Thinking about IVF again....

nicolamark · Post by **nicolamark** » Sun Feb 22, 2009 9:32 pm

Hey, hi!! Havent posted on here in ages, but Ive been thinking about trying again, but im scared!!

We tryed IVF last in April 07, it ended with me being very ill, OHSS.... They cancelled the cycle 1 day before EC was due, i was so sad, but also so ill, if i'd continue it would have been dangerous. I'd gotten 30 odd follicles (cant remember the actual number now!) And some follicles were huge!! My ovaries swelled to the size of Melons!!!
Not good!!!
So i was pretty freaked by this happening as never imagined it would.
Ive been told, its good, to know i can get lots of follies, and that next time i'll just go on lower stims, but i am still scared!!

So we have been taking time out, its been almost 2yrs since that disastrous IVF and now my heart says try again. but my head says no!!!

We have discussed Adoption and are keen on that route too, would skip the pain and stress of IVF and the pain or labour, but then would i still be left thinking maybe i could have my own, and whilst i am still thinking of my own biological child, is it fair to adopt a child, with only half the heart.....
If i adopt, i have to do it for the child not me, and right now as long as i want a baby, adoption isnt right!!
Does that make sense?

But equally i am scared!!

Anyway, after the IVF in april 07 i went on NHS waiting list, not heard yet, it'll be coming up for 2yrs..... But i am not sure about using NHS, do u get such a good service?
Was at Isis, but living closer now to Bourne hall, so if anyone uses Bourne hall would love to hear from you.
Would love to hear from anyone who could chat this over with me and understand where i am at.....

Hugs Nicki xxx

wishfull27 · Post by **wishfull27** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 8:36 am

Hi Nicki

Did I not read omewhere on the boards that you had been travelling to take a break ?? - or am I confused with someone else ???

I have used Bourne Hall for my last 2 cycles - so if you want more info please feel free to PM me.
Totally understand where you are coming from with adoption and heart being with trying again - think maybe if you don't try again you will alwys be what if ... what if ?? - just my thoughts

Carolyn xx

souris · Post by **souris** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 4:31 pm

hey hey hey Nicki!!

are you back??

I was certain that i was going to see you soon back on the board (although I had wished that your trip would have done the trick!)

Adoption; as you know, we tried to go down that route wih Dh, unfortunately due to his age (and being ^%$$£* french) it is just impossible. I feel differently, as i would rather adopt than have my own.
But i do understand what you mean. I think a lot of people who adopt think the same (at least at first) but once they get their babe in their arms, all doubts , fears, tears goes away.

i also know a few couples who could not have bio children so adopted and did got pregnant after a few years. and they say that the love and the bond is exactly the same! that in many ways, they felt "pregnant" during the adoption process, that this "pregnancy" was obviously different but as intense!

For IVF my dear, i know too well how you feel, how scary it can be...

follow your heart, but whatever happens, dont letthe treatment rule your life!

easy to say huh! especially from me who was adamant that i would never do it again....
and guess who just had her 1st suppression injection!! yes me!
long story short : cant adopt, cant have kids without ivf so no choice. DH changed job and new insurance covers 1/2 of the cost per round, 4 rounds max...
So here I am having my 1st and hopefully last cycle in dubai!

that's why i was a bit quiet for the past months, had to think hard...

Glad to have you back, and hope you will find the answers to your questions!
xxxxxxxxx

pauline69 · Post by **pauline69** » Mon Feb 23, 2009 7:23 pm

Hi Nicki & Souris, I remember cycling with you guys.

Nicki, I can understand where you are coming from and wish you all the best in making your decision. If you do decide on another ivf, I'm sure they will monitor you to ensure you don't produce to many follicles.

We have had 3 failed ivf attempts using my own eggs, our last one being 3 years ago next month. I thought that it was the end of our ivf journey and finally managed to 'move on' with my life, but then, last August we thought we might try ivf again this time with donor eggs (my eggs are kaput) so since then have been investigating where to go etc and now have narrowed it down to 2 clinics in the Czech Republic. Now that we are almost doing ivf (with de) again, I'm scared and wondering if we are doing the right thing, afterall we are happy with our lives, but I don't want to regret not giving this a chance. I guess it is only natural to question, and also to worry about the outcome. Like you, my heart says yes but my head is confused.

Souris, how exciting for you, good luck with your cycle.

Pauline x

Kate21 · Post by **Kate21** » Tue Feb 24, 2009 9:32 am

Hey Nicky!!

Just read your post!! I know we will catch up when you get back but I did want to put my two penneth worth in as I know how you feel!

I vowed enough was enough with IVF and FET after 7 rounds and no baby - I just couldn't face anymore heart ache. We went down the adoption route only to be told it was a no go, so I had to re think my view and here we are about to go our first consultation for IVF #4 ( number 8 in total tmt's)!!!

I think you really need to go with your heart rather than your head as otherwise you may regret it later on. I know that first IVF was scarey with the OHSS but now they know how you respond there is no way they will allow it to happen again - they will monitor you really carefully.

I don't think there would be a problem if you adopted and the bond with that child but I don't think that the desire for your own bio child would go away either. For that reason I really think you should try again, you don't want to be thinking 'what if' in a few years time.

As for NHS v's private, I personally would go private but it is expensive. I had an NHS tmt at Barts and just felt like I was on a conveyor belt as it was so busy. I never saw the same consultant, or even the same nurse and just felt like a number rather than a person. Have the given you any idea how much longer you may have to wait for NHS tmt? Would you loose your place on the list if you did a private cycle?

Souris - good to see you back in the saddle so to speak!!! I can relate to what you are saying - here's hoping this is the tmt cycle for us - we can't be that unlucky again can we?! I am sending all the luck in the world over to Dubai for you and DH and this tmt - it will work for you

I'll be over in Dubai in April so I'll keep checking to see how you are doing x

Anyway, time to go - Nicky I'll txt you and see how you are doing.

Kate xx

souris · Post by **souris** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 4:22 pm

pauline, kate!!

how long are we going to be on this forum hey??!!

I have such mixed feelings for this cycle... dont want to be disappointed if negatif, and really scared to be pregnant and miscarry again... but if i dont try, i will never have children ( unless I change husband heeheehee)

I have been seeing a chinese acupuncturist who told me I have a cold uterus, so not very welcoming for a baby . I also have a very slow pulse ( i knew about that because EVERY doctor asks me if I do sports professionaly

I mean you should see me, short n plum and not into sports at all!!) so not very good for baby either,

so we will see...

Pauline, have decided then on which clinic? do you have an idea of when you will try again?
I have to say that doing IVF abroad is a bit more scary for me, doctors are different and dont explain much, I hate that!

kate, how upsetting for the adoption! same here, although we do have all the paperwork, Dh is too old

i was so excited about adoption. it was very hard to swallow...

good luck with your next round!!

Is it you who had a brother in dubai?? i cant remember sorry! If your coming for holidays and want to meet up, here is my phone 971 508456317

Nicki, how are you darling??

xxx

jen babes · Post by **jen babes** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 7:34 pm

Hi all

Souris & Kate good luck with next ivf x x x Souris lovely to hear from you x

carolyn ( wishful) good luck with your near oh so very near transfer x x x

pauline good news your going again too..good luck with DE you got at least a 60% shot at it wih younger eggs x x x

Nicki ah hun ((((HUGS))) even though youve been away for 5mths or so ...that baby pull is so strong. ( i feel it too). I would go with your heart and have a good talk with your past cosultant. NHS to me was like a convayer belt nurses were lovely but they are trying to push so so many people thru it wasn't tailored to my personal needs. If your name comes up soon go for it ( phone and check) ...it would be good to review your last cycle though and get an idea of how they would reduce the meds to get enough follies but not give you OHSS. good luck and lovely to hear from you

love to you all girlies ...i still read about you all and would so love to join you. health and auto immune problems holding me back. as well as DH !

still dream of babies tho

good luck and tons of baby dust to all

jeni
xxxxx

nicolamark · Post by **nicolamark** » Mon Mar 09, 2009 10:03 pm

hi... thanks for your replies, its great to have support from this site. It never fails!
anyway, just a quick post as i am tight on time, but wanted to say we are still thinking!!
Yes, we have been away from Uk travelling and enjoying life and its been fab, but still i have a urge to be a mummy.
Life is up in the air right now and once we are settled down sure we will look more into it.....
So Carolyn, i'll be in touch re: Bourne Hall

Souris, you kept that quite huney, i wish you best of luck, you know where i am if u need my support (((((hugs)))))

Jen&Kate as always my best buddies! (((((Hugs))))))

Pauline, let me know what u decide also.

pauline69 · Post by **pauline69** » Tue Mar 10, 2009 9:59 am

Hi Nicki,

Well after much soul searching I decided not to go ahead with any more treatment. It has taken me 3 long years to get to a place where I am happy with my life and I don't think I can put myself through all the mental, physical and emotional baggage that comes with doing IVF, especially if it was negative only to end up back where I was 3 years ago.
Having made this decision I felt like a weight was lifted from me and now I'm carrying on with my life. If in the future I regret this decision, well I shall have to deal with it then.

I hope you get your call up soon from the NHS so that at least you can review your previous cycle and get information on how they would plan your next cycle. If however, you didn't feel comfortable with your clinic the last time and it is the same clinic this time, then I would advise going private if you can afford it, as at least then you can pick where you go. Good luck with your decision.

Souris, good luck with your cycle, sending lots of baby dust your way.

Pauline x

nicolamark · Post by **nicolamark** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 8:10 am

Hi all, thought i'd just let ya all know, (kate & Jen u already know!) We have appoitment for open day in bourne hall, and also we are top of list on NHS, so great news.... the ball is rolling. So hopefully sometime this year we'll be cycling aagin!!! xxx

jen babes · Post by **jen babes** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 8:29 am

Nicki ....
wishing you and Mark all the luck in nthe world on you next tmt x x x

GOOD LUCK

Love jeni
xxxx

nicolamark · Post by **nicolamark** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 8:34 am

Thanks Jen, always there for me, and ive only just posted. You must be my guardian angel. xxxxx

jen babes · Post by **jen babes** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 8:38 am

Have sent you a PM...check on here occasionally and never in the morinings. Guess someone is looking after us , think your right there ...thinking of ya babe x x x

nicolamark · Post by **nicolamark** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 4:03 pm

thanks Jen. xxx
I havent been on here for sometime, but now we are back in the loop, its helping a bit.
I'll check PM now. xxx

Smita · Post by **Smita** » Fri Mar 27, 2009 8:42 pm

Hey Nicki, Hey Jen,

My pillars of support when i needed you guys..
Good Luck Nicki- I dont come here these days..but now that i know you're probably going to cycle soon, I'll come in more often..

Jen,
Hows u dh and broc?
Hope you're doing well hun- Sending you big hugs across cyber space.

Love you girls, you're the bestest.

we- dh, dhruva and me are doing very well..
We're movingout of bahrain to Abu dhabi now- its an hours drive from dubai..a bit excited, a bit scared..
well, thats the news from me now..

Love,

smita

Thinking about IVF again....

Thinking about IVF again....

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