Bad news.

[DebraP]

I know I said I wouldn't post here anymore but as will soon be obvious, I don't belong on the pg board either. Everything went very, very wrong. Forgive me if this is long but I've just got back from 4 days in hospital and am feeling so angry and sad.

As people might remember, I was due for my 1st scan on Friday, we were 7weeks 3days pg after having 3 eggs embryos put back. Turns out it was ectopic even though I was sterilised 15 yrs ago. The odds on the embryo lodging in my tiny, tiny remaining bit of fallopian tube were so slight, but that's where it was.

Thursday afternoon I collapsed minutes after an hour's drive, thank God I was home. The pain was unbelievable. DF dashed home + got me to A&E and it all passed in a blur after that. I had scan after scan but no sign of either a miscarriage nor a viable pregnancy. They could see lots of fluid and thought a large cyst might have burst. My HCG was only 2500 which told us to expect the worst. I had a CT scan at 0100 and they decided to wait until the morning and another round of scans. A new doctor confirmed ectopic and so they operated that afternoon. They removed what was left of the embryo + the ruptured tube and burned both ends off both tubes completely, so now there's no possible way of this happening again. That was Friday, since then I've been recovering. It was done via a lap so I've 4 new holes in my stomach and am still pumped full of air which is uncomfortable putting it mildly. They didn't do a D&C as there'd been a chance, albeit remote, of another embryo. They've monitored my HCG levels since and they've dropped to today's 425 so there's definitely no remaining chance of pregnancy. They've warned me to expect a very heavy bleed this week - my endo was 20mm. So that's that. It's not really hit yet. I feel OK, perhaps because I had doubts before we'd been due for the scan but I hadn't expected the violence of what happened. The fluid during the scans turned out to be a litre of blood from the rupture. I'm hugely grateful for all the medical help, they were very sweet and very kind and didn't mind my howling in pain or bursting into tears.

It's early days but at some point we'll go and talk to the clinic. We've agreed we'll use the remaining 3 frozen eggs after the summer and that's it.

Not what I was expecting to post. I'd half expected to see nothing at the scan as I'd not felt pg enough but wouldn't wish a ruptured fallopian tube on anyone. I think ruptures are quite unusual, ectopics normally get picked up in good time via the scan so the burst tube etc doesn't normally happen.

Apologies if this is a miserable message but it's hard to put a positive spin on this. We have discussed that it was a pregnancy and it did get to 7+ weeks, that if it had been 2cm lower it would have been fine but it wasn't but the 'it's just back luck' element is hard to deal with.

Thanks for bearing with me.
hugs
Debra

[minnow]

Debra - I'm so so sorry. i have been watching out for news of you all weekend and hoping you had had good news.. what a devastating thing to happen. I hope the pain, both physical and emotional reduce soon. hard as you say to put a positive spin on things at this time. i guess you just need to deal with this together in the way you need to.

hugs back.

minnow xxx

[Sand]

Oh Debra ... I've got to say I feared bad news when you didn't post an update, but never expected all this. It might not seem it to you, but the most important thing is that you are okay. It could all have been much much worse. You know, you need to get all that anger out before you can start feeling any better, and it'll take its own time.

You need to feel physically better too, so get as much rest as poss. Sorry you've got an AF from hell to look forward to, on top of everything else. So unfair.

We're all here for you Debra, and are going through this with you.

Sandra x

[AliasR]

Dear Debra

I was wondering about your scan and kept peeking at the pg board but know it all adds up.

It's not a matter of what board you belong to - your advice and your posts will always be welcome wherever you decide to post them. A person like you is too valuable to be missed from any board at all regadless of your condition.

I'm very sorry for what you have been through. It just isn't fair. I know there isn't much i can say right now but couldn't just ignore it. If there was just something i could do or say to make it any better...

A big hug

Rita

[Tracii]

Debra, My heart and tears are with you and DH. I am so so sorry.

I am sending you a big hug, Tracii

[NickiMark]

Oh Debra, I am so so sorry, I am sending you hugs. I know this time is hard right now. But things will soon get better. Hang on in there.
Try to smile.

[JudeM]

Debra

I am so so sorry for you - it must have been a very frightening & painful time on top of the devastating news.

Like others I kept checking the board for news of your scan & feared bad news when their was no post from you but never imagined anything like this.

Take time to recover - both physically & emotionally - and know that all our thoughts and best wishes are with you & DF.

Love

Jude

[loopylou57uk]

hi debra,i am so sorry to have read your bad news,
we go through enough to get here without what can happen later,
you and df take care of yourselves.
love loopy.

[CarolineP]

Debra

Having not seen you post on Friday or Saturday I said to my DH this morning, 'I have a terrible feeling about Debra's news'.

Despite the written word seeming inappropriate in this situation, you manage to communicate your story with such clarity and feeling.

Your experience is both traumatic and emotionally cruel but I am sure that, with time and the support of your DH, family and friends you will pull through to fight another day.

Myself, like everyone else on these boards are here, either on a thread or via pm, to help with whatever support you may to get you through this difficult healing process.

CarolineP

[gailp]

Debra, I cant put into words how sorry I am that it has gone so wrong.

Please take it easy and look after yourself, my heart goes out to you.

x x

[Maci05]

Debra - utterly devastating news. What a terrible sequence of events. You will feel physically and emotionally shattered. My thoughts are with you and DF at this difficult time. Sending you a big squishy cyber hug too.

Maci x

[delly]

Hi Debra,
I'm really sad for you, sorry it turn out so badly...life's a b---h....and so IVF....good luck with your next step...
I feel for you, even i've never been in your situation...thinking of you.
Luv
Delly

[SQUEW]

Dear Debra

I am so so sorry to hear your news. Its just not fair and my heart goes out to you, your dh and Maya.
I have only just returned from holiday and have just got back on the boards. I no this is not the place to rant about the other things that have been going on since I have been away, causing you to feel that you no longer wanted to post but I do have to say this.... I do feel the same as you with regards to some of the postings and what you said was just and fair, much the same as every post you write! You have truly earned the title of valued contributor, as what you 'contribute' is of 'value' to others, whether it is support, or advice. You set up the test threads etc, and are always supporting cycle buddies despite also having a job, home and a two year old!! Perhaps Marcus should change the wording of this title 'awarded' to those with the 'most' posts, this may stop, what at times I feel is some sort of race! I truly hope that you dont leave the boards, and that we can support you.
I hope you start feeling better soon, but in the meantime a huge hug from me.
Take care
Lots of love
Suexxxxxxxx

[Jules R]

Oh Debra, I am in tears reading your post. I am so, so sorry that your longed for pregnancy hasn't turned out as we all would have wanted. And how awful for it to end in such a dreadful way. Thank goodness for an excellent medical team. I hope that your physical recovery doesn't take too long. As for your mental recovery, please come on here and post for support if you need it because we're all here for you.

Take care.

Jules

[randa2006]

Oh Debra!
This is aweful! I just posted to you on the over-40 thread asking about your scan news. Now I read this. NO! NO! NO! I can't believe it!!! There are no words. I was sure you were having at least twins. So NOT fair!
You give and give and give. This is just wrong!!! I'm sorry, I'm just blurting things out.
You poor dear. You are surely walking through the pits of hell right now, and you do NOT deserve this!!!
Thank GOD you had good care! Your poor hubby must be crushed too.
And to think you had the strength to write it all out for us!!!
Thank you for doing that as you have made me think this could happen to me too. I had my tubes tied too. I will be going over this at length with my docs first thing tomorrow.
We are all pulling for you to get through this, Debra. I hope you can feel all the hugs coming your way. Those just weren't your babies. Your next baby is coming and it will work next time, Sweetie.
Peace to you both.
Randa