Hello everyone,
I wish I could be pleased about today being father's day, but it's just tearing me apart. My wife and I have been trying for about three years to have a baby. She has endriomosis, unfortunately, is 43 and it looks like there's no chance now. Me--I'm 41 and still eager to have a child. She tells me just to accept being childless. I just can't. Now, today seems to be the day to emphasize how much of a loser I am for not being able to get her pregnant. I feel awful today, and nothing can be done about it. I keep feeling I'm doing something wrong. I feel like such a chump. Thanks for reading; I needed to vent.
Rob
Happy Fathers Day?
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karenvancouverisland
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not hopeless yet
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Sorry Father's day was rough for you (I'm sure everyday is tough...) and I bet you and your wife think about having a family all the time. Atleast that's how I feel. Man, doesn't it take a toll on you as well as the marriage. It really sucks!
But Rob, you can't think of yourself as a loser for not getting preg. Your wife and endo, plus the age plays a factor... sometimes I can't believe how many things have to be just right for it to happen. It's like the planets have to be aligned or something. A lot of women have endo and the doctors still try to make it happen... but then it comes down to $ and if you two are willing to be put thru the ringer.
My dh and I have been ttc for nearly 4 years and although all tests are inconclusive (which i guess they're insinuating we're perfectly normal... it's just not working, which makes it that much more frustrating because i sometimes think, atleast if we knew what the problem was we could try to fix it) and I've been poked, prodded, IUI'd 5 times, played the injection game for 2 months, taken oral meds and had major mood swings. And still NADA.
So we're taking a break this summer. I can't handle thinking about babies 24/7. And I don't know if you and your wife have done the injectibles route but its a real pain (not the needles, those barely hurt) but going in for bloodwork/ultrasound literally every other day. My arms looked like I was a junkie. Plus its a lot of coordination with doctor appointments and getting time off from work. So I'm glad to be on a break. But I'll also be re-energized to start IVF in the Fall.
Anyhow, I've certainly rambled on long enough. But you sounded so sad in your post. And I just want you and the wife to hang in there. I know God will make us both parents one day soon, if not thru fertility treatment, maybe thru adoption or something.
But Rob, you can't think of yourself as a loser for not getting preg. Your wife and endo, plus the age plays a factor... sometimes I can't believe how many things have to be just right for it to happen. It's like the planets have to be aligned or something. A lot of women have endo and the doctors still try to make it happen... but then it comes down to $ and if you two are willing to be put thru the ringer.
My dh and I have been ttc for nearly 4 years and although all tests are inconclusive (which i guess they're insinuating we're perfectly normal... it's just not working, which makes it that much more frustrating because i sometimes think, atleast if we knew what the problem was we could try to fix it) and I've been poked, prodded, IUI'd 5 times, played the injection game for 2 months, taken oral meds and had major mood swings. And still NADA.
So we're taking a break this summer. I can't handle thinking about babies 24/7. And I don't know if you and your wife have done the injectibles route but its a real pain (not the needles, those barely hurt) but going in for bloodwork/ultrasound literally every other day. My arms looked like I was a junkie. Plus its a lot of coordination with doctor appointments and getting time off from work. So I'm glad to be on a break. But I'll also be re-energized to start IVF in the Fall.
Anyhow, I've certainly rambled on long enough. But you sounded so sad in your post. And I just want you and the wife to hang in there. I know God will make us both parents one day soon, if not thru fertility treatment, maybe thru adoption or something.
I appreciate the support, but...
..we're still not getting pregnant, and I'm getting angrier every day. Seeing other women in our church who are pregnant doesn't help either. One girl had a daughter recently and today so many gathered around and congratulated her. I felt like my heart was being ripped out.I still feel like such a jerk for not getting my wife pregnant. Our sex life has gone down and I don't seem to care much anymore. She simply can't get pregnant. I don't know what our future is going to be like. At this rate we're going to die as old people leaving no children behind. Embarrassing. And I don't want to adopt either. Looks like we don't get to share the 9 month experience that everyone else takes for granted.
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not hopeless yet
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What about taking a break or a vacation to re-energize your sex life? Think back to when you two were first married and the reasons you fell in love.
Hey, I'm not saying my marriage is perfect. We've had the worse nights of our life while on this infertility rollercoaster. I think you question how your life might be different if you married someone else, you resent your partner for not agreeing with your fertility treatment ideas, not being supportive when you're having a tough day (or 4 years....), etc. But I try to take a step back and look at my spouse. First of all we're both human beings and need to be loved. And we were happy when it was just the two of us before the rollercoaster began. And we're both frustrated and sad that we haven't conceived yet. But I try to enjoy the time we do have together. And if you can't bare your soul to your mate, who can you?
And Desperate, I don't consider my dh less of a man because we're not getting pregnant. I hope you don't think your wife thinks that of you... I bet she even blames herself. I know I think I'm letting my dh down. But then again think of all the myterious innerworkings of the body and how many things have to be perfect to conceive. I, myself, wonder what's wrong with me... It's awful.
We shouldn't have to go thru this. We want children so badly and yet there's people out there getting pregnant without even trying. I mean, for God's sake I had a friend who, although she's married, was not ttc. And was actually disapointed when she found out she was preg. Ugh!!! These people take parenting for granted. I have another friend who complains about every aspect of pregnancy. And i just look at her and think "I'd give anything to be in her shoes. I swear I'll never complain about morning sickness or swollen feet when it happens to me..."
Hang in there.
Hey, I'm not saying my marriage is perfect. We've had the worse nights of our life while on this infertility rollercoaster. I think you question how your life might be different if you married someone else, you resent your partner for not agreeing with your fertility treatment ideas, not being supportive when you're having a tough day (or 4 years....), etc. But I try to take a step back and look at my spouse. First of all we're both human beings and need to be loved. And we were happy when it was just the two of us before the rollercoaster began. And we're both frustrated and sad that we haven't conceived yet. But I try to enjoy the time we do have together. And if you can't bare your soul to your mate, who can you?
And Desperate, I don't consider my dh less of a man because we're not getting pregnant. I hope you don't think your wife thinks that of you... I bet she even blames herself. I know I think I'm letting my dh down. But then again think of all the myterious innerworkings of the body and how many things have to be perfect to conceive. I, myself, wonder what's wrong with me... It's awful.
We shouldn't have to go thru this. We want children so badly and yet there's people out there getting pregnant without even trying. I mean, for God's sake I had a friend who, although she's married, was not ttc. And was actually disapointed when she found out she was preg. Ugh!!! These people take parenting for granted. I have another friend who complains about every aspect of pregnancy. And i just look at her and think "I'd give anything to be in her shoes. I swear I'll never complain about morning sickness or swollen feet when it happens to me..."
Hang in there.