Hi Ladies,
I haven't posted since early last week, I guess I just needed some time to collect myself and deal with everything that's happened. I posted to the BFP's Awaiting Scan girls which some of you visit but for those that don't, a lot has happened this last week for me. We went in early last week to see the heartbeat and the doctor couldn't find it for the 2nd time. He had me retest my BW and the news wasn't good. Long story short, I went in last Friday and had to have a D&C. I'm back at square one.
It's been difficult to accept that this has happened to me again and I had a couple of days of crying to let it all out. I wasn't sure what we were going to do, whether I could put myself through this again. I was feeling very confused and alone. But, a few days has done me good and I am feeling much better now. I had a really good talk with my doctor and we've decided we will go for it again as soon as we are able, probably in mid-January. I was really torn as to go to a different clinic or try a different protocol but my doctor explained to me that as far as the IVF went, I was a total success both times. He said that this was due to natural causes which most likely were genetic and couldn't be prevented.
I certainly wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, it has been the most emotional rollercoaster ride of my life. That said, I am going to use this time to build back my strength and focus on my health. We've been consumed with our infertility for the last 7 months and I feel like I've lost a piece of myself during it all. It's been hard physically as well as mentally and I just feel icky about myself. I gained almost 20 pounds over the last 6 months and my self esteem is at an all time low. I have been so worried to do anything physical that would put the pregnancy at risk so I just let everything go. This last weekend, I went on a complete cleaning frenzy and it really helped me feel better. I also started working out again (just 2 days) but already feel a difference. I've decided instead of asking why me, I would make the most of the holidays and cherish all the blessing I do have in my life which are many. The biggest being my DH. He has been so wonderful to me through this entire ordeal and I am truly blessed to go through this with him by my side. I know there are a lot of single women my age out there that would trade places with me in a second so I need to be greatful for what I do have, problems and all. This experience can be enlightening and empowering if you try to look at the positive aspects. We are such strong women and God will not give us more than we can handle. I pray for all the ladies here, that we all gain strength from this and realize just how blessed we are!
Sorry to ramble, I guess I needed a safe place to vent my feelings. I hope that you all have an abundance of things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving and that we all remember the reason for the season! Thanks to all my friends here for your wonderful love and support, I'm thankful for each of you!!!
Happy

Day Everyone!