The Over 40 Crowd

[erjumper]

Caroline,
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I can't imagine dealing with such a terrible tragedy on top of all the miscarriages and lost dreams. I understand the fear of all the time after the 2 ww. I've had 3 losses now and even though we have 3 frozen embies I was terrified of a transfer because they felt my losses are age related (aneuploidy). I couldn't take seeing that tiny heartbeating and then losing it again but you're right......if we refuse to face that fear our chances are 0. I wish you all the best.
Jules,
It's so reassuring to hear from you. Sometimes it feels like none of us succeed. It's wonderful to read otherwise.
Well, now my estrogen is too low. That's a first! So they've increased my dosage again. Good news on my lining though, it's a 9 which they say is good at this point. 5 days before our flight to our embryos!

More later,
Love and best wishes,
Lisa

[teachertam]

Hello All !

Caroline: It is nice to meet you. I am so very sorry to hear about your mother. I can't imagine going through that. I understand how it would be difficult to proceed with another treatment, as I am a little scared to try again as well. We go back this Tuesday to discuss our next step with our doctors. Eventhough, I have never been pregnant, I had a difficult time getting the BFN.

Lisa: That is great news about your lining! We will all be thinking of you in Vegas. I've been to Vegas several times, but just for a little R&R..................and of course gambling

Take care all !
Tammy

[Kat]

Hi all

Caroline - nice to have you back & glad to see you are doing OK. Thanks for the suggestion about the cream. Makes a change for DH to have to suffer (is that wicked of me?!) And maudlin rambles are OK, this is the place to do it when you feel the need...

Lisa - good news on your lining, at least low estrogen is easier to treat than high isn't it? Not long now! Here's hoping you're our next success story...

Speak later
Kat xx

[AMck]

Hi girls,
hi and welcome back to Caroline! Good to see you post. Glad to see you are feeling stronger. Good luck with your tmt.

BigJ (Jules) - BFP 9/12/05 praying every day,scan 17/01 (10 weeks)
Randa - EC Jan 31
Anna - appointment 24th Jan to discuss next step
Kat - Scan 16th Jan re d&c, to Spain 2nd March, testicular biopsy
Jen - meeting with consultant 27th Jan
Lisa - 20th Jan flight to Vegas to begin IVF cycle
Lara - planning IVF in Feb/March
Tammy- appointment 17th Jan to discuss next step

Lisa , good news for you, well done. Not long now.
Kat, it does make a change for dh to be 'uncomfortable'!! Hope he is OK. Good luck with your scan tomorrow.

PMA to all
Anna x

[amfy]

Hi All!

Haven't had a look over here for about a week but thanks for thinking of me. I'd like to send you all personal messages of support but this thread has moved on pages and I can't quite keep up with all your news and who is who anymore! I really admire all of you that are able to do that. I'm useless at it no matter which website I visit.

We're not going to do our FET until March or April. I have very little leave left and have considered going sick but we have a new sickness policy which is quite tight and I could do without a disciplinary to top it all off.

So - we thought March just to give us time to recover from the last disappointment, but now I'm thinking April so that I'm in my new leave year.

So I'm feeling a bit detached at present as my treatment is a little way off but I am OK - thanks for asking.

[lara]

Hi everyone,

Robyn, I'm at the Lister in Chelsea and it's got a very good reputation - check it out on the net, the Lister Assisted Conception Unit. The director is very nice and extremely knowledgeable, and trained under Prof. Craft. They have the latest drugs and good culture to grow embryos in - top class lab. Nice IVF nurses and sonographers. you have to ask for what you want - ask for who you want to see and ask lots of nosy questions about all the things that can help as older woman. I'm sticking with them anyway, after checking out another couple of clinics to see if I wanted to try GIFT, just because you can put ALL your eggs and sperm back in instead of just 3 (or 2 blastos). But I decided to stay with IVF at the Lister.

Lisa and Caroline, I identify a lot with what you say about being terrified of taking the plunge because the outcome could be either so fantastic or so absolutely devastating. It's got to the point where I'm extremely fearful of going through the whole thing again, my nerves a shattered by the 2 missed miscarriages, D&C's, the up and the massive downs! It's so good to know others are in the same boat, or I'd be nutted off to the Priory! Good luck with staying positive, esp. Caroline after the death of your dear Ma. I know what it's like - my pa died a very long time ago, when he was only in his 50's. Life is rough, but for some reason we still love it.

I went to an engagement party last night (of a friend 10 years my junior!) and I met a woman who's a nutritionist and works with women (and men) with fertility issues. She gave a talk in an IVF clinic to people who hadn't had success, and all except 2 couples came to see her, and out of those all except 1 couple got pg. One of them was 46, and she went on to have another baby after that. And, get this, they all got pg naturally and the IVF clinic wondered why they hadn't come back! She uses the same method as Forsyte, who are on the internet, who take a sample of your hair and put you on a 3 month detox and restorative programme. She advised me to do it and wait 3 months before doing another treatment. But I'm 44 soon, and I feel the clock ticking. It sounds good, and I'm a firm believer in nutrition, but I take a good all-round vit and min supplement and fish oils already, and don't drink alcohol or eat meat. Mind you, I'm very unfit and eat lots of sugar! Does anyone have experience of Forsyte or anything similar?

Anna, good to hear from you hope the cysts stay well away from now on. Perhaps the BC pills will be the answer.

Good to hear from you, Jules, quite funny reading your pg posting!

Good luck everyone else, let us know how it's going, - Randa?

xx Lara

[cmg]

Thanks for the welcome backs! I've remembered to update my signature now, as I had a birthday last week and have turned 44. That was another reason I wanted to do the FET last year, as well as psychologically not having to start yet another year saying "well if I get pregnant...". Still wasn't to be, so here we are 2006, middle aged and still hoping. It has occured to me that my Mum died in Novemeber and doing FET in February, well that's 9 months before her anniversary. If this was a Richard Curtis film I would get pregnant and have a baby on the anniversary of the day she died. It would, of course, be a girl. There would be a bittersweet moment as I gazed at my new baby daughter and remembered my Mum and shed a tear. I would name her after my Mum (well, ok, maybe just middle name). It would all come right in the end. Now give me one good reason why life shouldn't turn out like a film, just for once!!

Anyway, back in the real world, I'm "preparing" for FET but as it's unmedicated there isn't much to do. I only go to the clinic on the day of ET. I am slightly worried that other people get more intervention, checking of hormone levels, womb linings etc than this, but I'm not changing clinics now so I'm just not going to think about it or research it. Lara I went down the Foresight route a few years ago - hair samples, huge boxes of vitamin pills arriving in the post. I was a bit naive really, as I hadn't done any investigation into the causes of our infertility and given that's it's tubal, all the vitamins in the world aren't going to help. I still think there's probably something in it though and I know a couple of people who have tried it after recurrent miscarriages and had success.

I started a 6 week health kick in October when I was planning Nov FET but went back on the wine when my Mum was really ill. Then I forgot all of it over Christmas and started again at New Year. I'm on Chinese herbs, seeing an acupuncturist, taking a multi-vit, folic acid and omega 3 oils. I've got some Marilyn Glanville pregnancy multi-vits but only a month's supply so I'm going to start those in about 2 weeks. Because the embryos are currently on the outside, I don't feel like I need to be quite so fastidious as if I was growing the eggs. I've cut down to almost no alcohol, though this week I've had 3 glasses of wine (well it was my birthday). I have only 1 pot of tea a day (I am normally a tea addict). What I need to do is to drink more water and cut down on sugary stuff. I will be devastated if I do all this and then the embies don't thaw properly as happened to poor Sharon last year. Expect to see me hit the wine big time!

hi to everyone, Caroline

I've added myself to the list:

BigJ (Jules) - BFP 9/12/05 praying every day,scan 17/01 (10 weeks)
Randa - EC Jan 31
Anna - appointment 24th Jan to discuss next step
Kat - Scan 16th Jan re d&c, to Spain 2nd March, testicular biopsy
Jen - meeting with consultant 27th Jan
Lisa - 20th Jan flight to Vegas to begin IVF cycle
Lara - planning IVF in Feb/March
Tammy- appointment 17th Jan to discuss next step
Caroline - natural FET in February (prob around 10th - current best guess)

[Jeni Babes]

Hi everyone...

This is just a quicky as i have been in hospital all weekend. My dad who had a heart op on Wed took an infection in the lungs and gave us all a fright. He is with iv antibiotics and oxygen beginning to rally round a bit so now has been taken of the critical list. I hope and pray he will keep getting better.
Anyway i just wanted you all to know that i haven't deserted you all but am thinking of you.

Anna sorry to hear that your cycle was cancelled...what a bummer!! Hopefully the bc's will help reduce the cysts. You must be so dissapointed. sedning you hugs nov-embie buddy.

caroline Hi keeping fingers crossed for you in Feb

amfy- good to hear from you...and that you are thinking of tmt again.

Big J- love to you and sweety

Lisa- good luck for the 20th...We will be with you every step of the way.

Randa how are you doing?

Lara and Kat ( and everyone else)- Big hugs and Hi
Will catch ya all in the next few days
loving hugs
jen
xxxx

[surreyjane]

hello everyone, I have no idea if this will work, I am rubbish with computers, this is the first time I have posted, ever, after reading the message board for the past 2 years. I am going to be 42 in Feb, we started IVF in 2004, got lucky first time but no heartbeat at 12 week scan, just about to start again then had a natural ectopic pregnancy in Dec 04, now only one very damaged tube left. 2nd IVF in April 2005, again hit lucky but our luck was not to last and at 23 weeks went into labour and our beautiful baby boy was born, but he only lived a little while, so now here we are picking up the pieces. We were going to try again this month but my FSH is now 16 and we were advised not to proceed, I am not a good responder at the best of times, so after much thought, and still thinking, we are pondering on donor eggs abroad, I would really like to talk to others who have already done this or are thinking of doing this, any suggestions on how I would go about doing this?

Love Jane

[BevT]

Hi Jane,

I can sympathise with you to a degree, as I too have had similarly bad time of it in recent years, and if you read back two or three pages, you will see that our precious baby was stillborn at 32 weeks (I was 43 at the time). I am now 46 and still long to get pregnant again. I am on the donor egg list in the UK and have been for 15 months or so. Still nowhere near the top! So I joined this post to enquire also about donors abroad.

Kat and BigJ both pm'd me with contact no's for a clinic in Barcelona and also in the Ukraine. The Ukraine is cheaper than Spain. I am exploring the possibilities, but need to speak to my DH re going abroad. Unfortunately, my dad is in crisis with my elderly step-mother (she's abusing him physically and mentally) and my sister and I have had to step in with the help of social services, to find a solution. So I'm afraid finding the right time to tackle such an important subject with DH is not easy.

I'm also useless with computers, and can't pm you with the details that Kat and BigJ gave me, but hopefully they will see your message and be able to help.

Thankyou to all the girls who enquired about dad, he's not too bad but very depressed. We have had to bring him home with us to get him out of the situation, but he doesn't know which way to turn and is feeling that he has let his wife down. She recently had a stroke, and possibly has the onset of dimentia, so we are trying to tell him that this behaviour is due mainly to her illness. It's heartbreaking to see your own dad go through such anguish, but hopefully with the help of social services, we can get him through this and out the other side.

Anna, you asked what stage of my treatment I am at. At the moment, we are just "treading water" as I am on the donor list in the UK and also trying to find time to speak to DH about donor eggs from abroad. So at the present time, nothing is happening. I just don't seem to be able to focus on more than one serious thing at a time. This last 18 - 24 months has been impossible. We unfortunately have been involved also in a very bitter legal dispute over a right of way, which ended up going to court the end of last year. We won, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with the whole process and the aftermath of the hearing. Now that that's over, I thought I'd be able to concentrate on us again, but now that dad needs us to support him through his problems, I think I will have to just wait a bit longer. I can't just shut everything else off that is happening. The donor egg thing is such a big thing, with a lot for DH to take on boad and accept, so I need to be able to give it my 100% attention, which I will do when the time is right. Only problem is that at 46, time is definately not on my side!

Must sign off now and take dad for his doctor's appt. Will try and keep up the contact with you all, it does help tremendously.

Love to all

Bev xxx

[lara]

Hi,

Jane, welcome and very sorry about your losses, especially at 23 weeks which is just appallingly sad. Jules also pm'd me about the Ukraine, it is called ISIDA and if you email them they get straight back to you. Jules is pg from there so it's obviously very good if you want donor eggs. I wanted to try again with own eggs so it was no good for me as at my age (nearly 44) they won't let you do IVF with your own eggs at ISIDA, but for donor eggs it's apparently fantastic. http://www.isida.ua/en.html.
Anyway, BigJ I'm sure can fill you in on more info.

Bev, you've had and still have such a lot on your plate. A very close friend had this experience 2 years ago with her father, who had become estranged from his 4 children and they weren't really sure why. Anyway, it turned out that for years the father's wife had abused him physically and mentally, and had more or less spent all his money as well. The trouble was, he was so psychologically damaged by it that he was completely hooked into this woman and almost needed the abuse to feel that she still noticed him and in some twisted way cared about him. The dad was 80, so it was very difficult to talk frankly with him and get him to get some perspective on things. He'd been to the gp but he'd never been honest about where the bruises came from. It wasn't until things got really bad that my friend and her brother rescued him and kept him at the brother's house - but that was exhausting, he was like a little child and very needy and shaken up. After months of social workers, police, court hearings and god knows what else he's okay now, and in supported housing of his own. The court found in his favour and the divorce has gone through. He has no money but at least he's free. He had sort of counselling, adapted to someone of his age. You will need a lot of support yourself to get through this, from what I understand, and it's a wonderful thing you're doing because it gets to the point where the abused person cannot help themselves. And like you say, they feel guilty.
I'm sending you lots of support and hope you have friends around and family that can talk to you and help you out so that you get a break now and then. Take care.

Caroline, thanks for the info about nutrition/vits and all that - very helpful.

Lara x

[robyn]

Hi
I have to say reading these boards is quite helpful. I really commend those of you that keep up with everyones individual postings. I wish I can go back and refer to the posts while i'm typing cause i don't have the gift of remembering all the details.

I am considering changing clinics but the waiting time is impossible. My pesent clinic doesn't want me doing cylces back to back. Any of you have experience with doing IVF cycles back to back? I have an appointment for follow up on Thurs. Best to all of you. Hopefully there won;t be such a long wait for those of you going for doner Eggs.

Robyn

[Kat]

Hi
Just popping in on way to appt this pm, just wanted to say hi to Jane and I have pm'd you about Spain

Back later
Butterflies in my stomach the size of fruit bats at the moment

Kat xx

[Kat]

Well -

Back from appt, all geared up to be sent for D&C but no, given pills instead. Saw a new doctor (with a personal hygiene problem) and am now confused so have left a message for nurse to call me and I will ask her to explain.

Doctor said womb lining was only thin, I do not have an infection and that it can happen that you do not bleed and it's nothing to worry about and is not abnormal. But all of you were telling me to go in and have D&C in no uncertain terms! I was expecting to be sent in to have it all scraped out and now I have bc pills to make me bleed in 10 days time. Oh, and a big cyst - not sure what I'm supposed to do about that. Maybe the pills will sort that out.

DH says if the doctor isn't worried about anything then I shouldn't be either and that I would worry that I didn't have anything to worry about. Which I admit is true but that doesn't stop me worrying.
I know I should ask questions when I'm there but it threw me a bit because I didn't know the man and the nurse disappeared after the scan.

DH is no good as the minute they start asking about bleeding and anything to do with 'ladies things' he switches off and goes into a kind of daze.
Now I feel stupid and pathetic and angry with myself and if I was someone else I would tell them to pull themself together and don't be so wet. Aaaarghhh.
Kat xx

[Kat]

Me again, sorry, seem to have taken over this afternoon!

The nurse called back and explained - there were no remains of the sac at all showing on the scan today and the womb lining was thin - most likely because it stopped developing so very early (ie even before the 6 week scan) it was just so small it would just have shrivelled away to nothing. She says I really must not worry and that once I have had the period brought on by the bc pills (which should also deal with the cyst) they will scan me again and everything should be back to normal. So that kind of explains things and I feel a lot happier now.

Robyn - if you scroll down the page once you have hit reply then you can see the most recent postings - that's how I remember who said what.

Jane - I didn't say before but was sorry to read your story - can't have been easy for you but hope the bad days are getting fewer. Hope the info on Spain was useful and let me know if you have any questions.

Jen & Bev - hope your Dads are both doing OK and you can help them through their difficult times

Tammy & Jules - good luck for your appts tomorrow

Hi to everyone else, I'll let you all get a word in now...

Here's the list:

BigJ (Jules) - BFP 9/12/05 praying every day,scan 17/01 (10 weeks)
Randa - EC Jan 31
Anna - appointment 24th Jan to discuss next step
Kat - Going to Spain 2nd March for testicular biopsy & then hope to start DE tmt again soon
Jen - meeting with consultant 27th Jan
Lisa - 20th Jan flight to Vegas to begin IVF cycle
Lara - planning IVF in Feb/March
Tammy- appointment 17th Jan to discuss next step

Lots of love
Kat xx