Keep in touch August buddies!

[Jools]

Hi Paige/Wendy

There in lies the 6 million dollar question: what do I do next! I think that's why I'm not sleeping, well, I drop off then I wake up between 1 and 2am and don't drop off again until between 5 and 6am. All that goes round in my mind during those few hours are what I should do next. My DH I think wants to try again in Italy (because it did work), but he also wants us both to take a few months off work if we do. To me, although this is the most important thing in the world to me, I think we also need to think about practicalities.... like money!! We could remortgage to cover the cost of the treatment, plus cover the cost of the bills/mortgage whilst we're away, and we would stay with his Dad so it is a possible but a very expensive way of doing it. As Italy don't freeze any extra embryo's, I think I'd like a go over here next. Although our initial go in Italy was to save money (£1600 vs £4500) we couldn't do the same and come back after 3 weeks as we just didn't get the after care over here. As our area don't do IVF on the NHS (and we'd have to wait a couple of years even if we could get on a list in my mums area), I think we'll have to go private, as I can't wait too long before I try again. I'm wavering between seeing if I could either cut down my hours to afternoons only, or just see if I can have three months off unpaid from EC onwards if it is sucessful. Again, we'd still have to remortgage to cover these costs. Another plus thing about having in done in UK rather than Italy is that hopefully I'd be able to get some frosties (although only had 4 eggs from 10 follies 1st time round), and if I needed to go again I could have a go at FET. That's the way my thinkings going anyway, but I'm going to leave it until after Christmas before I do anything about anything! One thing at a time!

Take care

Love Jools xx

[jaye]

Hi everyone,

wow, everyone's come out of the woodwork again!

Staci, I'm so sorry about your situation with BIL/SIL. Of course we all know how you feel. My BIL is engaged (to a girl from Boston!), and it's so bittersweet - on the one hand I want to spend lots of time with her and on the other part of me wants her to go away - at least until we've succeeded, coz I just have this dread about what might happen.... it's an awful thing to think. I think your DH really came through with the avoidance thing, that was a really kind thing to do. But what is with the 'we haven't done all we could' stuff???? I know you can end up saying things you don't mean with all the stress of this and all... but I'll bet if it were HIM who was getting used as a pin cushion he wouldn't be so keen to get going again.... take care of yourself.

Wendy, glad you mentioned you haven't got AF either - last time I got it about a week late, now it's 2 weeks already (so about 6 weeks since m/c), it's never this late. Of course now I'm panicking about, 'what if it doesn't come for months, what if it never comes again...' usual kind of paranoia. I guess it'll show up eventually.

Mia - glad your AF has shown up. Good luck! I think I would be getting excited if it were me.

Saw a girl at work today who's obviously pg - this one hit hard as, about two and a half years ago, we went on this work trip and both mentioned we were planning on having babies with our new husbands. She has since had one baby, been on mat leave, come back, and now looks 4-5 months with the next one. I can't help hating her. I've been really rude to her when I've seen her. Totally irrational I know - it's not like being rude to her will help me. But it just reminds me how inadequate I feel. Well, I know you guys all understand.

I think I must be really lucky with my parents in law. They are great. They just stayed for 4 days. If it wasn't for the new SIL issue, I'd be 100% happy with them....

Take care all,

Jaye

[jaye]

Hi everyone,

wow, everyone's come out of the woodwork again!

Staci, I'm so sorry about your situation with BIL/SIL. Of course we all know how you feel. My BIL is engaged (to a girl from Boston!), and it's so bittersweet - on the one hand I want to spend lots of time with her and on the other part of me wants her to go away - at least until we've succeeded, coz I just have this dread about what might happen.... it's an awful thing to think. I think your DH really came through with the avoidance thing, that was a really kind thing to do. But what is with the 'we haven't done all we could' stuff???? I know you can end up saying things you don't mean with all the stress of this and all... but I'll bet if it were HIM who was getting used as a pin cushion he wouldn't be so keen to get going again.... take care of yourself.

Wendy, glad you mentioned you haven't got AF either - last time I got it about a week late, now it's 2 weeks already (so about 6 weeks since m/c), it's never this late. Of course now I'm panicking about, 'what if it doesn't come for months, what if it never comes again...' usual kind of paranoia. I guess it'll show up eventually.

Mia - glad your AF has shown up. Good luck! I think I would be getting excited if it were me.

Saw a girl at work today who's obviously pg - this one hit hard as, about two and a half years ago, we went on this work trip and both mentioned we were planning on having babies with our new husbands. She has since had one baby, been on mat leave, come back, and now looks 4-5 months with the next one. I can't help hating her. I've been really rude to her when I've seen her. Totally irrational I know - it's not like being rude to her will help me. But it just reminds me how inadequate I feel. Well, I know you guys all understand.

I think I must be really lucky with my parents in law. They are great. They just stayed for 4 days. If it wasn't for the new SIL issue, I'd be 100% happy with them....

Take care all,

Jaye

[AMITHIS]

Wendy,

I can't believe you have to wait until Dec. to find out how you did on the exam....although I guess waiting is something all of us are pretty used to dealing with. I'm having a bit of a difficult time keeping track of where everyone is at regarding future treatments so forgive me if I'm wrong but you will be doing a FET in Dec.?

I had to laugh when you said you found yourself worrying about worrying one night. I can definitely identify with that!

Paige,

I read all of your posts over on the other side (hope that is ok!). Like Wendy said, it kind of helps me prepare for what will come next (assuming I ever get there, of course). I'm sure I would have a terrible time trying on bathing suits as well...although I'm guessing I wouldn't even have the nerve to try them on much less actually wear one! I sort of envision myself going into hibernation for about 12 months. I'm hoping that, if the time comes, I'll be able to adopt a positive mindset as you are trying to. I see all these pictures of pregnant movie stars, models, etc. and I think to myself that if they can proudly show off their bumps with the whole world watching them get bigger, then certainly I should be able to manage it? When do you leave for Aruba?

Jaye,

You are so right about DH probably not saying that if he was going through the brunt of the treatment himself. I think he tries to do his best to understand but I guess no one really can unless they've actually been there. That's one of the things that makes it so isolating while undergoing treatment. It's like you're walking around feeling moody, bloated, having to abstain from things you enjoy, etc. and everyone around you just sort of expects you to be acting like your normal self and can't always understand when you don't.

Jools,

Sounds like you've definitely got a lot to think about. No wonder you can't sleep! It is really hard when you have to add finances to the equation. We have to pay for everything on our own so it makes it that much more difficult to contemplate another full go. Even the FET costs $ 2,500 not including medication. If they don't freeze extra embryos in Italy, I guess I would definitely do it there if I were you if it's at all possible. Did you have ICSI done last time around?

Mia,

I'm hoping my next AF will show up around the end of Nov. at which time I'd like to go on bcp's so that the next one will fall at the tail end of Dec. I'm just hoping they will let me start then. If not, it will be more like the end of Jan. and I really don't want to wait that long. At this point I am driving myself completely crazy and don't want to spend much more time dwelling on it. I know you have told me in an earlier post, but my memory is failing me...are you doing a medicated FET or unmedicated?

Anyway, I guess I should go workout as I've been sitting here procrastinating. I always feel much better afterwards but sometimes it is a little difficult to get going! DH still hasn't heard back from his mother. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that she is understanding about things and doesn't give him a hard time.

Bye for now,

Staci

[alicia]

Staci,

Your DH sounds like a dream - I can't believe he took it upon himself to cancel your Thanksgiving appearance. What a relief that must have been. Now you can have a quiet dinner at your favorite restaurant instead. By the way I also converted from Roman Catholic to Jewish when I married my DH. I have to admit that I don't miss the Christmas rush at all, though I do still send gifts to my family.

Thanks to everyone for posting about how hard it is to deal with PG family members and coworkers. That was the worst for me for the 3 years we were TTC. I think it was even worse before we knew what the problem was, though. Somehow knowing there was no chance of conceiving naturally made it not quite as horrible. Before that I thought it was because I couldn't relax or my job was too stressful.

Anyway, your posts made me tear up all over again. Even at 12 weeks pregnant, I will never forget how painful that was - it's just right below the surface. My heart goes out to all of us and I hope we will all have our families soon, one way or another.

Alicia

[Paige]

HI Ladies:

Looks like there is going to be a lot of Dec/Jan activity for the August buddies.

Jools: Your post really struck me. We were so fortunate to have our insurance pay for everything at a private clinic. I have a friend with a 5 year old who has been ttc for 4 years now! She also got pg the first month she tried with her daughter so....who would have guessed she'd have problems with the second one? Anyway, her insurance pays ZERO. She's done multiple inseminations that haven't worked out....to the tune of about $9000. Now they are considering the ivf route since those 5 treatments didn't work out. At the clinic we're at (we went to the same one) it's about $14,000 per ICSI cycle. Now they are trying to figure out do they spend their daughter's college savings? Take out a home equity loan? How do you quantify this process in terms of drawing a financial line? The answer is going to be different for each family, but still hard to come to a conclusion don't you think? What amazing conversations you must be having with your dh right now.

Staci: I keep track of your posts too! I think that I may have hibernated a lot of my first pregnancy, but with a 4 yr old having tons of things to do (Gymnastics, riding lessons, ballet/tap, Halloween, etc.) it's not a possibility and I honestly think it's healthy to go out there and say to everyone this body is not perfect, but I'll work very hard on it after this pregnancy to get it back ha ha. Good luck with AF coming...who would have ever thought we'd actually want that to happen??? We leave for Aruba November 9th, and I'm thrilled. I'm going to wear that maternity swim suit with pride, even if I had tears in the dressing room ha ha.

Wendy: Hope you passed your exam with flying colors! Are you trying for additional certification, or a degree?

Paige

[Jools]

Hi Paige

I don't know about amazing conversations with DH..... all we've done for the past couple of days is argue..... he wants to try again in Italy (as it sort of worked first time), whereas I want to try in UK so I have a bit more control over what is happening, and also do it with just the two of us, rather than dragging his sister along for every consultation to translate for me. Although he does speak Italian, it's more dialect, so he struggles with technical stuff, and his sister has lived there for 18 years so she has no problems. I'm sorry, but having your SIL in the room when you're having an internal ultrasound is a bit too much (she insisted on staying to translate)! It's really tough right now. He also wants to emigrate to Italy (as he has done for years) and he's also starting to bring all this up too. It's just too much at the moment. I did a really stupid thing last night, I'm on sleeping tablets that strictly say no alcohol, but I was having a night off from them and had a few glasses of wine instead, but then after we'd had a huge barny, I took a couple of sleeping tablets on top of the booze. Part of me didn't want to wake up this morning, but obviously I did. He's not the sort of person to back down from an arguement (he doesn't do apologies!), so things are still a bit tense today, but have sort of settled down. I don't know what I'm at at the moment! Oh well, better go to bed I s'pose! Just had wine tonight.... no tablets! Shan't try that one again!

Love Jools xx

[jill dickens]

Jools, I am so sorry to hear yo are down at the moment. Do take care and we are all here when you need to let off steam.
Love Jill x

[jaye]

Jools, I'm so sorry you're feeling the way you are. Everything you have been through has obviously hit you really hard. I don't think you can make major life decisions when you are in the middle of going through what we are - and I think we are always in the middle of it, whether you're actually having injections or just waiting for the next round, it does seem to take up your entire life. Maybe just try to remember that both of you are under enormous stress and you probably wouldn't be fighting like you are if you weren't .... and try not to be too hard on yourself. Take care.

Jaye.

[jaye]

Hey everyone,

Sorry about that long post posting twice. I wonder why it does that.

Staci, good luck for AF showing - she can be really frustrating, can't she? Are you still not working? Do you find it better or worse? I would be totally a mess I reckon if I weren't working - it keeps my mind of things, and I wonder how people who aren't cope - you were talking about doing a course or something at one stage, weren't you? I'm lucky though, my boss is great, if I couldn't just call in sick when necessary and work from home if I have to (which I pretty much can), I would probably feel really different.

Well, I have pretty exciting news - I'm starting again today! It was a real shock to me. I'd had an appt with the dr booked today, and as you know, I hadn't got AF yet. So, I didn't really know what we were going to talk about. But anyway, AF arrived this morning (thankfully), so DH and I were going to ask if we could do another cycle before Xmas - but weren't really hopeful, as I think we would have been cutting it really fine (i'm a really slow responder...)

Anyway, as Australia (the world?) is currently out of Lucrin (does that affect anyone else? Apparently the factory in South America didn't make it or something - weird!), and as I'm such a poor responder anyway, the dr said I could start a short protocol on day 1 - which is today! So a half hour appt turned into b/t (of course, they can't do anything without sticking a bl**dy needle into you, can they ) and more credit card stress (needless to say....)

So now I am trying to find out more about short protocols - I haven't done one before, but it sounds easier - I start drugs tonight (I forget which ones, I guess I'll learn), in 2 weeks (fingers crossed) I'll be in for EC, then ET, and I'll know by the end of November - before I even thought I'd be starting again! I'm pretty shocked. There are a few people on the boards who seem to be going through a similar thing so I'll have to make contact.

It's funny, you know, I almost walked out of the drs office. I'd been having this battle with the receptionist (everyone at my clinic is FANTASTIC except this bl**dy woman) about my referral, she kept telling me I needed a new one and I kept telling her I already gave her one.... and then the dr was 20 mins late and I was supposed to be at a mtg that my (fantastic) boss had made me promise I would go to that had already started and basically I started to cry in the reception area. I was about to say to DH, 'let's just go, I can't do this today', when my dr walked in. I thought, well I can't walk out now, so we went in to see her, I was still crying, so I just told DH to talk, which he did. I don't know why I got so upset, there was no reason, it was just everything, you know?

Anyway, so it ended up that we could do this thing that started today, and the form (of course) got sorted out.... I guess I'm just amazed at the mood swings you can have with this stuff. Poor DH, he deserves a medal.

I hope you will all wish me luck, although I understand how you feel. The first thing I said to DH when I was told I could start again was, 'I'll have to tell the girls (you guys)'.

Take care,

Jaye

[AMITHIS]

Alicia,

Do you celebrate/do anything for the Jewish holidays? I also don't mind not celebrating x-mas so much anymore but, what I do mind, is that now we don't seem to do anything to observe any of the Jewish holidays either! When we lived closer to DH's family we would join in with them. Since we have moved, we really don't do anything. If we have children I guess we'd really need to make a point to.

Jools,

What a difficult situation. I don't blame you for not wanting your SIL along. That must have been very akward for you. I also think this whole thing has got to be even more stressful doing it in a different country. It seems like it must add an additional element of feeling like you lack control over things. Your DH certainly would not be the first to overlook how stressful this all is on his partner already. He should really just be going along with whatever makes you more comfortable since you are the one having to directly go through the treatment. Try to keep working on him and, hopefully, he will give in. Tell him you are having a hard enough time dealing with all of this as it is and going to Italy is just making it that much worse (a few tears thrown in for good measure might not hurt either )

Jaye,

I can't believe you are starting right now. How exciting! I think the short protocol seems easier. I mean you get to skip the whole long process of downregging (along with the side effects of that part). I've read a lot of opinions that, esp. for slow responders, the short protocol is much better.
I will definitely be keeping an eye on you!

I think you asked me about work.... I'm still not working. It is difficult at times - especially between treatments - as I have so much time to dwell on things. We've lived in FL for about a year and a half now and the one friend I did make in the area moved. Everyone else on my street has young children and socialize among themselves. Since I'm not working, that cancels out one of the most easy ways of meeting new people. None of our family lives around here. I guess what I'm trying to say is the worst part is the complete isolation I feel at times. I do plan to enroll in some sort of class. I haven't yet because I've been traveling with DH when he goes away on business and would have missed several of them.
I am thankful not to be working when I'm actually in a cycle since I just don't think I could handle it. I'm usually too much of an emotional wreck!
________________________________

Well, if you can all believe this, DH got an e-mail back from his mother yesterday that was completely understanding about our not wanting to be around his brother and pregnant wife on Thanksgiving/my birthday. She said she understood it must be painful for us, to take the time we need and that her prayers were with us for our dreams to come true. At any rate, of course I felt absolutely horrid after he let me read it as I had been expecting her to give us a hard time about it. I was very wrong!

In other news, DH had a business related event he was invited to in Feb. which is on a cruise ship. He asked me if I wanted to go with him but I reminded him that the time in Feb. it was scheduled for could potentially be right around the time of ET (and my needing him to give me the progeterone injections). He seemed really frustrated and, then, he actually asked if I wanted to hold off on the FET until March/April. Yes, this is the same man who only a few days ago was pressing for me to do it even sooner if possible and wondering why it was taking so long.
We haven't made any decisions yet but I really do not think we should wait longer. At the same time, this is an important work related thing for him (he would be a guest speaker) so I don't think he wants to turn it down. There's a chance I might be able to work in the cycle beforehand but it is impossible to know right now since I've no idea this far in advance when I'll actually be able to get started in Jan. It seems like everytime I finally work out the logistics to do a cycle (which isn't easy given how much he travels for work combined with my irregular cycles) something has to come along and screw things up. That's why I'm afraid to wait. Who knows what could come up by March or April?!

Anyway, I guess I'd better get going as I haven't even had my morning cup of coffee yet (trying my best to make that "cup" instead of "cups" but not easy as I love that caffeine boost).

Bye for now,

Staci

[Sand]

Hi Guys

Just a real quickie, as I don't seem to have time to turn around at the moment ...

Staci .... March/April isn't really that far away, once Christmas is out of the way. We're planning on around that time, as I've got work commitments in the New Year, then I NEED a holiday. So, we might cycle again together ..

Wendy ... Holidays. YES ! We usually try to get away twice a year, but haven't been anywhere this year. All this year seems to have been taken up with treatment, and I think at the moment I wouldn't enjoy a hol anyway (I'm too tired - I know that sounds crazy). Dp should be getting around better by Feb, which is when we're planning on going. I haven't decided where to yet, we've just both booked the time off work and between now and then I'll arange something around the dates. Somewhere HOT no doubt ! Somewhere NOT HOT that we're going tomorrow for the weekend is Hawick, in the Borders. Dp has a friend who lives up there, that we're visiting, just 'till Sunday. I've never been before, and I understand the area he lives in is beautiful ... he's promised to take me to see the badgers' sets etc, so I'm really looking forward to it. Will take thick, winter clothes !

Jools ...I can see you're in a real dilema and can totally understand you wanting the next treatment over here. I do believe though that stress plays a big part in all of this, and your journey to Italy/treatment/after care etc, must have been totally stressful (understatement ?). 3 months off, with remortgaging, does sound like a good idea - but would not the money worries kind of just heap on the stress again .. ? .. and the money you've spent/saved in remortgaging, might be more than IVF over here (with the possibility of frosties over here) ? Gosh, it's such a big question / decision.... but whatever you decide, you must be happy with it - it's you that will be going through it - not DH. x

Jaye - I can't believe this has happened today ! This is such exciting news and I am really pleased for you ! Although I've never done a short protocol from what I've read it's so much easier. Just think - A BFP before end of Nov, from an August Cycle Buddy - you'll be the first of many Jaye !!

Everyone take care
Sandra x

[wendy30]

Hello Ladies

Good god you have all been busy with your posts.

Jaye - WOW, starting today!!!! Youre a fast mover! Never done a short protocol but I'm sure it will go freat for you, fingers, toes, everything crossed for you! I'm still waiting on my AF, thats 8 1/2 weeks now, supposed to call the hospital at the end of October so I'll do it next week.

Sand - a hot holiday would be heaven, although thats not what you'll get up here this weekend, its freezing! So pack plenty of thermals. Have a great time.

Staci- Its great news that you got a good response from your MIL, mine varies from negative to positive but is generally ok. I can understand how you feel about not wanting to put the treatment back anymore but where is the cruise ship going? Its always nice to have something to look forward to thats not treatment related. I study part time for a degree it certainly fills up your time and I've met some nice people at the lectures, just make sure you pick something your pretty interested in otherwise the motivation is hard to find, what sort of classes do you fancy?

Jools, how are you doing? I think everyone argues over these treatments as well as the underlying stuff you try to deal with the practicalities and the loss of control over your life drive me mad. We have paid for 2 cycles out of our 5 and if this one doesn't work then we are back to self funding. I know we have been exceptionally lucky. As for the work issues, does your boss know? would you be prepared to get signed off sick? I've fitted in the treatment in a variety of ways, holidays, getting signed off, for my last full cycle I was signed off for 3 weeks, and for my last Frozen I got signed off for 10 days for treatment, then another 2 weeks for the miscarraige.
Next time I am going to take a week and a half holidays and if I got a positive result then I'd think about some more time off although my GP says he is happy to do whatever suits he does say that being signed off won't make any difference to the pregnancy at the very early stages and my boss is totally happy with this.
The last thing you need is serious financial worries on top of everything else and would you want to be on unpaid leave for 3 months if it doesn't work?
The things I think about is the impact me being off will have at work, how understanding my boss will be, whats the sickness policy(ie half pay etc) and if I get pregnant am I concerned about my job in the long term? Have a think about all the options before you decide although I can understand your reluctance to try again in Italy especially after the lack of follow up here.

Paige, hope you are well and looking forward to your hols. My exams are through the open university, I'm trying to do a degree in social policy, thats me half way through the 6 years. It was my choice to do the exams, they are not greatly work related but very interesting. It takes up my time and saves me dwelling too much on IVF related matters. I also felt it would be good to have a qualification just in case I end up not having kids and that way I can have better career options (lets hope it doesn't come to that as my biggest ambition in life is really to be a housewife and a mother, but just in case).

Alicia, hope you and the twins are well.

Mia, how are you?

Anyway off to watch the tv and get my jammies on.

Speak to you all soon

Wendy

[jaye]

Hi everyone,
I wonder if you're all still around - Seems like noone's been around for a while.
I had a positive experience for once just this week - another girl at work is pg (of course), she announced it on Monday at a morning tea. It was like getting slapped in the face, I really hadn't been expecting it at all. Noone said anything, and as I'm the team leader, I was the one who had to say 'congratulations', through gritted teeth and then I had to sit there while everyone asked her about morning sickness, gave her all their advice, you know how it is. It was all I could do not to run off to the toilet and bawl.
Anyway, even though she's just a colleague, we had been quite friendly and I really liked this person, but of course as soon as I found out she was pg I couldn't even look at her or talk to her or anything. I was thinking, oh, I can't feel like this every day for another 9 months. I could tell she must have been confused about why I changed all of a sudden.

Anyway, I decided I was just sick of feeling like this, so I decided to send her a card, basically saying that while I was really happy for her, we had been trying for a long time to have children (only my boss at work knows about all this), and we didn't know if it was going to work out for us, and because of this, other people's pregnancies were really difficult times for me, so I was sorry if I had been a little distant, but I hoped she could understand that this would be a difficult time for me. As soon as I sent it I regretted it - I don't know why, I just thought 'what a stupid thing to do'. But then last night she gave me a call and said what a brave and kind thing to do, and that she really appreciated how honest I'd been. Today we went and had coffee and I told her all about it - the first person I've really talked to about it (other than you guys, of course). She was really nice about it all - listening to me carry on for ages about everything (me, me, me), but at the end I felt better - I am just so sick of how this thing makes me such a horrible person at times and I'm so sick of feeling like this, and I thought at least now there's one person who doesn't have to think I'm just mean and horrible but rather that there's a reason for my behaviour which is perfectly understandable. And also, at least there's one pg person I don't have to get caught up in hating - coz I really don't feel that way now. Even though I don't really understand why telling her all about it made me feel better about her.

Anyway, that's all I have to say for now.
Take care,
Jaye.

[alicia]

Jaye,

Thank you for your story. I really loved it. You did a brave and kind thing when you wrote that note. I wish I could have been more honest with my many pregnant colleagues when I worked in the office.

I recently had an experience where a girlfriend I really like started to treat me differently and I didn't understand what was going on. Then a mutual friend took me aside and explained that she was trying to get pregnant and it was hard for her to be around me. I was so grateful to this friend for giving me the information, because I sure do know how that feels. I would never want to make her life more painful. Now I know not to go on and on about it. After what I've been through, boy did I feel awful to know she is going through it too.

Alicia