Under 30 gals

[DeniseM]

I was browsing the over 40 thread and realised that the reason they can share so much is because of their common experience.

I also think that being under 30, and being in fertility treatment also has some commonalities.

For instance, how many of you under 30 are surrounded by classmates and peers naturally having families?

And how many of you have been told that you're trying to hard, and if you just relax it will happen?

It's been my experience that to be so young and to have difficulty conceiving can sometimes be viewed as a failure.... I know I've cursed my body on occasion. I'm healthy, like to exercise, and come from a large family. I'm under 30, so what's wrong with me?

It's been a blessing at times that I'm so surrounded by babies, but difficult at others.

Anyone else under 30 with a view on this?

[trying in greece]

I know exactly how you feel. I am not under 30, but 32 is pretty close. And all of my friends said don't get tested, you don't need medical intervention, just take a vacation, etc...

I currently have 5 friends that are pregnant. 4 of the 5 are on the 2nd child. It is sooooo difficult to be around them. Even though I am happy for their happiness, I am sad for my husband and I. But we will get pregnant with twins and catch up in no time!

[NickiMark]

Hi!

I am 29. 30 in October....
I know what u mean, all my friends have babies, and most trying on their 2nd now. It seems so un-fair. One friend has 2 boys and wants a girl. She's now pg again, just had a scan to find out she's expecting a boy again. She's gutted. I am mad that she's like that, I mean she could keep having babies until shes' got enough boys for a football team and Never get a girl. It seems my friends are all doing it those that have girls are hoping their next is a boy and visa versa. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

We have been trying 3.5 yrs. several friends who have babies now weren't even trying when we begun. We could have a 2 year old by now, if it hadn't of been for infertility. We should be trying now for our 2nd.

Yes, life is cruel.

I have indeed heard the story's of 'relax' and it'll happen. People dont listen to us, dh has no sperm so we can relax but it wont happen. People cant understand why dh has no sperm, seem ti think it's impossable and that parhaps it's cause he smokes, doesnt have vitamins etc...

Anyway, I am going on..... Denise,Great idea, to start this for us under 30's!

[lumi]

Hi all

I find it a little bit different. Friends my age (29) are more clued up about IVF and possible problems and so many have had stuff to deal with too (one of my friends, since opening to close friends about 2 miscarriages and polps etc., says she has a friend calling every week with an update on their own problems!)

It is people in their 30' and 40's who keep making insensitive comments! DH and I first tried for a baby over 6 years ago. Although we have taken our time getting round to treatment, it seems ages! It didn't help that he worked abroad for a year... arghhhhh Older people can't see why we are waiting (especially DH's family) but our age think we want a life/career or may have problems so are more sensitive.

I agree though that at first you feel like a failure. Also, because we have age on our side its easy to think that it will be very straight forward for us and it's just not!

I really hope this FET is successful. I can easily face a third FET but can I face my in=laws this summer???!!!!

My parents know I have PCOS so dont say anything. They think we are waiting for a bigger house, but do mention when ivf is on the news or something (havent told them i am doing it, let alone need it!). I would live in a tiny caravan to be pregnant now !!!!

Love Lumi xxxxxx

[lumi]

I nearly forgot! Some people say 'have you explored all the alternative sto IVF?'....err.....'no, no we just ploughed straight in!!!!' (sarcastic)

We have male issues too, so no amount of reflexology on my feet is going to sove that one!!

Lumi xxx

[trying in greece]

Because I had to travel from the States to Greece for a month, we had to tell everyone. I would have preferred to keep it to ourselves. I have heard all of it. DH smokes, that is not the problem, exercising, types of food, vitamins. If it were that easy, we would be popping vitamins, eating fruit and have 27 babies!!

A few days ago, my 30 year old friend who is a mother of a 10 yr old and 6 yr old, made the comment "just be thankful you don't have to drive to football 5 days a week" WHAT??????? I would drive to the moon and back if it were for my child!!!

Elisa Sophia

PS. my boobs are killing me!!!

[DeniseM]

Not too long ago I was at a party at a friend's house(they've been trying for 7 years) and a friend of hers made the comment that we should be thankful that we don't have to arrange for babysitters etc...

DH and I have been married almost 2 years, and were hoping for a honeymoon baby. As a result people have been watching us closely since then. When IUI was successful, the plan was only to tell close friends and family. My mother-in-law told everyone.

It was hard enough having stranger wish congrats, but harder still when we miscarried, and I had to tell stranger that no, we are not pregnant.

Next time, I'm going to insulate us a little better. We've told people that we're not trying again for a year. And I swear to God this time we're not telling my mother in law.

[LittleP]

I know what you mean about people watching you like hawks. I don't drink - well the odd glass here and there, so I drive the whole time and for the last 2 years people have been expecting us to make some sort of announcement

I can't stand the flippant comments like you should count yourself lucky that you can go out as and when you like because when you have children you don't have that option anymore - I would give up my social life now if I could guarantee a child with this treatment.

Anyway, I really hope that everyone is ok and having a fun day.

LP

[lumi]

My close colleagues know and are very supportive, but cant quite always come out with the right thing to say. WHen we had a -ve they said such things as 'well you never know what may happen in the mean time' or 'if you wait till next year you may be in family size home' or 'at least you can save money before you try again'!!

Many of these things may be true, but I DONT WANT TO HEAR THEM FROM PEOPLE WITH CHILDREN!!! All we want is a hug and to know that they are right behind us for next time.

Lumi xxx

[julesg]

Little P I just had to jump in and say that the drinking thing is my biggest nightmare. I don't drink very much anymore ( I think my time at uni has done enough damage to my liver ) So I do the same I drive and that makes people start. I was out once and I told people I had vodka and orange when it was only orange

We have been married nearly three years and I swear since the day we got back from honeymoon it has been - shouldn't you two have a baby etc etc etc etc

Ohh and I hear lots the comment " you don't have children so YOU wouldn't understand

I am lucky my closest friends have also had or have problems - although no one is doing IVF but they do understand.

Can I join this thread I am 31 - very nearly 32

[olivia]

Hi everyone

Great idea to start an under 30 thread. Me and DH are both 27 and I have endometriosis and they are also now thinking some kind of ovarian failure.
We are waiting to see our consultant in july to hopefully start treatment asap.
I can relate to all the comments made, both about people in our peer group and those slightly older.
It seems like everyone I went to school and uni with are either pregnant or just had their first/second child. I am so sick of comments like 'your so lucky going out on a friday night' or 'I wish I had time to go to the gym'. I would gladly give up all our little luxuries for a child. I also get fed up of being excluded from conversations, because I really can't contribute having never been pregnant. One friend said to me last week (joking of course), 'you can have one of mine, David only has to look at me and I'm pregnant'. I know they don't mean it but you would think people who know are situation would be a little more thoughtful.
Also fed up with colleagues in their 30/40's saying 'you don't have to worry yet your only young', well yes I do because my bits don't work and age won't change that!!
I do feel like a failure, I'm young, don't smoke, hardly drink, have never taken drugs in my life, take exercise and am not over weight , yet still can't have a child. Thank goodness for this site, it is so nice to talk to people in similar situations. Anyway enough of me being negative.
Bring on the BFP's for the under 30 gals!!!

Olivia

[trying in greece]

The "you wouldn't understand, because you don't have kids" is one of the hardest comments. Especially since I was a nanny to the same 2 kids for 15 years. They are now 19 and 16. One in college and one begining her last year of high school. So I do know because I raised them as if they were my own, which is even harder to have a kid in college when I haven't started having kids! But they are really supportive and very anxious to babysit!

We will all get there in very short time, and we will have the insight to be much more thoughtful to those around us!

Elisa Sophia

[DeniseM]

As with any tough experience in life we develop depth and emotional maturity.

My wish for myself, and the rest of us here, that in this experience we develop empathy for the girls that will follow in our steps, and the courage to share our experiences with them.

Thanks for letting me have a safe space to share my feelings!! You gals are great!

[lumi]

Well said Denise.

Perhaps we should rename this thread 'under 40' Under 40 is when most couples have a 'natural' baby. The average age in my area for a first baby is 35, so us under 40's are all in the same boat so to speak.

It seems cruel to leave out those in late thirties (over 40's have their own!)

What do you think???

Lumi xxx

[NickiMark]

Hey this is great thread. Good idea.

Who's hitting 30 this year? I am 30 in October....Yikes!!