cycle buddies - Jo, Caz and Sharon

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Sat Jul 05, 2003 10:08 am

Hi everybody, how you all doing today? I'm at work and have had AF pains all night and still have them. God, i hate this so much. Caz what you said about the other things we have in our lives is so true - when you're going through treatment its easy to be blinkered and single-minded but of course life is what you make it with or without a family. I have certainly contemplated getting on with my life and trying to put all this beind me if it doesnt work this time or next. A bit scay but its something many people have to face. Sharon what your colleague is going through also puts our wants and needs into perspective a bit. poor girl and her family - what can you say except that life is cruel and we don't even begin to understand why. DH and I usually go to the Grand Prix (next weekend) which is a fantastic freebie (helicopters, champagne, hotel etc) through his work, but of course I will certainly be giving it a miss this time - either way I don't fancy it somehow although I really want him to go and change my ticket for his Dad or a friend or something. If it doesnt work I'd rather just be miserable and if it does I think I'll just spend the whole day staring into space in disbelief!! I think we're all a bit negative at the moment but as long as we keep going, next friday will soon be here !!! Wishing you all great weekends - god I'd kill for a large glass of red wine which is what I'd have most weekend evenings but still - its a small price to pay. Lots of Love and ++++++++ wishes - Jo. XXXXX talk to you allmonday I'm sure.

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Sat Jul 05, 2003 1:05 pm

To the euphoric Caz, Jo the pigeon tamer, and Sharon the star gazer!! Well week 2 has begun! It's weird on one hand I wish Friday was here now and on the other I really don't want to face it - you see there is just no pleasing me!! Feeling a bit calmer today - always feel better when David is around although was bit tetchy this morning - but I blame the housework for that - it always puts me in a bad mood!!! We thought we would go and watch Jim Carey's new film this afternoon "Bruce Almighty" I thought a giggle would do us good. Tomorrow if it's nice we plan to go for a drive to Brighton - just for a nice walk really! We spent a nice afternoon there before so hopefully we can have a little wander around the harbour and along the prom. Sharon you are so right to remind us to count our lucky stars - I am truly grateful for the life I have. My best friends are recently bereaved (they tragically lost their daughter at just a few days old – cot death – what a hideous tragedy) In my line of work (nurse – for my sins) you see time and time again that terrible things happen to really good people. But more importantly what I have seen is that the “lucky ones” who have love in their lives can overcome any tragedy. My best friends are truly fortunate to have one another and as a consequence are learning to survive such a terrible blow. Like you guys - we have spent a lot of time discussing our future – with or without children, and we recognise that we have already led full and happy lives for the past 13 years together – despite ttc for nearly 8 of them – we have been blessed with one another – and if that’s my lot – then I did well! In some ways I actually look forward to stepping off this rollercoaster and saying enough, David was critically ill 2 years ago – and nearly died – so during his recovery we of course had to put the IVF on hold – and I will be honest – there was a real sense of relief. So while we all seriously hope for great great news on Friday – I know no matter what we can be happy in the end. I hope that’s not depressing. It’s just so important to recognise that as much as we want the blessings (and hard work!) a child will bring – it’s important to remember we are aiming to enhance the life and blessings we already have – not replace them. (You all have permission to remind me of these “wise” words next week when I end up unravelling even further!!!!) Have a really good weekend girls – thinking of you. Lots of Love Lorraine {{{{{{Hugs}}}}}

caz · Post by **caz** » Sat Jul 05, 2003 5:35 pm

Totally agree lorraine - gotta think about all the good stuff we've got Am SO looking forward to next weekend - either way - for the waiting to be over. Feel so COMPLETELY symptomless now that am convinced theres nothing doing and I'm ok with it (at the moment!!) Going to A BBQ tonight - with a bunch of mates who will INSTANTLY get suspicious if I'm not drinking...plus I really really would like A glass of wine! Discussed it with DH and have decided that I deserve one! So, having debated it over and over (what HAS my life come to?!) have decided to have a glass of vino tonight. I mean I guess that people must drink at this stage in normal pg because they wouldnt even know they were pg?? On the other hand I dont even think I AM pg, so does it matter anyway.....?? WOW ALL this for one glass of wine!! ......this process really has made me appreciate the things in my life I used to take for granted!! Have a good evening girls Chat tomorrow Cazx

caz · Post by **caz** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:02 pm

HI gals Are you all off somewhere nice for the weekend...I hope you're back soon?! Bit lonely! HAd really good night last night with a bunch of mates - really laughed for the first time in ages - think it was v good for me. as I warned you...I did have a glass of wine....and OH DEAR my tolerance has GONE, and I am quite a good drinker usually. After one glass (well 2 spritzers actually) , I was laughing like a drain and this morning I feel AWFUL....like I used to feel after drinking several glasses. I guess its my punishment for going temporarily off the rails. Feel a bit guilty actually. Oh well, I WILL BE good from now on. Hows tricks with all of you? Hows everyone feeling? My "symptoms" are!!: 1. No af pain at all anymore (have of course read all the pg girls saying that had period pains and am now panicing that I dont have them!!) 2. Big quite sore boobs (put it this way I wont be running anywhere!). That IS just like pre af 3. Few spots, like pre AF 4. Big tummy....but I think thats because I'm eating like a horse and not doing any proper exercise! First time in my life, not really too bothered tho 5. Am also generally still behaving like a lunatic....on the way over to the party last night...I shared a cab with some mates who where all taking about Tony Blair and Berlesconi and totally out of the blue I suddenly said "anyway, I've completely gone off David Beckham". WHAT??!! 5 days to go (or 3 as am convinced af is on its way) Cazx

sharoninsomerset · Post by **sharoninsomerset** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 4:14 pm

Hi girls, Well good weekend so far. Ran the "splat the rat" stall at our local fete which was a good laugh (kept it relevatively easy, no lifting etc.) Went for a chinese last night with friends and like you Caz, debated over having one glass of red (well it is good for the heart!) and so I did, but it didn't take much debating as I love my Red wine and miss it soooo much. Anyway, totally NOT worth it. The wine selection by the glass was rubbish, so had the house wine and sooo disappointed. Oh well, suppose it ensured I didn't have another glass I suppose!! Been doing lots of housey stuff today and pottering in garden. I'm so glad it's now week two - need to get this over and done with now, either way. I've got pre AF spots too Caz, the are unmistakeable, but maybe you would get them anyway as body says it's due for AF but doesn't mean it's going to come does it?! I'm dreading Tues/Wed as that is when I started spotting last time and then AF came on day before due to test. There is going to be a lot of knicker checking in the next few days!! I'm going to keep busy at work and keep calm. May get out the Yoga dvd's next week. Anyway, hope you all had good weekends. Speak to you soon Love Sharon xxx

caz · Post by **caz** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 4:57 pm

HI sharon I hav def def got pre af signs.af pain now back (in left hand side of tummy), back ache and v v emotional AGAIN. I swear one minute I think I'm fine and have got a real handle on it the next , I feel a tinge like af pains and I'm a basket case. REALLY dreading my dh going away tomorrow - think I will be on this site even more constantly than I have been ! I agree -so please 2 ww is nearly over - either way. The waiting is awful. Am convinced am gonna get AF on wednesday (day 10).....in which case am facing the worst week ever and with no DH..Help am feeling VERY sorry for myself!! Love to all Cazx

sharoninsomerset · Post by **sharoninsomerset** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 5:13 pm

Hi Caz, Sorry that DH away tomorrow, it must be hard. You must plan to be out and about and do lots of things, visit friends, do Yoga, have a facial or another spray tan, chat to us....etc. In fact sit down now and I want a diary of all the things you are going to do every evening from now until Friday. Don't worry too much about pains etc. I doubled up with pain earlier but turned out only to be wind!!! We will get through it together. Love Sharon x

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 9:18 pm

Hi girls There is really no happy medium here - I have no pains, no sore boobs anymore - went away on Thursday - and I am therefore sure it's all over for me. As I don't have periods I can't look out for any usual signs and sadly AF appeared for me on night 13 on previous cycles - so I have a long wait yet. Just when I thought I had made it - on going to bed she arrived - a mere 6 hours before pg test - now thats messing with your mind!!! David and I had a lovely day today - went for a drive along the coast - Rye, Hastings, Beachy Head and then Brighton. Had a lovely afternoon down at the Harbour village. Caz we all know just how difficult this week will be for you without DH - so keep in touch with us and we will all try to be there for you - we can't replace DH but will try to be good surrogates! Sharon sounds like you had a lovely weekend - just what you deserve. Jo must be having a lovely time - no word yet! Ok girls lets steel ourselves for the bumpy ride - I know that no matter how bad I feel at times it would be worse without you - so thank you in advance. Lets hope we have no nasty surpruses this week. Will talk later - off to watch Panarama - will probably scare the pants of me!!! Lots of Love Lorraine xxxxxxx

sharoninsomerset · Post by **sharoninsomerset** » Mon Jul 07, 2003 7:02 am

Lorraine, I missed Panorma - anything interesting? Right, positive stuff this week girls and I'm sure we will make it through, one way or another. Sxxx

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Mon Jul 07, 2003 8:14 am

Hi you three!! You seem all to be just about at the same stage as me - going loopy, tearing your hair out, dying a thousand deaths, that sort of thing!? Well, just for comparison purposes, here are my symptoms: 1.AF pains - had them saturday, none sunday, back again today. Proper AF-style, really low down, concentrated on one side, as usual. 2.Sore Boobs - I think the cyclogest does this to you though. I feel very edgy one minute then quite calm the next - really weird. Last time for me AF didnt arrive at all until the day after I'd tested so if I make it to friday with no AF I still won't think that I'm going to get a +. The cyclogest holds off the AF for some people - its really cruel stuff isnt it?? Caz - you can write to us on the site as much as you like - I absolutely love going to the site and seeing that one of us have posted - you could never write too many times. You will have to be very strong this week but you can do it and we'll try to help you get through it !!! We will all make it through and be OK even if we get negatives - you just have to be don't you? I watched the IVF thing last night and then another debate on BBC4. Quite frankly, it's easy for a lot of people to give their opinion and I guess years ago I would have joined in. BUT, when you're actually going through it its totally different and so I just sat there and watched rather blankly. What they said made no difference and I thank God for IVF and pray that those involved will always use the technology for good purposes. Have good mondays everyone - keep going, only 4 days to go!! Lots of Love - Jo. XXXXXX

Lorraine · Post by **Lorraine** » Mon Jul 07, 2003 11:01 am

Hello Cycle buddies!! Ooooooo it's getting close now!!!! Come on girls we can do this.......I have read though some of our now mammoth thread - and wow what a long way we have come......doesn't egg collection seem like such a long time ago?? Although I know not that long ago as I STILL have the bruises to show for it - I am now a nice shade of yellow and green!!! Caz it must have been hard to say goodbye this morning to DH - but just think - today he left a commoner- gardener-husband and next time you see him he could be a DAD!!!! Wow!!! Thats how much your lives could change......that's BIG isn't it??!! So what do you plan to do over the next couple of days? Sharon how are things with you? I agree with Jo - I found the Panorama programme a bit scary - very negatively biased, it was very weird watching it and going through it at the same time. I knew of the "scandals" they discussed and all it served was to make a vulnerable group of society even more frightened about what they go through to have a child. Whilst we need to be on our guard - if we don't have some faith in our clinicians what do we have?? In the end it doesn't change your mind about IVF or reproductive science but it makes you feel cold that certain individuals can prey on "sufferers" and actually manipulate their pain for their own gain and financial satisfaction. YUCK! Jo I knew that AF could be delayed by the progesterone but never knew of anyone that got as far as the pgt without her arrival only to find they were -ve. Now that IS cruel. How was your weekend - did you do anything nice? Keep up the PMA! Im off for a long over due haircut today - want it cut short - but don't dare incase it's just a moment of IVF/hormonal madness!!!! It's currently halfway down my back - thought I would go to shoulder length to start with - what a coward! But figured I should do it for YOUR sakes - after all it's enough you have to deal with me as I am now without adding some ridiculous grief over a bad hair do!!!!!! The new me will be back later!! (I wish!) Have a good day girls. PMA PMA PMA PMA all the way!! Lots of Love Lorraine xxxxxxxx [Edited by Lorraine on 07-Jul-03 12:04]

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Mon Jul 07, 2003 11:18 am

Hi Lorraine - did I do anything over the weekend? Erm, well I went to work on saturday 9:00 til 2:30 to catch up with a mountain of paperwork which I have been so slow at doing during the 2ww (it's hard to concentrate for very long without thoughts creeping in ). Saturday night had a take-away (yummy!!) and a bottle of non-alcoholic wine (not yummy!) Went to bed about 11-ish. Sunday - went to my Dads just visiting with my sister, did the shopping, got work-clothes ready for today, cooked the dinner. My life is just a wonderful social whirl!! In-between times I'm afraid to say were spent lounging on the settee watching TV cos I must admit I felt a bit sorry for myself and rather negative so I tried to just doze through it!! Lorraine I would go with the short(er) haircut if I was you. Mine is sort of short-ish but with twiddly bits (my twiddly bits are sort of like my security blanket - stop me feeling that I look like a boy!) I think a haircut always makes you feel like you can tackle anything!! I can't get over the AF pains thing - my mind just will not compute the fact that you can have proper pre-menstrual symptoms like cramps and spots etc, BUT be pregnant - I just can't take it in. This is the bit that's troubling me every waking second I don't mind telling you - is this getting to you all too? Am clining on to my PMA though, cos so many of the girls who were pg told different stories and so it seems that there are no rights and wrongs about symptoms. Am going to go home for lunch, just for the drive and to see my parrot (Pedro - he's my baby). Talk to you all soon - can't wait for friday. Jo.XXX

caz · Post by **caz** » Mon Jul 07, 2003 5:51 pm

Hi guys Definately on edge.....just let my two beloved cats out in the garden and about 5 minutes later they came running in - one of them soaking wet. There were a bunch of local kids messing about down the street - so deciding it was probabbly them who had got him with a water gun or something I decided to go and "have a word". In my hormonal state I can tell you I really did let rip!! I hope it WAS them, and not an unfriendly neighbour or else I'll look like a right prat!! Missing my dh already - quite need him here now - thank goodness I've got you gals! My day pretty eventless. Work. Quite alot of knicker checking! Am I right in thinking that the normal time to bleed if you're not pg is days 10-12, thats wednesday for me. Jo - cant believ your AF came so late - that must have been a shocker. Convinced my af is coming. Feel SO premenstrual and now have several unattractive spots to add to the bloated tunmmy and boobs, bags under eyes and awful hair (whys my HAIR so awful?!). ALTHO...I did speak to a girlfriend whose just had a +ve after IVF and she said she had ALL her af symptoms times 10. So maybe all is not lost We have booked to go to Cyprus week after next and I cant tell you how much I am looking forward to it. Really need the break and the time off from constantly worrying - know the feeling?! My mum is going to come with me on friday (assuming af not arrived by then(which I think it will). Shes sucha star - I think its as hard on my parents as it is on us. Can you remind me when you are all due to test? I think friday is quite a big day isnt it? Cazx ps Sharon - just so you know am not home alone too much...am out tonight and tomorrow night, Wednesday am having waxing etcetc, Thursday mmmm not sure, might go to my Mums. Not too bad!!

gem · Post by **gem** » Mon Jul 07, 2003 6:33 pm

Hi Jo,Caz,Lorraine and Sharon Sorry for butting in,I've just got to tell you all GOODLUCK and I'm thinking about you all esp Friday. Ive been reading all your messages and you all help me so much,Im on my 2 week wait,had my ET on Sat and its killing me,first day back at work today,I work at a special needs school my work mates in my class know and mangement know and they have been brill not letting me do anything,bless them.I've just wanted to put a sheild round my tummy to protect my embyros-am I weird? Soz I'm rambling on again,I'm really having a down day today,feel like crying all the time and feeling really sorry for myself. My D-DAY is 16th,keep waking up with bad back and side ache is this normal? and today had a pain on my left side-whats that about,keep analysing every pain,slowly going crazy?!! Any way I've rambled on too much I just wanted to get some things off my chest,but most of all let you all know I'm thinking about you and wish you all loads and loads of luck. Any advice on how to get through this please let me know. Love Gem xx

caz · Post by **caz** » Mon Jul 07, 2003 8:41 pm

Hi gem thanks for thinking about us - when I'm sure you have you're own stuff to deal with! Reallt sweet of you Am a first timer - so not really in position to give you much advice, but have def found the 2ww the worst bit. Am frankly ALL over the the place, one moment fine the next awful - and to be honest I'm exhausted. Have had lots of tummy ache (like period pain) and in the last couple of day back ache (again like pre period),as well as the afore mentioned spots, and bloated boobs and stomach. Just as well my DH is on the other side of the world! My advice - I think - would be keep busy. Of course I have no idea if that'll work in terms of the right result but it makes the time go a bit quicker. I work with really sweet people. They know exactly what the score is and have given me a series of really mindless but time consuming jobs to do at work - which is better than sitting there doing nothing which is what I'd do left to myself! Have been doing some gentle exercise - which helps(again dont know if it'll help the result tho) Have got 6 weeks off work as of this Friday - YIPPEE. CANNOT wait. Either way, therefore am determined to have a fab summer. Have spent 15 month thinking about infertility ERVYDAY and am determined to give myself and my dh a break Good luck Gem - you are lucky (well - relatively speaking) to be starting this process when you are so young - which is a big positive for you - so am sure it will all go smoothly for you. Fingers crossed! cazx

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