I’VE JUST FOUND OUT I WILL NEED IVF & I'M SCARED

[jenine]

I have just found out I will need IVF within the last week, so I’m very new to this. I have so many feelings at the moment and I’m not sure if I want to cry, get angry, think positive for the fact that at least I know now, be sad, to many feelings swimming around..................

I am hoping that by posting this on to this site that someone will see it and think that was what happened to me (or maybe some of it), and give me words off wisdom and hope!

When I was 21 I had a left ovarian cyst, had a laparoscopy (keyhole surgery), came home same day, very sick, high fever & could not walk for 2-3 days, then felt better. 1 month later I felt extremely ill at work so came home, had a fever, pains and felt like passing out. Called doctor to come out but they would not, told my Mum to make me rest. That was on the Friday; Saturday my Mum called them again as I was unable to get out of bed, the doctor came out & said to hospital straight away. Got to hospital on Saturday to be told cant have scan till Tuesday as bank hols weekend!

So they just hooked me up to antibiotics drip, I just got worse and worse each day! On the Tues. they scanned me, found that the ovarian cyst had come back, and there was an abscess. They did not do the operation till the Wednesday evening. So I had 6 days feeling as though I was dieing before they did a thing! After my laparotomy they told me I would be ok - life would be normal. At my discharge appt the Dr said we admit that we must have done something wrong with the 1st opp and this is why you came back into hospital this time (wish I had a tape recorder ). Also he said I shd have kids before 30 yrs old.

I then was in and out of hospital for the next year maybe 4 - 5 times (lost count), had pains in stomach so they put onto an antibiotics drip for a couple of days then sent home each time.

5 yrs later got another ovarian cyst this time on the right, and then I had another laparotomy opp. This time I made sure I had the top doc (head of the team not the junior like before). After the opp they told me my womb / tubes / ovaries / bowl was in such a mess, they have unstuck everything and all looks ok now. But my fallopian tubes where squashed, they have straightened them out, so have 50 / 50 % chance of having children and also a higher risk of eptopic pregnancy - now I was in shock. I was told to stay on the pill to reduce chance of get another cyst until wanting to try for a baby and don’t worry about the being told to have a baby before I’m 30, as this is not the case!

1 year ago my partner and I came off the pill to TTC, then a few mths ago I started a study with a university to find out when you ovulate, which has showed I do some months. I thought this will help me conceive quicker, as my cycles not normal they can be anything from 17 - 27 days. Quickly conceive, sooner the better, I did not want another cyst.

So to bring you up to date; at the beginning of July I went for scan due to painful sex / mid cycle bleeding to be told another cyst on right ovary This time I went private not NHS. I had my opp, laparoscopy (keyhole surgery), last week to be told, bowls stuck down with adhesions to everything (womb / tubes etc..) they have done there best to solve this so my womb has been freed up to hold a baby - one day. Told that they could not see my ovaries clearly to find the cyst and might not have been one in the first place, maybe was just everything was stuck and pushing things down to look like there was a cyst. Or it could have burst before my opp (this is possible as the period just before opp was v. heavy and bad pains).

Then they said my tubes are v. bad and 0% chance of having a babe naturally, but I still a chance of an eptopic pregnancy, so I will now need IVF

My partner is not sure about all this his worried about the babe not being his / mine, he has no faith in NHS hospitals, thinks they will mix up the eggs / sperm, also worried about birth defects in babe being higher, the list off concerns goes on.

Thank you all for the ears, I need to get this off my chest and I am hoping that someone somewhere can advise me of some hope. Maybe with a similar story with a success at the end.

I keep hoping that my partner will say yes to IVF after seeing someone and questions are all answered, also that IVF will work for me. But I still have a small part of me kidding myself - hoping for a 'natural miracle baby'


Thank you for listening and good luck to you all
Jenine x

[CC]

So sorry to hear of your traumas - sounds like you've been on a hellish journey for a long time. I can't really compare pre-IVF symptoms because me and DH were just not conceiving but no actual specific probs other than neither of our bits worked very successfully! IVFs a great leveller though meaning most people have a similar chance (roughly 25-30% each time) regardless of their problems. In natural conception there's only 20% chance each time so we're not doing so bad and each treatment you have increases your chances because the clinic learns more about the drugs you respond best to until they get the treatment just right. I do want to reassure you about IVF though. Whilst it's tough and expensive - there is something very special about it too and it's not scary at all - just tiring and a liittle irritating when you have to work dates around treatments etc. It's not as 'unnatural' as you think really - just giving nature a little help and there's some fantastic moments like seeing a picture of your little embryos before they go in and when you get pregnant you get a lot more attention than non assisted couples with scans at 6,8,10 weeks aswell as the standard 12 week scan. Getting ready for a new cycle is really exciting and recovering from a failed cycle is okay - not great but copeable and every step forward makes you feel powerful and strong. Don't worry - being told you need treatment is not the end of the world - it's been enlightening for me and DH and it's brought us closer in a really special way. I'd never seen my husband cry until we went through treatment together and I would never know how much he really wants children unless we'd had treatment - I really am glad we've been on such an intimate journey together because I think we love each other more because of it.

I hope you get the answers you need soon but don't be fearful - IVF's an incredible gift - I feel very lucky to have had the opportunities I've had.

Good luck with everything,

Cherylxx

[jenine]

Thank you for you replies Cheryl and Gen they have made me smile a wee bit and brought a tear to my eye, hope this brings me and my partner Graham closer, fingers crossed eh...................

Jenine x

[LittleP]

Firstly, I can't believe how much you have had to go through - with such terrible back-up and support by the sounds of things. I know what you mean about tape recorders - sometimes I wish I could prove what people have said.

Try not to be afraid of the idea of IVF - there are many, many couples now that have to have assisted conception that it is totally acceptable and the stigma seems to be disappearing very quickly. I have not heard of any cases where babies/sperm have been mixed up and from my experience they have been so thorough this is very unlikely to happen.

Although my reasons for going through IVF are very different to yours, we want the same thing - a family. I have been trying to have a child for a while now and have just had a positive outcome. As you can see I am just over 9 weeks - still in the scary first 12 weeks, but feeling blessed and praying every day.

I wish you and your DH loads and loads of luck. Do you know which hospital you will be using yet?

Take care of yourself.

Little P

[jenine]

Thank you Little P also a big congratulations to you and you DH I wish you loads and loads of luck!

I have not spoken to my gp yet to be refered as I am at home recovering from my opperation, but my consultant said Hammersmith IVF hospital are good and they should be able to do this for me on the NHS - just dreed to think how long i will have to wait, but maybe as they have some info about me it might not be to long - i can hope!

take care of yourself

Jenine x

[Sand]

Hi Jenine ... Just wanted to say Hi ... You have been through the mill haven't you, poor thing. Yes - IVF is a scary road to embark upon and I can understand your dp being worried about it all .. The more knowledge you both have, the less scary it will become.

There's a book that we rave about on here called "Fertility and Conception" by Zita West. (As the title suggests !) it goes through the whole process, and also has a section on Assisted Conception. I'd suggest having a read of it .... The number of obstacles that need to be overcome to conceive naturally ... it's a miracle anyone does it ! The book will give you some basic knowledge and lots of handy tips ...

Sandra x

[clair55]

Hi Jenine

Sounds like you have had a horrendous time. I had similar problems with ovarian cysts and hospital cock-ups although no where as near the extent you have had.I have just started my first IVF cycle after being told in March 2004 that it was highly unlikely i would ever conceive naturally. With the trauma of the operation at the time I have never felt so low in my entire life.

16 months later and i feel more positive. There are still low days but not as many. I can cope with babies now(it seems everyone around you is pregnant and rubbing it in you face). It has brought DH and me closer although it hasn't always been easy. I have only recently joined this sight but have found it a wealth of information and support. I have brought Zita West "Fertility and Conception" as advised and have found it really helpful.

I am with NHS clinic although a different health authority(due to funding) I have so far complete trust in them as they have given me more sensible iexplanations than previous hospital. We question more regarding tests and treatment than we ever did.

Just take the time you need in whatever you decide to do.

loads of hugs
Clairx

Take care

[Luellie]

Hi Jenine
So sorry to hear all you've been through it's sounds fairly traumatic. I am not surprised that so many feelings are going through you at the moment. They're all natural and understandable. I went through grief, anger, sadness, 'why me?' and at one point even, denial that I even want children (I do). It just seems so unfair doesn't it? There can be a good side though, a shared problem like IVF can bring you closer together to your partner. And another good side is that although finding out you need ivf can make you feel wretched, once you are aware of the situation you will find you are not alone, there are so many people out there having trouble with fertility, which you don't even notice until it is relevant to you and you will feel stronger in the end for dealing with this situation.

I had a Lap operation 5 years ago and they told me I was a mass of adhesions too (bowel, tubes etc). They also told me to go on the pill so that I couldn't get pregnant which would result in an ectopic pregnancy. Apart from your cysts it sounds like our problems are fairly similar? This Monday I went and had an operation to clip my fallopian tubes so that when I get started on IVF there is no chance of any kind of ectopic pregnancy. I don't know if this will apply to you? I've asked about it on this site and nobody's heard of this being done.

Higher chance of abnormality in ivf baby's was something I was worried about but when you look into it there is absolutely no more chance. Try to find this on paper somewhere and show it to your partner, it should reassure him. The more info you can find on IVF the less scary it is.

I don't trust the NHS, but then I don't trust dentists or garages either! It's terrifying putting something so important in the hands of people you don't trust 100% But if we need help to get something we want we may need to take a deep breath and try anyway?

Try not to worry, you can get through this, just take it one step at a time.
Love Ellie

[jenine]

I just want to say thank you to you all for your replies. I am feeling abit stronger each day about having IVF and that is only down to reading peoples replies on here, and gaining knowlegde from others thank you all so much

I just need to find good information on IVF to give to my DP as he keeps reading the bad stuff! So I am on a mission to show him that it is such a small percentage, and the good is the bigger picture

Good luck to you all

Jenine x

[sharont]

Hi Jennie,

You will find support like nowhere else on this site - it is great, all from the heart and always available. I find it much easier to chat here as although family & friends are well meaning they don't really understand - EVERYONE here does.

In regard to mix-ups and problems with the NHS - I must say that whilst that was a minor concern for us - the amount of safeguards in place seems to cover that - our hospital has pictures of us on the front of our file and everything has our name stickers on (well my name as I'm the patient, DH it seems, is joining me for the ride!)

The only time anything mildly concerning was when a nurse asked me for my sperm sample!?! I think I was taking her too literally!

Good luck with everything

Sharon
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