The Over 40 Crowd

[teachertam]

Hello to the 40+ crowd.

I am new to the site. I am 41.5 and we just got the news on 12/30 that our first IVF was -ve. We are very sad. We retrieved 3 eggs, from 6 mature follicles (3 follicles were empty). All 3 fertilized, we transferred 2 - 5 day blastocysts, but no luck. We don't know whether to try 1 more time with our own eggs, or maybe look into egg donation. Any words of encouragement/advice would be appreciated.

Tammy

[Kat]

Hi all, & welcome to Tammy, glad you found us. Sorry to hear you got a negative. Rest assured we all understand...and it does get easier to deal with and there are some positive stories - Caroline from this site had her daughter a few weeks ago at 44 with her own eggs so it does happen.

The donor egg question is a difficult one and took me a lot of thought to get my head round it - I have found myself going down that road because I had 6 previous tmts with my own eggs that never got very far so the next logical step was donor eggs. I was lucky enough to fall pg with one baby on our first donor egg cycle but sadly there was no heartbeat at 6 weeks. They think it might be a genetic problem with sperm as well so will be testing for that if we try again. Are you in UK or US? Not sure of costs in the US for donor cycle but in the UK it's more expensive and waiting lists are soooo long....

There are so many things to weigh up and everyone's history & situation is different - see what your clinic think is the best way to go - you had 2 embryos with your own eggs so they may well advise you to have another try with your own before thinking about a donor.

Lara - nice to hear from you - I know exactly what you mean - I had someone ask me today what I was going to do next - seems it is all so cut & dried to other people -try again or don't try again - easy. If only.... I do have a feeling though that I am leaning towards trying again in Spain ...

Anna - have you come on yet or what?! How about planning a lovely romantic evening with DH, go out somewhere nice, wear a posh dress, plan to have a load of rumpy pumpy when you get home. Sods law AF will arrive half way through dinner just to scupper your plans and if not then you get a nice night anyway.

Sorry, I rambled on for ages, best go & have some tea.
Hi to everyone else,
Kat xx

[teachertam]

Kat,

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement! I am in the US. I would love to try another IVF cycle with my own eggs, if my doctors recommend that course of action. I am meeting with my RE and Embryologist on 1/19. Hopefully, we will have a definite direction at that time. One problem that I had was empty follicles. I had 6 mature follicles with only 3 mature eggs retrieved. All 3 fertilized though, and 2 made it to blast. If I could just make more follicles!

Good luck on your next cycle. Did you go to Spain for IVF because of the long wait for donor eggs in the UK?

Thanks again,
Tammy

[erjumper]

Hi all! Feeling a bit less anxious today as i've just returned from a successful cyst aspiration. We could not proceed to next round of meds for this donor egg cycle until it was gone and I have AF. 1 down 1 to go! Not looking forward to AF because it'a always so painful anyway with endo and adhesions plus now sore from aspiration. But ANYTHING to get to that embryo transfer!!!! I've yet to see my E2 level from today, it's previously been way too high. Just don't know what's next.
Tammy, welcome to the group! The ladies here have been my lifeline to sanity. Both reading of the successes and losses of the others here will bond you to everyone here. It is hard to keep track of everyone and sometimes I feel bad that I can't address everyone but I believe we all understand. I'm sorry about your negative. Everyone here understands that feeling. I'm sure you've already found out that no matter how much you talk to your friends and family about your feelings and all the medical treatments......they just don't get it! They mean well but sometimes the stuff that comes out of their mouths couldn't be more inappropriate and demeaning if they tried. As for the donor egg question, as you can see from our history, we are embarking on that path. After 4 IVF's with 3 pregnancies and 3 miscarriages (believed to be due to chromosome abnormalities from OLD eggs) we have decided it's time for some young eggs. I believe the decision lies purely in how you feel about there being a genetic link. Personally, as an ER nurse, I see people all the time who are popping out babies like a PEZ dispenser and are just NOT parents!! I believe being a mother or father is not about your egg or your sperm but your ability to love and nurture a child into a responsible, caring adult with self esteem and confidence. Others feel strongly about wanting to pass on family characteristics and keep the blood line going. It's a personal choice and it's yours alone. My MIL is having a hard time with it but frankly, I don't care, and it's really none of her business. Don't let anyone else tell you what is right. What is right is what you and your partner are comfortable with. Whatever you decide, you have support here! Best of luck and welcome!

Lisa

[teachertam]

Lisa,

Thank you so much for your response. I know exactly how you feel regarding inappropriate comments made by family and friends. I keep getting comments from extended family relating to our method of intercouse. Please!!!!!!! It is like we do not have the procedure down yet. The funny thing is that these people know nothing about infertility, they think you are stressed and are just not doing "it" right.

Good luck with your next cycle. I'm so glad that I found this site.


Tammy

[randa2006]

Welcome Tammy. At 41.5 and having only done one round of IVF, I would definately go another round before switching to donor eggs. You really don't have enough information (cycle history) to know anything for sure. Your next round could be very different.

Anna, I like Kat's idea of planning a romantic evening to get AF to come on. Be sure to wear WHITE - that does it every time.

So good to hear from you BigJ! Please continue to keep us posted. You are our current hero, you know!

Good news about my second PAP test - negative. Glad I don't have to juggle a possible uterine cancer issue along with our next IVF round. Now we can just concentrate on the IVF. Thanks, everone, for your prayers.

Happy 2006! Has everyone made their resolutions? I'm actually thinking about giving this year the theme of... "Me First." Does that sound awful or what? I've never had a year where I put myself first and I think I want one. I wonder what would happen? I wonder if I would learn some things about myself?
I'm such a pleaser to all the people in my life and I go around feeling guilty that I don't do enough for everyone. Does anyone else identify with this? I automatically stop and run through the list of people in my life a few times a day and ask myself what they need from me now or anytime soon. I check and double check they their needs are met. I feel sooooo much more obligated to all of them than I do to myself. And then I wonder why I never get around to the things "I" want.
I can tell you my husband does NOT do this. He takes care of himself first and everyone else second and yet I still love him. If anything suffers on his to-do list it is never HIS stuff. Maybe he's been right all along. I think he's happier than me - maybe this is the secret. ??? Don't get me wrong. I'm not mad at him or anything. But I do go around feeling generally jealous of his lifestyle compared to mine. yuk!
Do any of you feel this way about the man in your life? Am I some kind of pathetic martyr?
Feedback welcome, Ladies.
Randa

[teachertam]

Randa,

Thanks for the advice. Eventhough we have only 1 IVF attempt, we did try 2 rounds of Gonal-f with IUI prior to the IVF.

I guess I'm just comparing myself to my good friend, Tracy. Tracy started infertility treatment the same timeframe that I started. She had a polyp removed and did one cycle with Repronex. She is now 5 months pregnant. We are one month apart in age.

Tammy

[randa2006]

Tammy,
You say you have a low fsh. Do you know the exact number?

[teachertam]

Randa,

I don't remember the exact number, but it was around 7.
I know it was <8.

Tammy

[erjumper]

Tammy,
Would your RE put a higher number of blasts back next time? Mine has a policy that he'll put 3 or even 4 if you wish when you are 40 or over because of the higher risk of failure and miscarriage. We put back 3, 3, 4 and 4. Had more than 1 implant the last time but only 1 made it to a heart beat which we lost just after 8 weeks.

[Kat]

Good morning all, I see you US girls were busy while we were sleeping!

Lisa - good to see your cyst has been popped & you will still be on schedule

Randa - glad your pap smear was negative & you don't have that to worry about too

Tammy - it's so unfair, it really is, one person ie your friend falls pg on the very first attempt, others take much, much longer...

You made me smile with your comments about not knowing how to 'do it' - people always have a story of someone they know who went on holiday after trying for 10 years and miraculously fell pg.
We went to Spain because of long waiting list in the UK and for other reasons such as they actively recruit donors and use mostly students in their 20s and so have a very high success rate. The UK clinic we are registered at for donor eggs does mainly egg share so you just have to wait until someone comes along for tmt who looks a bit like you and wants to egg share. We've been on the list with them for over a year now whereas Spain took 2 months from first appt to +ve pg test....

Better do some work now...
Speak later, love to all
Kat xx

[lara]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your words, Kat. I'm beginning to get into 2006 and look ahead, albeit tentatively, too, and maybe lean towards one more IVF at the Lister. They seemed to be very hopeful that I could repeat my previous best of 12 oocytes and 10 embryos. It's amazing, isn't it, to get all that and still not end up with a live birth.

Randa, fab news about the pap test result, so relieved. Interesting reading about the differences between your outlook and, for example, your DH's outlook. Some people are naturally more narcissistic personality types than others, and although they may seem satisfied with life, they are not necessarily happier than those who are more naturally altruistic, which sounds like you. I suppose it all comes down to balance, because I'd imagine you actually get pleasure out of being a good friend and helping people out, but on the other hand, maybe it gets out of control sometimes and you need to consciously make an effort to be a bit more 'selfish'. My DH always makes sure he gets in his footy matches, trips to Dublin to be with the lads (another one coming up this weekend), nights out to watch footy, games of golf, etc., and I'll be more likely to give up a night out at the theatre with the girls in order to help out at home, because I don't like to think of others suffering. So I get you. x.

Glad you cyst-free Lisa, that's good news, struggle on with the next hurdle!

WElcome Tammy, don't feel too disheartened if you can help it - I'm much older than you and still trying with own eggs!

hope you're not too sick Jules,

Lara xxx

[teachertam]

Randa,

My RE was only able to retrieve 3 eggs during my IVF attempt. I had 11 follicles with only 6 mature at retrieval. 3 of the mature follicles were empty!!! So, we only got 3 eggs. All 3 fertilized and 2 made it to 5 day blasts. During my first gonal-f/IUI attempt, I was on a low dosage of gonal-f and had 9 follicles, with 2 mature. During my IVF attempt, my RE cranked up the dosage and I only had 11 follicles. This does not make sense to me. Does anyone know if your body bulds up a resistance to a certain drug? My embryologist was hoping for 6 - 8 eggs to fertilize, but my RE is more conservative.

I have only had one 3 day FSH test. It was back in July 2005.

We are meeting with RE and Embryologist on 1/19. Hopefully we will have positive feedback to give IVF one more try with our own eggs. We will probably go the adoption route if IVF #2 is not successful. This is so emotionally and financially draining!

Tammy

[AMck]

Hello ladies, have been busy for a few days and have just been catching up with the news

welcome Tammy, glad you found us. I really don't know what I would do without the advise and support of the girls here. Sorry to read of your story so far. You say you will go down the adoption route if this next IVF cycle doesn' t work. What are the adoption rules in your part of the world? Here in the UK over 40 seems to be to old to be considered. I am 42 now and haven't got to EC stage so don't know if my eggs are OK or not, hopefully they will be. Anyway, will be watching for your news, good luck for the 19th.

Randa , what great news, what a relief! Onwards and upwards! I'm afraid I sound a bit like your dh. I do like to get my own way Mind you that's not good with all this tmt 'cos this is definately not the way I would like to do things!

Lara, good to see you post. Good luck if you go for one more try.

Lisa, glad cyst op went OK. I had one not long ago, what a nuisance they are , holding up our tmt!

Hi to Kat and Lisa

Me.....still waiting (day 56 for those of you who like numbers)Love the idea of wearing white all the time! Went back to work today so time flew by, mind you getting up early was a bit of a challenge after 2 weeks of merriment!
Bye for now, PMA to all
Anna x

[lara]

Anna, I've got a hunch your AF is coming tonight, I really have! Put on your best white silk lingerie, girl!
Lara x