confused newbie

[kaydavis]

good morning every one
i have just had a laporoscapy to confirm knackered right tube, the left one was taken away during an ectopic 2 years ago so now not sure what to do. I am 39 hubby is 46. I have a 14yr old daughter from a previous relationship, but my husband is adopted and has no blood relatives so wwe really wanted to have a baby so he could have something that he could call his own family!!! Unfortunatley after 2 years of trying we ended in ectopic which we took very badly. we have carried on trying to no avail to find that now my remaining tube is knackered. I am concerned about trying IVF as one of the side effects is ectopic which absolutley shits the life out of me and which i cannot understand cos i thought the embryo was directly implanted into the womb?
i am a bit of a worywort as I also have a chronic back and mobility problem, my hubby is not very good on sharing how he really feels as I think he would like to have a go but does not want to put me thru anymore grief, I feel completely bewildered by the whole thing, i am frightened that if i get on and have one cycle and is not successfull that i will enter into that vicious cycle of lets go one more time etc. We have no insurance and would have to pay privately because i have one natural child although this really is not a factor but the not knowing makes me feel completely out of control and i really want to be incontrol, sometimes I feel like no not going down that road and have tube out or have a coil put in cos i wanna be in control, but then i look at my darling hubby and think how can i deny him this chance?
any advice anyone?
cheers
kay

[lolajones]

Hi Kay

Welcome! This site has lots of information on IVF and other assisted conception methods. This wont make the decision for you but at least gives you the information you need to help.
I'm in pretty much the same situation as you, tube-wise. I had ivf due to the woeful state of both tubes last october. I got a positive but ended up with an ectopic and one tube was removed. I had another cycle a few weeks ago (using frozen embyos) and that was negative.

When I was told that it was highly unlikely that I would ever conceive naturally, the doctor told me that ivf was emotionally expensive. That is the best way to describe it. It is a rollercoaster. The practicalities of injections, scans, egg collection etc are relatively easy, its the waiting and hoping thats the hard bit.

I think before you do this you have to be very clear what you want. I understand your worries about once you have one cycle you want to carry on. Its different for everyone, some people decide before starting that they will only have so many tries. Others re-evaluate after each cycle. There are people who stop after one because its too hard and there are others that keep going for many years.

So good luck! If you do decide to try then you can't get better support and info than on these boards - this site has been excellent help

I hope this helps

Lola
xxxx

[kaydavis]

thanks lola that info helped i think your very brave going through it but i still have to do some real thinking before i make my mind up, but thank you and i wish you lots of luck and every success that your dreams come true

[AuntyPebbles]

Hi

[kristin]

Dear Kay
welcome to this site and I was sorry to read about your ectopic which sounds like a truely horrible experience. I really wish you well with your decision. I found the decision to start IVF really really tough, I was crying all the time and up until the week of starting I kept deciding not to proceed. For me though, having started the actual treatment I have felt much better, it felt so positive to be doing something and I was finally in control of some part of this process..... and we were suddenly increasing our odds of getting pregnant from practically nothing to about 1 in 3 or 4. It has been an emotional rollercoaster, but now if it does not work out I will hopefully get some comfort from at least having tried (although this is my first time.... who knows what the future holds!)
wishing you lots of luck
Kristin

[Shelley Hill]

Kay,

Whilst my problems are different to yours. I completely understand the out of control thing. I alway knew we could never conceive naturally and it took me a few years to pluck up the courage to try.

I was worried it would ruin my marriage and take over my life. This is only my first cycle, so I cannot offer many words of wisdom I'm afraid,
but the reason I went ahead was, I would always wonder what could have been and I would never know unless I tried.

If it something you desperately want, you will try.

I wish you luck whatever your decision. It's not an easy thing to do, but I know 3 families (not from this site)who are so happy, due to their IVF babies.

Lot's of love

Shelley.xx