Feel guilty

kristinpa · Post by **kristinpa** » Sat Aug 30, 2008 11:23 pm

Hi all, I feel guilty because I got upset and started crying when I found out that my husband's sister is pregnant with her second child. She has a two year old son. I have had 2 miscarriages and am about to go through IVF. I am happy for her but I am so jealous that it is not me. Are these normal feelings?

jade81 · Post by **jade81** » Sat Aug 30, 2008 11:33 pm

Hi Kristin!
Those feelings are totally normal matie - don't feel you are a bad person or anything. The TTC journy is such an emotional roller coaster and especially starting IVF etc.. It sometimes seems so unfair how much we have to struggle and some it comes so easy too. It is only natural to feel a little jealous and sad... My SIL is preg at the moment with her 3rd in the time we have been TTC1 and she is now 26 weeks and I have been unable to see her. I have sent her a letter explaining my feelings and that it isn't personal etc but I just can't face seeing her growing belly at the moment.. I don't feel this makes be a bad person - with everything I have been through this year and the last few years its all I can do to self preserve at the moment....
I hope your IVF journy is short

xx

toobee · Post by **toobee** » Sat Aug 30, 2008 11:48 pm

Hey Kristin,
Those feelings are normal and common for those of us who are fertility challenged, if they werent then there are allot of us on here that arent normal

I know exactly how you feel. I have been in your shoes, in fact I am surrounded by fertile myrtles who get pregnant just by looking at other babies......or their husband.

This year alone my BF who is same age as me accidentally got preggo, 3 of my DH sisters got preggo, and my SIL got pregant twice, but sadly ended in miscarriage.

I really believe I will be a mom, it took me awhile to get to that place, and even sometimes I have days that are really hard where I feel like you. I believe you will be MOM too but you have to really believe that as well. My belief has really helped me through all my m/c's and now through my first IVF. Dont beat yourself up over having those feelings, but rather embrace them and deflect them with posistive images of you with your own child.

Chin Up girl......you will succeed!

lynniecat · Post by **lynniecat** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 12:04 am

Very normal. My best friend is pregnant with her first try of IVF. She is now 12 weeks. She sent me some ultrasounds pix today and it nearly killed me!!

snapper · Post by **snapper** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 12:32 am

I'm right there with you. Today I didn't go to a party at my sister's house bc there were going to be 5 babies and a pregnant chick there. I just couldn't do it and all day long I felt guilty. But, I try to remember what my therapist told me. First of all she told me NOT to go to events that would make me feel horrible and she told me that during this time, I have to be kind and gentle to myself. I think that's really good advice...if ever there is a time in your life when YOU come first, it's now! So, I think we all have to take advantage of doing what is best for us...even though it's hard. Once we are mommies...our babies will come first. So, now is our time to focus on us! And if that means we miss parties or events or that we can't be there for our pregnant friends and family...then, that's ok. We are good people and when we feel whole again, we'll be there for others just like we were before.

toobee · Post by **toobee** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 12:36 am

Snapper

Wonderfully said!!!

My step brother is getting married on Sept29th to his pregnant fiance.Since I am in my 2ww, Im not sure where my heads going to be at that time. On top of that , there will be ALLOT of big bellies there.......ALLOT...............I am so hoping for a BFP by then to make it easier to go and face them all.........

wishing4baby · Post by **wishing4baby** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 4:10 am

Hi Ladies, just wanted to say I totally relate. I can't walk through the mall without feeling like every pregnant woman and woman with a stroller is walking past me one at a time. It also feels like every month someone new from my family is pregnant. It is so hard, and I hate the jealousy I feel. But I agree with toobee...we need to believe and feel that we will be moms one day. It's what keeps me going.

kristinpa · Post by **kristinpa** » Sun Aug 31, 2008 2:18 pm

Thank you girls for caring and taking the time to reply to me. It has been especially hard lately because my due date (Oct 3) from the last pregnancy I lost is approaching. Also my grandmother passed away about 8 weeks ago so I have been really emotional all summer. I know I just need to hang in there and hopefully we will all be mommies soon! Thanks again for all of your kind words.

Feel guilty

Feel guilty

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