A light at the end of the Tunnel

Lucy · Post by **Lucy** » Fri Aug 15, 2003 9:11 pm

Dear All I've not posted much on this part of the site but I thought that after reading about all the real sadness, hurt and misery I would post something that was a little positive. I have been a long term IVFer and with an IUI and 6 attempts at IVF with ICSI I can honestly say that it took me along time to crawl up and out of the black hole of infertility. We are going down the adoption route and feel like it was all ment to be, a big black cloud has been lifted and that dull miserable feeling inside has vanished. I won't say that I am enjoying the actual process of adoption and the investigation into our lives but I know at the end of it all I will have a little person and that makes me happy. I can now enjoy my life and enjoy my friends children without wondering if I will ever be a Mum becasue I know I will be. There are lots of kids on this planet looking for homes and some days I wonder if mother nature did not introduce infertility problems as a way of waking us up to the fact that we should look after the children this world has already. A rather friends of the earth point of view I know but after reading up on adoption and the little people that desperatly need a mum and Dad we realized that this is the way forward for us. We have completed the adoption workshops and are just waiting to have a social worker assigned to us so we can start the home visits. If IVF was free on the NHS it still wouldn't be cheap enough for me. I would need to be paid a considerable amount to put my body and mind through such a tramatic situation ever again. I may have failed in my quest for a baby but I have won the feeling of satisfaction that adoption is the right thing for us. All the very best to all of you Lucyx

ogr · Post by **ogr** » Sun Aug 17, 2003 3:12 pm

i wanted to tell you congradulations... you are a wonderful woman and you will be a wonderful mother.. i know i wouldnt trade our to apoted teenage boys for anything. i couldnt love them more if i had given birth to them.. let us know how and when it all happens. becky

maria · Post by **maria** » Sun Aug 17, 2003 7:54 pm

Lucy You are very positive which is a great comfort. We are just at the beginning of this process. We have been ttc for over two years and have been having investigations done. From what has been found out so far, it looks as though our only way forward to having our own baby will be through IVF. Like you however, we have always thought of adoption as a very worthwile route to having children and had always condsidered this as an option even before we knew we had fertility problems. It seems quite strange now that we had discussed adoption and feel that maybe it was meant to be. We will shortly be making the decision of whether or not to pursue IVF, but I am hesitant after reading some of the messages on this site, of the trauma other couples have gone through. We haven't even started IVF but at the moment I feel very lost and a great sense of sorrow due to the fact that we are unlikely to have children. At the moment I don't think I could cope with going through IVF, but I do not want to regret not doing it. I know only we can make this decision, but I just wanted to check out your (or anyone else who reads this) view on whether you are glad you tried IVF even if it didn't work. Maria

Zed2003 · Post by **Zed2003** » Wed Aug 20, 2003 6:39 pm

Oh Lucy, how right you are about the children on this planet. We have so much to give and so many children that it can be given to. As much as I'd love to have a child that was biologically mine and my hubby's, I'd be happy to give a home and love to a child that needed one - people are made parents not through an egg and a sperm, but through the love and care they give a child. Maria - of course you are the only one that can make the decision, but you have to feel ready in yourself. We've been trying for 6 years and had 3 full IVF attempts. The first did not work. The second did after a longer than usual process with many problems. We lost that baby a week after seeing the heartbeat and mentally it nearly killed me, never mind physically. At that point I vowed never to put us through that again, but after grieving for 8 months we did. I am now 9 weeks pregnant after our 3rd attempt, but again had many problems including bleeding and cramping. Please don't be hesitant because of reading any posts - I think that maybe shows you are not ready yet. I've only recently found this site and sometimes it scares me, sometimes it comforts me!!! All I know is that it comforts me that some people overcome their pregnancy problems and have their miracles - it keeps my hope alive. Becky - I have read your posts many times and often been brought to tears. I cannot even imagine what you have gone through and words could not express it even if I did. You are in my thoughts and I'm sure your courage gives strength to many. I'm thinking of you all girls. Take care whatever your decisions are. Love Zoe xx

Lucy · Post by **Lucy** » Wed Aug 20, 2003 8:14 pm

Dear All Thanks for all the messages and I do feel very positive about my life at long last. Becky it is obvious that your boys your DH and you have made something very special. Little Moses was part of you for a short time but he has added such richness and understanding to your life, and you in turn share it with others. Whilst I read what you have been through on the message boards and think you are a very strong lady I think you are a very cherished lady to have so much love and understanding making up your life. Maria each person has to set themsleves a limit to IVF and everyones is different. I did go through a time of beating myself up over the length of time and money I spent of IVF . But if I hadn't I would not be where I am today. The very best of luck with what ever you decide. Zoe I wish you every bit of luck and hope health and happiness in this pregnancy - remember it really does work for lots of people and sometimes reading this site can compound your fears which is not always a good thing when you are already on a emotional knife edge. This site is a small percentage of people doing IVF and everyone is different. Lucyx