not doing too well today

[Terri2]

Some of you may have read my first post on the introductions board. I was upset as my friend just told me she was pregnant. Well within the same weekend............my other best friend just told me today she is 7 weeks pregnant. She wasn't as fussed about having a baby, would have preferred to wait a few years but her boyfriend wanted it.

I'm not coping too well with all this. My sister said I have to not focus on other people and just think of myself. She may be right but thats easier said than done.

I'll be honest, this all feels like torture. I have this vision of seeing them both with their big bellies and I don't actually think I can cope with it. I feel really weak right now, not the strong person I thought I was. I always thought I could cope with whatever life throws at me but now I'm not so sure.

[leigh]

Terri
My heart goes out to you. I know exactly how you feel and so do many others here so remember you are not alone. when I was at my lowest my sister was pregnant and thoughtless of my feelings. It was very hard watching her tummy swell and listening to her excitement. But you will cope with it cos you have to. Your sister's advice was right but as you say easier said than done. I can't really offer you any advice other than what you already know, try to stay strong and any time you feel like screaming or crying, here we are for you.
Take care

xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Terri2]

thanks Leigh. I feel at rock bottom at the moment. I feel like i have noone left to talk to but at least I can come here.

[clair55]

Hi Terri

I am so sorry with what you are going through and like leigh has said we have all been there I have this year with my best friends daughter being born and my cousins daughter. I wish that there was something I could do to take the pain away for you as I know how much it hurts. We are here and we understand. Everyone copes differently and you will find your own way. We have all been at rock bottom and the thing is about rock bottom there's only one way left and thats up I know that it doesn't feel like that now but, you will find your way and we will help if we can. As my Dh says when our time comes we will love and appreciate parenthood more because we have had to work harder for it. Easier said than done I know but try and focus on your treatment maybe try so acupuncture.

Sending you loads of strengh, hugs and support.

love
clairx

[Terri2]

thanks Clair. I appreciate your words of support.
I'm from the west midlands too.

I'm going to a support group at my hospital this month so hopefully that might help. I don't know how I'm going to get past this. I have been feeling so positive and getting this news today has set me right back.

[clair55]

Hi Terri

Really glad you are going to support group. My clinic runs a support group but have never been. I'm at Coventry and Warwick, Walsgrave. You will get through this.

Take care
clairx

[Judy]

Hi Terri,

Just wanted to send you lots of support, and reassure you that you are not alone. I have 3 SIL and 2 sisters who all seem to be having a natal relay! As soon as one drops then another is off!! I have found it really difficult - it just does not seem fair. For me, the whole pregnancy bit is much worse - when the baby actually arrives, and is a reality, I seem to cope with it better.

Really hoping that things improve for you - sending hugs and lots of PMA!

Judy

[jkos]

I know how you're feeling. I've had to deal with alllll of my girlfriends getting pregnant and having babies.

One night, I got 3 phone calls from 3 different friends all telling me they were pregnant and that others (acquaintances) were also expecting. When I got off the phone I was hysterical crying and decided to call my best girlfriend (she would understand). After I went into this whole thing -- I said to her, "don't get me wrong I am happy for all of them and if you called me to tell me you were pregnant I would genuinely be happy for you too." With that, she grew silent and said -- "I am too, I just found out today and I was afraid to tell you."

I felt so horrible and ashamed of myself but she understood where I was coming from. Well, she miscarried at 8 weeks and when she called me crying over her loss I felt like a horrible friend (like I wished it on her or something). We both cried together and I made sure to be there for her. Well, now she is pregnant again and I was genuinely thrilled for her this time and she knows it!!!!


I hope it gets easier for you -- it's good to talk about it.

[princess]

Terri,
I know how it is. When we first found out we couldn't have kids the conventional way cause DH has no swimmers. 2 of my good friends got pregnant. One wasn't trying both her kids were accidents. And the other was trying but there were days at work when I couldn't go near them because I would lose it. THey did understand because they knew how hard things were for us.
One day they asked me to go to lunch but I just was having a bad day I coulnd't handle it I think it may have upset them a little bit but in the long run you have to do what's best for you.! You must be able to keep your sanity through all this and if it means not being around them than that is fine.
I couldn't go to any of my cousins baby showers. All of my cousins had babies one right after the other for the last 5 years it has been a killer.I know exactly how you feel hon.
Take care
Love
Joy

[gailp]

Terri, Im so sorry what your going through at the moment. I know how hard it is and so frustrating and upseting that people around us just seem to fall pregnant at a drop of a hat when they are not even trying. You are not alone, everyone on here has been through the same thing and we will all support you.
Take care

[Terri2]

I can't believe how many replies I had to this, it means so much to me, thank you all!
Clair I'm at Walsgrave too.

Judy, its funny you saying that about once they have the baby, its not so bad. I am more gutted by the thought of seeing them pregnant than anything else.

jkos, I can't believe what happened to you with your friends. And theres me feeling sorry for myself. THat must have been an awful day for you.

Joy, it always amazes me when people don't understand. My 2 friends and I were meant to be arranging a weekend together soon (as one lives down south) and I cannot face it. I am not sure she will understand but I think the one who has been trying for 3 years will. The thought of sitting there with them both pregnant is like pure torture to me.
Gail, thanks for your support. I have found this board to be the biggest support the last week. I don't know what I would do without you all. Have been here 5 minutes but already feel like I have made some new friends!
thank you sooooooooooooo much.

[sleepyfoy]

Terri...

I am so sorry you are feeling like crap.. I think everyone on this site has felt the same way you do at one time or another. It is only human. My sil(DH sis) did IVf ONE time last year and got pregnant and had a baby girl in Feb. They live 8 hours away and my In laws live 11 hours away... so when my MIL would call, I would have to listen to "Baby this and Baby that and we went shopping for Baby furniture today." It hurt. BAD. Finally DH stepped up to the plate and said we are happy BUT we are despritely trying to get pregnant as well. We found out we had a positive LAST MONDAY and we told family.. NOT 24 hours later SIL called to say.. "Guess who else is pregnant?'" All I honeslty could say was Holy Crap you are kidding. I felt bad about feeling like this like.. Here we go again- until DH got off the phone with her- He said... " I guess my parents won't be here for the birth." Terri, that BROKE my Heart!! To top it off... SIL said... "We weren't even really trying." I felt really bad like I should be the webmaster of www.evilbytch.com until all my staff at my office said she could have waited at least 2 weeks. So... What ever feelings you have which make you feel like you are not a good friend to your friends.... Push that out of your mind. You are a great person with human emotions. It will happen for you.

take care.
Jodi

[Terri2]

HI Jody

I really feel for you. Your SIL is being insensitive. Like you said, she could have waited to tell you.

BUT congratulations on the positive, that is fantastic!

[Kaylee]

Hi all,

I've not posted on here for several months now - as I didn't feel as though I could contribute much. IVF is still (and has been for a while the next step), with a complicated medical history, my Dr is reluctant to try IVF until the very.very.very end of the road - which is fair enough.

Having been TTC for 4 years and having read your comments about how tough it is to be surrounded by pregnant friends, relatives and work colleagues - it all sounds so very familiar.

There is no 'fix' for that gut-wrenching feeling. Some days you ride the storm, other days it tears you to pieces. I would image there is a group of us that could win BAFTA/OSCARs for our public performances!!!!

I find reading these notice boards, 2 extemely good friends and my DH are the only places I find any kind of relief. I also find some solace in my dreams and I point plank refuse to let go of my dreams.

Wishing you all, every bit of luck as you keep travelling hopefully on the path towards your dreams.

K
x

[Terri2]

thanks Kaylee

I think I find this place the best place to talk now. Mind you, one of my friends rang me today and offered her support. She normally has so many of her own problems I dont bother her with mine but just the fact that she understood why I am upset right now helped a lot.

Like you, I'm not going to let go of the dream. I'm trying to convince myself that this is my month!