IVF - Who to tell?

[Lilley]

Hi there!

I am now three months and can finally tell the world our exciting news! I've just begun telling co-workers and acquaintances and I guess because I've been on the IVF journey for so long now I don't think twice about divulging this information. I've been met with answers like "oh, that's ok..." "What is IVF" and, if you can believe it... "does that mean your baby is growing in a test tube right now"? (funny!).

I wonder if we become so conditioned to our "plight" and forget the general population procreate with a bottle of cheap wine and candlelight? What/how do the rest of you couch this when announcing your news? Do you mention it or not?

I just feel like I've ran the race of my life and I want to share this victory on how I finally reached the blessed finish line.

Oh, yes and another thing. We got pregnant with a donor egg. This is not something I tell people (just very close friends and immediate family). Has anyone else got pregnant with a donor (ds or de?). What are your plans for telling people/and or baby when the time is right?

So many questions!

thanks for your input and wise words of motherly-wisdom!

xoxo
Lilley

[Luluxbx]

Hi

I am 9 months now, with my first baby, conceived via ICSI.

I am one of these people who like to talk, so all my friends and family know its an IVF baby. Work collegues in my dept also knew as I took a lot of time off when I was going through the treatment.

I feel pretty comfortable talking about it, so dont mind letting people in on the truth, but I havent told everyone who knows I am pregnant it was by IVF!! Generally, if I am comfortable with the person and might tell them, otherwise I view the baby as the same as any other.

As for telling the baby, I am sure I will one day. To be honest, its not something I have given much thought to. I am a teacher and I heard a pupil insult another not long ago saying "you are a test tube baby", something I had not heard since I was at primary school, when I think we all thought IVF babies were grown in a lab! I think things have moved on a great deal since then and hope my child will know no matter how he was conceived, we both love him very much and that will be the most important thing.

Hope this makes sense!

[bucko1976]

Hi

I am also someone who is quite open. Both my friends, family and work collegues knew I was going through IVF and I found their support very helpful through both the ups and the downs.

Like you I had a donor egg - however mine is my sister's. Only close family members know about this (adults only) we felt that it gets too complicted else and we didn't want either our baby or my sister's children to find out from others and cause a rift. We do plan on telling our child when the time is right and we will always discuss this with my sister and her partner too.

I think it is only right for a child to know where they come from especially as the laws have changed so much - if a child suspects anything they have means and ways of finding out their true background and this could cause more problems than hearing it from their parents.

However, it is up to the individual and you have to be clear in your mind what path you are going to take. If you are not sure if you are going to tell the baby then don't tell anyone - there is less chance of someone letting things slip.

[jen32]

I too, am 3 months pregnant through IVF. Like most everyone who has responded, I have confided in my family, close friends and co-workers. It was kind of hard to keep it all a secret with so many dr visits, meds, and mood swings. As far as telling others, I don't feel it is necessary, a lot of people ask because we have been trying for so many years that they assume we have had help, and if they ask, I have no reason to lie, but I don't necessarily volunteer. I feel like this pregnancy is now like anyone elses, and besides, they wouldn't really understand it all anyway. I am not ashamed of IVf, in fact, I was more ashamed that I was a failure as a woman, not being able to conceive naturally. (or so I thought I was) I do intend to tell my child someday, as I think they should know how desperately we wanted him/her and how he/she was loved before he/she was even conceived. I am truly blessed and so are you, and yes, all mothers are, but as you know, we are a special group with a special bond. Good luck to you!!

[kristiA]

Jen, well put!!! I also have no problem telling people we did IVF, and our close friends/family/co-workers knew we were going through the process. We were blessed with twins. Now whenever someone asks me about being pregnant with twins, their first question is "Do twins run in your family?" I'm torn between simply saying "No" and leaving it at that.....or telling them that it's due to IVF that I have twins. So far I've responded both ways.

Sorry I can't give any advice on donor egg/sperm....I can see where that would be a unique decision as to who you tell and when/if you tell your child.