Hon, I'm so sorry. I wish there was more we could do, but please know that we are thinking of you and you are in our hearts and prayers.
Awaiting Treatment
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Welshgirl38
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 1653
- Joined: Mon Aug 21, 2006 12:46 pm
Morning Ladies xx
So - its finally hit me - the crying finally came last night, and this morning, and as im typing. Im so sad now, everytime i go to the toliet, im reminded that this didnt work again, and im so angry, but i dont know who with!
Is it my body im angry with, is it my clinic, is it my embryo - i just dont know. Im angry cos its all over - we hav no more chances left - im jealous of other peoples BFP's, i know that sounds awful and i dont wish anyone no mallice and i am really pleased that they got their BFP's - but im jealous that its not me ....
An i hate feeling like this. My next door neighbour had a little boy in March and yesterday evening we were out the front talking and she picked him up and gave him to me - i couldnt refuse to hold him, i had to stand there and coo over him when all i was thinking - it could have been me ...
I never wanted to be one of those women who were jealous over other people - or who got upset when they see a baby - im not allowed to feel like that - i already had 2 girls - ive been there - ive done it - so why cant i stop crying and feeling like this today!!!
So - its finally hit me - the crying finally came last night, and this morning, and as im typing. Im so sad now, everytime i go to the toliet, im reminded that this didnt work again, and im so angry, but i dont know who with!
Is it my body im angry with, is it my clinic, is it my embryo - i just dont know. Im angry cos its all over - we hav no more chances left - im jealous of other peoples BFP's, i know that sounds awful and i dont wish anyone no mallice and i am really pleased that they got their BFP's - but im jealous that its not me ....
An i hate feeling like this. My next door neighbour had a little boy in March and yesterday evening we were out the front talking and she picked him up and gave him to me - i couldnt refuse to hold him, i had to stand there and coo over him when all i was thinking - it could have been me ...
I never wanted to be one of those women who were jealous over other people - or who got upset when they see a baby - im not allowed to feel like that - i already had 2 girls - ive been there - ive done it - so why cant i stop crying and feeling like this today!!!
1 IVF=BFN 2 IVF=BFN 3 IVF=BFP
m/c @ 8 wks 
4 IVF=BFNWe must now let go of the life we had planned, to live the life waiting for us..
Adoption course starts March 19th
Oh Becky,
I am so so so sorry that it didn't work out for you. I didn't have access to the internet yesterday and only just saw your posts today. I felt gutted for you.
We can understand all the emotions that you are going through. Take some time out to grieve cause you are hurting so much. How is DH coping with this all?? Cry all you like, its part of the grieving process.
To be quite honest, I do feel that your clinic did not treat you fairly or monitor you more closely. While a lot of people think that we should be grateful for receiving treatment on the NHS, the way it all works can really be frustrating.
Becks, I know that there isn't anything we can say/ do to make you feel better. But please know that we are here for. If you want to cry, rant rave, anything feel free. I did find that pouring out my thoughts by typing up how I felt really helped. A friend who is a counsellor once told me that everytime I felt really low, I should write about how I feel and send it to her by e-mail. She will only respond if I want her to, otherwise discard it. It does help lighten the burden a bit.
There is one thing that should hopefully make you feel better. Its knowing how many people's lives you have touched. Its been so obvious by the number of ladie who have hopped on to wish you and encourage you during your cycle. That should show you that we all think you are an amazing woman.
Thinks of you,
Ang
I am so so so sorry that it didn't work out for you. I didn't have access to the internet yesterday and only just saw your posts today. I felt gutted for you.
We can understand all the emotions that you are going through. Take some time out to grieve cause you are hurting so much. How is DH coping with this all?? Cry all you like, its part of the grieving process.
To be quite honest, I do feel that your clinic did not treat you fairly or monitor you more closely. While a lot of people think that we should be grateful for receiving treatment on the NHS, the way it all works can really be frustrating.
Becks, I know that there isn't anything we can say/ do to make you feel better. But please know that we are here for. If you want to cry, rant rave, anything feel free. I did find that pouring out my thoughts by typing up how I felt really helped. A friend who is a counsellor once told me that everytime I felt really low, I should write about how I feel and send it to her by e-mail. She will only respond if I want her to, otherwise discard it. It does help lighten the burden a bit.
There is one thing that should hopefully make you feel better. Its knowing how many people's lives you have touched. Its been so obvious by the number of ladie who have hopped on to wish you and encourage you during your cycle. That should show you that we all think you are an amazing woman.
Thinks of you,
Ang
Becks -
My heart breaks for you. As I read through your last post, I am crying with you. No one deserves this. It's just not fair. But let me clear one thing up, you ARE allowed to feel this way - I don't care if you had 15 children of your own. You wanted another and you wanted to give Brian a baby of his own. And you are allowed to feel hurt and jealousy - even though I know you feel like you shouldn't - you must feel what you feel. The world could use more mothers and wives like you. It's just not fair that some of the most wonderful people in the world who are and would continue to be fabulous moms are robbed of that blessing.
I know it is not of much solace, but the girls are right, you have been a tremendous blessing to each of us. You are such a strong, unbelievable woman and you are an inspiration to each of us. Please know how much we love you and that we wish we could do something to change the situation. I know you say it's over, but I am still praying something will change - I hope you don't mind...
It's all we can do, but we are here for you.........
My heart breaks for you. As I read through your last post, I am crying with you. No one deserves this. It's just not fair. But let me clear one thing up, you ARE allowed to feel this way - I don't care if you had 15 children of your own. You wanted another and you wanted to give Brian a baby of his own. And you are allowed to feel hurt and jealousy - even though I know you feel like you shouldn't - you must feel what you feel. The world could use more mothers and wives like you. It's just not fair that some of the most wonderful people in the world who are and would continue to be fabulous moms are robbed of that blessing.
I know it is not of much solace, but the girls are right, you have been a tremendous blessing to each of us. You are such a strong, unbelievable woman and you are an inspiration to each of us. Please know how much we love you and that we wish we could do something to change the situation. I know you say it's over, but I am still praying something will change - I hope you don't mind...
It's all we can do, but we are here for you.........
IVF 1st-BFN, 2nd-BFP mc 8wk,
3rd IVF-BFP!
4th IVF-BFP!
5 snowbabies on ice
3rd IVF-BFP!
4th IVF-BFP!
5 snowbabies on ice
well said hope 
you have a real knack for saying exactly the right things!!!
i also second what angel said..........you have been a real gem!!!
beck.............just wanted you to know am thinking of you hun....... sending you the biggest.....the most giant......(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) from across the pond....
you have a real knack for saying exactly the right things!!!i also second what angel said..........you have been a real gem!!!
beck.............just wanted you to know am thinking of you hun....... sending you the biggest.....the most giant......(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) from across the pond....
:-) Angie
I know.......our beck needs all the hugs she can get right now!!Angel505 wrote:Hey ICSI, good to see you girl.
Becks, I am sending you even bigger hugs than ICSI did:
((((((((((((((((((((((( HUGS )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Just kidding ICSI
so -- for once in my life.......i'm ok with being outdone!! ha, ha!!:-) Angie
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Welshgirl38
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 1653
- Joined: Mon Aug 21, 2006 12:46 pm
Hey ladies ...
Thank you Thank you Thank you .... I cant put into words how i felt when i just read those posts - Hope and Angel - u both left me speechless (funny for me!!) it was beautiful what u both said and i than u both so much ....
Im having a strange day today. One min im crying, next im numb and then im not even thinking about it - im looking to the future already tho .. have already planned on how im gonna ask Brian IF we can go again!! Im ready to accept that this go was a shite one, from start to finish and as soon as we got to EC - i knew then that this wasnt a goer - and i cried a lot over that 1 egg .... Dont know what he will have to say, but deep down i think he knows what im thinking - we did talk about it before AF arrived, and he said he would be willing to go again - IF it was guaranteed - i said well Jeeze, everyone would then wouldnt they lol .... So, will wait till the time is right - then strike lol .... I can tell u now tho ladies, it wont be until ive lost at least 2 stone (ICSI - that 28lbs to u lol) give me 3 mths and i be thin er lol ....
Also today ive been sneaky and planned a 40th birthday party (surprise) for Brian - i am taking him away for the night to a luxury 5* hotel right - and have planned for when we get back that everyone be at the house, ive got banners and baloons and pics of him when he was little printed onto a big sheet etc ... The guests have been asked to bring a plate of food (nibbles) and some plonk - and all this will be sorted while we are lapping up the luxury - bliss, no worries for me either LOL - i think he will kill me - u shud see the pics ive got of him hahahaha!!! oh me thinks i had better ask about the next go before the party - orrrrrrrrrr i could get him pissed at the party and make him submit into doing it ha ha ha!!!!
Thank you Thank you Thank you .... I cant put into words how i felt when i just read those posts - Hope and Angel - u both left me speechless (funny for me!!) it was beautiful what u both said and i than u both so much ....
Im having a strange day today. One min im crying, next im numb and then im not even thinking about it - im looking to the future already tho .. have already planned on how im gonna ask Brian IF we can go again!! Im ready to accept that this go was a shite one, from start to finish and as soon as we got to EC - i knew then that this wasnt a goer - and i cried a lot over that 1 egg .... Dont know what he will have to say, but deep down i think he knows what im thinking - we did talk about it before AF arrived, and he said he would be willing to go again - IF it was guaranteed - i said well Jeeze, everyone would then wouldnt they lol .... So, will wait till the time is right - then strike lol .... I can tell u now tho ladies, it wont be until ive lost at least 2 stone (ICSI - that 28lbs to u lol) give me 3 mths and i be thin er lol ....
Also today ive been sneaky and planned a 40th birthday party (surprise) for Brian - i am taking him away for the night to a luxury 5* hotel right - and have planned for when we get back that everyone be at the house, ive got banners and baloons and pics of him when he was little printed onto a big sheet etc ... The guests have been asked to bring a plate of food (nibbles) and some plonk - and all this will be sorted while we are lapping up the luxury - bliss, no worries for me either LOL - i think he will kill me - u shud see the pics ive got of him hahahaha!!! oh me thinks i had better ask about the next go before the party - orrrrrrrrrr i could get him pissed at the party and make him submit into doing it ha ha ha!!!!
1 IVF=BFN 2 IVF=BFN 3 IVF=BFP
m/c @ 8 wks 4 IVF=BFNWe must now let go of the life we had planned, to live the life waiting for us..
Adoption course starts March 19th
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wishfull27
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 1580
- Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2007 8:01 pm
- Location: UK
oh Becks - you sound so much more positive than your last post .. I know you will be on the emotional roller coaster - but at least you are planning - or should I say scheming - I just want to reiterate what Hope, Icsi and Angel said - you have been an inspiration to us all and offered so much support to each and everyone of us - the hugs I am sending you are bigger than Qngel and Icsi put together!!! 
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) - too PC illiterate to make them bigger - but you know what I mean!!!!!
Hope you have a fantastic night away - hopefully the witch will be gone and you will be able to enjoy a bit of BACCAB
Hopefully Brian will still be speaking to you after the party - I will love it - once he has got over the shock
Sending you lots of love and hugs - and don't feel guilty about how you feel x
Much love Carolyn xxx
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) - too PC illiterate to make them bigger - but you know what I mean!!!!!
Hope you have a fantastic night away - hopefully the witch will be gone and you will be able to enjoy a bit of BACCAB
Hopefully Brian will still be speaking to you after the party - I will love it - once he has got over the shock
Sending you lots of love and hugs - and don't feel guilty about how you feel x
Much love Carolyn xxx
IVF 4 BFP
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wishfull27
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 1580
- Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2007 8:01 pm
- Location: UK
Hello ladies -
Hope - great to hear from you Mrs 2nd trimester - glad all is going well x
Angel - what you been up to ? - anything exciting?
Icsi - hows you - whats the news -hows the cycle going??
Becky - you had your own special post x
Life moving on slowly here - day 12 of down regging and baseline scan on monday
love to all
carolyn x
Hope - great to hear from you Mrs 2nd trimester - glad all is going well x
Angel - what you been up to ? - anything exciting?
Icsi - hows you - whats the news -hows the cycle going??
Becky - you had your own special post x
Life moving on slowly here - day 12 of down regging and baseline scan on monday
love to all
carolyn x
IVF 4 BFP
Hi Ladies
I would like to join the group awaiting treatment. I'm relatively new in this process, my first posting was on the 20/05/08, see "griving after 1st ivf.." It's been 2 weeks after my first BFN, I'm fine now (the grieving helped!) I had my first dr's appointment post the 1st BFN & I decided to do the 2nd cycle in July (our cinic closes betw 20/06 and 15/07). I'm focusing on other areas of my life at the moment and will be doing some reading etc to better prpare myself for the next cycle. It's amazing that it took my being into this forum to decide on not giving up, thanks to all of you for your kind words. I hope there are ladies who'll be on the July cycle. Good luck to you all & may the wait be fruitful. Warm regards from South Africa!!!
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Me 34, DH 42 (married for 9 years)
1st IVF cycle: BFN (20/05/2008
I would like to join the group awaiting treatment. I'm relatively new in this process, my first posting was on the 20/05/08, see "griving after 1st ivf.." It's been 2 weeks after my first BFN, I'm fine now (the grieving helped!) I had my first dr's appointment post the 1st BFN & I decided to do the 2nd cycle in July (our cinic closes betw 20/06 and 15/07). I'm focusing on other areas of my life at the moment and will be doing some reading etc to better prpare myself for the next cycle. It's amazing that it took my being into this forum to decide on not giving up, thanks to all of you for your kind words. I hope there are ladies who'll be on the July cycle. Good luck to you all & may the wait be fruitful. Warm regards from South Africa!!!
____________
Me 34, DH 42 (married for 9 years)
1st IVF cycle: BFN (20/05/2008
Becks its good to see you planning for the future again i agree with all these ladies you have been an inspiration to us all and have always been there for each and every 1 of us you deserve so much better than the crap you have gone through just know we are all here for you like you have always been there for us how is brian taking it all i wish i had a magic wand to wave for all you ladies so you got all be pregnant its so hard watching you all go through this i know what your all going through and wish you could all get a lil miracle like i got has you all deserve it
sending big hugs for becks
lots of love Rachel x x x
sending big hugs for becks
lots of love Rachel x x x
after 8 yrs of trying 2failed ivf 1 m/c and 2 miracles
Lara - its great hearing from you. How is Ruby? You seem to be enjoying motherhood.
Becky - sounds like you are pulling yourself together already. Wow - that is amazing. Thinking forward and the hope that you may go for another round of tmt always helps. Its so apparent to us all just from your words that you love Brian so much that you are willing to go through anything to be able to have a baby with him. I'm sure he sees that as well and there is no way he can say no to that. So you are back on the waiting game, Queen Becks!!!! The surprise party idea sounds fab - right queen you are that you are gonna make everyone else organise it while you just say the word And the hotel sounds fabulous too.
Carolyn - did you enjoy the bank holiday with your family? We had to go for my sister in law's surprise birthday party. Her DH had the same idea as our Queen Becks here and got the rest of us to make something and bring it there so she wouldn't suspect. Was down with the flu the rest of the time, so nothing exciting I'm afraid. Good luck for your scan. Do you start stimming after that?
Angie - you have been very quiet girl. Is it soon gonna be THAT time of the month again?????
Hope - Wow girl, you are officially in your second trimester now. Hopefully ms will subside soon.
Chriss - Hope you are doing ok.
Miracle - you should be back from your vacation now. Is everything ok? We want to hear from you.
I know its been a 4 day week for us in UK, but I feel exhausted for some reason. Can't wait for the weekend already.
Becky - sounds like you are pulling yourself together already. Wow - that is amazing. Thinking forward and the hope that you may go for another round of tmt always helps. Its so apparent to us all just from your words that you love Brian so much that you are willing to go through anything to be able to have a baby with him. I'm sure he sees that as well and there is no way he can say no to that. So you are back on the waiting game, Queen Becks!!!! The surprise party idea sounds fab - right queen you are that you are gonna make everyone else organise it while you just say the word
And the hotel sounds fabulous too. Carolyn - did you enjoy the bank holiday with your family? We had to go for my sister in law's surprise birthday party. Her DH had the same idea as our Queen Becks here and got the rest of us to make something and bring it there so she wouldn't suspect. Was down with the flu the rest of the time, so nothing exciting I'm afraid. Good luck for your scan. Do you start stimming after that?
Angie - you have been very quiet girl. Is it soon gonna be THAT time of the month again?????
Hope - Wow girl, you are officially in your second trimester now. Hopefully ms will subside soon.
Chriss - Hope you are doing ok.
Miracle - you should be back from your vacation now. Is everything ok? We want to hear from you.
I know its been a 4 day week for us in UK, but I feel exhausted for some reason. Can't wait for the weekend already.
Becky, Hun i am so sorry, words cannot express how sad i am for you. After such a mega cycle its so disapointing. We are all here for you as you have been for us over the months. Take time, i hope you are able to convince DH to try once more.
Big hugs
Jayne
Ladies, i will try to get on later otherwise tomorow to catch up properly, sory i've ben MIA.
Jayne
Big hugs
Jayne
Ladies, i will try to get on later otherwise tomorow to catch up properly, sory i've ben MIA.
Jayne
Me 39, DH 40. TTC 5years
4th times a charm,1-IVF, 3xFET's, 2 chemical
Twin boys born 9/7/08
4th times a charm,1-IVF, 3xFET's, 2 chemical
Twin boys born 9/7/08