. After the -ve result, the hospital said that I should wait for 2afs.. not counting the one I just have straight after IVF.. so that would be July and August.. ready to start in September...at the beginning I thought it sounded like an awful long time but after this AF which was very heavy and painful, my body really felt horrible.... I think is my body getting rid of the drugs.. so now really I don't mind waiting until September, will give me the chance to get healthier. There is a thread on the other side "pregnant after treatment" that Caz started called "question for you successful girls" which I found very useful.. giving tips for the 2ww... have a look.. you might find it useful too. PMA all the way. Love Ursula xx

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