My friends are avoiding me

[DeniseM]

How do you guys handle when your friends avoid you? They don't know what to say or do, so they do nothing?

Think I'm a little in the dumps tonight.

I've been insensitive and flippant to them, but I don't know how to maintain control other than by acting like it doesn't matter that much... what's a dead baby between friends etc.

But it does matter.

And its lonely having to be the one reaching out, when its still so tender.

[Mo71]

Maybe they are not avoiding you, but for you it feels like it because you are expecting them to reach out to you. If they are good friends they probably get over your attitudes at the moment, I wouldn't worry too much about it and maybe explain yourself better when you feel like it.
Your friends are just helpless and don't know how to react. They don't know wether you just want to be left alone or rather want to talk about your experience. I would give them a hint to help them out. For sure they are thinking and caring about you, even if they can not express it.
In the end though, I always think nobody can really fully comprehend the grief we are going through, unless they made the same experience. So we need to be patient with others and try not to expect too much of them.
At least I have some idea how you might feel! That's something, isn't it?

[sophiejane]

Denise,
Hope things are feeling better than the other day. I'm sorry its taken a while to respond to your post. I haven't got any real advice, but just reaffirming with you that you are bound to feel very lonely. Do you think you will be able to tell your friends how you are feeling. You will automatically be putting up some barriers as that is how you are trying to cope, and your friends should realise this.
Big Hugs
From Sophie-J

[ogr1]

it is so hard for people to understand what we have had to go threw and how much it means to us to get a positive..

let alone when we mc..
i got a little book that i had found and i gave a couple of them to some friends and gave one to our church.. so they could see a little what i had been going threw and it had some pointers on what and what not to say..

i know for me i will always have a emptyness for each one of my children.
and nothing will fill that. but i have to get myself up and find something to smile about
and makes some kind of effort..people wont know unless we let them know.. i had put some stuff on here about the different stages that you go threw..
maybe you could e-mail that to them..

[taylorjools]

Denise, I don't know how far on you are now, but I know what you mean. I have decided on 2 things - one I am glad we told our friends here, and they are being fantastic. I talk about it, not all the time, but enough so they can at least know how I am feeling even if they can't understand.
Secondly, I have cut contact with my mother and sister in the UK, they were too intimitely involed in the whole thing, which was wonderful when things were going well, but they both called while I was in hospital (in Germany you get a phone by the bed) and started the "well don't worry you just need to get fit for the next go" routine, They are both really bad at expressing feelings. My mum is paying for it all, that's her way of showing her love. A hug would be worth more, but of course she wont come and see me if little sis is expecting her baby (nr 2 naturally conceived of course). I know after a life time that "baby sis" comes first, I should be used to it, but it hurts like hell, thus better to keep clear of them right now. Sorry if I sound bitter, don't worry I worked it all out in therapy.
My cousin who's a nurse setn me an email today - she said, I am so sad for you but you knoew the odds were against you - are you going to try again ..Grrrr I just burst into tears.

We ahdn't told dh parents as they are really getting on (in their 80s) and his mum has cancer, we were going to tell them later once things were more sure, I am glad we made that decision but they are here on holiday at the moment (thank God not staying with us) and it's a reall strain not being able to talk to dh mum about it. I also have my step son (17) coming next Monday, so I'll have to be careful around him too I might just get dh to explain to him, don't know.


Oh blimey, we humans are so complex. Sorry for rambling.

Love and hugs

bigJ

[ogr1]

your not rambling so hang in there..

you are doing great.. i hope you know what i mean..

my mom is always there for my sisters to..

myu brothers sone was born just a couple of days before our twins due dat..
so that is hard..

but i am glad that he is here..

and i can know hold him and gigive a little cry later...

so that is a big improvement..
you keep hanging in there..