Thread for those TTC many years

[kerpupples]

Hi ladies. I wanted to start a special thread for those of us who have been at this for a very long time.

I see women here succeeding at their very first attempt. While I can be happy for them, I also wonder why it's them and not me. I also see women going through IVF who have been previously able to have children, and I know that their pain is not the same as mine.

We decided in December of 2003 that we were ready for a baby. I stopped taking my BCPs. My body got confused and I did not have a period. I wish I'd known about the internet cheapy pregnancy tests back then because I sure wasted alot of money on tests! May '04 rolled around and still no period. I was put on Provera which finally jump started AF.

We gave it 2 years of trying with no medical assistance. I was in my early 30s and not concerned about age. In 2006 we finally decided to figure out what was wrong. DH's SAs varied widely between normal and extremely low count. We couldn't find anything wrong with me. Last summer we attempted an IUI unsuccessfully. At this point DH had enough diagnosed sperm issues for our insurance to convert us to IVF. The rest of my history you can see below.

During this time I've had a number of friends and acquaintances experience successful natural pregnancies at this time. One actually started whining about how it took her 4 months to get pregnant. She stopped once she'd heard our full story. I still wince wistfully at the sight of a pregnant woman.

Another friend from high school has been TTC for 10 years with 3 failed IUIs. Their insurance doesn't cover IVF and they don't want to adopt, so they've given up.

If we get to a stage of failed IVFs where we can't handle any more, we'll be considering adoption.

Thanks for letting me type my story out here. Would anyone else like to share?

Amy

[riogirl71]

Hi Amy,
I am sorry to hear about the BFN from the 8/08 FET. You are in my thoughts for a miracle. I can only imagine how frustrated you must be since they couldn't find anything with you. Have you and DH considered donor sperm with an IUI? I am really hoping and praying that your next FET will bring you a healthy bean. You are in my thoughts!
Good luck!

[kerpupples]

Thanks Rio! Gettiing awful close for you.

Current plan is to use the rest of our frosties in another FET. If that doesn't work we'll switch clinics for a fresh cycle.

We talked about donor sperm a little after the first cycle and BFN. DH isn't entirely comfortable with it and we haven't gotten and Dr. recommendations to do so. Since we did get a BFP with his sperm using ICSI we'll give it at least one more go. After that I guess we can discuss donor sperm again as well.

[dancingirl76]

Thanks so much for posting this. I look forward to getting home tonight from work to write down some of my story. I SOOOO here you about someone whining about 4 months trying... and wincing at the sight of a pregnant woman (especially when it comes in the form of your 17 yrs old half-sister in law (who now at 19 has TWO!!!). Did I mention she is still not married?? And then there are the other family members, coworkers, and friends who purposefully tell everyone else they are PG, but fail to tell you because it make THEM feel to bad.
Hmm... I'm not bitter much huh???

[DaniGirl]

Hi ladies,

I hope you don't mind me sharing as well. My husband and I have been TTC for 9 years now. The first couple of years, we thought we were just off on our timing, and so didn't worry too much. By about year four though, when my baby sister was pregnant with her third child, and his older brother was having his fourth, we realized that something had to be off and so went to see a specialist.

It was the most horrible experience ever, but we were young and didn't really understand the whole concept that doctors are there to serve you, not to be the boss of you. This specialist ran some tests, then told us we were perfectly healthy and that he'd like to take a slow approach to getting us pregnant. His first recommendation was $15,000 hormone injections and lots of intercourse. Considering our insurance covered none of it, and this was the first thing we were trying, we asked if there were no other less expensive methods to try first. Like diagnoising the problem. He then refused to treat us and we felt a little betrayed by the specialist and proceeded to try to find someone else. There were several other incidents that happened with that particular doctor as well, but at this point I like to try to forget all that heart ache.

Our second specialiast at least took the time to listen to us, but also had the attitude that as we were young, there really couldn't be a problem with us and so began with first one drug course than another. We tried Clomid, we tried Fermara, we tried charting, we tried temping, we tried ovulation predictors, and nothing worked. We felt like we wasted three years just trying all of these things, only in the end to have the doctor offer to have us try them all again. We shook our heads and began looking for another specialist.

By this point, it had been close to 8 years of trying. Once we found a specialist this time, we were thrilled to find he had the same sense of urgency we did. His recommendation at this point, now that we were both turning 34 this year, was to go straight to IVF. After reviewing all of our tests, the only factor they can determine is that DH's sperm count is unreliable. One day its super low, the next super high. One day they're moving great, the next sample they're all swimming in place. So, he suggested IVF with ICSI to solve all of these factors and give us our best chance, as both time and money was running out at this point.

Because our insurance covers nothing related to infertility, we have enough funds to go for one shot at IVF. If it fails, I think by this point our dreams of having a child on our own will be laid to rest, and we will give up and pursue adoption. But I really don't want to give up. After watching my baby sister through four pregnancies at this point, and my sister in law through her five, I want desperately to be pregnant as well, even just one time.

I currently have my ER scheduled for this Friday, 8/22. I'm responding well to meds, but I still can't help but feel it might all be futile. After so long, you just can't hurt anymore, I'm more or less numb and going through the motions. I keep thinking if I can keep myself sane and together just long enough to get to the pregnacy test, then I could decide which direction to let my emotions go in.

Anyway, it was nice to get some of it out for once!

-Dani

[riogirl71]

kerpupples - how many are you going to transfer next time? We transfered all 4, no frosties.

[Marynaz]

Dear Ammy and Dany,
I am so sorry for what you both going through and I can totally understand you.
My DH and me trying to get pregnant for almost 3 years. I had 2 failed IUI. and one failed IVF. I have done 2 hystroscopy, and our insurance didn't not cover any of it just paid half of hystroscopy.
When I read some stories I feel more nervous. I really don't know how many IVF should I go through? It is not an easy thing. I will pray for you both. Dany please think positive and help yourself I hope all goes well for you.
Ammy, I have heard FET has higher success rate than fresh cycle so hope next time it will work for you.
I didn't know being a mom can be this difficult for me. After my BFN last week I feel so down.

[jade81]

Hi girls
I would love to join you. DH & I have been TTC#1 for 5 years 8 months (but who's counting)
We started Clomid, FSH & IUI's in August of 2004 and our first IVF attempt was January 2006 (took us a while to save up). After our 1st failed IVF attempt I was just devasted - I had this dreamy notion that IVF would work 1st go! Deluded I know. So we took an 18 month break (due to money etc) and travelled, I changed jobs and FS & fertility clinic and we started again at the end of 2007. Our next IVF however wasn't until February of this year as it took a while to get our drug concotion right again. This 2nd cycle resulted in a BFP but only for 3 days when I bled and cramped so terribly I knew there was no hope. We have just undergone a FET - had 4 snow babies - 2 survived the thaw and we had them transfered last Sat (16th) so I'm now in the 2WW.
I feel like such a horrible person sometimes when I am so bitter at others for gaining their miracles without so much as a thought. I know I don't mean it intentionally but it is so hard to keep having friend after friend fall pregnant with now their 2nd or even 3rd child in the same time DH & I have been trying for 1.
I still believe it will happen someday (i hope soon) and I know that I haven't endured as much as even some of you ladies have gone through. Infertility & IVF is such a rollercoaster - I just hope & Pray we all get our healthy bubs soon
xxx

[dancingirl76]

Yes- we are a special bunch those of us who have tried for a long time. I think it is something that no one can truly understand until they go through it... how exasperating it is to try over and over and still have nothing. And... then when it does happen not being able to truly enjoy it because you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. I asked that the other day... when do you finally stop being a nervous wreck. Answer: NEVER!!!

My husband and I have been trying almost 6 yrs now. We tried Clomid (no luck), Femera (ovulated 2 times then nothing). Throughout that time I had a friend going through the same thing but had classic PCOS (i only have 1 symptom of it). She did become pregnant 2 times on the Femera.
We were about to give up when my insurance at work changed and they started covering infertility treatments.
We had been going to a University hospital for treatments so decided to try IVF there although several other people we knew were going to a private clinic elsewhere.
The first time in April 07 everything was good until there were problems at the transfer (see thread called problems during transfer which tells what happened). It was a terrible time and didn't work.
Went to try another cycle in June but I "flared" so it got cancelled. My so called Flare was 2 points higher than what you should be at for estradial on suppression which I thought was a little anal retentive in the grand scheme of things. I guess after those problems I should have seen the writing on the wall that it wasn't the place to be. They were too ruled by their board so everything was a numbers game (if you have x amount of eggs we will freeze x amount right off the top, and if you have x amount of embryos on day 1 we'll freeze x amount right off the top, and then if you have x amount you'll be day 3 transfer or x amount 5 day). Nothing was individual to your situation. I can't totally be mad at them for that, they want the highest success rate, etc. but it just wasn't personal enough.
Decided we'd give them one more time and in Sept 07 they put me on a flare protocal (because of June) and it was a horrible cycle. We didn't end up with many eggs and had only 2 embryos and they were not very good quality. Again... negative and left with nothing. I thought they totally screwed it up.
We then decided to change clinics and things have seemed better since. I feel really comfortable with the dr. and feel like he genuinely cares about the outcome. We did at least get a positive in Dec but I had a m/c and they thought it was twins because of how my numbers were climbing etc. Basically the bad one that I m/c also caused the good one to m/c too.

Now that we are on the 4th one (beta is this Sat) I don't know what way it will go. I have feelings it will be negative just because I don't know if I will be lucky enough to have two cycles in a row with a positive. Would see too good to be true.

It is so hard to see everyone around me get pregnant with no trouble (cousins, friends, co-workers). One of my co-workers who knew my situation about 3 yrs ago was whining because she had been trying for 6 mo and hadn't gotten pregnant... but she wasn't charting her cycle or anything... just blindly trying. She was carrying on one day and I turned to her raised my hand and literally said "excuse me!!! 3 yrs!!!". She still didn't seem to get it. One of my other co-workers took her aside at one point and told her to keep her comments to herself and how did she think it made me feel knowing my situation. When the gal did finally get pregnant I had to over hear them all talking about it like it was a big secret from me and like I wasn't even sitting there. She didn't want to tell me... and that happens a lot... every cousin... every friend... all the same. I'm the last one they tell and usually I have to hear about it from someone else. And then I have to hear when they tell other family members how sorry and bad they feel that they are PG and we're having so much trouble. About makes me want to barf!
Then there is my sister-in-law. Miss fertile Myrtle. She takes the cake. Still a senior in high school (she's much much younger than us & just half-sister to my husband) and she gets PG... while on the PILL! She then moves in with the daddy and no more than that one is 2mo old she gets PG with another. A case where they are purposefully not getting married so we all can pay for the kids (title 19). It broke my heart when the first was only a month old and she came to our house. Plops the baby on the floor (still in the car seat) and walks away... didn't want anything to do with her. She blamed it on "the baby blues" and was given meds for it but wouldn't take it. I call it "the spoiled ass brat blues". I still don't think she has a lot to do with them. They are with the guys parents a lot... and the dad does most of the care of them from what I have seen. Just makes me INSANELY MAD!!!! I even asked her if she needed any help at all to let me know and she rolled her eyes at me. She's a B***H
Anyway... that's my rant for now. Happy thoughts... going to my happy place!

I guess I am very lucky I haven't had to pay for the IVF all out of pocket... but it still hasn't been cheap when it comes to co-pays, time off of work, etc. That's what we have to keep doing though... is finding the things that we are lucky for... the silver linings. I keep telling me there must be a reason it hasn't happened yet... but you get to the point where enough is enough. I keep thinking I don't know how many more times I can do this. Not so much the physical aspect of it... but the emotional side of it. I guess we still have more options... donor eggs... adoption... no kids at all. I'm only 32... but I just feel like time is getting away from me faster and faster all the time. And when you are forced to watch the rest of your family having babies and growing their families.... Words don't describe how it feels.

[kerpupples]

Sorry ladies I just replied to each of you and then my stupid browser ate my post. Argh! I'll rewrite it shortly.

[kerpupples]

dancinggirl - Excellent rant! My DH always jokes that if we were teenagers or on welfare we'd have no trouble getting pregnant. I can't believe how insensitive your coworker was. I'm sorry about your troubles with the first clinic too. Here's to hoping the change gives you a BFP!

jade - Go, BFP! You deserve it after all the out of pocket costs. I'm sure that adds an extra level of stress.

Mary - I forgot to mention but I had a hysteroscopy too. The hsyterosonogram revealed a uterine adhesion that they wanted to remove prior to my first IVF cycle. During the hysterosocopy my RE also discovered about 20 uterine polyps, so she ended up giving me a D&C. Take some time to get right emotionally before you decide what to do next!

rio - we have 6 frosties. They aren't great, only 4-6 cells each, so we're going to transfer all that survive the thaw.

Dani - 9 years - ouch!!! I really do think some doctors put their own egos above patient's wellbeing. We wasted some time too because my DH's PCP said that we probably had our timing off. Good luck on Friday, keep us posted on how many eggs you get!

Thanks to all you ladies for responding to my thread. I'd like to follow you all here if that is OK. Peace and baby dust to us all!

[sweetmomi]

Didn't get a chance to read this entire thread but wanted to pop in to say we have been trying for 7 years and are now pregnant. It is a blessing. Be encouraged ladies!

[Xo'Phoeah]

I'm not sure how long is "many years," but it seems like it's been a while for us. We started trying on our own about 4 years ago. This past January, we went to the doctor. We've done one round of IVF (out of pocket) and one, really pathetic round of FET. I'm not sure where we're going now. We have male issues that will absolutely prevent us from getting pregnant on our own and a bank account that's not too keen on letting us do anything else - at least for now.

[kerpupples]

sweetmomi - Woo hoo, congrats! See ladies, there is hope!

Xo - Personally I would consider 3 years and up many years. I had a friend who went to an RE after trying for 6 months. All they did was use Clomid for one cycle and trigger with an HCG shot. No IUI or anything, and they got pregnant right away. She was in a frenzy about her fertility but I felt absolutely no sympathy for her. So sorry to hear about your 2 cycles. I think that's all we could have managed out of pocket too. There's adoption to consider but neither is that easy on the bank account. Good luck in your decision making!

I commend those of you having gone through mutliple cycles all BFN. The MC during our second cycle was very difficult, but it also let us know that at least I can get pregnant. Hopefully it doesn't end up stringing us along for nothing!

[Marynaz]

Hello All,
I saw me RE yesterday and he checked my uterus and found out nothing.
He told me that everything looks normal and also embies that we transferred were in a good shape and he was surprised that I am not pregnant. It was my first visit after BFN. Anyway I just feel very sad and not sure if this will work next time. I have never had BFP before and I am scared it will never happen to me. Anyway I have 2 more IVF since we already paid 3 cycles with money back guarantee in advance. Good luck to all of you. Anyone going to stim in October? I will start in October.