found out about missed M/C yesterday

[Grey]

Hello everyone,

I've been lurking on these boards for a while - first in the IVF section, then graduating to the pregnancy thread, and now sadly moving on to here. I found out yesterday at my 11 week appointment that the baby stopped developing around 7 weeks. I was completely blown away - I had assumed if I wasn't having any bleeding, everything must be fine.

A little background - my husband and I are both 36 and have been TTC about 3 1/2 years. Our diagnosis is unexplained infertility. At the beginning of this year we started fertility treatments, and went through 4 failed IUIs. Our first IVF was in August, and although we didn't have great numbers of eggs (8 retrieved, 4 fertilized, 2 made it to transfer), we were so happy to find that one "took." My beta numbers were always good, and my early ultrasounds looked completely normal. I was having a pretty uneventful pregnancy - although in retrospect perhaps that was a bad thing. No morning sickness or fatigue; my main symptoms were sore breasts (which actually stopped a couple weeks ago), some increased hunger, and needing to go to the bathroom more frequently.

I will be having a D&C on Friday - which scares me, but I also can't bear to think about waiting this out and possibly having a M/C start at work or something. I also want to ask about the possibility of having the baby tested to see what went wrong - perhaps this will shed some light on our fertility problems.

Right now, the thing I am grieving the most is the loss of being pregnant. I hadn't really allowed myself to become attached to the baby as a person yet. What I am missing now is all the wonderful exciting things we had to look forward to and plan for, how tender and sweet my husband was being about being a dad, getting excited about telling people, thinking about names. And then there's the thought of having to go through IVF again. Not that I had a horrible experience, even - I weathered the drugs and procedures pretty well. But as you ladies well know, even when there aren't big problems, it is a huge pain. And, of course, we could go through it all again, only to have it not work or to M/C again. I am fortunate in that my insurance will cover 2 more rounds of IVF - but I don't think we can afford to pay out of pocket if those 2 don't work (unless we are ever able to do a FET). I'm on the older end of things, so I'm also feeling some time pressure. It doesn't help to know that it will probably be a few months before we can try again. I really am worried now that we just may not be able to conceive at all.

It would be really helpful to hear from people who have survived a M/C. I'd especially appreciate any "happy ending" stories - people who have made it through a M/C and gone on to have success conceiving.

Thank you so much for any replies.

[Tris]

Hi Grey!
I just had to reply because youre story is exactly like mine! (I posted in the IVF message board) 2 months ago I found out I had a BFP and on the 7th-8th week the baby stopped growing...I even saw the HB at 6 weeks and then none...cruel is not even enough a word. I am also 36 and pressured, while DH is 32 and every word you wrote is exactly how we feel: anxiety of another IVF, telling people, excited about my hubby being a dad...everything!

I also lost some symptoms like swollen breasts, although its weird Im still nauseus and didnt bleed as well...its like the exact same story... I will also do a d&c on monday and not wait for AF...

On the happier note, so many who have done IVF get mc´s and deliver healthy babies later. My sis-in-law had a normal pregnancy but had 3 mc´s but delivered a healthy baby and is on the way with another hopefully healthy one...so theres hope... I believe it and you should too Try to stay positive and think its only the start, at least it can implant and you can get pregnant...its a sign I believe since so many dont even get to that stage...

Im starting another cycle in January cuz I gotta rest for now after everything....Im going to start to live again...

Take Care and God bless!

[ogr1]

there have been many many women that have had more then 5 MC
and lots of neg tests that are holding there little ones.

getting the neg results and getting told there is no heart beat
rips your heart out. each one needs to be grieved.

for me when we where pregnant with our twins everything was looking great. strong heartbeats. but after 8 wks it was over.

i went in for a d/c doc said that i would have a better chance of getting pregnant if we had one. we also sent our twins off to have test done.
but we weren't able to have our son and daughter back and they didn't find out why.

we waited for 1 period then started all over again.

we had been trying to get pregnant four 17 years..
the best advise i could give is to listen to yourself and listen to your partner. and please really truly listen.

[TansRN]

I just wanted to stop in and give you some encouragement. I did IVF last year due to my dh having a vasectomy. We put two embryos back in and I was so excited that one took! Things were moving along and then at 12 weeks I started to cramp and bleed really bad and out came my baby. It was so horrible. I was so devastated and crushed that my hopes and dreams were taken away so abruptly. Then I underwent a FET in January that did not work and the BFN was horrible...I was so hoping. Then this year in April we decided to go for another round of IVF and it worked and I am just about 27 weeks with b/g twins! It can happen and I know the devastation you feel and how hopeless it can be. I am so sorry that you had to go through with all of this and I wish you the best in the future.

[Grey]

Thanks so much to everyone for the kind replies. I had my D&C earlier today, and am surprised to find that I feel just a tiny bit better. I guess it was kind of like going to a funeral - I have a sense of closure now that I really needed.

My fertility dr. strongly recommended that we have karyotyping done, so we arranged that. Being able to do that helped, too - hopefully they can learn something that might help prevent this in the future.

Again, thanks. Knowing that there are others out there who know what this is like has been tremendously helpful. Best wishes to all.

[gori]

Hi Grey
M/C is the worst thing a 'mom to be' can experience. I remember last year, when I had my m/c at 12 weeks, there were no symptoms whatsoever! I just had very light spotting, no cramping, no other signs. I called my gynae, she told me not to worry but I still decided to go the ER to get myself checked. My husband was also there with me at ER, we were hoping it's just a sanity check & everything would be fine. That's where my worst nightmare was realized. I cannot explain what we went thru. It seemed like the end of the world, It seemed liked nothing in this world will ever alleviate this pain for me. It seemed like I stopped living for a few days. D&C was another nightmare since they waited 2 days to schedule it & I had contractions the whole night before that.
Having said all this, I can tell you that the pain does reduce.... after some time, the feeling of hope & optimism does kick in....you start hoping for a better, brighter tomorrow and with time, you do start living a normal life....I can only give you courage based on what I have experienced. May God give you the peace & strength... and may you find your arms filled with a little one very soon!!
Regards
Gori