Does anyone else do this?

michelle_in_scotland · Fri Dec 05, 2003 3:30 pm

Hi, Am i the only one or does anyone else tend to bottle up all their emotions, thoughts and feelings until you get to the point where the simplest of things just makes you totally break down and sob your heart out? This happened to me yesterday. My Fiance wanted us to put up our christmas tree as he knows how much i love this time of year, but i just didn't want to do it. He dug the tree and all the decorations out the shed and kept on at me to help, i just kept saying i didn't want to, couldn't be bothered etc. and he kept asking why don't i want to. He knew and asked was it because i'm upset we're having to wait til around next summer to start treatment, i said no and at this point i could feel my eyes filling up so i went off to make some coffees, by the time they were made i'd kinda pulled myself together and took them through to the living room and sat down. He started again and i just couldn't keep it in any longer and just totally broke down. I told him everything i was feeling, about having to wait, how hard i'm finding it especially this year with his younger brother having a 6 month old baby girl. He was great, he said i should've talked to him sooner instead of bottling it all up, reassured me about everything and even surprised me, he told me that the day before at work, he booked time off in May over my birthday and wants us to start making our wedding plans for then. After our talk i started to feel a bit better and ended up actually enjoying decorating the tree with him. So for me yesterday the simple task of decorating our tree was my trigger. I'm feeling much better about everything today and as soon as we start planning our wedding i know the time will soon fly in and we'll be married and our treatment will start. I was just wondering if anyone else is like me with bottling things up? I better go now and rescue my tree from my kitten, she thinks it's a new play toy for her and keeps on climbing inside it. Take care everyone, Lots of love Michelle

ANGELA · Post by **ANGELA** » Fri Dec 05, 2003 8:40 pm

Hi michelle sorry to hear you had a bad day yesterday. i am exactly the same keep everything inside until i explode i cant keep it in any longer can br the smallest smallest thing that sets me off so you are not alone far from it i should think would think many of us on here do the same thing my love and best wishes to you and df love Ang [Edited by ANGELA on 05-Dec-03 12:41]

alisonn · Post by **alisonn** » Sun Dec 07, 2003 9:02 pm

you are not alone............im on my 4th icis treatment and am also on the donar list due to my age, (43 last friday) i was on the way to the airport on friday to catch a flight to dublin 2 meet up with my partner and missed my flight, they had closed the M25 due to a smash between 2 lorries i was just so on edge i ended up pulling into the side of the road and sobbing my heart out before returning home !!!! but sounds like we are both lucky and have special partners.

Jo Locker · Post by **Jo Locker** » Mon Dec 08, 2003 4:29 pm

Michelle your story really reminded me of myself so much - there's absolutely nothing wrong with how you were - you can't cry all the time can you but sometimes things just build up and Christmas is such an emotional time especially when you're trying to succeed with this IVF lark. Smaller things than Christmas have started me off in the past I can tell you! Bet your fiance was glad to be able to comfort you cos he's probably feeling just as bad, and and welcomed the chance to let out his emotions a bit too. Christmas is weird when you're wishing so much for a baby but as well as being a bit sad I always found it to be a hopeful time as well, as you contemplate next year - you can at least relax a bit and enjoy what may well be your last Christmas on your own just the two of you, God-willing. Take Care and stay positive. Jo. XXX

michelle_in_scotland · Mon Dec 08, 2003 5:17 pm

Hi, thanx for all your replies. It's good to know i'm not alone in feeling this way. I actually done something about it today as i'm sick of feeling like this. I haven't worked for just over two and a half years due to a long term illness, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and i was due for another docs appt today, so this time i actually sat there and told him exactly how i'm feeling, where as in the past i've always felt i would sound silly telling him, but he was great about it, he said it sounds like i'm suffering from depression that my illness and now the stress of all the waiting around for treatment has really got to me and he's given me some "happy pills" to try out for a while to try and help me cope with it all. Michael is really pleased that i finally got the courage to talk to my doctor about it, i'm not really one for talking openly about my feelings, but after i left the docs office i felt like a weight was lifted and tomorrow morning i'll start my pills, so hopefully when christmas comes i'll try to enjoy myself and then look forward to making wedding plans and starting treatment. It's weird how one little chat with my doctor has left me feeling so much better. Wishing everyone all the luck in the world ... 2004 is going to be the year all our dreams come true. Take care Lots of love Michelle xxx