3rd failure - very depressed

alison p · Post by **alison p** » Fri Nov 22, 2002 12:56 pm

Dear all, I wrote last week about my period pains - unfortunately they were just that and I started bleeding on day 12. I did the test that night and it was negative. What a bummer. I can't believe it's failed for a 3rd time - what more do we have to do? I'm fed up with friends saying 'don't worry you can try again', they just don't know what it's like to fail time and time again. I'm sure I'll start feeling better soon, but at the moment life's very black. Alison

Sarah30 · Post by **Sarah30** » Fri Nov 22, 2002 1:01 pm

I'm so sorry Alison, I don't know what to say! Have they done tests to see if they can find a reason for failure? You poor things - we're all here for you and know just how you're feeling right now. Keep you chin up love sarah x

Mandy · Post by **Mandy** » Fri Nov 22, 2002 2:43 pm

Hi Alison, I just wanted to post a big cyber hug to u and say we are here and know just how u feel. I have just had my 3rd go cancelled due to lack of ovarian activity, and like u feel vey low at the moment. There is nothing I can add except look after youself and Dh and we are here for the bad and also the good times. TTFN Mandy.xx

nicolam · Post by **nicolam** » Fri Nov 22, 2002 2:52 pm

Hi Alison So sorry to hear your news. I failed my third last month so know what you're going through. You really think that by the third time it's going to work, so it's a huge shock. The only advice I can give you is what I'm trying to do (and I emphasize the word 'trying'!) You must keep positive - and I don't mean just convincing yourself that it will happen, but try and look at your life generally and what's good about it. As hard as it is, I'm trying to face the fact that it might not happen. What's the worst that can happen? I'll just be exactly how I am (or was) with my husband now, doing normal things. I've also been checking out some books on Amazon about being "Childfree" (that's supposed to be the positive of saying "childless", written by people who been through it. However, this doesn't mean we've given up - not by a long shot, but we're just having a 'rest' for a few months. The other thing is you must start going out and about again as soon as possible, do things you've not done in ages, go and get hammered with your friends/DH, cinema etc. Go buy yourself some new clothes/ get your hair done - I know they're superficial things but seriously, it does help. And let's face it, what's the alternative of not trying to cheer yourself up? (Not forgetting the negative effect on your relationship - I was quite taken aback after my DH said how lovely it was to have me 'back again' and I realised what a nightmare I'd been to live with this last year). Be brave, take a deep breath and hang in there. I think your DH will be so happy to see you trying to be brave and hopefully it will help him too. All the best for us in 2003 eh? Nicola x

Loonpants · Post by **Loonpants** » Fri Nov 22, 2002 3:07 pm

Alison Just wanted to send you a big hug. I can't think of anything else to say at the moment, but remember we are here if you need us. Lisa(Loonpants)

Wicked Lady · Post by **Wicked Lady** » Fri Nov 22, 2002 3:15 pm

I'm so sorry to hear your bad news. I haven't got a clue what you are going through as we cannot afford to pay for IVF as we're in one of the most expensive boroughs with people on the lowest wages. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you. We had bad news yesterday I wrote on the message board under 'where to now' if thats any help to you. As you said you will start to feel better in a few days time but that doesn't help now I know. Just remember that we are all hear for each other. I had a lovely e-mail from a friend who told me to put on a carry on film, get drunk on cheap wine and stuff my face with chocolate this weekend and I probably will! I've got alot of respect for you and your attempts at IVF as it is so invasive, to be honest even if we could afford the treatment I don't think we could survive the failure but don't give up, I wanted to yesterday but I'm back with a vengence today and am going to try to stay positive hard for a pessimist like me!

tshepher · Post by **tshepher** » Fri Nov 22, 2002 4:03 pm

Alison So very sorry for you and sending you a big hug. We are all thinking of you LOL Terri xxxxxxxxxx

Michelle · Post by **Michelle** » Fri Nov 22, 2002 4:58 pm

Alison, I am so sorry - it is just so unfair. Please don't give up hope - take the Christmas period to spoil yourselves rotten and think clearly about your steps for next year. All all the other girls say we are all here for you. Sending you lots of love, Michelle x

pru · Post by **pru** » Fri Nov 22, 2002 5:57 pm

Sorry to hear your news Alison. Everyone has said what I would of said. I think the best thing people have said is to go out enjoy the positives of life, enjoy christmas before you start again.

becky · Post by **becky** » Fri Nov 22, 2002 7:20 pm

So sorry to read your sad news Alison. Why don't you and dh go and stay in a nice hotel for a night and eat lots of great food and drink wine all night long..thats what I plan to do if we have bad news in a weeks time. Love Becky B

DEBORAH · Post by **DEBORAH** » Sat Nov 23, 2002 9:37 am

Hi Alison I am so sorry to hear your sad sad news. I failed on my 1st IVF recently and have found it hard to pick myself up and get on with life but you and your hubby must be strong and try and look forward and not back on what has happened. Look to 2003 with a positive attitude like me ready for our next attempts. THINKING OF ALL GIRLS THAT HAVE HAD NEGATIVE RESULTS RECENTLY. Love Debsx

Louise · Post by **Louise** » Sat Nov 23, 2002 12:46 pm

Hi Alison So sorry to hear your sad news. Lots of love Louise XXX

Nina1 · Post by **Nina1** » Sat Nov 23, 2002 1:01 pm

Alison, God, that's so hard, I'm so sorry. What a nightmare of a rollercoaster this is. I'm really thinking of you. love, Nina

Annie · Post by **Annie** » Sat Nov 23, 2002 10:13 pm

Dear Alison, Very sorry to hear your bad news. Just remember you have hormones raging through you that make everything seem so bleak. Im two weeks on from my last try and am feeling a lot more human now.Also ,statistically its still early days, isnt it? Ive just had try number two ( not successful)and I guess we must just be in it for the long haul! love Annie Ps I also think that as time goes by there is always the possibility that the medical people will find better and better techniques, heres hoping!!!

beck · Post by **beck** » Sat Nov 23, 2002 11:15 pm

hello alison, im so sorry to see your post, keep intouch as we are your friends and we want to support you. best wishes to you and hubby beck x

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