Feeling really down (long)

[Corinna]

Hi all,

I'm sorry to be a whinge bag. I just need to have a rant and get some stuff off my chest. I am in work at the moment and really cannot concentrate or get my head together. I just want to go home to bed and sleep. I am so sore and tired..

I am currently 8 days into stimms. I have my 3rd stimms scan tomorrow and hopefully EC on Monday. My last stimms scan (yesterday morning)showed 10 follies ranging from 10mm-16mm and my womb lining was 9mm. Apparently, I'm doing "nicely". Hopefully by tomorrow my smaller follies will have grown. My oestrogen level was 2000 yesterday (whatever that means)

I have a 13 year old DD from a previous relationshop (I am 30) but I have lost both tubes since due to 2 ectopics. My DH also has a very low count (verging on azoospemia). He has done some more samples the past few weeks and they have found "some" which they think will be enough for ICSI. At one stage there was talk of sperm donor, etc but hopefully that shouldn't be the case..

I am just feeling so bloody emotional and negative. MF & FF infertility is bad news and I can't see it working. I really can't. I know that there is no reason for me to feel like this but I'm just feeling like the tmt is doomed already. I don't know how i'll cope with the 2ww. (If it gets to that stage..)

I keep thinking of all the things that can go wrong. No mature eggs from EC. No sperm from DH on the day. No fertilisation. If they do fertilise, poor grade embies. No implantation. There are so many more hurdles to go through before this tmt is over!!!

I have been okay with everything up until now (apart from when they said DH was azoospermic and I was a wreck!) but the past day or 2, I've been feeling so emotionally fragile.

Again, I'm sorry. I'm such a blouse..

[kdc2006]

corinna(lovely name)

sorry you are feeling so down........

a few months ago i felt just the same as you do now... i thought my chance was over before it began.... but i guess i was lucky....and you can be too....you never know whats around the corner....whatever it is...grasp with both hands and dont give up....... trying to stay positive is hard... bloody hard....but if you believe...your battle is already won....

take care and good luck

kareenxx

[BevT]

Corrina,

Sorry to see that you are feeling so down. I know it seems as though so much is against you, but the experts think there is a chance or they would not be bothering. Try and keep up your positivity. I am convinced that this does help. The power of the mind is an amazing thing. Take some time out if you can to sit quietly and visualise what you would like to be happening inside your own body, with the fertilisation (when it gets to that stage) and beyond.

Try and stay strong and I really hope that your tmt is successful.

Bev xxx

[Ghost]

Corinna,

From your numbers, it sounds like your cycle is going perfectly. Male factor is common enough, and becoming more common. Your physician and his embryologists deal with it all the time. It's routine.

Try not to worry. I'm sure you're in good hands.

[racquel]

Hi Corinna, Boy I feel your pain! Stimms can be a stressful time - somewhat exciting cause you're "doing something" but remember your hormones are raging (2000, OMG!!), you're bound to feel yucky and down. BevT mentioned the professionals wouldn't be doing this if they didn't think there was a chance it would work and she was right - why would they try if there was a high probability it would fail and ruin their percentages???

My DH and I are doing IVF w/ICSI as well. DH needed surgery to remove sperm and they were not in the best shape even when thawed but we still ended up getting 7 good embies. So give yourself a chance to cry and rant and scream and wallow and whatever else it takes to get that out of your system, then start with the really positive thoughts and you will create the right environment for success. Just don't give up, it will work out!

Sending you all the best, Racquel