My friend is pregnant.

[ella]

I don know how to feel. My best friend and neighbour has just told me she is pregnant. Of course I am happy for her, but as I am due to start down reg for my first IVF in the next few days the news has upset me and having to hide that from my friend was hard. She already has one child who is 11 months old, and I'm trying to fight the feeling that it is unfair that she could fall pregnant again so soon. If my cycle fails I am going to have to cope with her blooming and I'm not sure how to deal with that. I suppose I should think positive, after all we could be pregnant together, but being positive is not easy, especially when you know the success rates of IVF.<br>Thanks for "listening", it's good to know you're all out there.<br>Ella

[Sarah30]

Hello Ella<br><br>I'm now pregnant thanks to IVF after 3 years of misery and seeing all my friends and sister get pregnant 1 after the other. Like you, some of them are now on their second babies, before I've even made it to 1. I used to get so depressed and upset but after seeing some of them so unappreciative of their children, struggling along in life with money and their relationships, I feel glad that I've been made to wait. Through all the pain, obstacles and failures that we've been through as a couple, we're so much stronger than before and so much more ready to cope with what having a baby brings. We'll never take our child for granted and always remember how special he or she is and what it means to us. Our baby will be so special to us, I'm sure we wouldn't have had the same outlook if we'd just got pregnant straight away 3 years ago.<br><br>In a strange way, I'm glad we've had our problems, and feel it's made us better, more understanding and more appreciative people.<br><br>I'm sure you turn will come Ella, stay positive and GOOD LUCK with your first cycle. Keep you chin up and look forward to the future.<br><br>Love Sarah x

[tshepher]

Hi Ella<br>I think that having to cope with pg friends and relatives is one of the hardest things. Have you considered telling her ? only it might mean it's not so hard for you to deal with when she's talking about her pg and I'm sure she'll be sympathetic about what she tells you and how. I know we don't want pity but I have found that people can be so insensitive (unintentionally) when they are talking/moaning about their own pregnancy or kids when all you want to say is "you don't know how lucky you are, please just shut-up".If I hear one more "Oh you don't know how lucky you are not to have kids, don't do it - enjoy life" then I think I'll scream.<br><br>Hopefully it won't be an issue and as you say you can share the joys together after your treatment and I wish you all the luck in the world.<br><br>LOL<br>Terri<br>xxx<br><br>[Edited by tshepher on 09-Dec-02 13:13]

[Bex]

I know exactly how you feel. I had 6 courses of Clomid and 1 course of Metrodin that was then transferred to IVF - this ended in a miscarriage at 6 weeks. All the while watching friends and family having babies and trying my hardest to be happy for them.<br>My marriage broke up 2 and a half years ago, partly due to the stress.<br>I met my boyfriend 2 years ago and i've never been happier. He has a low sperm count and we're starting our 1st cycle of ICSI in January.<br>I didn't even think i would meet anyone again, let alone entertain the idea that i would ever attempt treatment again so i can't help but think that maybe someones looking down on us all.<br>I have friends and colleagues getting pregnant recently that are 5 years older than me (i'll be 30 this Friday) and it makes me seem so old ! ! !<br><br>

[alison p]

Dear Ella,<br><br>The green-eyed monster is very strong. Having just had my 3rd IVF failure, I have had to endure 5 close friends giving birth since August - the last one on Tuesday last week! It doesn't seem to get any easier for me and my husband, and I usually dread what's coming next when they say 'we've got some news for you'. I've been very open with everyone about the IVF and most of my friends know what we're going through. This way they haven't expected us to be all gushing when the baby arrives and they've allowed us to take our time going round to see them. Funnily enough it was harder to learn about them being pregnant than the birth - perhaps you kind of get used to the idea over the 9 months. <br>Tell your friend if you want - she may give you some space rather than shove it in your face. It is difficult and I found it very distressing to feel so jealous. However, it is natural to feel this way and it does go away eventually. <br>As everyone has said, it will happen to you one day - be positive and think of all those sleepness nights she'll have!!<br><br>Good luck,<br><br>Alison P

[Michelle]

Hi Ella<br>I think that all the girls on the site know exactly how you are feeling. I posted a thread a few weeks ago called 'Pregnant Friends' which is may be worth your reading - I got about 20 responses. At the time when I posted another good girlfriend told me she was expecting her 2nd - and also fell pg straight away. The feelings are so mixed - but my main feeling was extreme jealousy. <br>I am one of the very lucky girls as I got a positive last week also on my first attempt at IVF....so please keep positive, focussed and you will get there in the end. I totally agree with Sarah that we will be much better parents, in a stronger relationship than others who take falling pg for granted.<br>Love, Michelle x

[Louise]

Hi Ella<br>It is hard when all of those around you are becoming pregnant expecially when it is close friends and family. My sister's little girl is nearly 2 and throughout all of her pregnancy and to this day I hear every tiny detail about the baby this and the baby that and no one seemed to understand how this might be affecting me. It's OK now i'm pregnant but for nearly 3 years it was so hard. We were trying to conceive for 5 years and have been one of the lucky ones as our 1st icsi worked in October and I am now 10 weeks pregnant. I know it's hard, but please try and keep positive.<br>Take care and good luck with your cycle.<br>Lots of love<br>Louise XXX

[ella]

Thankyou everyone,<br>I feel a lot better now. I think it was harder to find out about her pregnancy because of the shock, but once the baby arrives I'm sure I'll be delighted for her.<br>I'm now waiting for AF, she is due this week and then I can get started on the Buserelin injections at last! My hubby told me last night he is going to stop smoking and is going to try the nicotine patches, so I think Christmas will be interesting to say the least.<br>Thanks again for all your support.<br>love<br>Ella

[Savannah]

Hello Ella,<br>I'm sorry I'm a little late in replying to this, but I HAD to also write a note. I suppose it is a very sore point for all of us! If you want to get any possitive sight out of this, soak up her happiness when you sometimes see her. I have a problem with my sis-in-law, she fell pregnant 2 years ago when me and dh started trying and heard it might not be a possibility. I was devistated and she seemed to relish it. She complained non-stop how terrible she felt and how lucky I was and now that her child is just gone a year, the complaints have never ended. The fist thing she says when I ask how her child is,is another complaint about how she never get sleep etc.<br>At least you can share the excitement with your friend, as long as she knows what you are going through?? She will let you have your space... if she is a good friend!<br>Take care<br>Savannah

[KirstyC]

Hi ella,<br><br>I know how you are feeling, you want to be happy for them...but there is a voice inside sooo jealous....<br><br>Just think when all our miracles happen, think how much more we will appreciate it... <br><br>Good luck with your treatment Ella<br><br>Lots of love<br>Kirsty<br>xxxx<br>Ps. My best friend is pg at mo too...due in march...one night stand...she's not even sure who the bloody father is!!!!!!!!<br><br>