Anyone considering Donor insemination?

caz · Post by **caz** » Mon Apr 28, 2003 6:34 pm

I know its a subject that we touched on ages ago in teh old board - but just thought I bring it up again - is there anyone out there considering this - if so would love to chat about what conclusions you have or havent come to.... My feeling is that if our tmt doesnt work its better than not having kids at all After a year of debate, I think dh is coming round to this - but he wants to be VERY secretive - not even sure he'd want to tell the child. Part of me completely understand (apparently something like 90% of donor parents dont tell ANYONE) , but I'm not 100% sure and it really looks as if the laws are going to make it all much more open anyway. Any thougths - ?? Would LOve to hear. thanks!

Kay · Post by **Kay** » Mon Apr 28, 2003 8:10 pm

Hi Caz, Just read your post with interest and thought id reply - I am of the same opinion in that if our next attempt at icsi dosent work then it might be worthwhil trying donor sperm, - but I wonder if they'd start us on donor iui instead of full ivf / icsi - what do you reckon? I havent really discussed donor sperm with dh, but think that if donor sperm would work where icsi with dh's hasnt, then its got to be the next alternative to going down the adoption route. I'd like to know if anyone has used donor sperm after trying with dh's on icsi an if it worked immediately, and if they did iui or ivf/icsi. take care Kay xxxxxxxx

alice · Post by **alice** » Tue Apr 29, 2003 4:33 pm

Hi Caz, I am just surfing on this part of the board as life after IVf seems to have gone since the hackers. About the donor sperm, we used it for 8 IUIs and 4 IVFs (none worked) as matt has no sperm due to leukimia. As far as I am concerned if it had worked it wouldn't have made any difference whether or not the baby was biologically matts. It was just a way for us to try to achieve our dreams. Donor sperm is not the easy answer to everything. It is not great quality because it has been frozen and we tried 4 different donors throughout the treatments and none had fantastic mobility. If matt had sperm I would have stuck to using that as with ICSI you have a good chance of fertilisation. If your eggs were fertilised I would stick with husbands sperm. I don't see donor sperm as a big taboo and most people do actually tell their child as they will now be able to access who it was if and when they want to. Just as an aside, I was given every reason to expect a pg so the bad luck was just that. I don't think you can go into donor sperm with this big secrecy thing as it is bound to back fire in later years. Also, if you do decide to use it you have to have counsilling before and she will delve into all these feelings. On one cycle I donated eggs as part of my treatment being paid for. Although I did this for different reasons as to why men donate it really made me feel weird and sometimes I still wonder whtehr or not my eggs made a baby? who knows. anyway, thats just my experience of itall. It is weird and even weirder when they ring you up asking you to choose one from another on the basis of their height and eye colour! We are going through the adoption process now as I reached the end of the line with it. best of luck whatever you decide alicexxx

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Tue Apr 29, 2003 4:43 pm

Alice just wanted to nip in and say don't forget to e mail marcus and ask him for the "life after IVF" to be put back on - has probably slipped his mind. Caz - not in that situation but best of luck with whatever you decide and can understand your feelings totally. Love Tracey xxxxxxx

caz · Post by **caz** » Tue Apr 29, 2003 8:12 pm

Hi guys Kay - if you are ok and its just your Dh with the problem - I think they can just use the "turkey baster" approach to DI (sorry - bit blunt!). But If YOU still need help - what they have said to us is that they would do a normal IVF cycle - and do ICSI with DHs sperm with half of the eggs and a donor for teh other half. We are not going to use the donor at all this tme round - but will re-assess the situation afterwards if it doesnt work. Alice - poor you. What an awful thing for you dh and you to go thru. I can sympathise with the outcome tho. When did you find out (do you mind me asking) that you had to use a donor. We found out a year ago - it was very strange/ AWFUL. I ALWAYS thought I would be the one with the troubles - never occured to me that it would be DH. He had mumps at 16 and then forgot about it - so it came as something of a "shock" to be told at 32 he'd probably never have children. Weird how its brought us closer together than anything tho. Really appreciate your thoughts and I think you ARE right about telling, I just think my dh has got teh basical male fear of people knowing about his infertilty. Also thankyou so much for the encouraging words - that ICSI might work for us! I cant help but feel that we are just a bit "experimental" and thats theres no REAL chance of it working. I guess I'm just terrified of getting my hopes raised. TAke care all Caz

diane30 · Post by **diane30** » Wed Apr 30, 2003 1:18 am

hi caz i am currently going through iui with donar sperm, as dh has none,had my second on sat,as long as your in a loving relation i dont think it matters,your dh will bring the child up as his own and thats what counts i havent told any of my family though dont want it comming out in years to come good luck dianexx

july ann · Post by **july ann** » Wed Apr 30, 2003 2:04 pm

hi caz hb and i have decided to have donor sperm if the fet does not work this time as we are on our 3 go and do not want to keep going for full icis again. i have spoke to the clinic and as my eggs are good the said go for iui with or without the drugs it will cost about £350.00 without drugs i have donated my eggs in the past and feel i want to be pg and have my own baby, friends of ours are adopting but this is not for me. you have to be sure it is the right answer for you both. i agree a lot with alice from July ann

alice · Post by **alice** » Wed Apr 30, 2003 4:54 pm

Hi all, just to say Caz, the IVf is a lottery and everyone has as much chance as everyone else. Its just a bloody lottery that we have to gamble, just with more bother. Keep postitive and good luck to you all. Also, I knew before I met matt that we would have to have fertility treatment as he lost his sperm at 17. I don't feel that we need sympathy any more, as we have been through the worst and are now coming out the other end with a positive outlook on adoption as it is probably what we were destined for. There really is life beyound IVF, its just that everyone finds it at different times. good luck to you all alice PS tracy, thanks, I have already emailed marcus and he is sorting it out :.)

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