Another day, another fight...

[jasmeen15]

I woke up another morning. My bad sheet are wet from my sweat. I don't know even if you can call it sleep, but I slept a little last night. Usually I can't do that, haunting nightmares will wake me up every 10 minutes or so. The news about me being infertile has had a tremendous impact on my life. I am scared, now more than ever. Is anybody else going through something like this? I would love to hear from you. It feels like I'm the only one suffering. The only person drowning. I've even lost faith in God. Honestly, I have lost faith in everything. I'm sorry if I sound whinny or anything. I'm really going through some tough shit right now. I would really appreciate some support.

[agileprincess]

Hello hunny. I hope your mental state improves as soon as possible. I know exactly how you feel. I have felt the same. When I was first diagnosed I thought that's it. The end of my life. There won't be happiness for me. How can the sun shine again for me? That's what I used to think. No matter how bad your situation might seem, I assure you you're not the only person going through this. Worry not, as tomorrow will come and the sun will shine again. Don't let this change your life! Don't lose faith in God. Don't rely on him either, rely on medicine. Don't let infertility win even a single match. Think positive thoughts and positive things will happen.

[jasmeen15]

Thanks for the support. Thanks for replying to me... It's super comforting. I'm sorry that you had to go through this. I'm even more sorry that there's nothing I can do to help. I understand what you're saying... But how can I be positive now? How can I not lose faith god? What God let's his creation go through something like this. I understand that what you're saying is the right thing. I just can't do it. It's consuming me... All I can do is watch and be sad. I don't know what to do. How can I fight back?

[agileprincess]

Come on girl. Crying and being sad won't help. It actually makes things worse. It makes other that love you sad. That's the only thing that it will bring to your life more misery. I'm telling you there are still many things you can do. Find new hobbies. Think of the fact that it's not over yet. Ivf, surrogacy and many other things exist that can help you. Crying will waste you valuable time. Do the things you love. The things that make you happy. Start watching a new series on Netflix. Work out harder and more. Forget about infertility for a while. Then when your ready go back to the doctors. And start healing yourself. You'll see everything will be just fine.

[jasmeen15]

I know I should do just that. It's just that... I can't right now! I can't do anything. As bad as this is for me, I can't. I can't find a new hobby. The ones I had I've left behind. I don't go the gym anymore. I don't go camping either. I loved doing those things a while back. Then infertility happened and everything changed. I feel bad for my husband too. However I can't help it. I want to change, so much! Yet I can't overcome the pain and sorrow.

[agileprincess]

I know, I know it's hard. I told you that I've been there. I know how it is and how it feels. It burns you like freaking gasoline. If you stay like this then what? You see what you should do is get your life back. Start going to the gym again. Go camping some more times. Remind yourself of how good it feels to do the things you like doing. One day, when your child will come to live, make sure you have many stories to tell him/her. Describing how you cried for months isn't be a good one. Convince yourself that things will become better. They will, trust me. I was diagnosed with infertility too. I did IVF and surrogacy. Now I'm a proud mother of 1. There's hope hunny, there's hope. Don't give up yet.

[jasmeen15]

Thank you for your effort. It means a lot. At times like this especially. I am glad for you. You made it! Well fucking done. But how do I know that the same fate awaits me. There's no guarantee. I can't go to the gym because I know I'll start crying there. That would be super embarrassing. Only imagining it scares me. I can't stop the tears. Once I do that... Maybe, and only maybe I will be able to get my life back. I don't know how to stop them though.

[agileprincess]

No need to thank me. I'm sure you'd do the same. At the end of the day I'm just doing my duty as a human being. Helping others out is something we all must do. The best thing you can do for me is to start being happy again. That would be more than enough. I don't know how you stop your tear. Forgive me for that. You have to figure that out yourself. What I can do is tell you that you must find a way right now. Go camping, alone with your husband. If you cry there no one will see you. This is just a start. If you love camping it will make you feel good. The fresh air will also help. And again, keep in your mind that it's not over.

[jasmeen15]

I want to believe your words so badly. I want to believe that it's not over. That there will be a happy tomorrow for me too. However I can't! No matter how much I try. Camping is a good. idea though. I might end up doing camping this weekend. I hope I will convince myself that good things will happen. I need to get out of this state as soon as possible. I'm afraid I'll develop depression or something. As if dealing with infertility wasn't enough. I'll have to take care of depression too. Who knows what can come next? I might even become suicidal. Ugh god, I hope such thing doesn't await me.

[agileprincess]

Believe in them then! Read them out loud and believe in them. Great, we found something you can do. Let's start there. First camping, then gym, then something else. I guess you're kinda afraid to leave the house as of right now. That's I understandable. You have to get rid of it though. You mentioned yourself what crying and crying and crying can bring you. It's good that you know that. Don't think too much about that though. This about how to get rid of the tears as of now. Why don't you start doing acupuncture afterwards? Did your doctor mention IVF? Acupuncture is fun and it will help your IVF? Think about it and let me know how you feel.

[jasmeen15]

I know where this road can lead me. In fully aware I can end up very badly. Maybe I should appreciate more what I have. You know, there's always been food on my table. I can afford most of the medication. Some people do not have even these things. Your changing my mindset. I can't find words to thank you. It's weird how easy it is to help people. Sometimes all it takes is a few comments. I know what acupuncture is. I will have to undergo IVF too. But I'm afraid of acupuncture... I don't think it's the right thing for me. Maybe I'm too much of a coward.

[agileprincess]

Hmmm, I see... But acupuncture can really help you. It always has a good impact on ivf. Other than that, a great way to kill your bad mood is to get out of your comfort zone. A little fear will boost adrenaline in your body. That can really help at times. I would also advise that you go to an amusement park. Ride some rollercoasters. That will get the heart pumping. Maybe go shopping too, spent some money. I don't know what else. Check the internet. If you steer clear of trolls you'll find some great advice. Tips on how to kill your bad mood are everywhere. To achieve something, you first need to want it. Try your best and eventually you'll get out of this.

[jasmeen15]

Is this scientifically proven? That acupuncture affects ivf... I have heard this before however I doubt it's true. I will think of ways to get some adrenaline myself. Thanks for reminding me of that. Putting it in my body with a needle is out of my list. An amusement park wouldn't be a great idea. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to stop whining there... Seeing many people with children will remind me... You get where I'm going. Shopping I would be and idea too, for the same reason. However I'll take that in consideration. Thanks for sharing. I know what I need to do. I'm half way done. At the very least I've taken the first step. I want to get out of this state.

[agileprincess]

That's the spirit. The most important thing right now is that. When there's will there always a way. You can go at an amusement park that is themed more for adults. With like more extreme rides. Go there at night time. Shopping can come later. Also start eating and overall living healthy. Here I say it once again Things will be fine. You'll see that is true late on. Yeah keep needles away from you. That's not something you want to do. I wish you all the best. I am really glad I could help. Much love to you xx.

[jasmeen15]

You can't believe how much you've helped me. I wish there was something I could do in return. I appreciate this so much. May God bless you. I wish you win the lottery or something. That's how much I appreciate your help. Wish you all the best you too. Much, much, much love to you!