Will the grey cloud lift?

samk · Post by **samk** » Wed Dec 04, 2002 1:24 pm

I underwent ICSI just over two weeks ago - my period started on Sunday and the test was negative on Monday. It is now Wednesday and I am still very upset and scared that this is the start of endless procedures with endless negative results. I feel Like I am on point of bursting into tears the whole time. Does this feeling go?

Natalie · Post by **Natalie** » Wed Dec 04, 2002 1:50 pm

Dear Sam, I'm so sorry to hear about your bad news I know exactly how you feel as I had a negative back in September after undergoing IVF ICSI in August. At the moment it's totally normal to feel so down but I can promise you it will get better, it's a real cliche but time is a good healer, go and pamper yourself when your ready and spend some quaility time with your hubby. ALl the best and try and keep your chin up remember your not alone. Love Natalie X

anna_b · Post by **anna_b** » Wed Dec 04, 2002 2:12 pm

Hi I can understand how you feel, I to had a negative test from IVF on Monday. I felt quite down, but now I am trying to be positive and looking forward to my next attempt, I am also looking into other options in case that attempt fails too. I throwing myself into getting sorted for Christmas and all the things I should have done by now! Keep your chin up Anna

Mags529 · Post by **Mags529** » Wed Dec 04, 2002 2:54 pm

Hi Sam (& Natalie + Anna) I can relate to what you are saying, my last IVF attempt was negitive, and it hit so bad that my GP wanted me to go on to prozac. I never took took them. My DH booked massages and brought me a puppy, (alhough I wouldn't recomend the puppy to everyone)and I set myself some little goals, so I had things to look forward to. I also got very drunk with my friends and drove them mad with crying all the time. Time will heal the hurt you are feeling. and remember you are not alone were are all here for you when you want to rant and rave. I going to start again in the new year. Fingers crossed for everyone Mags xxxx

alison p · Post by **alison p** » Wed Dec 04, 2002 5:07 pm

Dear Sam, It does get easier as time goes by. I had my 3rd ICSI failure about 3 weeks ago and it has got easier to talk about it. Spend some time with your hubby, pamper yourself and forget about it. The counsellor we saw suggested doing something to remember the failure by - planting a tree, sponsoring a dolphin or something similar. It is like a death really, so it takes time for the wounds to heal. I've found this website has helped a lot - I wish I'd been on it from my first attempt. Have a wonderful Christmas and look forward to hopefully a fruitful 2003! Alison P

Alison · Post by **Alison** » Wed Dec 04, 2002 9:26 pm

Hi Sam and everyone. Like others have said, things do get better but its just so hard. I had my negative result just over a week ago and although I'm OK during the week when I'm burying myself in work am finding the weekends hard, and have got a complete bee in my bonnet that Christmas is going to be dreadful. I feel as if somewhere deep down the enormous confidence I had that this was going to work for us some day and it was just a matter of time has gone (this was our 3rd go), and now we're havig to face the fact that we might not be able to have children of our own and what happens then. Sorry, I meant to write something to try to cheer you up and I've ended up writing something depressing. But the other thing that I do still believe is that it takes a certain sort of strong woman to be embarking on this course of action at all, and all the emails and contact I've had with people on this site over the last few months reinforces that. And as strong women we can and will cope with whatever gets thrown at us. And the fact is that lots of people who posted when this site started are now pg or having their babies, and lots of us who've had disappointments in the last few weeks and months will get pregnant and become mums in 2003. And, as a very kind friend of mine said when I told her about the IVF, they will be the specialest babies and we will be the specialest mothers. Take care, keep the faith (!) and keep in touch on these boards, Much love Alison x

tshepher · Post by **tshepher** » Thu Dec 05, 2002 11:22 am

Sam, I do feel for you. Sometimes the panic is overwhelming and all-consuming but when it gets bad I just give into it and indulge myself with some good old-fashioned self-pity. I stay in bed, cry, moan, swear, eat chocolate, get pi$$ed until I'm bored of feeling so sad and then drag myself out the other side. After counting my blessings and some good old fashioned retail therapy the pain does go away. DH and I have already considered the contingency plan of not having kids. Decided that the 9-5 rat race is pointless unless you're bulding towards a family so if we are still unlucky in a couple of years we will probably sell-up and move somewhere hot and work in bars/restaurants. Hope you start to feel better soon. LOL and hugs Terri xxx

amanda · Post by **amanda** » Thu Dec 05, 2002 9:07 pm

Hi Sam and everyone else, Yes the grey cloud will lift and in time you will be pregnant. We had been trying for a baby for 3 years, had 5 attempts at hormone ovulation stimulation - negative, 3 failed IVF cycles and 3 abandoned cycles due to cyst formulation. Like you I was at the end of my teether. I felt like a complete failure and totally useless. Everywhere I looked there were either mothers and babies or pregant ladies, I thought I was going mad. But I write to you to give you hope and hopefully encouragement because last Monday (2nd) I had a positive result (4th attempt). Whilst on one hand I am absolutely thrilled to bits, the worry continues. My first scan is on the 18th December and am terrified it will show nothing and that I have lost the baby. I think for us girls, because of all the stress and strain we go through to get pregnant, we become paranoid. By in the words of Alison, we are a remarkable set of strongminded women - we will do this. 2003 will be your year, I promise!!! Amanda

suzannemorris · Post by **suzannemorris** » Thu Dec 05, 2002 9:20 pm

Amanda, just wanted to say what a great and uplifting reply that was. I'm sure it will give Sam hope that the cloud will lift. I haven't even begun treatment yet, however the stress that I've suffered so far has been immense. So I take my hat off to people like yourself who have kept going and in the end have been successful. All the very best, Suzanne.x

Kez · Post by **Kez** » Sun Dec 08, 2002 2:57 pm

Hi everyone I too am under a dark cloud just now. After 5 years of trying to get pregnant I'm hoping for 1st attempt at IVF in next few weeks. Should be positive I know, but am so worried about how I'll cope if it doesn't work. All my friends have babies and not much time to listen to me. DH is struggling a bit with the whole IVF thing. Thanks for being here and reminding me that I'm not alone in this. Kez

Dawn · Post by **Dawn** » Sun Dec 08, 2002 7:57 pm

Hello Kez No you are not alone in this although before you found this message board you probably (like all of us) felt like it. I have found this site a godsend as although I have told close family & a couple of friends I still feel very alone & inward for want of a better word. However my dh is great & I can talk to him now but I don't always want to, if you know what I mean. Anyhow, we have been trying for a long time & took the Icsi route this year. I honestly never ever thought I would make it this far & it's been action stations the last 2 weeks. I am due to test next weekend & like all in that situation cannot wait. Like you my dh was not that impressed with the thought of all involved but as time goes by & you move that bit further on mine did show interest & even wanted to come to some of the scans which impressed me ! It is all so very daunting for both of you especially at the outset as you think 'why us?'. I only found this site last week but could of done with it months ago as I have found out so much. All I would say & of course this is just my view but congratulate yourself & dh for every time you get that bit further. If this does not work this time for me then of couse I'll be sad but I know now what to expect treatment wise next time & am looking forward to it if it comes to that. I never thought I would say that. I read here the other day that we girls doing this should look upon ourselves as special 'cause not everyone could do this. Hold that thought. Keep your chin up Kez, sorry for rambling & anytime you want to talk, please do. Take care & keep in touch Dawnx

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