I would just like some people to tell me it is going to be ok. I am so sad today. Can't stop crying. I'm testing Thursday but know its going to be a negative. Already done 2 first reposnse hpt's and they are negative. No symptoms.
I think I am going to give this whole ivf thing up. It takes over your life and I want to enjoy life for a change. I told dp this this morning and he agreed. However I think I wanted him to say to carry on, and now I feel I've let him down so badly .. that if he stays with me he can't have children and this isn't fair for him. And then I get scared that he might leave me, although I know he loves me very much.
I'm so sorry to be so negative but its really hit me today.
I'm going to contact a counsellor ... and give my dog a big hug.
How do you guys carry on ..... I suppose it is the realisation that if you don't carry on with ivf you won't become a mummy. I think this is why I am so sad today as it has hit me that I won't be a mummy.
so sad today
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sophiejane
- Regular
- Posts: 331
- Joined: Sun Jul 25, 2004 1:03 pm
- Location: Ringwood, Hants
Oh Sophie Jane 
I thought I was about to read that your AF had arrived or something!! Thank God it hasn't! Anyway, first of all let me put it this way - if it was OK to test at 9 days or 10 days the consultants would say so - I don't think they pick 14 days out of a hat and prolong our agony any more than what we have to go through - there is a reason it is 14 days and that is so that the HCG levels are high enough to count on a HPT! Keep the faith girl! You have been showing some good signs (twinges in tummy etc) - remember the positives!
Secondly, I totally understand about it taking up all of your life and I have thought exactly the same - both my DP and I agree that we shall be waiting a year for our next treatment - time is still on our side and also you need to be in the right frame of mind - that's why a break is good - not just for your body but for your relationship also. It is hard and there are many women on here who have great strength and continue on their mission no-matter-what - it's an individual decision on your part how you feel but there are plenty of people here who support you whatever you decide to do.
You will have down days - and the road ahead won't be easy - but then again nothing that comes easy is ever appreciated as much as something that has taken a huge amount of effort.
You need to pick yourself up - get out in the sun today (it'll be OK now as you are at the end of the 2ww) - do whatever you enjoy doing
Also, I find what helps is that you make plans so that if you do get a negative (A BIG IF) then you have other things to look forward to that you couldn't have done if you got a POSITIVE - work it to you own advantage - then it won't seem such a blow.
Right, hope this has helped somewhat - keep smiling and the world will smile with you ............
Big Hugs
Nickie
I thought I was about to read that your AF had arrived or something!! Thank God it hasn't! Anyway, first of all let me put it this way - if it was OK to test at 9 days or 10 days the consultants would say so - I don't think they pick 14 days out of a hat and prolong our agony any more than what we have to go through - there is a reason it is 14 days and that is so that the HCG levels are high enough to count on a HPT! Keep the faith girl! You have been showing some good signs (twinges in tummy etc) - remember the positives!
Secondly, I totally understand about it taking up all of your life and I have thought exactly the same - both my DP and I agree that we shall be waiting a year for our next treatment - time is still on our side and also you need to be in the right frame of mind - that's why a break is good - not just for your body but for your relationship also. It is hard and there are many women on here who have great strength and continue on their mission no-matter-what - it's an individual decision on your part how you feel but there are plenty of people here who support you whatever you decide to do.
You will have down days - and the road ahead won't be easy - but then again nothing that comes easy is ever appreciated as much as something that has taken a huge amount of effort.
You need to pick yourself up - get out in the sun today (it'll be OK now as you are at the end of the 2ww) - do whatever you enjoy doing
Also, I find what helps is that you make plans so that if you do get a negative (A BIG IF) then you have other things to look forward to that you couldn't have done if you got a POSITIVE - work it to you own advantage - then it won't seem such a blow.
Right, hope this has helped somewhat - keep smiling and the world will smile with you ............
Big Hugs
Nickie
1st Cycle ICSI - Cancelled before E/R due to poor response
2nd Cycle ICSI - April 2004 Negative
3rd Cycle FET - July 2004 - Negative
4th Cycle ICSI - Nov 2004 - BFP (Oh my GOD)
2nd Cycle ICSI - April 2004 Negative
3rd Cycle FET - July 2004 - Negative
4th Cycle ICSI - Nov 2004 - BFP (Oh my GOD)
Sophie Jane
They are wise words from Nickie - I would be suprised if there is one of us on here who has not felt that way -and please don't think I am belittling your feelings I am not!
Firstly you have not tested yet - if I had a pound for the number of people I know who have said the same and felt the same two days before and got a BFP then I would be rich!
NExt - don't put up fences yet that need to be jumped when you are way off them - you will only fall flat on your face. IVF is the most enormous rollercoaster and we all find strength somehow. True - some wake up one day and just know it is over and they can't carry on - I don't believe you are there yet as you so clearly said you wanted dp or dh (sorry) to tell you to carry on. You will both make the decision in time. It does take over life and I just carried on as you will see from my history but at 38 now felt time was not on my side. They do sort most people out most of the time that is all I can say. I rang Dagny yesterday and said to her I felt that after particularly Oliver died I had been thrown off mount everest and all I could see were a whole mountain range to climb again and how on earth would I do it - deep breath and off again. You are not me and vice versus but first just test and then decide what the future holds - your dream is probably just around the corner.
Love
tracey
xxx
They are wise words from Nickie - I would be suprised if there is one of us on here who has not felt that way -and please don't think I am belittling your feelings I am not!
Firstly you have not tested yet - if I had a pound for the number of people I know who have said the same and felt the same two days before and got a BFP then I would be rich!
NExt - don't put up fences yet that need to be jumped when you are way off them - you will only fall flat on your face. IVF is the most enormous rollercoaster and we all find strength somehow. True - some wake up one day and just know it is over and they can't carry on - I don't believe you are there yet as you so clearly said you wanted dp or dh (sorry) to tell you to carry on. You will both make the decision in time. It does take over life and I just carried on as you will see from my history but at 38 now felt time was not on my side. They do sort most people out most of the time that is all I can say. I rang Dagny yesterday and said to her I felt that after particularly Oliver died I had been thrown off mount everest and all I could see were a whole mountain range to climb again and how on earth would I do it - deep breath and off again. You are not me and vice versus but first just test and then decide what the future holds - your dream is probably just around the corner.
Love
tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
Sophie Jane,
I just wanted to add that, if you are taking progesterone, that may be at least partially responsible for how down you are feeling. Due to all the hormones, at the end of my 2 ww last time, I was also crying frequently and felt really depressed and hopeless about things. When I got the anticipated -tive, I really felt like it was the end of the world at the time. About a week later, when all the hormones, had cleared my system I felt 100 times better. I hadn't even realized how much the medications were actually affecting me. Add to that, the fact that one has to give up so many things normally used to take the edge of stress during the 2 ww (i.e. hot baths, a nice glass of wine, exercise, sex, etc!). Yes, things do suck as far as having to go through all of this and, of course, you have reason to be down but, if it's any consolation, you won't keep on feeling as down as you do right now.
As far as DP goes, I'm sure he does not see this as your fault and he won't think of you as the bad guy if you decide you can't continue with any more treatment. I told my DH that I wouldn't do a full cycle of IVF again and, once we use the frozen embryos, that's it and I want to move on. Even though I think he wants children even more than I do, he was very understanding about the toll this whole thing takes as I'm far more important to him than having children is. I'm sure your DP feels the same so don't stress yourself out with that additional unecessary worry!
Last, there is still some hope. Like Tracey says, there have been a number of people who have tested -tive the day before (or even the morning of) their blood test and have actually ended up with a +tive. As long as AF hasn't showed up, there is still a chance.
Hugs,
Staci
I just wanted to add that, if you are taking progesterone, that may be at least partially responsible for how down you are feeling. Due to all the hormones, at the end of my 2 ww last time, I was also crying frequently and felt really depressed and hopeless about things. When I got the anticipated -tive, I really felt like it was the end of the world at the time. About a week later, when all the hormones, had cleared my system I felt 100 times better. I hadn't even realized how much the medications were actually affecting me. Add to that, the fact that one has to give up so many things normally used to take the edge of stress during the 2 ww (i.e. hot baths, a nice glass of wine, exercise, sex, etc!). Yes, things do suck as far as having to go through all of this and, of course, you have reason to be down but, if it's any consolation, you won't keep on feeling as down as you do right now.
As far as DP goes, I'm sure he does not see this as your fault and he won't think of you as the bad guy if you decide you can't continue with any more treatment. I told my DH that I wouldn't do a full cycle of IVF again and, once we use the frozen embryos, that's it and I want to move on. Even though I think he wants children even more than I do, he was very understanding about the toll this whole thing takes as I'm far more important to him than having children is. I'm sure your DP feels the same so don't stress yourself out with that additional unecessary worry!
Last, there is still some hope. Like Tracey says, there have been a number of people who have tested -tive the day before (or even the morning of) their blood test and have actually ended up with a +tive. As long as AF hasn't showed up, there is still a chance.
Hugs,
Staci
Me 35/DH 41
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
TTC 4 years
Diagnosis: MF infertility
IVF/ICSI April 2004: -tive
FET Aug. 2004 (canceled due to cysts)
FET Jan 2005: -tive
FET Aug. 2005
SophieJane
You sound just like me I do this every time we go through IVF, I have not symptoms and "know" it hasn't worked, last time was the same but I was pregnant with twins.
Your body is exhausted after what you have put it through not to mention chock a block with hormones so this always makes things harder. Just try to stay strong for the next 2 days and see what happens.
I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you.
Ellie
You sound just like me I do this every time we go through IVF, I have not symptoms and "know" it hasn't worked, last time was the same but I was pregnant with twins.
Your body is exhausted after what you have put it through not to mention chock a block with hormones so this always makes things harder. Just try to stay strong for the next 2 days and see what happens.
I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you.
Ellie
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loopylou57uk
- Regular
- Posts: 365
- Joined: Sun Jul 06, 2003 3:40 pm
- Location: england
HI SOFIE-JANE, SORRY TO SEE YOUR FEELING DOWN,BUT WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE,ONLY LAST WEEK FOR ME, I DONT FEEL SO BAD NOW,WE JUST HAVE TO GET ON WITH LIFE I SUPPOSE,
DONT WORRY THAT THE HPT SAID NEG,I DID 4 HPT AND ALL NEG,EVEN ON THE DAY OF BLOOD TEST STILL NEG, THEN THE RESULTS CAME BACK POS, SO KEEP YOUR CHIN UP, WE ARE DEF DUE A LOT OF POS+
BEST OF LUCK FOR THUR,LOVE LOOPY.
DONT WORRY THAT THE HPT SAID NEG,I DID 4 HPT AND ALL NEG,EVEN ON THE DAY OF BLOOD TEST STILL NEG, THEN THE RESULTS CAME BACK POS, SO KEEP YOUR CHIN UP, WE ARE DEF DUE A LOT OF POS+
BEST OF LUCK FOR THUR,LOVE LOOPY.
Sophie-Jane
I do feel for you... I can't really add anything to what the other girls have said, but agree with Staci re the hormones..... During the second week of my 2ww I felt so negative and tearful it was unreal ... you must hold on for just another 2 days and we'll see what Thurs brings. All fingers and toes crossed for good news pls. Chin up.
Sandra x
I do feel for you... I can't really add anything to what the other girls have said, but agree with Staci re the hormones..... During the second week of my 2ww I felt so negative and tearful it was unreal ... you must hold on for just another 2 days and we'll see what Thurs brings. All fingers and toes crossed for good news pls. Chin up.
Sandra x
Me 41 yrs old - dh 49 yrs old. ttc 110 yrs.
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11
1st cycle (ICSI)....Mar 04 -ve.
2nd cycle (ICSI)....Aug 04 -ve.
3rd cycle FET........May 05 -ve.
4th cycle (ICSI) ... Feb 06 -ve
5th cycle FET ..... Feb/Mar 11
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sophiejane
- Regular
- Posts: 331
- Joined: Sun Jul 25, 2004 1:03 pm
- Location: Ringwood, Hants
Thank you all so much for being so nice. I felt quite embarrassed 
after posting, thinking how selfish I am being and that this is only my second go and I am complaining so much. So apologies ... everyone is so bloomin brave on here .. what wonderful people you all are .
I have some brown spotting today ... I know this could be +ive or -ive. I will just have to wait and see. I'm not going to test again until Thursday.
Dp just told me that it is too early to decide what we will do after this treatment if it is -ive, and of course he is rational and right. We both jsut had a good cry, then took our mind off it and went and bid for some lovely things on ebay!! a hot tub and some pictures
I'm a bit worried now that we will win the bids as we can't really afford it!!!
I also took a double projesterone this morning .... (i think i passed the first one within an hour so thought I better insert another one - sorry tmi) and maybe this made me feel worse.
So two more sleeps until official test day.
Thanks again.
after posting, thinking how selfish I am being and that this is only my second go and I am complaining so much. So apologies ... everyone is so bloomin brave on here .. what wonderful people you all are .I have some brown spotting today ... I know this could be +ive or -ive. I will just have to wait and see. I'm not going to test again until Thursday.
Dp just told me that it is too early to decide what we will do after this treatment if it is -ive, and of course he is rational and right. We both jsut had a good cry, then took our mind off it and went and bid for some lovely things on ebay!! a hot tub and some pictures
I'm a bit worried now that we will win the bids as we can't really afford it!!!
I also took a double projesterone this morning .... (i think i passed the first one within an hour so thought I better insert another one - sorry tmi) and maybe this made me feel worse.
So two more sleeps until official test day.
Thanks again.
Hi Sophie-Jane,
First I just want to say you are not being selfish! It's completely understandable how you are feeling, and it's so much better to get everything off your chest and here is the place to talk everything through!
Well, I can't really add to the great advice given by the girls, but I'm glad you are not going to test until tomorrow now. I just wanted to add a positive story - Christina who was a May cycler tested twice on actual test day, both -tive, then a day later came up +tive!
Ebay is a great IVF medicine I think - I think it should be prescribed with our TMT!!! Keep up the bids and it will be soon be tomorrow..
Wishing you loads of luck for tomorrow and thinking of you...
Kel X
First I just want to say you are not being selfish! It's completely understandable how you are feeling, and it's so much better to get everything off your chest and here is the place to talk everything through!
Well, I can't really add to the great advice given by the girls, but I'm glad you are not going to test until tomorrow now. I just wanted to add a positive story - Christina who was a May cycler tested twice on actual test day, both -tive, then a day later came up +tive!
Ebay is a great IVF medicine I think - I think it should be prescribed with our TMT!!! Keep up the bids and it will be soon be tomorrow..
Wishing you loads of luck for tomorrow and thinking of you...
Kel X
Hang in there - I know it's hard but you can do it.
Thinking of you.....
Love
Tracey
xxx
Thinking of you.....
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
Sophie -Jane,
I have felt a lot of the things you were feeling too. Especially the I don't think I can go through this again. I actually said that to one of the doctors right before my last retreival. It takes so much out of you, emotionally, physically and financially. And it puts a strain on the best of relationships.
Hang in there, I've got my fingers and toes crossed for you!
I have felt a lot of the things you were feeling too. Especially the I don't think I can go through this again. I actually said that to one of the doctors right before my last retreival. It takes so much out of you, emotionally, physically and financially. And it puts a strain on the best of relationships.
Hang in there, I've got my fingers and toes crossed for you!
Me - 35 Unexplained DH 37
TTC#1 since '97
5 IUIs
1st IVF 5/04 - transferred 2-neg
2nd IVF 7/04 - transferred 3-pos but MC at 8 wks.
TTC#1 since '97
5 IUIs
1st IVF 5/04 - transferred 2-neg
2nd IVF 7/04 - transferred 3-pos but MC at 8 wks.