SO ANGRY *vent*

[leorira11]

So we found out last week that our baby had no heartbeat (I was supposed to be 8 weeks, baby measured 6). The doctors assumed that I would miscarry on my own once I stopped the PIO. Well, I didn't. No bleeding at all. I called the clinic and they said to come in today, to have another u/s and talk to a doctor.

U/s showed nothing surprising.... 6w-sized fetus with no heartbeat.

I met with the doctor who was there (not 'my' doctor). She was so mean to me. She KNOWS that I'm in the middle of a miscarriage. All she wanted to talk about was our next cycle (FET). I was not interested, but I went along with it. She was writing down the instructions for the next cycle, and she wrote "SET".

I interuppted and said we are thinking of transferring 2 (we only have 2 frozen). She said to me, "Why? Do you *want* to lose twins again at 22 weeks? Because you will!".... no. You don't know that. You don't know it will be twins. You don't know I can't carry twins to term. You dont' know that I *can* carry a singleton to term. Transferring 2 does not mean we will definitely have twins - it doesn't even mean I will definitely get pregnant.

I explained that emotionally, this is getting really hard (this FET will be our FIFTH cycle... I'm 24 and still waiting for my first 'take-home' baby). Also, I hate the idea of having a single emrbyo in the freezer because I have a friend who had just one, did a whole FET cycle only to discover on transfer day that the one embryo didn't survive the defrost).

I need this FET to work, and if it doesn't, I'd rather face a fresh cycle than an FET with single frostie.

She continued to make remarks like "if it was *me*, I would transfer just one".... You don't know me, lady! You think that my husband and I don't know the choice we are making. Do you think we don't AGONIZE over this every time we do a transfer?

And then, the icing on the cake.... the hospital only does "elective" D&Cs (ie, not urgent) on Tuesdays and tomorrow is all booked. So I have to wait another week. I know it isn't the biggest deal to wait, I just hate how no one is understanding how hard this is for me. I have to sit through our anniversary and DH's birthday with a dead baby inside me. Grrrr.... Also, I know what 'elective' D&Cs mean... I doubt so many women have missed miscarriages. Nope. I'll be sitting with all the women having elective abortions. Damnit.

[lt81]

What a total Cow!

I'm sorry you had such a tough time with her. Sounds like she made a whole load of assumptions without any thought to the entire situation. With these processes, I feel like sometimes the doctors look at you and your age and assume you have all the time in the world so to take things slowly, 1 emby at a time. Not appreciating the heartache, stress and financial burden it puts on us all (regardless of age).

x

[margi26]

Oh Leorira honey, how totally dreadful!!

I am so sorry you were treated with such insensitivity and especially during such an emotionally difficult time. It has been such a rollercoaster for you and you didn't deserve that treatment.

I myself am recently getting over a miscarriage--and I too had a very insensitive response from my doctor and nurse. As if that in and of itself isn't enough heartache and sadness. It just makes me speechless.

Please have my condolences for the ENTIRE situation. I am sending you positive thoughts and energy.

Is there not somewhere else you could go for your D&C?!? My obgyn offered to take care of mine if I had needed it.

And regarding the "twins" issue. It seems to me that you--of all people--would be keenly aware of the risks and concerns. How dare she be so thoughtless as to try to manipulate you with that grief. Again, I am sorry....everything that you were saying makes total sense.

Stay strong. Vent all you want.

((((((HUGS)))))))

[leorira11]

thanks for your responses.

I really do get the feeling from a lot of people "oh, you are so young, it'll happen in time"...

well, we started TTC when I had just turned 21... I just had my 24th birthday. I may be young, but I've been waiting a long time...

It's so hard when the people you EXPECT to understand (doctors/nurses who deal with IVF all day) are the ones who give you the most insensitive responses.

[angelaezra]

Leorira - I am so sorry to hear about your loss and your experience with your physician. I know what you mean about a physician just thinking you have all the time in the world to have a baby. My DH and I have been married for 10 1/2 years and have been trying to start our family ever since. As you can read by my signature I have had a lot of losses also. But, the doc would always say your young and you have plenty of time. Well, 10 years later here we are...

I am praying that everything goes well for you and by this time next year that you are blessed with your bundle of joy!

Angela

[Heidi67]

Leorira- I'm so sorry you've had such an awful experience. Unfortunately not everyone has emotional intelligence. I hope that the nurses and dr's you'll deal with in the future have a lot more. It is horrible that they are making you wait anoother week for a D &C .

When you meet with your RE express your concerns about the thaw rate during FET to help make your case about having 2 thawed for transfer. I wish I had been as active in my reproductive health and pushed harder for testing when I was younger. I admire you, you sound like a strong woman, honour your inner voice, it's usually right.

[jenice]

I am sooo sorry you had to go through all of this. Especially dealing with insensitive and cruel comments. I know it feels like salt being poured into a wound. I transferred 3 embryos this time and am pregnant with a singleton. They suspect I could of started out with another cause I had a SCH @ 7 weeks. On ultrasound always only showed one but the RE had a really hard time scanning me. Both other cycles I transferred 2 embryos. It is your body and your decision in the end. Follow your heart

[Lauren319]

Leorira - I hate that woman. First of all, there has to be somewhere that can do your D&C. The same thing happened to me, but we decided to go to a private office and pay out-of-pocket because the emotional stress was just too much for me. Second of all, it's your body, your embabies, do what you want and what will make you happy. F*ck everyone else, including the hag that you were forced to talk to.

[jla018]

I am so sorry honey! That sounds devastating!
I am also surprised that a doctor would say something like that to you about the twins.
Have you thought about putting in a report to member services?

Again, I am so sorry for this nightmare you have to go through. Don't let anybody try to tell you what to do.
Ultimately, it is your body and you know the pros and cons enough to make your own decisions!

**hugs!*