cycle buddies - Jo, Caz and Sharon

caz · Post by **caz** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 12:49 pm

HIya - yeah I have slight period type pains, is that normal do you think. Or does it means that my tummy doesnt like it and will reject?? Ahhhh!!!! Really dont know how to feel at the moment. Feel that in a way I should be getting myself mentally prepared for it NOT to work. know what I mean? Cazx

sharoninsomerset · Post by **sharoninsomerset** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 1:00 pm

Caz, Don't worry girl. Like Jo said, you just don't know what any of it means - I had period pains all the way through last time and none this time but that doesn't mean anything. Girls who have them and are sure that AF is coming are pg and those with no pain also get pg. Worry will just make you go mad. Read Jo's poem and relax otherwise you will go mad. Love Sx

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 4:32 pm

Hi Girls. Jo excellent to here from you - 2 back and frosties is just fantastic news! Well done to both of you! Sorry to hear ET was painful - I discovered a fantastic big purple bruise accross my belly on Sunday - not sure how it occured - think it might have been the pressure applied with the bleed on EC - as I can make out finger tip marks too!!! No wonder I hurt a bit after!!! I am sorry too that you are already feeling the affects of work stress - I know how difficult that can be - I found my concentration was terrible and I lost the ability to do all the multi tasking that work requires - just remember you come first right now. Does anyone know at work? I hope they are looking after you. Excellent poem Jo - my counsellor - said it was important to try to achieve small goals during the IVF process as a way to quash feelings of inadequacy and avoiding the whole "life on hold" thing. She would see your creative writing as an excellent achievement - you would definetly go to the top of the class! Caz - you are an inspiration - I can't even think about sex!!!! Like the girls Jo and Sharon said, please do not worry about the pains - attempting to interpret every ache and pain WILL send you insane. As for mentally preparing yourself - I went 2 through cycles with my "medical" head on telling myself all the statistics and "fully prepared for bad news" I did not allow any baby talk and made no baby plans, and never even thought about being pregnant. I had hope in my heart, I prayed constantly, but my head ruled my waking hours - I therefore thought I had it sussed - some balance - and an open mind for a negative result - as you can imagine NONE OF THAT WORKED!!! In some ways I think we must just endure this 2 weeks in whatever way we can and only then can we begin to deal with the outcome. I dont think you can prepare for the emotional responses but I do believe it is important to have pleasant stuff planned for the coming weeks - a week after the first -ve we went to see Oasis in concert and the 2nd time we went to our very favourite place in Scotland - Both times I really really didn't want to go and did everything I could to cancel - but DH "made" me go and I am so grateful - I will never forget either of those experiences - we talked, cried and laughed together - it was just what we needed. So maybe that's something you can plan for - that IS within your power. Sharon It's great you are looking after yourself - I really really need a haircut and you've just given me the push to make my appointment. (I don't know about my counsellor but I certainly think that is a huge achievement!!) Your DH won't know what's hit him when he see's this glamour puss tonight!! With no sun what have you done with your afternoon? I Was hoping to watch a bit of tennis but of course this is Wimbeldon - and it's raining!! I am sorry to say the weather matches my mood today - I had such a good weekend - probably a bit tooooo euphoric really but somehow a black cloud descended over night. I had to go see my GP this afternoon and from the moment I sat in the chair I only managed to cry, shake and snot!!!! Oh Dear....what a mess. I think he must have thought I had gone insane! Felt really embarrassed - I am really open about my thoughts and feelings but generally I like to hide the tears.....ooops! Anyway Good to talk to you again girls - I already feel the NEED to catch up with you every day - hope that doesn't make me sound too psycho!! Blessings to you all Love Lorraine xxxx {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

caz · Post by **caz** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 8:06 am

Hello- morning Feeling ok today - except really tired - I think suddenly all the hormones I've been injecting into myself are catching up with me a bit!! But think I might go into work later this morning and come home early if it does feel right. Work have been really cool about the whole thing. which is a massive relief/ help. Catch you laters Cazx

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 10:39 am

Hi girls - Lorraine dont worry about a few tears. Wouldn't it be great if we could all get together and sit in a circle (like an AA meeting) and scream about our frustrations and how unfair this all is and have a good cry ?? I am generally good at controlling my emotions to the point of ridiculousness sometimes and I'm not sure its that good for you, but you can't help how you are can you? I feel sometimes that there's actually no-one I can tell about just how deeply this gets to me. My husband is ace but I would never want to go on at him saying how much this affects me cos I know he feels a bit helpless and I don't want him to worry about me any more than he already does. He has a really stressful job and I love him too much to pile more pressure on him. None of our family know. I've told 2 people at work - a colleague and my boss who are great and basically I can do what I like time-wise and they are very supportive. Fact is though I'm just really busy and can't have much time off. D'ya know, actually writing this down is quite helpful. Lots of Love - Jo. XXX

sharoninsomerset · Post by **sharoninsomerset** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 11:34 am

Hi Girls, Well another day closer!! I hope you are feeling more positive today Lorraine and that the tears made you feel loads better, it's good to let it all out sometimes, but we have to stay as positive as possible. Caz, you sound fairly positive! Hope work goes well, but don't over do it, but you seem to have the right idea. I've been feeling fine, but last night I went grocery shopping with DH, he did all the trolley pushing carrying etc. but by the end I had dull ache tummy pains and was tired. But feeling fine again today. Jo, how have you kept it from your family? I'm the opposite everyone and his mum know, except work. I haven't told work anything, just that I need hospital treatment every now and again. I work in a mainly male environment (IT Programmer) and they just think it's womens troubles and don't ask to much!! The family are supportive but It can be a bit difficult when you have to tell them it didn't work. Well today I'll be mostly resting!! Later I have an appointment to have a spray on St Tropez tan (to see what it's like for the wedding) and tomorrow I've got a makeup session booked with Lancome. Pamper, pamper pamper!! Then back to work on Thursday, aaaggghhh! Speak to you all soon. I'll be the bronzed goddess on the other end of the line!!! Love Sx

sharoninsomerset · Post by **sharoninsomerset** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 11:49 am

Lorraine, Just read your reply to Dawn about the fact sheet. Sounds really good, you couldn't send me a copy could you? My email is sharon_clements@totalise.co.uk Many Thanks Sharon

caz · Post by **caz** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 4:16 pm

Hi there Actually feeling quite neg now. Ahhhh. Just realising that its so much more likely that I wont be pg than I will be? Its about 25 - 30% isnt it? Help - not sure how I'll cope with another 10 days of this! Just had lunch with a collegue who went thru IVF 9 weeks ago and is pg!! Obviously am really pleased but theres part of me thinking its 1 in 3 that get pg and shes the 1 not me. Just dont know how I (and my parents who I have told) will cope if I'm not pg. Also just realised that my dh is going to be away the day I can find out (11th) its for work and he cant change it. Dunno whether to wait til hes back or do it anyway - not sure I'll be able to wait. Feel sick just thinking about it. On more trivial matters, spray tan - AWESOME. Just had it on Saturday and I have to say its made me feel quite alot better about myself (aside fromt he spots and roll around the waist)!! Bit of a pain finding places that do it tho. How did you find somewhere? Cazx

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 4:27 pm

As always a good blub always helps! Felt tired since waking up - but definetly calmer and more together! Went for a walk along the beach this lunch time to try and rid myself of this nagging headache I've had for 2 days - very therapeutic but it didn't work. I thought I would treat myself to a good film this afternoon so turned the lights down - settled down on the bed (Can watch the videos inserted in the living room all round the house...hubby says it's deliberate and NOT some hideous wiring problem!!) - propped myself up with a million pillows - nice glass of sparkling water and the midget gems to hand - and turned on Bridget Jones. Well last thing I remember was Mr Darcy in his Chrimbo Reindeer Jumper ensemble and the next thing I am aware of is I am being suffocated by a killer marshmallow which turned out to be the million pillows and I've missed the entire film!!!! Got rid of the headache though....now if only I could get rid of the crick in my neck from all those darn pillows!!!!! Sharon I have sent you the info sheet - hope it's of some use. But if you go go back to work looking like a cat walk model no amount of info sheet is going to persuade anyone that IVF is any thing but a holiday!!!! Infact come to think of it maybe you could be "The face of IVF" Good for you girl!! I know it must be a lot to have on your plate at once - but having the wedding to plan is such a lovely positive, fun thing to do it must be great therapy. Jo I have no idea what it must be like to go through this without your family knowing. Like Sharon I have told all my family and friends - I did it slowly over the past 8 years - I didn't take out a full page advert or anything! I only did it to stop all those "when are you going to have a family" questions - I couldn't bear those. Do your family even know you are trying? I'm glad you have support at work - even if you can't take time off. Caz - how did work go today?? Is anyone following the tennis? What about BB? I just switched it on now and can see them in their dressage gear "canter-ing" round the garden like lunatics with their "horses". Just how desperate can you be for a job in TV!!!!! VVVVV funny watching them try though! Well that's another day down girls!!! Thinking of you all Lorraine xxxxxxx

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 4:46 pm

Caz You were obviously posting whilst I was writing - I am sorry you feel a bit low - try not to think about the maths. I admit I have had a nagging fear inside...after all there are 4 of us....and I kept saying to my hubby some of us might have good news and some of us might not - but he said "no, you are just gonna be the ones that do out of a bigger number of people" Have I explained that right - when he said it - it made sense and I've stopped trying to be Carol Vorderman since! I always knew maths was evil!!!! Maths Boooo! PMA Yeah!! Will your husband be at home very early in the morning? I did my test one morning at 4.30 before my husband had to leave for work - we even planned it so we had time to celebrate/comiserate together before he would have to leave. I must admit it was a difficult day without him. Can you not ask the clinic if you can test a day early - as some differ with counting the day of ET as day 1 or day 0 therefore day 14 shifts slightly. Failing that you could always make yourself wait another day/until he is home - I know HOW bad would that be - but it might be worth it so that you are together - after all you want to see his face when you tell him you are pregnant!!! WHAT A FANTASTIC IMAGE!!! Keep your chin up. {{{{Big Hug}}}} Lorraine xxxx

caz · Post by **caz** » Tue Jul 01, 2003 5:43 pm

watcha. No - dh is in America from Tuesday trhu to Saturday - was booked up so long ago - we always thought 2ww would end by now or else we wouldnt even get that far. I think I'll end up doing it by myself. My sis is on hand if worst comes to worst By the way heres a question: Is ec day counted as the day of ovulation? If so, should you expect a period 14 days later. Like in a normal cycle. My ec was on friday 28th and they say I can do blood test from friday 11th (ie 14 days later) But Cant you get pg pee sticks that you can use 3 days before your af is due? Ie couldnt I test myself 3 days before teh 11th, say from the 8th?? Have I got this wrong....maybe its the et day that is like the ovulation day? Confused?! ps - am sadly addicted to BB!

sharoninsomerset · Post by **sharoninsomerset** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 12:53 pm

Well here's the bronzed beauty!! All made up by Lancome and feel great!!! Spray tan was fab! Although I have a bit of a streak on back of one calf, but generally it makes me look so health as I'm very pale normally and don't tan that well. Caz, sorry to hear about your DH not being around for the test. We are all due to take them on Friday the 11th? I'm not sure what I would do, if you can get a reliable test that you can have 3 days early then great but most tests say from day one of missed period (day 14) so that the HCG level is high enough for testing. I'm not sure if it would be 3 days earlier. The last thing you want to do is do it too early and it says negative when in fact it could be positive 3 days later. I know loads of girls on the site have taken the test early and regreted it later as they have to go through it all again on the correct day just to check. Well, it's work for me tomorrow!! Not looking forward to that AT ALL! But at least it will only be 2 days then off again. Caz, are you back to work now or not? How did it go? Jo, hope your not working too hard. Anyway, c u Sxx I'm hoping I can wait out until the Saturday (but bet I can't, or AF will arrive) so that I'm with DH and we can celebrate/cry rather than rush off to work. Anyway, I can't believe just how calm I am about it all this time. I think your right Lorraine, planning the wedding etc. does make it easier, busy so can't dwell on it and also something to look forward to, whatever the outcome. Can't say I'm into BB this time around, not really had the time (although was addicted in previous years) I just can get into the characters as in other years, but like I said, not really spent much time watching. I've brought the new Harry Potter which I'm working my way through.

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 1:15 pm

Hi everybody .... not many days for us to go to testing!! I truly hope that all four of us are +++ !!! Surely ONE of us at least can manage it!!!? With regard to telling families, etc., it's just the way we'd prefer it - I don't want our families to know that we're sad cos obviously, as their babies (even at 33 & 35!), we're everything to them and our happiness is their happiness. We have never once in 10 years of marriage been asked about children although I'm sure they might think about it - they're just super-sensitive folks I guess. I could never admit to the grossness of it all to them - love them to bits & want them to think we're totally blissfully happy. It can be a bit stressful sometimes and I would like to tell them for my own sake on occasions to share the burden a bit - I REALLY CANT WAIT TO TELL THEM WE'RE PG THOUGH!!! DH and I have decided to call the IVF-ing a day at the end of this year or early next (Maybe have funds for 2 more goes tops) and then, if we're never going to be parents we have decided to tell them just so they can stop wondering really. Sorry your husband is away on the 11th Caz - just think of that joyful transatlantic phone call that I HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE you'll get to make. Bet it's hard for him to be away too, poor love. Last time, when our first ICSI failed, I didn't feel too bad on the friday (went to work, managed to get through the day as normal). But Saturday morning was gross - I think it's when AF hits (and how!!) it really brings it home to you that you're SO NOT PG! Sorry for dwelling on the negative a bit there - whatever happens, we'll log on on friday and we'll help each other. !! All for one, and one for all !!!!! Lots of love, jo. XXXX

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 3:08 pm

Sorry girls - I keep writing my post over and over - but I always end up being negative or sad..... so keep deleting it again!! Anyway just want to say I am thinking of you all. Caz - I have only ever been told you can't test until day 14 - I am so sorry DH won't be home - Have you got an overdraft for all those lovely long booty calls? Sharon - I am in awe - you have not only survived these early days of waiting but also managed to look after yourself, and have some fun - that's some acheivement - well done Jo - I read your other thread - I too awoke with AF pains - and as a consequence am in a spin - we both know what we have to do and how positive we have to be and we must try to do it - I feel your pain though. Like you, we are now working towards a "time limit" We have deceided that this is our last attempt - and right now all the pressure just seems too much today. Anyway I'm gonna keep it brief (for a change) and promise you that I won't post again until I have something both positive and constructive to say! Thinking of you all. Lorraine xxxx

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Wed Jul 02, 2003 3:24 pm

Lorraine - we want to hear ALL your thoughts, not just the happy ones!! I know its good to try to stay positive but we need to know that others feel crap too so we feel normal! Lots of love - jo. XXX

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