Surrogacy in the UK

rogcal · Post by **rogcal** » Sun Aug 03, 2003 1:08 pm

I have friends who have had one child via the IVF route but the second attempt resulted in the child being born 4 months premature and living only 8 hours. This left them both traumatised and the mother suffering an angina attack a couple of days after the birth. They are seriously considering using the last two eggs they have in store for a final attempt at having the second child they long for. I and my wife are seriously worried about the mental and physical affects on them both if they proceed with their plans and the same fate befalls them again. We have suggested surrogacy as a route that they should seriously consider but we are only friends who have their best interests at heart and would like to hear from others who have any views on the subject. Living in the UK, the laws on surrogacy make it difficult to find organisations that can put you in touch with ladies that are happy to be a surrogate mother. Any help in this area would also be appreciated. Incidentally, my wife has said she would have been more than happy to be the surrogate but her age (late 40's and the effects of 25 years of endometriosis) rule this out. Can anyone give us some guidance and advice that may help convince our friends that any more attempts at IVF by them could end up killing the wife and baby. [Edited by rogcal on 03-Aug-03 06:10]

july ann · Post by **july ann** » Mon Aug 04, 2003 2:48 pm

hi so sorry to hear of your friends loss. You seem to really care. ivf is not the best way to have your much wanted child but for some of us it is the only way.Your friends have been blessed with one baby and all is ok with this child.This might sound really hard but many baby's are born from ivf with no problems.I have a friend who's baby died in child birth. At the time i did not think she would get over it but she has. Two year's later she has a baby girl all is fine. I would not have suggested surrogacy to your friends as this road is a lot harder to travel than ivf. I have had lots of goes at ivf and i will keep going as long as i have to. Have the doctor's told them not to have any more children.. I hope it all goes ok with your friends and you can support them through this terrible time.

rogcal · Post by **rogcal** » Thu Aug 07, 2003 9:01 am

Forgot to mention that our friend is a carrier of Strep B and this is what caused the prem birth. So another go at IVF is just throwing away what eggs they have left in store as the Doctor's say that any eggs harvested from her now will also be at risk from Strep B. That really leaves no option than surrogacy with the last remaining eggs in store. She recently went to Mothercare with my wife who was buying something for our grandchildren and our friend saw two newborn babies during the visit. We thought she was coming to terms with her lose but even after 5 weeks it freaked her out and made her even more determined at the same time, to have one last go at IVF herself. Hopefully we have talked her out of it as we trully believe it will end in another baby lost and possibly even forfieting her own life in the process. Thanks for your thoughts and comments.

kerry · Post by **kerry** » Thu Aug 07, 2003 10:54 am

this is the first time, ive felt the need to give my opinion in a forum. i'm sorry to say but i dont feel you are doing your friend any favours by suggesting surrogacy. as far as i can tell from what you have written the surrogate would become pregnant with your friends eggs, if thats the case she would be devestated if the surrogate did become pregnant and decided to keep the baby, which she would be entitled to do. ive also have group b strep and as far as i am aware if the doctors know your a carrier they can take steps to ensure the baby will be okay, its really only a problem if the doctors dont know about it.i think you need to let her do what she thinks best, when i fell pregnant my husband left, everyone told me to have an abortion, which they know i'm against,they all thought they had my best interests at heart, but i wanted my baby more than anything, to cut a long story short i fell out with all my friends and family and decided it was me and baby against the world,a few weeks later my baby died. what i'm trying to say is let her know you'll support her no matter what and try and keep your opinions to your self, i know its not easy but when you want a baby nothing else matters.

Vicky · Post by **Vicky** » Fri Aug 08, 2003 7:37 am

Excuse me for butting in here but what is Strep B, have also had m/c and although I have had all sorts of tests Strep B has never come up. Thanks Vicky

kerry · Post by **kerry** » Sat Aug 09, 2003 8:25 pm

hi vicky, GBS is a bacterial infection(not an std or anything like that), i'm not sure but i think the doctors told me 25% of women have the bacteria, but in the uk they dont routinly test for it even though its the biggest cause of infection in new born babies. I went into labour too soon so the doctors then did a swab which came back positive, so thats why they think i lost my baby, but reading up about it i dont think its common to cause miscarrige, but it does cause problems at birth as the baby can pick it up during labour, which can cause anything from sore eyes to death (10-20%)(usually from septicaemia, pneumonia or meningitis) so to cut a long story short i think you should ask to be tested for it, because if you know you have it, you get intravenous antibiotics during labour which reduces the risk of baby getting it. sorry for the long reply!! kerry