June Cycle Buddies!

[margi26]

Mellow--thank you so much...that was exactly what I wanted to hear. That is what my heart is telling me to do. Stop the meds and not have to deal with the other negative energy.

My only worry was that they could "tell" at the visit on Friday, but perhaps that will be too early for any outward signs? OR perhaps it doesn't matter...THIS experience is new to me...you'd think my first trauma would prepare me for anything...after my first IVF I was in and out of the hospital with severe hyperstimulation for weeks only to find out it was a double ectopic (dx'd not until almost 6 weeks post transfer). Then I got very sick from the methotrexate and landed back in the hospital for almost a week with a life threatening case of C-Diff. Then, the day I left the hospital--after my complaints of continued pain were ignored, my tube ruptured so obviously I was back in the hospital for surgery--after my doc was asking my DH is she "just really anxious?" while I was complaining about the shooting pain in my side! He didn't believe I had ruptured. I am not with this doc anymore.

The second IVF, after waiting over 6 months for me to heal, was a "simple" BFN.

I'm sorry to go on...I know that you have suffered much worse loss than I. Again, I really appreciate you taking the time to "hold my hand" through this--through all the tears and fears and hope. All the while you are having to deal with your own loss.

Thank you.

[mellow4]

Hey Margi- I don't think it really matters whether they could tell or not if you had quit your meds. If you decide it's time, then it's time. Just be strong. We can only torture ourselves so long by holding out hope when there is none. Thinking of you.

[annashope]

Margi

I stopped the meds on my own and told the doc and they didn't care...they threw in the towel already. After 6 days after being off PIO last Saturday was the most difficult night ever. I actually had contractions for 12 hours every 8-10 mins (I had the exact same thing when having my DS 10 years ago) it was pretty bad...I didn't expect that and my RE didn't mention this part. Still bleeding now but feeling ok... not emotionally though I have been really down.. I know that we want to do this again but before that i have my annual screening with my oncologist and that always makes me so nervous....I mean I am sorry to vent this to you guys but no one else understands this.

Mellow I am so so sorry, I just can't imagine how you must be feeling. It is so unfair that we have to go through this.. I was so hoping that you would be that miracle case...again there are no words I am so sorry

[lisadcb]

Margi - I am so sorry. When dealing with your clinic, and the nurse that is stressing you out, remember that you are paying them...they work for you and not the other way around. You already know what is best for you. You are your own boss...and for shame on the nurse that fails to be compassionate in this line of work. Both of my ivfs, I would go outside of my "so called clinic" and got early bloodtests and U/Ss because of the great need to know on my timetable and not my REs...I would then tell them what I did, but I never let them lecture me for doing what was best for my peace of mind. Good luck in your journey and I pray God gives you your greatest wish.

[mellow4]

Anna- I'm so sorry things have been so rough. I hope and pray next time things are different for you. I would be nervous for the appointment with the oncologist as well. Keep your chin up, thinking of you.

Lisa- You are so right. We do have to do what is best for us regardless of the RE's knowledge.

Margi- Praying for a fast recovery for you, as you go through this stage. I know there is nothing easy about this, but we keep living minute by minute, hour by hour and keep putting one foot in front of the other, with faith and hope that tomorrow brings the sun shining. Don't hold it in, let your feelings out, and be prepared that each day Will bring something different. I believe that we have a choice in how we choose to live after loss. Hurting with you...but I know you will pull through this stronger.

[margi26]

Again, thank you ladies, and thank you Lisa for your addition...

Anna,

I am so sorry that it was so painful and difficult. I have not gone through a miscarriage before and I am afraid and do not know what to expect. I hope that this all ends soon for you and that you get a bill of fabulous health from your oncologist and move forward with your next cycle. I hope that it will be a smooth and positive one for you.

Mellow,

You are so wise and kind with your words. You give me more comfort than you can know. I hope that you are doing ok in your situation...how are you feeling? How soon after I stop my meds do you think I should "expect" things to happen?

Well, I decided to call my nurse, because I am an awful liar and knew that I would end up telling them on Friday--so I left a voice message because I am such a chicken--and I got exactly the answer I was expecting. With not one OUNCE of sympathy. She left me a looong message explaining that they have a protocol for a reason...and in all her years she has NEVER had anyone do such a thing....and she doesn't know who my doctor is, but she cannot believe they would see me knowing full well that I was under THEIR care....and I need to continue my medication until my appointment on Friday. Period. Sigh. Oh, well. What can I say. I just figured that the doc could "tell" due to the thickness of my endometrium or something if I stopped without telling them. What is done is done.

I don't think we will have any other options after this cycle due to financial reasons, but I was hoping perhaps they might consider doing IUI or timed-intercourse with stims...or something more ecomical...but one step at a time. That is why I am trying to preserve a relationship with this very small practice. No other option in town for us.

Well, I...we...gotta get through this first.

[mellow4]

Margi-

I wish you had other options on who you can see. This is completely unbelievable. You are right to have stopped taking your meds, especially after confirmation of the ultrasound. Do not feel bad about that. You also have every right to seek a second opinion, no matter who's care you are under. How rude and foolish of her to make you feel this way. I am so sorry. Go in there with your head held high on Friday knowing you did what was RIGHT for you. If she tries to brow beat you more, talk to your RE. Praying for you.

[margi26]

Mellow,
Hey there...how are you doing??!! Have things "happened" for you? I am in the process of m/c and it is totally miserable...I started posting on the BFN thread as I was feeling weird about coming on this thread with all my sadness... I am praying that you are doing as well as can be expected and hoping that we both recover quickly. My visit Friday was completely as to be expected--except that the nurse COMPLETELY avoided me altogether. Didn't even greet me, or anything--and she has for every visit. I guess she is so mad at me she can't even look at me...oh well. My DH thinks it is because she knows we have exhausted our insurance so that is why she doesn't care. I don't know what it is, but I am done with her and that clinic. It is a family-run small clinic, so I can send a letter or something but I doubt it will make a difference.

Someone on the other thread sent me a link that helps one find clinics and there is another one in our area. First I need to get through this emotional time, but I will definitely want to at least consult with them to see if there are any options for us (despite the doctor on Friday telling me no options except IVF given my age. )

Thanks again for being there for me...I hope that your next cycle is THE ONE for you. Even if we aren't able to continue our IVF or other ART, I will be checking in to see how you are doing and to be sending baby dust your way.

[mellow4]

Hi Margi, I was just thinking about you, and got on to send you a note to see how you are. I have not miscarried yet, and there are no signs that it will happen anytime soon. It's been 2 weeks since the babys heart stopped, and I have been off the progesterone for a full week now. It's not going to happen on it's own. So, I reluctantly scheduled for a D&C. I go in tomorrow morning, and am having to pay out of pocket for this. I can't go back to my OB/GYN because he will only do it at the hospital where Johnny died. I refuse to go back there. I tried getting in with a different Dr, but none could get me in before the end of September to do the procedure. I was forced to have to go with the RE, and completely out of pocket. Nothing with them is covered. I have paid for all our IVF's out of pocket as well, so I do know how you feel. Anyway, I had to get it done now and not wait any longer...first it's clear that I need this to get it done, and second, we are leaving next week for my sisters wedding in Ohio. We have a trip scheduled for New York while we are in Ohio as well. It just needed to be done by that point, so I didn't have to worry about when it would happen, and not have to deal with infection if it didn't. It's terribly frustrating to be in limbo. Ah well, tomorrow we move forward.

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time with the m/c. I hope it is over soon. I'm so glad to hear you found another RE you can meet with. I hope they are more professional and kind to you. I will keep you in my prayers, I know the desire is strong, so praying you have clarity and strength to move forward in whatever direction you must go.

My RE told me to wait a couple months, so we may do a cycle in November. We will have to wait and see how I heal up and how quickly things get back to normal. I did want to do this before my 35th birthday, (in november) and before the year was up. Hoping all goes well next time around. It will likely be our last try.

Thank you for the update, I hope you have a better week, and much better days ahead.

[margi26]

Mellow:

Oh, I am sorry that things had to go that way for you....I will be praying for you tomorrow that all goes smoothly and that you recover quickly. We have both been in so much limbo the past few weeks, some closure and finality will be good for us I think. Sad as it is, we need the pain to stop--I know that I do. I have had nothing but nightmares for weeks.

Having to travel so soon... there are positives and negatives with that...well, I hope that it will mostly be positive distraction for you and DH.

November seems far away, but it will be here before you know it. Perhaps you will get yourself a wonderfully special birthday present!

Clarity and strength...as you say...praying for it for both of us.

Take care...let me know how tomorrow goes...better days ahead indeed.

[mellow4]

Hey Margi,

How are things going for you? Are you on the mend?

Had my D&C, Monday, and was doing well that day, each day that passes though I am bleeding more and yesterday started passing tissue, cramping today like there is more. Can I please just catch a break and this be over already. Ugh. I thought the point of a D&C was to not have to deal with this. Anyway, I suppose this to shall pass. They sent the fetal contents out to be tested and see what if anything was wrong with the baby to cause the miscarriage. Hope we get some answers. They said it would take about a week before we know something.

Hope you are doing okay. Thinking about you.

[margi26]

Mellow,

How are things going? You may be off in Ohio or NY now....I hope that things slowed down with the bleeding and cramping. It was very miserable for me for about a week and then it slowed down. I've had lots of sleepless nights. I went to my OBGYN for follow up U/S and they said I likely won't need a d&c...but I go back in two weeks to make sure my beta is dropping. It was in the 400s on Friday.

Did you get the results from the test on the tissue? I really am hoping that you are doing ok.

I am trying not to focus on the loss too much, but of course some days are better than others. I have found a new RE and have an appointment set for middle of next month. My OBGYN is really supportive and encouraging (unlike my former clinic--who, btw hasn't even called to check on me since I was in their office 3 weeks ago). He says that if IUI is our only affordable option that we should go for it. He says he sees 43 yr old women in his office regularly...he was trying to be encouraging which I appreciated.

Please know that I continue to pray for you as we make it through this difficult stage. I am trying to remember that this roller coaster has the highs as well as the lows and that this fall will hopefully be a positive turn for all of us.

Take care and stay in touch....

[mellow4]

Hi Margi,

We did just get home from our trip. Boy am I exhausted.
I got the results finally from the chromosome analysis. It was a little girl, and she had an extra chromosome 15, which is not compatible with life. There is no reason that we need to be tested, as this is very rare, and the RE said there was no indication of translocation for either of us to send up a red flag. Once again, just our dumb luck. I can't believe we have these crazy "rare" occurrences happening to us over and over again. It's like 1 in a million what happened to our son. So hard to believe we are at the receiving end of this sort of thing in another loss of a baby. On a happier note, the RE said we can try again next month, so we just have to wait and see when my cycle starts again and then I will go on the pill for a month, and then start meds. We should be doing a transfer likely at the beginning of November. We will see when my body gets back to normal. They never did do another HCG test on me to see where I was and am. Hoping its down to zero by now.

How are you doing? Are you feeling any better? I am glad to hear you have found someone else to go to, I think that is a very good thing. What are your plans? Thinking of you and hoping things are getting better.

[annashope]

Mellow

it is so great hearing from you I was thinking about and you and wondering how you are doing. I am so sorry about the "dumb luck" but believe me we are here too. actually when my now 10 year old son was born he had a small spot of dead tissue in his intestines and he barely survived. After emergency surgery at 6 days old he just barely held on. Afterward the doctors told me that what happened to him was extremely rare and that the doc only saw it twice in the past twenty years but the surbvival rate for that condition was less than 20%...so lucky us huh? Anyways praise God he is ok now but the double blighted ovum this past cycle really hurt emotionally. On the bright side we also will be doing an FET in October but likely the transfer will be in early November so we will probably be doing the cycling together I am sure we will both get what we really want. Please know you are in my prayers. As for the beta it took mine 4 weeks to get down to zero and now I finally have AF but I need the next AF to start Lupron so we wait again Come join us on the Fall cycle buddies when you are ready and please know you are not alone

Hugs

[mellow4]

Hi Anna!

Glad to hear you are going to do an FET. I wish we would have had some embies to do that with, but none of mine made it to freeze. We are waiting for AF to start to begin the pill. I started spotting a little yesterday, and thinking it may be soon. We will see. It's time to be on the side of rare that is a good thing. I am praying for that, and going to believe that it will work out better next time. It's good to hear from you. Hoping that we can cycle together again, it would be nice having a buddy that has been there through it right with me.