After trying to conceive for almost 7 years, in total 5 years visiting hospitals, 29 treatments and the final final ivf succeeded ... I feel mixed, happy because of the pregnancy, depressed and sad because of... what?
All these years.... all the women I have learnt to know... suffering with the same problem... wanting a child but not getting one.... a lot of them finally got pregnant... but also a lot never got pregnant... or are still trying...
I feel kinda guillty being pregnant.
I can still feel the pain of everyone who wants to get pregnant and wait, I can still feel the pain of women who miscarry... I can still cry for the pain I suffered... for the waiting ... for the injustice.... of so many. And I belonged to them.... and now... I do not longer belong..
It seems like I can not handle being pregnant, I never was as far before...
It seems like I can handle unwanted childness beter than being pregnant...
It seems the sorrow is still a part of me...
a little depressed
a little depressed
after lots of IUI, 4 FETs and 5 IVF's
a babyboy!
a babyboy!
Alette
You should never ever feel guilty for being pregnant, noone should. You have every right to have a family. Humans are meant to reproduce, it's just nature makes it harder or impossible for some and easier for others. I don't know from experience but I know from what I have been told that pregnancy sends your hormones haywire and your emotions are all over the place. Yours are probably more so because of what you have been thru and you know what other women are going through. Don't stress too much about your feelings take each day as it comes, take time out to relax. Thank your lucky stars and just marvel at what's happening inside you and the new life you have created. You sound like a caring and thoughtful person and your baby will be lucky to have you. Other women's problems are not your problems but you can help other women with advice and by being happy yourself.
Enjoy your pregnancy and I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
You should never ever feel guilty for being pregnant, noone should. You have every right to have a family. Humans are meant to reproduce, it's just nature makes it harder or impossible for some and easier for others. I don't know from experience but I know from what I have been told that pregnancy sends your hormones haywire and your emotions are all over the place. Yours are probably more so because of what you have been thru and you know what other women are going through. Don't stress too much about your feelings take each day as it comes, take time out to relax. Thank your lucky stars and just marvel at what's happening inside you and the new life you have created. You sound like a caring and thoughtful person and your baby will be lucky to have you. Other women's problems are not your problems but you can help other women with advice and by being happy yourself.
Enjoy your pregnancy and I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/1;20719;11/st/20060718/dt/6/k/71c7/preg.png[/img]
[
Me 33 DH 33
iui April 2005 -ve
ivf in October 2005
7/11/05 BFP!!!!!!!!!!
Jake born 31.7.06, the love of our lives
[
Me 33 DH 33
iui April 2005 -ve
ivf in October 2005
7/11/05 BFP!!!!!!!!!!
Jake born 31.7.06, the love of our lives
Hi Alette,
I can kind of relate to what you're going thru. I have a DD who is 4, and when I was pregnant I felt similar. My depression was more after the birth, as I couldn't bond with her, because I constantly thought it was a joke and someone was just gonna come up to me and say 'thanks for looking after her I'll take her now' I just couldn't believe she was mine, coz I've known since my teens I'd never have a baby so when it does happen, its very hard to get your head round.
My IVF clinic has a counsellor which was free and I went to see them, and I found talking things thru helped.
Just go and see your doctor and explain how you feel, Its only normal to feel this way, but talking will help.
HTH
Susie
I can kind of relate to what you're going thru. I have a DD who is 4, and when I was pregnant I felt similar. My depression was more after the birth, as I couldn't bond with her, because I constantly thought it was a joke and someone was just gonna come up to me and say 'thanks for looking after her I'll take her now' I just couldn't believe she was mine, coz I've known since my teens I'd never have a baby so when it does happen, its very hard to get your head round.
My IVF clinic has a counsellor which was free and I went to see them, and I found talking things thru helped.
Just go and see your doctor and explain how you feel, Its only normal to feel this way, but talking will help.
HTH
Susie
Me 37, DH 53 Male & female factor
1st ICSI +ve, a daughter born 2001
2nd ICSI +ve, a son born 2006
1st ICSI +ve, a daughter born 2001
2nd ICSI +ve, a son born 2006
Hi Alette,
As the other wonderful wise women of this site have said, what you are experiencing is completely normal. I felt the same way when I was pregnant with Annie. I felt a plethora of emotions:
Happy - because finally our dream seemed to be coming true
Scared - becuase I, like you, had miscarried before and was so fearful of something happening again.
Not sure where I belonged - A bit "homeless" I guess. I don't think you ever leave the world of infertility behind, I will always carry this experience with me, but then suddenly you're thrust into this world of fertile people.
I was constantly amazed at how "normally" people treated me, I was pregnant, just like all the other women in my antenatal class, but they had got pregnant after two months of trying as apposed to my two years. I felt like no-one understood my feelings of this being such an incredible miracle, nor did they understand my fears of things going wrong. An example, on my first antenatal class the midwife asked what we first thought when we found out we were pregnant. Women talked about thinking up baby names, deciding on the colours of the nursery and whether they would get varicous veins like thier mothers. My response (which I kept to myself) was that I didn't want to get too excited inc ase something went wrong, I was happy, but very reserved in my happiness "just in case"..
Apologies for this long message, I guess the take home message is that an IVF pregnancy is a unique experience. This is the "coming home" I like to think, after a long journey. But you never forget that journey, and it certainly colours your experience..
I think you're doing fabulously!!
Belinda
As the other wonderful wise women of this site have said, what you are experiencing is completely normal. I felt the same way when I was pregnant with Annie. I felt a plethora of emotions:
Happy - because finally our dream seemed to be coming true
Scared - becuase I, like you, had miscarried before and was so fearful of something happening again.
Not sure where I belonged - A bit "homeless" I guess. I don't think you ever leave the world of infertility behind, I will always carry this experience with me, but then suddenly you're thrust into this world of fertile people.
I was constantly amazed at how "normally" people treated me, I was pregnant, just like all the other women in my antenatal class, but they had got pregnant after two months of trying as apposed to my two years. I felt like no-one understood my feelings of this being such an incredible miracle, nor did they understand my fears of things going wrong. An example, on my first antenatal class the midwife asked what we first thought when we found out we were pregnant. Women talked about thinking up baby names, deciding on the colours of the nursery and whether they would get varicous veins like thier mothers. My response (which I kept to myself) was that I didn't want to get too excited inc ase something went wrong, I was happy, but very reserved in my happiness "just in case"..
Apologies for this long message, I guess the take home message is that an IVF pregnancy is a unique experience. This is the "coming home" I like to think, after a long journey. But you never forget that journey, and it certainly colours your experience..
I think you're doing fabulously!!
Belinda
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/2;10717;124/st/20041108/n/Annie-boo/dt/14/k/21eb/age.png[/img]
Thank you all for your sweet messages...
Susi, yes, it feels like a bit of a joke ha!? That you have the feeling... someone is going to take her away... thank you for babysitting...
it is all so unreal...
I thought about talking to my counsellor (I had one after Ivf 3 failed, I could not cope anymore and asked for help). But, I do not want to bother her. This because... I asked her if she had children of herself and she replied: no (while blushing) and I told her that I thought it was sooo good to have a ivf-counsellor who knew the problems of infertility by experience.
So I think I ask too much from her when I now come and visit her and tell her I am feeling down because I am pregnant....
In fact... when I think about it now... these are moodswings too...
Leigh, thank you, yes I know I should not feel guilty.
I told my sister the same when she got pregant the first month after stopping taking the pill.
She felt guilty then.
And then I thought this was all bullshit. She would not make me happy feeling guiltly... I wanted her to enjoy her pregnancy, feel happy about it and feel free to tell me.... she is my sister, if there is anyone in the world I would like to be happy with child, it is my sissy. And yes, I thought it was unfair then. I mean, we were trying then for 4 years, I was my turn!! But I did not want her to feel guilty....
I should try to think the same as when I did then...
Belinda,
thank you for your support.
you described my mixed feelings. It is so sweet of you that you want to help me, and you did.
you all, a big hug! kappy ofcourse too,
love
Alette
Susi, yes, it feels like a bit of a joke ha!? That you have the feeling... someone is going to take her away... thank you for babysitting...
it is all so unreal...
I thought about talking to my counsellor (I had one after Ivf 3 failed, I could not cope anymore and asked for help). But, I do not want to bother her. This because... I asked her if she had children of herself and she replied: no (while blushing) and I told her that I thought it was sooo good to have a ivf-counsellor who knew the problems of infertility by experience.
So I think I ask too much from her when I now come and visit her and tell her I am feeling down because I am pregnant....
In fact... when I think about it now... these are moodswings too...
Leigh, thank you, yes I know I should not feel guilty.
I told my sister the same when she got pregant the first month after stopping taking the pill.
She felt guilty then.
And then I thought this was all bullshit. She would not make me happy feeling guiltly... I wanted her to enjoy her pregnancy, feel happy about it and feel free to tell me.... she is my sister, if there is anyone in the world I would like to be happy with child, it is my sissy. And yes, I thought it was unfair then. I mean, we were trying then for 4 years, I was my turn!! But I did not want her to feel guilty....
I should try to think the same as when I did then...
Belinda,
thank you for your support.
you described my mixed feelings. It is so sweet of you that you want to help me, and you did.
you all, a big hug! kappy ofcourse too,
love
Alette
after lots of IUI, 4 FETs and 5 IVF's
a babyboy!
a babyboy!
Alette:
How unbelievably touching your email was. After all you have been through to get to these 12 wks of pregnancy is amazing and heart wrenching.
Take the world by the reins and feel that you have finally gotten what you deserve. Seriously, you should probably start gambling and playing the lottery, because after all you have been through....maybe you deserve to be a millionaire too!
Paige
How unbelievably touching your email was. After all you have been through to get to these 12 wks of pregnancy is amazing and heart wrenching.
Take the world by the reins and feel that you have finally gotten what you deserve. Seriously, you should probably start gambling and playing the lottery, because after all you have been through....maybe you deserve to be a millionaire too!
Paige
Alette, I too understand your mix of feelings. I didn't ever really 100% settle into being pregnant and like Susie, even after having my baby felt that somehow she wasn't really mine. It passed, like all our emotional up and down swings pass. Accept that our hormones and emotions are going crazy all the way through ttc, treatment and finally pregnancy. It's totally normal.
You are very sensitive re. your counsellor but if she's childless herself and she's chosen to stay in this profession, you shouldn't hesitate to speak to her about whatever you want. Her job is to help you, it's sweet that you are thinking of her but you don't know why she doesn't have children. Put yourself and your feelings first.
hugs
Debra
You are very sensitive re. your counsellor but if she's childless herself and she's chosen to stay in this profession, you shouldn't hesitate to speak to her about whatever you want. Her job is to help you, it's sweet that you are thinking of her but you don't know why she doesn't have children. Put yourself and your feelings first.
hugs
Debra